Part 155: Episode CXLIX: Combat Data

Episode CXLIX: Combat Data



June 3rd. HEY! Those Engels’ development ought to be done by now. Morale should be up, right? Let’s dive back in!







Hey. Plato 1728 might still be mad jacked. Warning.



Remember how in the base game where 9S was repairing himself or dealing with others in Hacking Space and the landscape being a weird blocky mess was shorthand for shit being fucked? So this is the first node for Plato...



I tend to do poorly at everything.





I can’t keep up with the rest.





And yet I have to fight.





Because I’m a weapon made for combat.







And we’re back in it. Plato is now tasked with taking on a Level 25 Stubby. Plato himself is Level 28. Since this DLC stuff is completely separate from the main game and thus our current level is not reflected. So this match should go in Plato’s favor.





Good work, Plato! You defeated the terrible reign of the regional champ tiny tot. You’re being too hard on yourself.





We’re now jumping up to a Level 27 Small Biped. That could be a slightly trickier task. Remember our axe wielding friend that carried us through most all of the Underground Colosseum. Small fellas can be dangerous.



But I’m sure Plato has got this. He’s still an entire weight class above the chal—





...Oh. Err. So the Medium Biped scored a direct hit to Plato's nuts, taking him out completely. Nevermind.





Don’t get discouraged, big guy. Small guy are a wily lot. Now we’ve got an even match up against another Medium Biped. Sure, it’s got an entire level on you. But you should know that only starts mattering 5+ Levels either direction. Go get ‘em, tiger.





Hell yeah! Give ‘em that haymaker. Don’t stop now. Press the advantage! Fuck him up, Socrates!



Ergh!?



...

......

...Me arm’s come off.





OK. As it turns out, Medium Bipeds only know how to throw right hooks. So that was problematic. What with the arm that came off and all.



Surely there is time to get some duct tape and sort that out. Or barring that, just find a spare gun arm. There must be a machine lifeform over in Accounting that isn’t using theirs today.



...Or his arm can remain off and he can get thrown in the deep end against a Goliath Biped. That seems fair and good training. Why don’t you just have the next match in the depths of the ocean or dropped from a rocket and reentering earth’s atmosphere while fighting a Goliath Flyer.





That went about as well as expected...



OK. Over seven hours of downtime. Plato’s arm must have been reattached and now it’s a comeback tour for the machine.



G-Guys... his arm... You forgot to reattach his arm... As well as give him a proper opponent. Which is fair. An extremely slow stomping attack isn’t really gonna get the job done. So if he can just skip this ro—



...Oh. We’re just going to flood the room with suicide bomber units, huh? It’s almost as though you don’t even want poor Plato to succeed.





Plato 1728. Results are exceedingly poor. Immediate recovery is required.







Report: New records have appeared.
Let’s see what they say.



Tune in next time for the conclusion of Plato 1728’s story. Sort of... Look, it's complicated.






Video: Episode 149 Highlight Reel





Plato 1728 Art – Sometimes you just need to take a breather after getting your ass handed to you for a third of the day...