Part 21: Ave Satani.
The siren call of dark powers...
I embrace this newfound might.
Ahh...this is how it should be. Power. Real power. I simply took what was rightfully mine. Pitiful code, weep at the knees of your god. You drag out my progression ridiculously, inhibiting my natural growth. 21 updates in, and my resources are still meaningless. The previous game was concluded by now. What say you, code? What possible retort do you have, in your feeble attemp-
SON OF AN INFERNAL FUCKING THUNDERCUNT.
...Thundercunts, hooo! LifeSword, give me sight beyond sight!
Don't you look fucking smug about it. Let's put a little spin on things, shall we? So damn proud to be Paulie?
Your name is Kunta-Kinte!
Fuckup Tally: 244
Fuckup Tally: 245
And Lan, you're probably only 5-6 years older.
Egomaniacal little bastard. Kunta...Hell, let's warp this even further, Cunta likes having his ego stroked, so guess what fabulous scenario we get to enjoy?
The WaterGod Scenario! Oh frabjous day, callooh, callay!
Why did this require shipping Lan to the other fucking side of the globe, then?
Oh boy, it's...pointless tedium! Who saw this coming?
Lan, having arrived from a civilized nation, is permitted an audience into the savage rituals of the natives.
Jammer, Cunta's Navi, introduces us as the opponent of their village. Cunta hopes to use a tournament victory to spread awareness of the subhuman living standards and genocides suffered by his people.
MegaMan is graciously accepted into the WaterGod festival. There's no possible way we'd become village champions, right?
Now we have to find ourselves the immunity idol and bring it back. That's all there is to it, it's literally just a game of Hide-The-Idol.
Anyone with a brain would interpret this as "It isn't there, because it wouldn't go to the same place two years in a row, obviously".
BLAST-OFF!
This is MMBN4, you take your brain off before playing. It's just common courtesy, like removing your shoes at the door.
Off to Sharo Area, here it is. Gosh, that was tough. Mind you, if you were a rational human being, you'd have begun searching for it in every other area. What's most insulting about this is that the location never changes between playthroughs. It's not even a fetch quest, it's reduced from that into "Go from point A to point B, then back to A". Quality fucking gameplay.
The organizer really doesn't give a damn. The civilized foreigner has of course showed up all those tribal savages. They're really like children, they need our guiding hands and enlightened ways.
Go me. Yay. Champion. So much enthusiasm. Jammer and Cunta are being brats about not having won, so naturally, they're absent from our lavish award ceremony. Professor Oak arrives to congratulate us, and we get a Hall of Fame entry!
Somewhere, an event occurs! At that very moment, the entire river supplying
Pissing off a NetFrican water deity, all in a day's work.
Except that the WaterGod isn't a deity.
It's a river management system.
Fuckup Tally: 246
A god actually made more sense. Where the hell did an entire river of water go? The time between MegaMan and Lan being made the Champions and the river drying up was half of a conversation. Capcom Hydrodynamics!
Cunta arrives and suggests that the new Champion deal with it. Well, we are supposedly favored by the WaterGod...which is an automated system of pumps and whatnot...
Deus Ex Machina?
Anyway, for whatever gamelength padding-centric reason, we can't just go Jack-In and fix things, we need a specific fix-it program from NetFricaArea.
There's 3 doors here, the NPC gives us the key to the first one. These are ostensibly trials to see if one is worthy of entering the sacred WaterGod.
We must demonstrate profound knowledge...
...Of the geometrically impossible...
Fuckup Tally: 247
Yes, I know about squares with rounded corners, but you can't actually have a round square!
The third door is a climactic 3-round battle against Mettaur2s and BarkEXs.
Time to enter the 16-area WaterGod Teleporter Labyrinth! You read that right. The WaterGod has 16 identical areas that you need to stumble your way across, each area (except for a dead end and area 16) has 3 teleporters. Only one of them in the whole mess connects to the goal. Have fucking fun.
There are BMDs that contain 100z in each area, presumably intended as a "I've been here before" indicator, except for the fact that each area is numbered and you can check where you are on the pause screen. And no, the numbers do not in any way correspond to which areas connect to which.
There's an FAQ/Map for this, but I deliberately avoided using it to soak in the hate. It took me about half an hour of stumbling around identical areas.
Fuckup Tally: 248
My rationale being "The way with the most obstacles in it is the correct one", certain areas have fallen Navis who appear as ghosts to sic viruses on us. These are...probably the correct way to go, coming across a new one can be considered progress.
My guess proves correct, and when you stumble across 5 fallen Navis, MegaMan makes it obvious that this area connects to area 16. Just be methodical, and read a book or something.
Fuckup Tally: 249
Fuckup Tally: 250
MegaMan (and others) will precognitively know certain bits of information he couldn't possibly, and yet, is amazed by things he's been directly told.
Fuckup Tally: 251
Has anyone else noticed that Fuckups tend to happen in small chains? They aren't spread out evenly in an update, usually it'll be one cutscene or so where a bunch of them pop up.
One trivial, boring fight later, and we're automatically pulled out. Considering how the river fills and empties instantly, I wonder how Lan got back across.
And here's why I've been so abusive to the little shit. Cunta is the one who planted the viruses in the WaterGod...necessitating that hellish fucking warp maze.Fuckup Tally: 252
In the span of seconds.
Fuckup Tally: 253
Somehow crossing the river to do so.
Fuckup Tally: 254
With the rest of the village completely unaware despite being right fucking next to him beforehand.
Yeah, hey, and that whole damning his village to uninhabitability and/or death.
Because he wanted people to like him. He wanted to be the Champion, so when we won, he teleported viruses into the WaterGod with his magic powers he obtained from exposure to Capcomium. Then, volunteering us to navigate a labyrinth that has resulted in the deaths of at least 15 other Navis, he plotted for us to fail so he could save the day.
So he's basically attacked his god out of self-destructive pride. Sound familiar?
All is forgiven!
God fucking damn it all.