The Let's Play Archive


by really queer Christmas



Fuck me, I can't believe we're going to have an entire update on Rock-Paper-Scissors.

Kel gave a quick tutorial on this mechanic after we beat him at RPS. Basically, once you equip the pet rock as an accessory, a little icon appears over people's heads letting you know that you can CLASH with them. Once we clash with enough people, word will get around about our skills and we'll be able to fight against the champs. We'll be fighting all but two contestants today, they... aren't available right now. But, no matter... we have enough people to challenge today.

Now then, let's equip our pet rock and begin the CLASHing.

And there's our first victim.

COLORFUL GIRL: Okay! I've been training my Tomatogirl since I was a kid! I won't lose to you!

Clash of Jash

Jash Bash

Unlike Kel, Tomatogirl actually plays to win here. She'll throw out a rock 60% of the time, and paper 40% of the time. So if you're having trouble, just use paper until you win. These first few fights are pretty simple and shouldn't take you too long. I went against all the clashers without knowing how they're coded to fight to see how I'd do. This girl took me two tries.

The cool thing about CLASHing is the combo system. As it sounds, getting the correct move multiple times in a row does that much more damage than just getting one correct move. So getting three moves in a row correctly causes you to do 6 damage total! Of course, this works against you. So the opponent being on 1 HP and then you guess incorrectly twice and... you get to rage at how the game is rigged! I swear they're sometimes programmed to just counter whatever you put in!!

Here's our next CLASHer, I had more trouble with him than the Hobbeez girl, but still only took two tries.

RAI: Mine is still in its beginning stages, but I'm sure it'll be powerful someday! Come on, Bunny! Let's work together!

The reason Bunny is more trouble than Tomatogirl, or even some of the other opponents? Bunny can actually use all three moves. They're more likely to throw out paper at 50% of their moves, but the other 50% could be scissors or rock. So using scissors is the safest move, but you can actually get hurt by RNG here.

RAI: Darn... Your pet rock is pretty strong. I guess me and Bunny still have a way to go before we catch up to you.

Two of the weak challengers down... thankfully, we only need to win once, while they need to win everytime.

We need to go to the park for the next pet rock enthusiast... This kid sitting on the bench who has been minding his business is about to be in a world of CLASH.

PRETTY BOY: Yay, sounds fun! Let's both do our best! Go, Rose lad! I believe in you!

Rose Lad here likes to use paper 60% of the time, and scissors 40% of the time. To safely win, use scissors 100% of the time. I lost twice before winning here.

PRETTY BOY: Rose Lad, are you okay? There, there... You take a good rest now. Haha... That was fun! Thanks for challenging me. I guess I need to train Rose Lad a little bit more...

Here's a protip for you: there's three options, maybe try using rock every now and then?

Remember the old lady? Well, we're here to take a look in her house now. The CLASHer... may be here. Though as you can see, it isn't granny we're after.

Considering how the other houses have been laid out, clearly our target is in the right side room...

... Or not? Whoever does live here is clearly missing their tea party though...

Hmm, what about this room? I haven't seen a house have one of these rooms yet...

WELP! We found him!

Is it really that surprising, though?

I'm a bit of a gladiator as it were. Ahh, I remember my days in the constable... How I perpetuated my powers of impunity on the unsuspecting combatants that decided to traverse their souls into the barest of my... Blah... no hands! I need not the shelter of a mighty utensil, but the beret of the crowd as they erode for more. Just... be careful around me... I'm dangerous. If you are bolstering why I'm so much more pandemic than you are, it's solely due to my philosophy major. My tenure has led me to my most elephantine discovery of all. Everyone is 100... No, maybe 1000 years too early in time to comprehend my genius. Pithy me no more with your occupancy. You can't perceive anything I interject into your cerebrum anyway.

I'd appreciate if you keep your optical appendages in their sheathes. She assimilates my confab better than anyone and anything else. She's such a sweetheart and we love each other. Now leave us alone.

... So what's your username?

Shalt we ostracize a CLASH to conclude an empire? I shall reign splendiferously!

I'm going to enjoy taking down you.

Muncher King likes to use scissors 60% of the time, and rock 40% of the time. So to safely send this guy packing, just choose rock. I beat this guy my first try

I bequeath this hat to you which I see you look upon with awe... Now, begone!

Sunny... I know things have gotten tough for you, but please don't wear this thing.

Now then, we've taken down 4 CLASHers... if you wander around a bit, you won't find anyone else to challenge. To continue fighting people, we have to head back to Hobbeez.

