Part 43: The Obsidian Chef

Update 28: The Obsidian Chef



"If Lord Inspectron is not being impersonated by the alien prisoner, perhaps Lord Hacker is. I have heard that he has recently begun brewing a powerful new potion and refuses to disclose its effects. It all seems like a most suspicious business."
"I suppose it's worth checking out. On to Castle Blackridge South, then!"



"Where are we going? Isn't Castle Blackridge South the other way?"
"Is it? That can't be right, it says here -- oh, wait, this map is upside-down, isn't it? Whoops."
"Well, since we're here anyway, we may as well finish exploring the glacier."



"Another miracle! To see a stand of trees thriving here in the frozen north always warms my heart."
"Wait -- there's something off about these trees. They're too closely-spaced, too even in size to be natural... it's as if somebody planted them here to block the path. But if I push these branches aside... yes. There's a gap just big enough for us to squeeze through. Watch out for--"
"Ow! My head!"
"... that low-hanging branch."
"Look -- somebody's arranged a circle of stones on the ground over here. Maybe if we dig..."



"If somebody planted all those trees just to hide this, it must be something good."
"Either that or we've stumbled across some druid's porn collection."



"... well."
"That key sure would have been useful if we'd found it a couple of days ago."
"We have found no small amount of treasure here today. Let us be thankful for what we have, rather than longing for what we wish we could have."
"Frankly, I'd have preferred the druid porn."




"It's about time. Let's go in and loot the place already."



"Y'know, this place looks an awful lot like Castle Blackridge North."
"Maybe they were designed by the same architect?"
"The same lazy architect, you mean."



"This castle doesn't have the same monsters as Blackridge North, though. These ones are actually a challenge."
"You'd think that a wealthy lord would put in a little more effort to keep his castle monster-free, wouldn't you?"



"On the bright side, the monsters seem to have eaten all the guards. Looting time!"



"Either Lord Hacker has fallen on hard times, or the monsters have also taken most of the treasure. Let's move on before any surviving guards spot us."



"Ranaloo, some day you'll pay for this. Quickly, let us free this prisoner!"
"Wait, not so fast. Even if he was imprisoned unjustly -- which we don't know for a fact -- what's to stop him from attacking us if we let him go?"
"Oh, stop your whining. He's obviously unarmed. The worst he can do is run away."



"See? Now that we've got that over with, can we please resume our regularly-scheduled looting?"



"Sometimes when I stare at these messages for long enough I think I start to see patterns."
"You'll want to be careful about doing that before you end up like Jostiband."
"I, a sea I won; two, zero and you; gee, not two. What a beautiful poem."



"Finally, the door to Lord Hacker's throne room. Time to get a quest and end this madness."
"Well, probably not so much 'end' as 'briefly interrupt'."



"Of course. That's what we came here for, after all."
"Also to find out whether you're an alien impostor or not. Wait, I probably wasn't supposed to tell you that."



"That's it? You sent word across Varn that you were looking for adventurers, and when they arrive you want them to bring you a garlic bulb? Fine. Here's your damn garlic, you lazy bastard."



"Seriously, what the hell? You made us walk all the way to your castle to bring you one bulb of garlic. What kind of idiot are you?"
"As you so astutely point out, you just walked all the way here to bring me a head of garlic, for no tangible reward. Who's the idiot here again?"
"You know what? Just give us the next quest and we'll forget this ever happened."



"Been having vampire and werewolf problems, have you? It just so happens that we're carrying around a dried sprig of wolfsbane. Must be your lucky day."



"Nice doing business with you. If you want us to bring you any more common household or garden plants, I won't object."



"Hey, guys, if garlic scares away vampires and wolfsbane scares away wolves, does belladonna scare away hot chicks? Because that would explain a lot."
"No, I think that's just your personality."
"I do apologise for the behaviour of those two... and, er, for the other three of them as well. Here is your belladonna, Lord Hacker."



"Not bad for a day's work. What's our next quest?"



"Ooh, that sounds like a tough one. Where do those grow?"
"They don't, you idiot. We're going to have to hunt one down."
"Not just an ordinary medusa, mind you! The head must be in perfect condition. It would be best if you could ambush a medusa in its lair. I've heard rumours of a cave to the south where you might begin your search."
"Thanks for the tip. We'll get right on that."



"... next time we're in the mood to be turned to stone, that is. Tonight, we stay at the inn and feel smug about the easiest experience we ever earned."



"We went out and killed a few more Black Knights since our last quest. That's where this Ultimate Plate comes from, and it lives up to its name."



"And this shield, too. It's the strongest shield ever forged, and it can also be invoked to cast a Power Shield spell."



"I didn't get any new equipment."



"This red chain mail provides stronger protection than some suits of plate armour, turns away most fire attacks, and matches my cape perfectly. Stylish and practical."



"Jostiband's been experimenting with her Duplication spell again, hence my extra dragon shield and red chain mail."
"Hey, wait, is that an unholy mace? Weren't you the one giving me all that grief about wearing unholy plate mail?"
"'Unholy' is such a loaded term. It's merely a bludgeoning weapon that enhances my personality. One might call it a social club."
"More like a women's murder club."



"Preacher, remember how you were worried about me carrying that wand of fire around? Well, you don't have to worry about it any more. I found something to replace it with."

Next time on Let's Play Might and Magic: the party searches for a medusa head, and maybe encounters a few surprises in the process!