Part 10: Always Listen to Old Men in Caves

Update 8: Always Listen to Old Men in Caves

The party continued hunting monsters just outside of Sorpigal, gaining experience and treasure. The most rewarding enemies by far are Thieves, who aren't particularly dangerous but can carry hundreds of gold pieces.



"That's one hell of a sword. Needs a big man to wield it."
"Overcompensating for something again, Tarquinn?"
"Bah. You talk big, but I'm the one in the front lines while you hide behind me and take pot shots with that bow of yours."



"I suppose you'll have no objection to my taking this bow, then."



Tarquinn and Mattybee have two-handed weapons, so the shields can go to Drewjitsu and Preacher.

"Hey, this is weird. I don't think shields are supposed to melt like this..."



"I, uh, think there was something wrong with the enchantment on that shield. I mean, unless it was meant to be a Shield of Covering Drewjitsu In Weird Metallic Goo."



"And now it's stuck to me. Uh, guys, can I get another shield? I don't think this one's going to do me much good. I'd kinda like it if we could visit the local temple to get this thing off me, too."



"Hmph. A temple dedicated to the moon, of all things. Do they not know that moonlight is but reflected sunlight, a gift of Radaso (may his light shine eternally)?"



"Well, in times of need I suppose we may turn to well-meaning heathens for assistance."



"500 gold? We're in need, but not that much need. Drewjitsu, you're going to have to deal with bits of melted shield all over your left side for a while longer."

This particular cursed item doesn't seem to have any ill effects apart from taking up an equipment slot until the curse is removed. Some cursed items are more harmful. At any rate, after a good day's smiting and a somewhat less good day's treasure collection, the party returned to the inn.



A rough-looking young gnome (or at least, as rough-looking as young gnomes ever get) sat at the bar. He looked up as the party entered and greeted them with a smirk.

"Your party needs a new robber. I'm willing to volunteer my services in exchange for an equal share of the loot."
"Oh? What makes you think we need a new robber, and what makes you the man for the job?"
"In answer to both your questions: because I'm already wearing your current robber's armour."
"Wha? But I'm-- it's-- huh. How'd ye do that?"
"Well, I'm convinced. If you can reliably open a lock without getting us all killed, you're in."
"I agree. You can't do any worse than Sylphosaurus did."
"I'm sorry, Sylphosaurus, but, well, you have been setting off a lot of traps lately. I think it might be time for us to part ways."
"Fine. If that's how ye feel, then I don't need ye anyway. But shouldn' ye at least know th' name of my replacement before ye kick me out?"
"Real names are a liability in my business. The people who know me call me Successhands. I'm sure you can guess why. By the way, Sylphosaurus, many thanks for generously donating the rest of your equipment and gold."
"But I didn't... oh."



Successhands is a skilled robber, but inexperienced in combat, and he'll need protection until he's learned the ropes. Fortunately, he snagged Sylphosaurus' crossbow, so he can safely sit at the back of the party order and shoot at things for a while.



"Well, here's the moment of truth. We're all counting on you, Successhands. Can you live up to your name?"
"Relax. I know what I'm doing."



"Judging by the large poisoned blade stuck in my left lung, we are not off to a promising start. ... I think I need to lie down for a while."



A Silver Shield gives as much armour as a Large Shield, plus a small amount of magic resistance. Mostly I'm just happy to see the treasure screen because it means the party isn't dead.



I wouldn't exactly say they're doing well, though. Being the only survivor when a trap wipes out the rest of the party is one of Tarquinn's most important roles. Fortunately, after a few hours of sleep everyone will be just fine.



Or not.

Every time the party rests, all poisoned characters will lose half their maximum HP. The effects are reversible, but Preacher can't cure poison yet, which means a long walk back to the temple.



"At least this is cheaper than having a curse removed."

While the party was back in town, they returned to Otto's Training for... well, for exactly what you'd expect a training academy named Otto's Training to provide. (Namely, training.)



"Radaso (may his light shine eternally) has gifted me with further insight into the ways of magic!"
"Can you cure poisoning?"
"Well, no, not yet--"
"Work on it. Fast."

