Part 20: Oh, Linda, you're so hot!

Music: Big Tree Hole



Big Bull has joined our party!

Reflecting his boss battle, Big Bull has an absurd HP total -- the highest of the party. He's also got the highest attack power, making him a physical powerhouse. His defense is surprisingly low, but that's mostly offset by his HP total.

Big Bull's major drawbacks are his abysmal speed stat and practically nonexistant magic stat. Bringing Big Bull along with you will give you much higher physical damage output, but your LP will take a huge hit as a result.


~a muscle paradise~



While we're here at Big Tree Hole, there's something interesting way down at the bottom, in the room where we fought Big Bull.



We fought in this huge sqare room. There are small rooms on each side, but...



They're all behind doors sealed with an enormous power. There's no way for us to open these doors at the moment, but maybe we should remember this room for later...



Now that we're done at the Big Tree Hole, we head back to Madril.

Music: Theme of Madril



First things first, we head straight to the inn.



For now I'm replacing Kisling with Big Bull. Our LP drops from 67 to 43, but now our third party member actually does things in battle other than boosting our LP.

I'll put Kisling back in sometime, but Big Bull's in for now.



Nothing interesting is going on in Madril. No one even recognizes the defeat of Big Bull (which I guess makes sense. He wasn't exactly terrorizing people like the other Evil Kings.)

As I wander around talking to people, I head up to the second floor and...



People in town are taking the time to listen to my songs more. It's all because of you, coach... I don't know how to thank you...
Ari, who is this woman?
Oh, you must be Linda. The girl everyone in town is talking about.
Yes, that's me! Glad to meet you!



What? Who's this, Coach? She's got an attitude problem.
Linda, sweetie, this lady here is Princess Marlene.
Oh, is she?




I can't get enough of this cheesy lightning effect.

Coach! You're OK with that? But Coach, you know you're better than that!



...Oh, Coach, you're being silly! Anyway, just because you are the Princess... I don't believe you have the right to treat someone as nice as the Coach, I mean, Ari, like a servant!
Humph! As if you should know. What do you know about Ari anyway?
Well, what do YOU know about this man? Huh, Princess? I had Ari give me encouragement and training, so much that... You don't know how deeply we were involved with each other!
Oh, really? Well, I had his mother teach me cooking at his house. So there.
P-Princess!



Stan's sitting back there, quietly laughing.

Well then, I suppose I have no choice but to tell you this... It was he who rushed into my arms when we met for the first time. This is why he has become my servant.
Is that so? But I don't mind if he flirts a little. Anyway, it's destiny. Ari and I were meant to be for each other. Oh, the loving touch of Ari, as he laid his hand softly on my shoulder as I stood on that lonely street corner...

I didn't do that!
Did I do that?
Wish I could remember doing that.



My love for Ari transcends that of a certain high-brow individual who calls him a servant!
............
Uh... Umm... Princess?
I...I do not understand it... Ari, you nincompoop! You...you player!



Princess! Wait, Princess, wait!



Rosalyn gives chase so quickly, she doesn't even wait for her dialog box to disappear.



This, my friends, is the famous so-called "Battlefield." And, as always, the boy had no choice but to stand by helplessly and watch...

...



Ari returns to the inn, and Rosalyn is already there.

Oh, Ari. The Princess has locked herself in this room and won't come out. Yes. Well, you already know, don't you...? Yes, I think you know. It's tough, isn't it. Both for the Princess and Ari?



The warrior and the wizard both fell in love with me... I was unable to return either of their affections...(gasp!)...

Rosalyn?
Are you OK?
Likely story.

Oh?! So anyway, good luck, Ari. Think carefully before you choose. If you make the wrong decision, you'll regret it FOREVER... But no pressure, OK? Look after the Princess for me and-



At this point, Rosalyn gets bored and leaves without even bothering to finish her sentence.

Music: Melody from the Box



Marlene?
Can I talk to you for a minute?
You ok?

Ari? Is that you, Ari?



I do not know what I might say to you if I were to see you... Am I acting strange? I am so selfish and rude, and, unlike that girl named Linda, I am not so sweet... All I do is boss you around and cause trouble. And I cannot even fight... I am sorry, Ari. But I would like to be left alone... I cannot figure myself out right now. I need to understand why I feel this way. Tomorrow, I will try to act as proud as I usually am. But please, leave me to myself for today...



