Part 14: Epilogue
I just found this thread, and it was amazing.
Good. Everything is going according to plan.
Sir, we've finished digging the tunnel. We're ready to move on your word.
Excellent. These filthy Canadian RCMP officers are too busy celebrating the New Year to keep a proper watch on the cells.
Very good, sir.
Now, while they're distracted, move the army through these tunnels.
Heh, heh, yes, good, good. This is all very excellent. Although--hmm, we don't seem to have come out above ground.
No, sir, we appear to have uncovered the Secret Catacombs Of CanadaTM
Goodness, not the Secret Catacombs Of CanadaTM!
Yes, sir, the Secret Catacombs Of CanadaTM!
Hmm. Well, I suppose we'll just have to continue digging to get through the Secret Catacombs Of CanadaTM.
Sir, agreed. We have many soldiers with which to complete the job, although--
What is it? Speak up!
The Secret Catacombs Of CanadaTM are riddled with mines.
Blast! Of course they are. Well, we'll just have to be careful. Use your training!
Of course, sir.
And put on one of these many Indiana JonesTM costume kits that happen to be lying around. If we DO happen to come out above ground, it would serve us well to be in disguise.
Of course, sir.
Excellent, now let's see. Where should we go first?
Oh dear. Uh, is there a clone trooper who is willing to go first?
That money looks nice. I'll grab it and break the block right over it.
Ahh, excellent! The Canadian Government's gold appears to be stored in these catacombs as well! Good work, Trooper.
A mine has been located as well. Don't step on it, or we will lose one of our precious heart icons.
nine-gear crow posted:
Goddammit you geriatric wizard fuck. Knock this shit off or I'm calling Geop back in here.
Actually, maybe we should push Trooper nine-gear crow onto it for being a meanie.
That other small gold nugget closest to us is really inviting: we should dig straight to it taking the shortest possible route.
Wow, uh, you Clone Troopers sure are busy fellows. That's a lot of digging! Good work on finding that gold, though.
This, and then directly to that mysterious door.
Hmm. It appears to be locked. Knowing the Canadian Government, the key for this door is haphazardly laying around in this very room. Troopers, spread out, find that key! We must know what is behind this door!
I love money sir, and those coins on the lower right tempt me!
I, too, am tempted, Trooper Frionnel. We can use this ill-begotten gold to fund my Super Secret Sith Projects!
Sir! Are we still getting paid for this, Sir?
Uh, or, uh, pay the Troopers, I suppose.
Carbon dioxide posted:
Let's go straight for that dynamite. Keys are for losers, we'll blow up that fucking door.
Hmm, interesting. Looks like this Canadian Dynamite can blow up just about anything in the Catacombs. Should we still proceed to destroy the door? Or should we save the explosives for later?
I'll be the first to admit it: I'm more of a Space Wizard, than anything else. I have no idea what's happening right now.
Surely we have enough gold to upgrade to Premium by now! We deserve it.
Hmm, what's this?
Yech! No. No, thank you.
Hmm. Looking at the current map, it seems like this is a kind of tutorial. We can't safely advance below, and the upper path has three loose rocks in the wall. I think we have to use the dynamite to blow through those, and then we can advance up and around, hopefully find other dynamite, and most definitely find a key. So, uh. Those are my recommended orders, sir.
Let's hope you're right about this, Trooper Oblivion4568238.
Sir, there are supplies behind these rocks!
What a pleasant surprise! Any Sith artifacts?
No, sir, mostly low-tech ballistics and shielding.
Aha! The exit. Who will clear the way for your Glorious Leader? I still recommend pushing Trooper nine-gear crow into the path. Or Trooper Air is Lava! They called me "weird".
Air is lava! posted:
I strongly suggest waiting for the refreshed geological report!
Yes, good, this is wise. Hold on a second, I'll give the order.
Air is lava! posted:
I'm a big fan of personal chastisement.
Excellent work, everyone, we've made it to the end. Wait, what the... what's that?
Let's see how deep this rabbit hole goes.
nine-gear crow posted:
So Blind Sally, in his insanity, has started LPing Minesweeper again.