Having not yet had their fill of experience and gold, the party resumes killin' stuff.



The party's next find is a massive two-handed hammer. Drewjitsu takes it; he's well-protected enough in that plate mail that he has no real need of a shield.



"Successhands, this chest is trapped. If you screw up, we are dead, and I don't like being dead, so I don't want you to screw up. Do you think you can handle it, or should we leave it alone?"
"I know what I'm doing."
"That's what you said last time."
"Okay, fair enough, but I know what I'm doing when it really counts."



"See?"

Successhands really must be a better robber than Sylphosaurus, because that's the first trapped iron chest anyone has successfully opened so far. The halberd goes to Mattybee as a replacement for his staff, although since it's still not any stronger than his bow, it's mostly just there for show.



All of these enemies are fairly tough. Hippogriffs (half horse, half lion, half eagle; all three animals are notoriously bad at math) hit hard and die hard, but are somewhat vulnerable to sleep spells, and they tend to carry good treasure. Dinolizards are similar, but without the treasure or the sleep vulnerability, making them twice as annoying. Minor Demons regenerate health every round and can cast Energy Blast for about 10 damage. The worst thing about enemies with special attacks like spells or breath weapons is that they can target a character who's already unconscious, killing them and necessitating an expensive trip to the temple.



Finally, Killer Bees can swarm, damaging the whole party (and again, killing any unconscious characters). Oddly enough, bee swarms can somehow be killed with weapons just like any other monster.

"I'm sick of fighting outside. Why don't we explore the cavern under Sorpigal?"
"Sounds like a plan to me. Let's try to get down there in a way that doesn't involve falling headfirst through a trapdoor this time, shall we?"



The stairs down into the cavern are in the southeast corner of Sorpigal, not far from the town entrance.



In the cavern, the party's passage was blocked not just by doors but by sturdy iron grates (which are more or less identical to doors except that they look more ominous).



"There sure are a lot of grates in this hallway. Was there some kind of dungeon or something down here once?"
"Well, I'll be. That was a remarkably sensible guess, Jostiband."
"What are you looking at me like that for? Just because I'm a pyromaniac doesn't mean I'm stupid."

By the way, these grates are all of the kind that start out unlocked but lock behind the party once they go through and find there's only an empty cell on the other side.



"Eww! Sentient boogers! With limbs!"

Apart from having gloriously fucked-up artwork, Mutant Larvae aren't much of a threat to even a level-1 party. Our brave adventurers make short work of them, and of the other groups of monsters that assault them with every step as they continue down the hallway.



Finally, at the end of the hall, the party came to a series of doors.

"Ooh! I've seen this show before! I think the grand prize is behind Door #2!"
"Can somebody please tell me what the deal is with her?"
"I think that sometimes when one stares too closely at the fabric of reality, one starts to see through the gaps between the threads."



"Aww, the grand prize is an old man? What a gyp."
"Shhh. I apologise for my, uh, acquaintance here, sir. Of course we would be interested in making a delivery for you."



"Wait, you just agreed to deliver a message from some crazy old wizard living in a dungeon to some other crazy old wizard living in a town in the middle of nowhere without even asking what the reward was. You're even nuttier than Jostiband."
"I wouldn't worry. If Agar's as senile as this old man, we can probably talk him into giving us some powerful magical item."



Fire ants can breathe fire, while centaurs can cast sleep spells, potentially disabling the entire party. But running away would have meant going all the way back to the cavern entrance, so after a hard-fought battle the party managed to defeat their enemies. Also, one of the fire ants killed Drewjitsu.

"I don't mind. Self-sacrifice for the greater good is part of the paladin's code!"

The party then had to drag Drewjitsu's corpse back to the temple and pay 200 gold for him to be revived, thus entirely defeating the purpose of not running away in the first place.

"Whoops."



The party also encountered new and exciting door traps! Fireball, like Boiling Oil, has a chance of blinding characters. Fortunately, blindness wears off with rest.

"Not happy, Successhands. Not happy at all."
"Hey, we survived, didn't we? I keep telling you, I succeed when it matters."

The door Successhands had just unlocked with his dubiously-successful hands led into a small room, empty except for a short message scrawled on one wall.