Ari nods, apparently forgetting that there's a door between him and Marlene.



We exit the inn, and...

Music: Moe-Moe



Huh. Something seems different about Madril's theme.



Sighing Old Lady: Are "teen idols" all like that, I wonder... (Sigh)... I'm worried listening to that racket would make hens stop laying eggs. (Sigh)... On the other hand, the oldies sung by Good Man Sugi are simply terrific. Oh, and look at her shy but sexy eyes... Reminds me of my youth. Ho, ho, ho, ho.



Young Man Who Believes In Justice: The world today is becoming full of "justice." "Justice" is omnipotent. It's like having a big, strong brother who'll fight your fights. I'll stand by it for the rest of my life. Why, I'll die for justice. Oh, justice, mmmm, justice. "Justice" rules, all the way!

Young Man Who Believes In Justice is quickly becoming my favorite NPC.



Whoa, what's with those guys?



The Passerby: Oh, Linda! Oh, Linda! Oh, Linda! Oh, Linda, you're so hot!



What is going on here?



Maybe the gear lovers know.



Gear Gaffer: And I feel so good, too. Oh, that rugged edge... Ooo, that grinding sound...



Oh, I can imagine the anguish that would shroud these humans' faces. Heh, heh.

Gear Gaffer: Y-you can't do that! Not unless you're from the research center! And, most importantly I won't let you!

I see, the switch is at the research center. Heh, heh, heh. Let's cause trouble! Hwa, ha, ha, ha. This is a splendid idea, stopping all the gears in this town. I'm starting to truly feel evil. About time, too. My frustration was mounting while those other second-rate Evil Kings did evil. I'll show the town what true "Evil" is.





Hwa, ha, ha, ha, do you think so? Well, of course you do. To stop all the gears in the town of gears... How evil! Vicious! Horrifying! I'll drag the entire populace down to the deepest pits of their despair! I will show them the power of the true Evil King. Hwa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Gear Gaffer: Oh, my gosh! What am I going to do? I've got to do something... But I don't want to leave my darling Ondeene... Oh, Ondeene...

It's splendid, Master. All you did was speak about your idea and already the humans scurry and cower.



James shrinks down and leaves through the wall.

What? Hey, James! What do you mean, someplace? Oh, now he's gone... But heh, heh, heh, heh. I'll get my plan underway posthaste. Hey, slave, to the research center! Go!

Never, not in my lifetime.
I'm not going to help you in any way!
OK, sounds like fun.

Have you finally come around, slave? That would be a pleasant surprise. Hmmm. It doesn't matter. I only asked to be entertained. And why should I listen to my slave in the first place!? I do what I want! Hwa, ha, ha, ha. I know you. There's not much to human nature and human goodness.



Great! Let's head up to the second floor and stop the gears!



We head up to the second floor. There's a lot of weird guys up here, too.



Geeky Linda Groupie: About Linda as the inevitable result of an exquisitely intertwined sense of my aesthetic ideal, desires, and an illusion to be one with another. Thus, I do not have a case of feverish love. What I am trying to say, I believe, is this: "Oh, Linda, you're so hot!" Oh, that is precisely it. There is no inaccuracy in my carefully drawn conclusion. Come, let me scream:



We enter the nearby building.



Maggie? No, no, it is Linda. It's Linda. Oh, Linda! It's Linda, not Maggie. Oh, Linda! Oh, Linda, so, so, so hot. Oh, it's Linda, everyone get together! Let's form a hot, Whisker-MoLinda Team!




Miss Madril: But, oh, but Linda! Oh, Linda! Oh, Linda! Linda's the best. Linda's so hot. Oh, Linda, so, so hot!
Young man in love with Miss Madril: Oh, Miss Madril is all I dreamed about. But, oh, but Linda! Oh, Linda! Oh, Linda! Linda's the best. Linda's so hot. Oh, Linda, so, so hot!

They've got a point. Linda is pretty hot, isn't she?



Cry Baby: Ooooh, L-Linda! Boo hoo... (Sob) But I'm so hot for you, so hot... Oh, Linda, I'm so hot for you! So, so, so hot...but... Oh, Linda!



Man Hating Man: Or, are you Linda? Are you? Are you? Are you hot? Oh, Linda! Oh, Linda, I want to see you. Oh, Linda. Oh, Linda, let's talk. Oh, Linda. Oh, Linda. Oh, Linda. But Linda. It has to be Linda. Oh, Linda all the way. Oh, Linda!