Please, make him stop...
Orren: A dark wind blows...
Palpy: We appear to be safe, for now, and our treasure is still intact. But this does not appear to be the Secret Catacombs Of CanadaTM
Palpy: *sigh* A brilliant deduction.
Palpy: Good one, Sherlock. Again, brilliant deduction. But where exactly is "here?" What dimension are we in? Who exactly are these people? Why are they fighting in stupid looking robots?
Trooper: I'm not certain, sir.
Palpy: Hmm... I sense great anger in this one. Anger such as this I have not felt in a long time.
Palpy: Still, if you have the technology to build giant robots, why arm them with swords and hammers? Give me a good ol'turbolaser cannon any day.
Palpy: That was a close call--now, back to business.
Aaaaand we're back. Well, that was certainly strange.
You could say that again, sir!
No. I could, but I will not. Instead, let us bask in the glory that is the Secret Catacombs Of CanadaTM
Oh hey, will you look at that. The portal appears to have acted as some sort of shortcut. We are now on the fifth level of the Catacombs.
How deep do they go, sir?
Well, we got in here one way, we'll find a way out another. Where to, Troopers? Lead us onward.
Gorgo Primus posted:
Maybe we're all over-thinking this and just need to dig straight ahead a block or three...
Captain Bravo posted:
Fuck that, if we do this let's do this. Dig ahead twenty blocks, don't stop 'til you hit the wall.
Well, alright. Lead the way!
So far, so good.
Perhaps you should be more carefu--
Oh dear. Well, it's a good thing we had a shield. Trooper Captain Bravo is okay, but needs to stop wasting our precious resources.
JT Jag posted:
Dig for the corners, sir! It's the safe strategy!
Ah, but it seems we've lost Trooper JT Jag to that saw blade (and poor path-finding AI). We now seem to be boxed in by mines. I expect the way to be clear promptly, Troopers.
Sir, I very much agree with Trooper radintorov's plan.
...as well as general excavation in the sites as marked below, blue for clearing and red for marking as dangerous:
...please ignore the marked out red space on the far right, sir. My targeting programs don't allow for individual correction of a mark, only operating in a sequence, and I input the blue spaces after the red ones.
Okay, sounds go--oh no! Did Trooper Oblivion4568238 just get killed by a giant spiked rolling pin due to poor path-finding?!
Uh, no, sir. Trooper Oblivion4568238 is right over there. They're a little scuffed up, but otherwise fine.
Then whose dead body is that?
I don't know?
Then we've only lost Trooper JT Jag?
No, sir, same situation.
Then the body--
Who are these people?!
They appear to be some of the locals from that other dimension we crossed through.
Strange. I wonder what that could mean and if it will have any bearing at all on our quest to escape the Catacombs.
I don't know what's written on those scrolls(above and to the right of us) or what use they have, but the gold call to me!
I request permission to use our remaining explosive device to blow up the wall in such a way to allow us access to both groups of 4
Yes, yes, let's do this. We could always use more treasure to fund my glorious war campaign.
Wow, that is a lot of treasure! Okay, Troopers, let's keep moving. I swear I'll be more careful with the terrible path-finding in the future.
From the bottom right 1, move one right, one up, and two right to get the money!
While we are slightly richer, we're not really making a lot of progress towards the exit.
What number is under us right now? Either way, Head back to the 2 above the exposed mine, head right, up, and right until I hit either the wall or a mine.
Hmm, that didn't take long.
Question sir, before I return to charting our next large excavation: why the hell is there pathfinding in a Minesweeper game? Why the hell is there even a character on the field, surely a disembodied mouse cursor descending from above as in old days would be better?
I suppose a better question is, who do we blame for the above? And will we find them at the end of this ~Adventure~ mode?
I don't know, I don't know! Do you think I want to be here? Trapped in the RCMP's labyrinth? I miss the old days with the mine grid. You can blame the Harper Government for this. Blame the Harper Government for everything!
Sir, I wish to pay to buy the Time Machine and return to Canada so we can then dig our way to hell and kick Sargeant Apone's arse!
