The Let's Play Archive

Paladin's Quest

by Stayton

Part 12: A Revelation of Grinch Like Proportions, Part 1/2

Three updates in what, under twelve hours? Well don't praise me too much, this one in short on substance, but I'm going to try to make it heavy on character introspection to make up for it.
(Note: All images drawn by the wonderful An Pan. Queen of the cool people.)

Previously, on Let's Play: Paladin's Quest

Having gathered the three legendary items of Kormu, Johnny, Mindy and company return to Daphne the sage's refuge. Being the type to keep up on current events, Daphne has some bad news for our team. While they were out raising hell, Lord Zaygos has begun construction of Noi Gren, a death engine in the spirit of Dal Gren.

Nobody else in this crazy world could possibly do anything about both these problems. So it's up to Johnny and company to take care of both these, and any other crises that might arise.

With these new instructions Mindy, Johnny, and their two mercenary companions MeanMa and Wild returned to Saskuot where they faced discrimination once again. As Naskuot inhabitants seem to emit an odor that is repulsive to Saskuot inhabitants. Luckily they met a kind woman named Joyce. Who after our party found the right ingredient baked a bread that nullified the Naskuot scent.

Now free to ride the rope network deep into Saskuot. The team looked forward to having a great distance taken off their trip. These hopes exploded spectacularly when the rope network blew up. We now return to Johnny, who doesn't know what the fuck.

What the fuck?! Is everyone okay? Shouldn't they have a warning about spontaneous gondola combustion up somewhere?

Resistance against lord Zaygos huh? Common sense would dictate that you would be of great help to me, rather than a pain in the ass. Common sense has been on sabbatical lately.

See this is what I'm talking about. We've got bamboo shoots in our future. Be brave team boobies.

And you're putting all your resources at our disposal right? That would be the smart thing to do.

Proof? I'm wearing the three legendary items of Kormu. You think I'm just wandering around with them on because they were getting musty in my closet?

Oh yeah, I know what being your comrade will get me. A few annoying quests and a "good luck taking on ultimate evil". Nothing doing.

No I will not reconsider. You people are worthless, and your organization is nothing but a bunch of lazy do nothings. I know this and I've only been here for a few minutes.

Wow, very ruthless. But there's something you haven't considered. I've got plenty more boobies where those came from. All she did was punch me, and not let me put it in her butt. She never even showed any leg for crying out loud. You can have her for all I care. Now I shall take my leave. Good day to you sir.

(at this point put on the slowest sappiest love song you've got. I can wait. Got it? Good.)

I'm better of without her anyway. She was useless out of combat. She needed to spend less time flappin' her jaw, and more time unzipping my pants. All she ever did was bitch, bitch, bitch. She'd be complaining right now if she was here. She was such a stuck up prudish bitch. Queen of the bitches, no doubt about it. Probably cold and dry as an antarctic winter between those crossed legs of her's anyway.

She never even pulled her own weight on this team.

She never agreed with me about anything.

She was always a sourpuss and was never happy about anything I did.

She never supported me when I needed her.

Maybe I'm thinking about this all wrong.
Maybe a relationship is about more than making out and sticking it in her pooper.
Maybe boobies aren't everything.
Maybe love is about helping each other, and being there for one another.
And compensating for each other's weaknesses.
What the hell am I thinking?

Any girl that can and will put you in a full nelson is worth fighting for!

Okay Grunt, whose shit do you want me to fuck up? That had better be what you want me to do, because I'm not in the mood to do anything else right now.

Rescue mission eh? Just so you know I'm not Solid Snaking this.

Yeah, let's get this over with before I try my hand at just kicking all of your asses instead.

Meet Grunt, the leader of the rebellion. Aside from being about the biggest prick in the history of good guys he also has a bitchin' monocle. Additionally, he's pretty good at stabbin guys.

God she's such a trooper. I'm ashamed of myself.

Unspeakable actions eh? You mean like TAKING A THIRTEEN YEAR-OLD GIRL HOSTAGE?! I know you're in a tight spot, but just because you're not building an Armageddonbot doesn't make you better than him no matter what you do.

This is Fiery, since she has a name she'll probably be important later. Let's get out of here before you walking cliches make me wretch.

There's one last thing to take care of before Johnny leaves.

Merc Alert!
We have a new mercenary for consideration. Let's find out a bit about him.

This is Gunny. He's a big, big man, and he hits things really, really hard. His preferred weapons are crag (boulder I guess) and a tree trunk. He dual weilds these two items. Like I said big man. Considering Johnny's current mood he might be just the teammate Johnny is looking for.

Our incumbent mercenaries are:

MeanMa is a mother who lost her children because CPS felt she was making them do too many push-ups. Her weapons of choice are the razor and the gauntlet. She also knows some defensive buff magic. Her razor has a slim chance to stun an enemy when it hits.

Wild fulfills her role as pink haired jailbait quite well. In addition to casting a few water spells, she uses a Glow bow that can hit an entire group of enemies. I say capable because it usually misses one or two.

These are our choices. Chose wisely and quickly, because Johnny wants to taste blood.
I was all set to replace MeanMa with gunny. However, it seems MeanMa has other ideas.

This Just In: An Pan is the greatest of the greatly great!

Crazy woman won't leave!

This means we've only got one choice. Do we replace our resident eye candy mage Wild, with the massive man mountain Gunny?
If you have any questions about these characters individual virtues just post and I'll do my best to answer them.

Chapter 11, Part 2/2

Sorry about the delay between posts there. The important thing is that things are picking back up. Let's join Johnny as he's explaining his restructuring plan to the group.

So as you can see from this chart Wild. The value of water magic has been dropping lately while the value of smashing things has grown exponentially. What all this means in practical terms is that I've had to reconsider the makeup of this team. I think you'll agree that you are the least qualified member of the team when it comes to smashing. So I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go.

