The Let's Play Archive


by really queer Christmas

Part 29: The Jaws of Capitalism

Update 29: The Jaws of Capitalism

Room For 4

Of course the rich guy descends from a line of rich guys. Consider me shocked.

I wonder what business the professor and doctor Jawsum's were in... Professor of Leg-breakology? Doctor of Repossession?

Ah, looks like Berly is the door guard, Vance told us that she was head of security so this may be a bit tough to get around.

Awwwww, man... really? Come one, Berly! We've known each other forever! You can't do us a small, little favor?

BERLY: Grumble, grumble... Sorry, Kel! It's the boss's orders... Today's a big day so he doesn't want any... disturbances. We got a Tofu fundraiser to prepare for tonight!

But Berly, it's me! Your old friend Kel! Me and you go way back! Think of all our good times together...

BERLY: Hey, quit it! They made me head of security for a reason! They wanted someone tough... Someone who could make the hard decisions! A hard-headed person! I mean... Look at my badge... It's so shiny!

Hmm... Quick, Kel! Think of something fast!

Oh, I know! Hey, Berly... Our good friend Omori here is interested in a job! You know the boss would never turn down free work!

BERLY: Hmm... That is true... But...

BERLY: Oh... Alright... I'll let you through this time. But only if you get me some Bottled Water first! I'm parched!

This is why exploring is a good thing, we were able to find one of these in the break room. You can also find a bottle of water being sold by some of the Goo Men, but they cost upwards of 500 clams. Sure, clams are about to be plentiful but they're still my clams dammit :mad:

BERLY: Hey! You got me some Bottled Water? Thanks! I owe ya one! Come on, boys! I heard they got pizza in the break room!

GATOR GUY1: Alright! Free pizza!

GATOR GUY2: Ugh... I hope there aren't any pineapples on it...

And now the thread discourse is ruined.

Time to head inside and give this Mr. Jawsum a piece of our mind!

Oh... or it's an elevator. May as well pick up this wrong key.


We're running out of limbs for hangman :ohdear:

Concierge is a fun word to say. Go ahead, say it out loud! I can't help but add a French accent while saying it.

All the people in this hall talk about either needing to talk to Jawsum because they can't make their payments or because they have a business venture for them. Feels like I'm back at work already...

Dangit, Kel. Go away ! Can't you see I'm busy?

Snap out of it, Aubrey! This isn't who you are!

You know three people cancelled their meetings today? THREE PEOPLE!!

I'm supposed to reschedule them, but I don't even know how that's going to fit with all these useless events planned... Not to mention we have a fundraiser tonight!

And of all things... it's a Tofu fundraiser! Who in their right mind would pay clams for Tofu? I tried telling the boss so many times, but he just won't listen! This is a complete nightmare!

Okay Aubrey, I'm gonna need you to breathe.

I'm breathing, Kel. I'm breathing just fine!

Deep breaths Aubrey, deep breaths!

Oh my goodness... that's right! How could I forget? We have to find Basil!

Oh, Omori! Is that you?

You must be here to save me! Hehe... I'm so happy!

W-Wait, what about me!?

Omori, you have to get me out of here!

We can just leave, Aubrey.

The exit is right there!

It's not that simple, Kel... We signed contracts, remember?

S-Sorry, Mr. Jawsum... something came up.


Dangit! You again, Kel? I thought we sent you far, far away from here! Didn't I tell you not to leave your post?

Well, I came all the way back to personally tell you... that I quit! And I'm bringing Aubrey with me!

Very funny Kel. My office, now.

I'll send him in right away.

You too, Aubrey.

Sigh... C'mon, let's go. Mr. Jawsum's office is right up this elevator.

This is exactly how I want to quit. Marching in and taking half the office with me.

Now this is a fancy elevator, it's even got a Martini bar and raw seafood included. Is this how the rich among us live?

Skills and equipment aren't changing from last time, though Aubrey does get Wind-up Throw added in and Kel gets his megaphone back. We're really gonna exacerbate Omori's tinnitus.

Kel Whistle

In honor of Mass Effect's 13th anniversary, Omori decided to implement one of it's elevators in loving memory. It was a bold move, but I think it pays off.