No, that money is mine! It's for--uh, it's for nothing! Nothing at all! For the moment, I mean. That is to say, you will get paid, eventually. Yes, paid. But not now. The money must remain where it is. With me. For now.
Uh, here, move, I'll clear some of the way. Surely this minesweeping thing can't be too hard.
Huh, wow. Look at that. I barely did anything and the screen cleared right up. This, uh, this isn't as challenging as it used to be. Uh, Troopers, you go on ahead. Clear the route. We're almost at the exit.
Sir, I think we should finally pin down that wily cursor once and for all, sir!
Excellent idea. I shall collect it myself--
Oops, wait, I stepped on a mine!
Oh! Well, that's a relief, I suppose. How accommodating of this death trap of a dungeon to allow its escapees a second chance.
You have to watch the video first, sir.
Right. Of course. Let's see, how do I start it--
Sir, you have to press the button. Here, allow me.
Ahh! Excellent. I think it's starting!
"E For Everyone?" Goodness, a video that even a Sith Lord such as myself would enjoy?
*gasp* Solitaire! I love Solitaire! It is truly the only game a lonely Sith Lord could enjoy!
Oh, and Spider Solitaire too! Truly, this is a Golden Age. You like Solitaire, don't you, Trooper?
Goodness, the colours! The options! The variety!
Surely this is greater than any Sith treasure?
I love it. I must have it.
Oh, and Daily Challenges!! Who doesn't like challenging themselves? And for GOLD no less! I know of no word that could describe this amazing video. It's, its--oh, what's the word I'm looking for--
Yes! That's it! It's perfect! Oh, the video even knew what word I was searching for, how charming!
Truly, this is the future of gaming, and the future is here. Don't you think so, Troopers? Hello? Wouldn't you agree? Troopers? Troopers???
Carbon dioxide posted:
Pls explain how 0 + 1 = 2.
Sir, Trooper Carbon dioxide is beginning to ask questions.
Questions about how great Solitaire is?
No, sir. The wrong kind of questions.
Dear me. Well, uh, we better distract them. Quick, what were going to do? Ah yes, grab that mouse pointer once and for all. Troopers! Look! Over here! Look at me! I'm going to grab the mouse pointer! Pay no attention to the discrepancy in our health meter, but look over here! A ha! I got it--
Oh gods, what have I done!?
Sir, you appear to have opened up another portal!
Where to this time? Another LP?
Not exactly, sir.
What do you mean "not exactly"?
You haven't opened up a portal to one other LP, sir. You've opened up a portal to ALL the LPs!
It's happening. I didn't intend for it to happen, but it's here!
What is, sir?
The LP Convergence!
The LP Convergence!
When too many LPs gather in one place, they trigger an LP Convergence Event.
Sir, I don't understand
These Catacombs, they must be beneath the LP Subforum. That could be the only explanation for it.
Sir, I still don't understand what a Convergence Event is.
It's simple, really. Horrific, horrible, and horrendous, but simple. You see, an LP Convergence Event is--
Um, hello there, excuse me?
Hi, could I have a word with you?
Don't I know you?
I'm with Microsoft. I represent them in cases involving Let's Plays of their products.
Do you mind? I'm trying to have a moment here. It's big stuff.
I understand, but you understand that you've broken the rules regarding Let's Plays of Microsoft games?
Uh, what now?
The Game Content Usage Rules. Here, read this.
Uh, I don't have my glasses.
Thank you. Uh, let's see now. Hmmm. Uh huh. Oh, okay, I see what you mean.
Uh, Minesweeper © Microsoft Corporation. That's right, isn't it? Let's Play Canadian Military Simulator 2001 was created under Microsoft's "Game Content Usage Rules" using assets from Minesweeper, and it is not endorsed by or affiliated with Microsoft..
Uh, heh, I'm, uh, I'm afraid it's not that simple.
What do you mean? I did the thing in the thing!
No, no, you see, this LP is being hosted on a pay-to-use website. Thus, it infringes on our rules.
*Members of the RCMP appear to arrest Palpatine and his Clone Army--again *
Let's Play Canadian Military Simulator 2001 - End Credits Theme