Let's Play: Parasite Eve
Parasite Eve is what happens when you take Resident Evil and Final Fantasy and just slam that shit together. Released by Squaresoft in 1998, Parasite Eve combines survival horror elements and RPG leveling and battles and manages to pull it off, with help from a fantastic soundtrack by Yoko Shimomura. It got a sequel in 2000 which leaned more towards the Resident Evil side of things, and is itself technically a sequel to the novel Parasite Eve by Hideaki Sena, which I never read, but is apparently fucking crazy.
The game follows NYPD Detective Aya Brea, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Aryan-as-fuck half-Japanese woman, over a six day span as the island of Manhattan becomes a gooey, monster-filled nightmare.
Parasite Eve is rather unique outside of its hybrid gameplay as well. For one, it was the first Squaresoft game to receive an M rating from the ESRB, and it certainly worked to earn it. It was also developed by two teams: a Japanese team and an American team, with a lengthy portion of its development done stateside. It shows in its pretty good localization.
I'm not the only one who loves Parasite Eve, as the game sold over 1 million copies on Japan alone. In fact, for a brief time in 1998, awkward teenage sci-fi nerds the world over could finally say they enjoyed PE.
Table of Contents
- Episode 1: I love the theater!
- Episode 2: I am an Opera Singer
- Episode 3: Rats Off TO Ya!
- Episode 4: Man Hands
- Episode 5: Eve Walks into a Bar
- Episode 6: NYPD Blue
- Episode 7: Meet The Press
- Episode 8: Totally Accurate Science
- Episode 9: Urgent Urgent Emergency
- Episode 10: Life Finds a Way
- Episode 11: Face Melting Solo
- Episode 12: Album Cover
- Episode 13: Shut Down EVERYTHING
- Episode 14: TL;DR
- Episode 15: Loot Da Joint
- Episode 16: I Can't Think of a Joke about Microscopes
- Episode 17: Assault on Precinct 17
- Episode 18: The Grim Dark Future
- Episode 19: Bitches Ain't Shit
- Episode 20: Talkin' 'Bout Jizz
- Episode 21: Sacred Heart
- Episode 22: Hey, Remember That Time?
- Episode 23: Danger Zone
- Episode 24: Crab Battle
- Episode 25: The Worst
- Episode 26: The Inhuman Centipede
- Episode 27: You've Bred Raptors?
- Episode 28: Field Trip
- Episode 29: Talkin' Bout Jizz 2: Revenge of the Jizz
- Episode 30: Everybody Walk The Dinosaur
- Episode 31: Not Safe For Work
- Episode 32: Apache Chief
- Episode 33: Air Wolf
- Episode 34: Liberation Island
- Episode 35: I'm On A Boat
- Episode 36: The Greatest Man That Ever Lived
- Episode 37: Escape Sequence
- Episode 38: The End
- Episode 39: Fuck the Chrysler Building
- Episode 40: The End For Realsies
Aya Brea. A young detective with a troubled past, as well as our main character. She enjoys pointing guns at people, having flashbacks, and quiet walks on the beach. No longer enjoys the Opera, the Zoo, city parks, dogs, hospitals, or museums.
Melissa Pearce. A young actress with a bright career ahead of her until she went crazy and set everyone on fire. Claims familiarity with Aya, but refuses to explain. She transformed into Eve.
Eve. Giant crazy monster lady. Loves theatrics, hates pianos.
Daniel "Bo" Dollis. Aya's partner. Has a strained relationship with his estranged wife, perhaps because he has a habit of letting hot blondes sleep in his car, but tries his best to be a good dad to his son, Ben. No idea why he's nicknamed "Bo", but that's what the manual says!
: Kunihiko Maeda. Socially awkward scientist from Japan, looking into the Eve fiasco and its connection to a similar incident in Japan. Loves drugs. Seriously, loves 'em so much. You don't even know.
Ben Dollis. Daniel's son. Has issues with his dad. Is a child in a horror scenario.
Captain Douglas Baker. Chief of the NYPD homicide department and Aya's boss. Looks like the Kingpin from Spider-man. Has yet to take our badge.
Wayne Garcia. Cocky junior gunsmith. He runs the department's store room and regularly encourages police officers to make illegal modifications to their weapons. Fondly remembers those summer nights. Oh, oh, those summer nights.
: Torres Owens. Head gunsmith for the NYPD. Sees guns as a necessary evil, and often warns officers to use them sparingly and cautiously. Is, arguably, the coolest dude in the game. C'mon, look at that dude. Don't you want to hang out with him?
Dr. Hans Klamp. Expert in mitochondria. Overly dramatic, long-winded, and clearly suspicious. Or so you'd think. Do you think you know the secrets of an evasive, slightly-unhinged scientist? DO YOU?!
: Heya kids, it's me, Rattigan Johansen, here ta tell all youse about my fellow hideous monster types! Let's get started!
: Hey, it's my cousin, Ratso! He's a great guy, I tells ya, but he can be kinda cheesy! Ha! Geddit? Us rats gots ta stick together, y'know, so we'll almost always attack in groups. We're social fellas, so we'll even come at ya with other monsters! Da more, da merrier, right? We gots those crazy teeth for biting, but we prefer shooting a fan o' three fireballs atcha wit' our tails. Sure, it's easy ta dodge at a distance, or by just movin' to our sides, but hey, it sure looks neat!