Newsflash: An Pan rocked my world so much that a building collapsed and killed a family of seven.

Also we both know you're a tease and an airhead.

Gunny my good man. I need your smashing power for the next leg of my journey.

Let's go over this again Grunt. We need to rescue one of your operatives from the town of Conshiuto right? Let's get to it then.

The town is a short walk east from the resistance hideout. While one the way I discuss monocle maintenance with Grunt. I've always wanted a monocle. Mostly so I can make it pop off whenever a pretty girl walks by.

You didn't tell me Canshiuto was surrounded by quicksand. This is the kind of thing you really should tell a person.

You say it has no effect on the mission whatsoever? Whatever man.

Hey it's my first groupie. Look, any other day I've been ecstatic, but I'm got a lot on my mind, and some guilt issues about how I treated a certain someone, so I'm going to politely ask you to take a hike. No you cannot hang out with me.

Crazy bitch I said no!

Seeing Chill's crazy behavior, and forceful inclusion in the team makes MeanMa feel bad about her clingy behavior. She apologizes tearfully for refusing the leave the team earlier, and before I can tell her that it's okay she runs off. Thus ends the era team boobies. There are no more boobies on the team. Unless you count Gunny's big bulging man pecs, which I don't.

Looks like I spoke too soon. Besides being even crazier than MeanMa, Chill is kind of cute. Except for the tufts of hair growing out of her ears (closet furry perhaps?). She certainly isn't equipped for combat. I wonder if it's true what they say about the crazy ones? No, no, I'm turning over a new leaf here. I don't have time to deal with her properly right now. I'll give her a lecture about obsessive behavior when we're done here.

You don't tolerate smiling faces, then you laugh? More like the town of strange contradictions.

Come on guy? Don't you know anything about Japan? He's a sissified little-long haired pretty boy at best.

Yeah I was noticing that, plus there are roadblocks everywhere. This feels more like a dungeon than a town.

You forgot the ending of your coming of age scenario. That's the part where I kill you.

Not going to be an execution today lady, but we can still have a bloodbath.

Getting into the prison was easy, I mean really easy. We just walked in. The guard even told us where the prisoner was.

Funny thing about tomorrow. You aren't going to see it. Boy I'm in a mood aren't I? Just spouting action movie one liners. Too bad Mindy isn't here, she'd be all moist. Damn, there I go again.

Why is it that the more evil I expect people to be, the more helpful they are?

Grunt picks a mean lock, and Wind was quickly freed.

A traitor in our midst! And it's the person who forced their way into the party? I'm stunned!

Bitch has no idea what she just got herself into.

One double pimp slap later.

You'd best run bitch!

Wind is the first person who apologized for putting me through a bunch of crap. I'm starting to get the warm fuzzies.

I guess our team can't go without a pink-haired girl with crazy ears for very long. If they weren't different species I would think she was related to Wild. Wind isn't equipped for combat, the guards must have confiscated her gear. Luckily she still packs a potent lightning spell.

(At this point an alarm starts going off)
Don't fret Grunt, this is just what I wanted. I'm gonna take out anyone that gets between me and the exit.

Together with Grunt and Gunny I made quick work of the prison guards.
Stayton Protip: Gunny's tree trunk hits entire groups of enemies at a time.

What I didn't expect was for the townsfolk to start attacking us en masse once we broke out of the facility.

Girls, boys, widows, and butchers all came after us. It's a good thing I wasn't feeling merciful.

Even little kids attacked us. I've been underestimating the grip that Zaygos has on these people.

Eventually we made it out. Only after devastating the population of Canshiuto. I'm glad Mindy wasn't here to see this.

The walk back was a long quiet one.

You better stick to our agreement Grunt. You've seen what I can do.

Keep dreaming Wind. I'm pretty sure we didn't leave a viable breeding population alive back there.

Mindy I'm back. (Please don't ask me where I've been or what I've done.)

I can't even say how much I missed you. Welcome back.

Wow all that to save your fiance? Not that I don't sympathize, but that's a flagrant conflict of interest buddy. You don't use loved ones for field ops precisely so people don't think you're being to emotional when you try to rescue them. Haven't you ever read a spy novel.

Wow a second apology in twenty-four hours. But what are you apologizing for? Taking my friend hostage? Or maybe the part where you turned me into a mass murder to save your girlfriend?

For the last fucking time, would spies of Zaygos be carrying the one means to destroy Noi Gren around where people like you could steal them if they had a mind? Your resistance is doomed.

Grunt, the last thing I need is more friends like you.

Well this should keep us from having anymore misunderstandings in the future at least, thanks.

How we get the hell out of here was going to be my next question. When you blew up the rope network I figured it was to disrupt travel in Saskuot, but now you've fixed it. You're the worst terrorists ever.

Let's resume our trip Mindy. I missed you more than I thought I could.

Oh and I've been doing some thinking, and starting right now there are going to be some changes around here.

From this point forward you aren't going to be the person who isn't having sex with me. I'm going to be the person who isn't having sex with you!

To Be Continued!

I hope you enjoyed the end of chapter eleven. This chapter has seen some major changes to the team lineup, as well as Johnny's outlook. He's starting to feel the true weight of the responsibility that goes with being a world saving hero. I don't think he's going to crack under the strain though.

Before I started this Let's Play thread I played a ways into the game. Chapter twelve marks as far in as I've gone. My dad got farther than this, but that was way back in 93/94 so my memory is fuzzy from here on out. I should also point out that I'm not consulting a FAQ or strategy guide. So from here on out just about anything could happen. I'm going to start in on twelve now, so stay tuned to this thread for another update.