"Many cells? I only saw two cells when we were in there. Maybe we should go up there when we're finished with the cavern and take another look..."



"Ooh, a magic portal! It's all shiny and stuff. Let's go through!"
"Jostiband, remember our little conversation about shiny things in general and shiny teleportation devices in particular? We have no idea where this portal might lead. We should leave it be for now, at least until we've finished exploring this cavern."
"Aw, fine. You never let me have any fun."
"You can have all the fun you want, as long as it doesn't involve property damage, random acts of violence, wanton sexual immorality, meddling with unknown magic, or anything else foolish or dangerous."
"Exactly."



"Hey, what's this on the wall? 'Don't Turn Around'? What the..."



"Oh."

That's right: because our party turned around instead of walking straight backwards out of that dead end, they were attacked by monsters. Demon Dogs hit hard, but aren't too difficult to kill as long as the party can survive a few attacks.



"I wonder what's through this door..."



"Hey! Who turned out the lights?"
"This area of the cavern is filled with magical darkness."
"I cast Magic M--"
"Don't say it. Don't even think it."
"I'm not entirely sure what that was about, but at any rate, my Lasting Light spell will pierce the gloom!"

And so it did. Unfortunately, there was nothing to be seen but a short dead-end corridor. Such is life.



"An arena! Finally, a chance to show my strength to someone who can appreciate it."
_{"Yep, that sword's definitely overcompensating for something."}



"Of course! Fighting for wealth and glory is what adventurers do."
"Don't forget faith and honour and the greater good! We're fighting for those, too!"
"How could I forget? _{Especially when you and Preacher are always there to remind us."}



Gargantu Ants. I'm going to give you a moment here to let that pun sink in. Jon Van Caneghem is rather fond of terrible puns, as will become even more obvious in Might & Magic II.

At any rate, the battle went smoothly enough, ending in decisive victory for the party.



"Wait, there's no reward or anything? You're just going to keep asking us to fight until we get sick of it or killed or both?"
"That's right."
"Sod this for a game of soldiers. We're leaving."



The party's journey back up to Sorpigal was mostly uneventful. The experience earned in their time underground, however, was enough to make Jostiband eligible for additional training.



"I feel as if I've passed some arbitrary experience value and gained more power!"



After a hard day's work, the party was ready to turn in for the night with the satisfaction of a job well done and a lead on a quest yet to be done.



"Who needs a shield when your sword is 14 base damage points long?"



"I hate to complain, but I've still got all these bits of shield stuck to me."



"This is the most aptly-named bow ever."



"Damn, but do I ever have some awesome stats."



"I'm armed, armoured and ready to find the Inner Sanctum! If only I knew what the Inner Sanctum was."



"Still hoping for some awesome magical equipment here. This staff just isn't cutting it. I mean, it's a blunt weapon so it's not supposed to cut things in the first place, but you know what I mean."

The party has a number of options on how to progress from here. They could continue to explore Sorpigal and the surrounding area on foot. Alternatively, Jostiband now has the Fly spell, so they could fly around the outdoors randomly and see what there is to see; this will probably result in a lot of party deaths, for those of you who like that sort of thing. Finally, that portal down in the cavern sure looked tempting, didn't it? Vote now for what you want to see!

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the inn...

"Sylphosaurus? What are you doing here?"
"It's good to see you again, old friend, but you mustn't stay here. The innkeeper--"
"Relax, I know everythin' already, an' I don't leave friends behind. I pretended to be lookin' fer work so I could get in t' see ye. Mebbe I can't break open a chest, but I reckon I can break ye outta this inn."
"Well, would you mind bringing me along? It's your friends' fault that I'm in this mess in the first place."
"Eh, why the hell not. We could use a sorcerer. Now, lessee if I can pick the lock on this kitchen door an' get us outta here before the innkeeper wakes up..."

Half an hour later, as Sylphosaurus slumped against the kitchen door in despair, an elf and a half-orc forced open the door from the other side, sending Sylphosaurus sprawling across the floor.

"Have no fear!"
"We're here to rescue you!"
"Thanks! ... wait a minute, who the hell are you?"