Part 38: Episode 38: The End

Episode 38: The End

Last time, Aya killed a baby and blew up a multimillion dollar navy ship.


We rejoin our heroes on the shore, reflecting on their destructive ways. Note that Daniel is completely fine.


Dude's tie isn't even messed up. Daniel is goddamn invincible. Despite the fact that he just said "It's finally over", it actually is over.




Why are "you" using "quotes" like "that" "?"


Gross.




Aya's already auditioning for the next Kojima project.



: When you were seven. You probably don't remember any of it... but...


Apparently, Danny and Maeda figured all this shit out before we met them at the museum. They just plain ol' checked Maya's medical records. They didn't mention any of it until now because there was a minor apocalypse happening earlier.


It's honestly the most sensible thing a JRPG character has ever done to solve a mystery. Just open a folder and read some papers. Are we sure this is a Squaresoft game?


Attention all fanfic writers: That's not what she means and you fucking know it.




Uh, excuse me, Maeda, but I'm pretty sure it was proven fact in the historical documentary Wild Wild West.


Aya's talking about that one flashback we saw about six thousand times. As far as last sights go, Klamp's ugly mug has gotta be pretty low on the list.




In this episode, Maeda tells us things we already know.

: By living symbiotically with Aya's mitochondria, it still possessed Eve's power. From there, it evolved to the point where it could live symbiotically with the human nucleus...



: Isn't that basically what I said to Eve, like, an hour ago?





: Smooth transition, professor.


About a week before release, someone at the Square offices realized they hadn't shoehorned a completely unrelated message about nature into this game yet, and everyone scrambled to add these few lines into the end. True story.



: How can I explain...? If the earth is a single human being, we humans that invade the earth become like viruses out of control. We, in essence, are upsetting the natural balance of the body.











: ...I fucking hate you, Maeda.



: ...hate you so much...

Sunrise


And so ends the story of the worst Christmas ever.


It was a tale of family, a tale of self-discovery. A tale of people goo. Most most of all, it was a tale of...


...kid cops! Actually, that was just a really abrupt transition.


So, here we are. Allllll the way back at Carnegie Hall.


Ben opens the door for the lady, because his father raised a gentleman, dammit!


Honestly, Ben is probably a more interesting date than nameless blonde dude from the beginning of the game.


Daniel's here, too, because otherwise this would be weird.





After all that crazy shit, Aya's still bothered that Daniel had to miss spending Christmas with his kid.


Wait, what?


Who invited him?




Awkward to the very end.






Inside, Maeda shifts around awkwardly, because he is Maeda.






This shot is very funny to me.








Maeda mans up...


Goes in for the kiss, and...






Ahahaha, fuck you, Maeda.



: I just had to teach my boy the secret art of the cockblock.


This is how super villains are born.


Right, so the opera.


It pretty much goes down the exact same way, just with a different actress for Eva. The show must go on, right?


Blah blah blah, she's a witch. You know how this goes.


WHAA?




Oh, it's just a guy holding a torch. Wait, you're telling me that a show that was famously stopped by the entire cast and audience burning to death decided to have a dude walk around with actual fire during the re-opening?

Fuckin' Broadway, man.




Whoops


As the new Eva begins her song, we return, for the last time, to the mythical land of the FMV




Y'know, I've never actually seen an opera. Is it boring? I bet it's boring.


Aya sure looks bored.


Dramatic zoom into the eye that granted Aya all her...wait, they said the RIGHT eye, didn't they? I guess just a dramatic zoom for no reason...


What the WHAAAA?






Uh...is that...is that supposed to happen?


Guys?


GUYS?!






Eh, I'm sure it's nothing.


So, that's Parasite Eve. Here are the credits, if you want to see them. There's some cool music, but if you don't feel like watching 8 minutes of scrolling text, I don't blame you.

Well, we beat the game! We killed Eve, blew up the Ultimate Being, gunned down roughly a million rats. Good for us! Go team! So, that's it, that's the game. We've seen everything the is to see.

Absolutely nothing left. All done. Good game, right? Yeah, well, that's the end. Nothin' else, all done. See ya later, dudes.

















































: Son of a bitch.