Chicken head Madril Station Staff: Please understand Linda's hot circumstances. Because Linda is so hot, the railroad is Linda, and so hot is Linda. Linda...

Alternate update title: Please understand Linda's hot circumstances.



I know how you feel, man! Linda is so hot!



Linda Fan Club Rocker: I hope you don't mind that I formed your club without your permission. But Linda, you should understand my heart... Oh, my sweet baby! Won't you give this rock 'n roller your sweet kiss?

Hey man, can I join Linda's hot fan club? Linda's so hot.



Linda-My-Love Guy: Miss Linda, you're the world and the universe. I'm only thankful that I'm a humble member of that universe!

The universe is so hot. Like Linda. Linda's so hot. I want to be a part of Linda's hot universe.



Maybe we can study how hot Linda is at the Linda Research Center!

...Didn't I have another reason to be here...? Well whatever it was, it can't be as important as Linda!



ಠ_ಠ



What?
Did he say something? Hey, slave. Did this guy say something?

I think he may have...
No, I don't think so...
I don't know.

Didn't you hear, Stan? He was talking about how great Linda is. Linda's so great. Oh, Linda!



You, porky-hoofed woman! You heard it, didn't you?
P-Porky? Anyway, yes, I did hear him. He said, the best, strongest "Evil King". Let's hear him again.
You, random Linda fan, tell me again what you said.

Groupie: L-O-V-E, lovely Linda. Mmmmm. The absolute best super teen idol!



Well, he said it. Clearly. He said it. No mistake.
But, that adorable girl? But it can't be... It can't be, but...
Hey! Professor Crackpot and Bat Woman! Just what do you think you're thinking? That fawn couldn't possibly be an Evil King. No Evil King would cry about the stupid things she cries about. She doesn't even qualify as a fake Evil King. Evil Kings are proud, beautiful and strong!
True. Now that you mention it, it's hard to believe that she's an Evil King.
You're right... I can't believe it, or rather, I don't want to believe it.
Well, of course. There can't be any Evil King like her. Linda, she's not even an Evil King and she's got horns.



Huh? Did you say something?



If I had horns, humans would be a little more afraid of me.
......



Heh, heh, heh. An Evil King that looks like a cow... How uncool is that?

Just because Big Bull isn't here doesn't mean you can talk shit about him behind his back, Rosalyn.

Oh, shuddup! You broken lid of a porky casserole!
Porky again?
Hmmmm. That Linda girl... What is she going to do, providing dreams to humans? Why isn't she providing despair, and pushing humans off into the black abyss? Looks like she needs more coaching. Heh, heh, heh. You, slave. Go to Linda.



We leave the research center to have a hot conversation with Linda.



Linda's over by the station now, giving a performance to her adoring fans.



The townsfolk have finally become my fans! Everyone is now obsessed with me! I did it, Coach!
Excuse me, Linda... But I think the townsfolk are acting kind of strange.



Are you by any chance...?



Why are you looking that way at me, Coach? Didn't I tell you?
Stop kidding around. A klutz like you, an Evil King?
I'm not kidding you. I was really in trouble, without much magical power... But thanks to Ari, I am now a fine Evil King! Aren't you proud of me, Coach? Let's go on a world conquest tour together!

Great, OK!
I can't do that.
I don't think "he" would approve.

Only kidding. Sorry, no can do. Why? Because I am the true Evil King, who's here to defeat you!
But, it can't be! Coach, my Coach was an Evil King? I- I can't battle with you, Coach!



If she's an Evil King, it's not hard to figure out where she's headed. If the Chairman Guy went to the "Escapeless Abyss" and that Muscle Freak went to the "Big Tree Hole" in Tenel Forest, then... As long as she was a pseudo Evil King, her destination should be crystal clear on the Map o'Evil Kings!



......Well, of course you're in shock. The girl who you thought was cute was actually an Evil King.

Yes...
I didn't say she was cute...
(Why didn't the horns tip me off?)

If you defeat her, it'll be for her own good, too. Isn't that right, Bull?



Well, being an Evil King can be said to be a condition in which one is unconsciously possessed and metaphysically restrained by a delusion. Destroying its framework can be said to be a sublime act to doubly liberate the subject from alienation, thus...






Concept art of our newest party member. Big Bull is super cool, but he's not very hot.