SHOPKEEP: If you want a real challenge, I know that some folks in the Faraway Plaza are veterans at Pet Rocks... four of them to be precise! They don't normally challenge newbies... but for you, I'm sure they'll make an exception! You should try to talk to some shop staff and frequent customers in the area... They'll be sure to test your strength to the limit!

They keep saying strength but it's just luck! No one is growing stronger from these clashes! I know we sure as hell aren't, anyway...

Regardless, now that we've got the Shopkeep approval, four more CLASHes have been unlocked here in the Plaza.

Here's our first CLASH Champion, Gino (no not that one)!

GLASSES MAN: If you're here... Then that must mean you know about the veterans of Faraway Plaza. And if Shopkeep sent you, that means you must be pretty good... Heh, heh... Well, here I am! Surprised? My real title is GINO, CLASHER OF JASH! I, Gino, one of the four veterans of Faraway Plaza will show you what it means to be a real pro! Let's get 'em Lil' G!!

Jash Bash 2: New Age of Heroes

New music for the new tier of villians. The veterans all have more HP than you and will all actually use all three choices somewhat evenly. Lil' G here has a even 33% chance to use Rock, Paper, or Scissors. So there's no strategy here! Just get lucky! I did, and that's why I got him on my first go.

GLASSES MAN: Oh wait... You can't do that, can you? Well, that was a real doozy. Congrats on your end though, challenger! You and your pet rock did great! Maybe some of the other veterans would give you a bit more of a fight!

That last part was him putting a curse on me, I swear TO GOD.

Our next veteran is the fix-it store clerk. It's time to fix his rock... WITH CLASH!!

FIX-IT GUY: As one of the four veterans of Faraway Plaza, I have a reputation to uphold! If you're asking for a CLASH, I won't be going down so easily!

P'Terry is pretty tough, as they're the first veteran with 5 Hearts. They prefer to use scissors 50% of the time, with rock and paper only 25% each. So theoretically, rock would be good. The problem with these veterans is RNG could just mess you up and you get them rolling paper twice while you spam rock. I managed to take this guy down on my third attempt.

Two of the dreaded four veterans of Faraway Plaza have been vanquished... now... now for the third veteran.

CUTE GIRL: Hmmm... I see... You're carrying a pet rock, so that means you want to CLASH! I'll have you know us veterans are a bit tougher than your normal players. Come on, Ocotaco! Let's show them what it means to be a veteran!

Ocotaco and Cute girl are anything but sweet, despite being in a Candy store... This girl took me 9 attempts with over 15 minutes recorded to beat her. She is my arch-nemesis and I do not like her! She combo'd me 3 times in a row, and I managed to get her down to 1 heart 3 times, only for her to still win. I hate Octotaco, and am glad I do not have to ever fight her again. For the record, she uses rock 50% of the time, with paper and scissors being used 25% of the time each.

CUTE GIRL: I guess Shopkeep was right to send you to us. You seem to have a lot of potential. I'm sure you'll go far!

Phew! Finally past her! Now then, with 3 of the 4 down... it's time to face the final veteran.


SHOPKEEP: Yes, that's right... I said... other veterans! It's about time I've finally revealed myself! I am Shopkeep, the strongest veteran of Faraway Plaza! It's really impressive, Sunny... in this short amount of time, you've managed to beat the best in our area... except me... Sunny... I must attest to your strength myself!

...Okay Coolsnake kinda rules, not gonna lie. He uses paper 50% of the time, with rock and scissors 25% of the time.

First try though, eat shit Shopkeep! You got nothing on the candy store lady!

SHOPKEEP: You may be even better than... No... Nevermind... I may have already said too much. As a prize for your victory, take this.

SHOPKEEP: Also... There is one veteran in Faraway Plaza who is stronger than even me... Some say that she may even be the strongest CLASHER in the entire world... but... she is elusive and keeps her identity a mystery... Though... I'm sure if you found her now she would be able to sense your strength as I have. If you choose to seek her out, you may regret it... but I won't be the one to stop you. Just be wary... She truly is a force to be reckoned with... You have been warned.

Despite Shopkeep's warnings... we must proceed. We are too close to being named the CLASH CHAMPION.

It's time.

Jash Bash 3: Jashpocalypse Infinity

One Wing Ash, has 9 hearts... uses all three moves, and uses all of them at a 33% chance. Beating her... takes SO much luck.

Or you can beat her on your first 4 moves.



What insane luck for me right? Such utter insanity! It was such good luck that it took until I was half way through writing update 12 before I noticed that there was black bars on the top and left side of the video because I didn't capture the window correctly and had to re-record 3 hours of footage, and I had to fight her again for a fucking hour before I gave up trying to beat her again.