Clams Clams Clams

Is a Boss's office ever not intimidating? I think it's the size. If you're lucky, you've got a tiny ass broom closet level office and then you go into the boss's office that has like an entire department's worth of space. It's probably more intimidating when the boss is a literal Loan Shark though.

Hi Mr. Jawsum...

Ahem... Alright, kids, let me lay this down for you.

Now, a contract is a promise... and you wouldn't break a promise, would you?

Shoot, he's right! We can't break a promise! What do we do, Aubrey?

Mr. Jawsum... It's true that we did make a promise to you... but we also promised each other that we'd find our friend Basil together!

Uh... Yeah, that's right! That means you have to let us go!

You drive a hard bargain Mr. Jawsum... but we'll take your deal.

Really? Wow! Thank you, Mr. Jawsum. You are too kind.


Wait... I feel like I'm forgetting something...

Oh, yeah! Can we bring my brother Hero with us too?

... Heh... You really are a funny kid, Kel.

You want me to give you Hero!?!? THAT'S RICH!! RICH, I TELL YA!!! Hero is, fins down, the best worker I've ever hired in my life. His very presence increases my work output by 700%! I'd be a fool to let go of a worker like him.

The tables are set, the room is decorated, the toilets are clean, and the food tastes spectacular if I do say so myself!

I also cleaned your windows, mopped your floors, fed your pets, organized your sunglasses collection, and folded your laundry...

Oh! And here's your coffee. Just thought you'd enjoy that.

JAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!! YOU SEE KIDS!? Amazing work, Hero! Just amazing! I might even consider paying you one of these days... JAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!!

R-Really? That would be an honor, sir!

Jeez Hero, would you mind at least waiting until we leave the room before you brown nose?

Oh, hey guys! What are you doing here? Are you looking for a job too, Omori?



Hero... what happened to you?

Don't tell me... that even you forgot about Basil.

Oh shoot, that's right! We need to find Basil! How could I forget something so important? What are we doing here!? We gotta go right away!

You're supposed to usher in all of our VIPs for the fundraiser tonight!

Mr. Jawsum... I'm sorry, but... with all due respect, the Tofu fundraiser can wait!

Hmph... My feelings are hurt, Hero. You haven't forgotten about our contract, have you?

Well... I...

Grrr... Forget the contracts! Basil needs us! We have to go, Hero!

Don't listen to her, Hero! Why would you!? You didn't even sign a contract with her!

I don't listen to Aubrey because of a contract... I listen to her because she's my friend!

I'm sorry, Mr. Jawsum... My friends are more important than a measly piece of paper.


You disrespect me, boy. I take you in... a youngin' with no experience... and I turn you into the ultimate employee! You would be nothing if it wasn't for me!

I'll teach you to respect your superiors!



The Jawsum fight you all knew was coming. Though, like a good boss, Jawsum is only as good as the subordinates he surrounds himself with.

Aubrey's Wind-Up Throw is real good here to be able to deal a decent amount of damage to the Gator Guys quickly. Jawsum can't get damaged so long as a Gator Guy is on the field, as the Gator Guys will take the damage for him. So it's actually a good move to either do group attacks or target Jawsum directly - as a Gator Guy will rush to defend him and take double damage doing so.

If you take out a Gator Guy, Jawsum will call in another one and they get a free attack when they join the battle.

Kel's Ricochet is really good for this battle since it can deal damage to the Gator, kill it and then start doing damage to Jawsum before he has a chance to call a new Gator Guy in.

When Jawsum starts to get low on health, he gets a free anger buff and this really cool background. He also calls in less Gator Guys at this point.

And that clam payout basically doubles our current bank account. Jawsum's one of the few boss fights I enjoy where the true battle is against all the adds the boss craps out. I think mostly because it's not tough and if you target Jawsum himself you deal double damage if your attack doesn't hit him, so the battle speeds up.

Hmph... I gotta admit... You kids are pretty strong. But that doesn't matter now. Hero isn't the only ultimate employee in my workforce. I have... but one other.

... Sorry, Kel. This is nothing personal. It's just business.

JAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!! Let's see how you do... against the strength of a former planet! PLUTO! SHOW THESE KIDS YOUR TRUE POWER!

Right away, sir. I'm sorry, everyone... This is the end of the road for you.