Part 27: Proving that water into (rice) wine is NOT always a miracle.

Next update: Hurricane of bad wind puns



This is my Navi Customizer setup. Like Epee Em, I will spare no expense in totally humilating this awful game. I got Buster Pack from the Number Trader; surprisingly this customizer piece isn't even listed in the Brady Games guide. Their MMBN guides are actually pretty high-quality, and they have the lotto numbers for everything...except Buster Pack apparently.

Anyways, as you might expect Buster Pack snaps the game in half like a twix bar. Charge shots do 50 damage when fully powered up and take a mere second or two to charge. I have no idea why Capcom does this sort of thing. I didn't cheat to get this, I'm technically within the boundaries of the game and all. The only thing stopping me from getting this customizer piece is not getting the lotto number from GameFAQs. See, this is why the Number Trader was a bad idea. You could get all the codes off the internet and the game won't care.



Anyways, Epee Em did the Crusher scenario so I didn't have to, but I still had to play it, and let me tell you, I HATE shoehorned stealth segments in games like this. Every time there's a stealth sequence, you wonder why you just can't gun everyone down or something. At least Metal Gear eventually introduced the Tranquilizer! Then again, Metal Gear was designed around stealth entirely! Zelda, Harry Potter, Crisis Core, and even METROID have all tried the stealth thing, and it almost never works! And getting caught forces you back to the beginning of the area. One little mistake, and you go back. Imagine the frustration! As you can tell, I have experience with this kind of thing, so don't be surprised when I tell you the Crusher scenario was not all that bad after all.

But enough walls of text in your face. Our next opponent is Wind Man, whose original "classic series" appearance was one of two American-made robot masters. (The other being Knight Man.) Hm. I wonder what the original designer thinks of the new Wind Man design now.

I am so fucking glad Wind Man beat Video Man. I don't have to fight Roll either. This is suspiciously generous of the game...




No. Fucking. Shit. Sherlock. And speaking of wind, isn't that the most annoying thing in the game next to sand holes?



This is Lilly, our opponent for this evening. Hey, she might actually be likable and not completely stupid.



A fucking Net Navi is honored as a god.



Lan says something like "Scissor Island?" and then this text box comes up. It's a case of misplaced mugshot. I just wish there was a script dump so I could confirm it.

Scissor Island is where Wind Man was "born" by the way.



More like the god of BREAKING wind.

USER WAS SLAPPED IN THE FACE FOR THIS JOKE...AND THIS ONE!



You mean priestess OF his temple?



Wind Man is so powerful he can't even control himself. Some god. Oh, and he needs some item to control himself? That totally won't be the basis of the scenario.



You just met her.




Eh?



Oh. Uh-oh.



OH GOD NO.



She gets attacked by the Dracula robot, except this time you thankfully only have to ride the raft to the end.



Oops?



OH MY GOD. This is AFTER the battle. WHAT are you ready for?!

I get the strange feeling I'm stripping one lucky goon of his free avatar. Why'd that one guy even guess an unsigned number? How the hell does that work?



Abandon all hope of going one single event without a fuckup.



Lan decides to go home for lunch. An all-natural lunch courtesy of Sal sounds HEAVENLY right about now. In fact, I need a pizza. Back in 5 minutes.





HEY! WHO THE FUCK?! WHO TOSSED MY PET INTO THE WATER FOUNTAIN!?!?!?



...How is Mega Man okay? He should have been electrocuted the minute he touched the water! I know there was a PET Case in the last game but this is an entirely new model of PET!

I...I don't get it.



IS YOUR BROTHER JUST A TOOL TO YOU?!



Brilliant plan there, throwing a PET into the water.



NO. NO YOU DO NOT. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.



Lilly visits Lan at his house. I sure wish every woman in the world knew my address, too. Lan's so popular! XD



Really, Capcom? That's how she knew where his house was? How do the tournament people know where he lives? Why didn't you just e-mail him?



You just couldn't ask anyone else to help you, could you.



Oh fuck it looks like they weren't bullshitting about Wind Man not being able to control himself.





I cannot wait to see Capcom's explanation for this.




Advance to Park Place. If you pass GO collect 200 zenny......coincidentally, did you know there was a Mega Man Monopoly clone on the NES?



The destination, as always, is Park Area 3. It's always Park Area 3. You go there in like...ALL of the scenarios.



The gimmick is that there are tornadoes everywhere. Touching one sends you back to the start of the area. This is more of an annoyance than anything else, since you just have to watch the tornadoes, learn their pattern, and make a break for it when you see an opening.



Too bad I can't catch up on shopping in the meantime.



I just don't get why they would do this. Why do we need tornadoes that zap you back to start?! Isn't it enough that there are random Wind/Fan effects during battles whie the wind is there?!



BULLSHIT! BOB SAGET! DAAAH! PLEASE GOD LET ME MAKE IT! FUCK!



Why does this stupid game still reduce all terms to 8 letters or less?



Some god you are. See if I donate to your temple, asshole.



What...I...hhuuhdsa;lkgfnq;akgtrn;qwkrgtn;qwbg

I am so glad I did not miss that.



Lilly takes another sip before the match. Hey, that gives me a great drinking game idea! Take a sip every time I miss a shot in the next battle!





WHAT?! SHE WAS DRUNK?! THAT'S YOUR EXPLANATION FOR THIS?! SO IF SHE WEREN'T STUPID ENOUGH TO DRINK WINE BEFORE A MATCH THEN THIS BULLSHIT WITH THE WIND AND THE FAN AND THE FUCK FUCK FUCUKQEOGTWAPhjp5PINGASwhkgjeopihnajetnh

AT LEAST I can make Wind Man seem MILDLY entertaining.

Wind Man can manipulate wind, natch. He can shoot birds at you which get stupidly fast in later battles against him, he shoots bombs (those are bombs right?) and tornadoes that turn twice to try to hit you. He usually reverses the wind when shooting the tornadoes. Invis is an awesome chip here because the wind doesn't affect you when you're invisible.



Now that I think about it, the souls make even LESS sense in situations like this. Anyways, here's Wind Soul.

Wind Soul is attained by sacrificing wind chips like Air Shot. While in Wind Soul, the wind blows enemies toward you. Your buster becomes Air Shot, and charge shots become Wind Racket. (It's a Wide Sword that shoves enemies back) Wind chips also double in power. This soul doesn't blow nor suck - it's okay, I guess. On par with Wood Soul, given the low number of wind chips available at this point.



I think Wind Man was fighting on his own there.



And who the hell turns evil by drinking, anyhow?



What in the...SHE JUST DRANK SOMETHING BAD. THIS LINE MAKES NO SENSE.



Next is Burner Man...you've seen that already. NEXT!



Did anyone catch this one yet?



This scene is exactly the same, except with Guts Man instead of Aqua Man.

IT'S GUTS SOUL! DA NUUUUN