: Polly wants a crack'a...at youse! Ha! Y'know, when we rats mutated, we got fireballs an' a crazy three-pronged tail. Dese poor fellas just lost a leg. At least da one dey do got is really big! Dey mey be quick little boidies, but dey can't do much more den scratch atcha. Kinda got da short end o' the stick, ta be honest.
: "Go Away!" Geddit? Dat's what he says, right? Da frog? Anyways, dese guys are tougher den us rats, but dey don't got much by way of attacks. Best dey can do is give youse a nasty lickin'! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
: Dese little boidies don't got much goin' for 'em, ta be honest. Sure, dere quick, but dey can't take much damage, an' dey can't really dish it out neither. Still, dey got junk in dere trunk! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
: Ol' King Cobra over 'ere ain't too much different den most video game snakes. But dere is two distinct types. Dere's da Red ones, dey move slower but dey can poison ya. Da Yellow ones are smaller an' faster, but dey can't poison ya. I uh...I ain't got no snake jokes. Dey eat rats, y'know!
: Ain't no monkeyin' around wit dis guy! He can throw his whole crazy hand atcha like a boomerang! Keep yer distance, cuz if ya get too close, he'll go ape on youse! Help me, Dr. Zaius! Dere's a boomer-ape try ta get me!
: Anyone got a Coke? I can bearly contain my terror at da sight o' dis guy! If his 'lectric attacks don't make yer hair stand up, 'e can also beatcha ta death wit' his bear hands! Did you know dat in da gay community, a "bear" is a big hairy guy? Well, now ya do.
: Y'know, I've seen some weird stuff. Like every time I look in da mirror! But I dunno how ta explain dis guy. He's...an evil pile o' leaves? I dunno. What? Poke yer what? No, I ain't got no "poker men" jokes. Da hell are you talkin' 'bout?
: Dese two-faced schmucks can be real nasty customers if ya ain't careful. Dey can let out a howl ta weaken yer defenses, den mess up yer face wit' dere claws! I guess youse could say dere bark...is worse den dere bite! Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!
: Peter Parker over 'ere can be a real nuisance. He likes ta get ya all tangled up in his webs, so's yer movin' nice and slow for him an' his buddies ta mess you up! His bite hurts, but he ain't got no venom or nuthin'. Just watch out fer dose webs! An' get me a giant, fuck-ass coffee!
: Yeah, I dunno da deal wit' dese guys neither. Dey can spit dere red nucle-thingies atcha an' poison ya, but dat's 'bout it. Dey sure ain't no Rattigan Johansen!
: Dese guys can really bug ya, if ya ain't careful. Dey can barf green goop all over da floor, and flow youse down like da Spiders from earlier. All dat pukin' don't help dere weight none, though, so they can't get to far on dose wings. A fly dat can't fly! Ain't dat a shame?
: Jeez-a-Loo! Lookit dis guy! Or, dese guys, I guess. I can't really tell. Da Apple-Dumpling Gang over 'ere may look nasty, but all he/they/it can really do is spit bouncy brains atcha. Is dat an octopus tentacle hang over da side dere? Goodness! Dis ain't yer grandpa's abomination!
: Y'know, I always felt a certain kinship wit' dese guys. People calls 'em "Rats with wings", but I don't think dey mean it in da nice way. My buddy Brucie is a Bat, an' last I heard he got a sweet gig in some Capcom prequel. Haven't 'eard from him since, though.
: Right, so whadda we got next? Here's this....aaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET DAT OUTTA 'ERE! YOU CRAZY?! KILLITKILLITKILLITKILLIT FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! WHAT'S WRONG WITCHU?! YA TRYIN' TA GIMME A HEART ATTACK?!
: So, I had dis friend in High School. 'is name was Martin Mole, and yeah, 'e always got picked on fer it. Anyways, back in '96, 'e comes ta me, beggin' me fer a job! "What's wrong wit yer old one?" I asks him. 'e tells me dis fat plumber is always jumpin' on 'is head! All day, too? Can ya imagine? So I says "Well, what can ya do?" an' he goes "Well, I can dig, right? Pop up in diff'rnt places and whatnot. An' I can stretch my arms real far. I can like, slap ya across da room, or deliver drinks, or whateva really!" So, being a nice guy like I am, I says "Look, I got dis audition comin' up. Dere lookin' fer crazy monster-guys like us. Why don'tcha come wit' me, and we'll see what happens!" Turns out da director liked us both so much, we both got in da game. Too bad Martin got involved in dat nose candy, though. Last time anyone saws him, 'e was runnin' off inta da woods screamin' 'bout breakfast cereal.
: Ah, Ol' Bitey. I fergit 'is real name, but I rememba he like ta bite. Really, dat was all 'e could do! Bite this, bite that. Bite yer face, bite yer butt. Bite, bite, bite, bite. One time, I bit 'im back, jus' like a joke, y'know? Long story short, dinos don't do so good with salmonella.
: Oh man, dese guys. Always hung around da set in huge groups. Like a dozen o' da bastards just balancin' on lights, not makin' a sound. Jus' starin' atcha. Jus'...starin'...
: Da Dill Brothers! Dese guys rolled up on set one day, apparently ta do stunt work fer guys like me. Y'know, guys dat are too pretty ta risk gettin' hurt. Anyway, dey were jus' showin' off, rollin' high speed across da parkin' lot, doin' jumps an' flips an' whatnot. Li'l Dill, da youngest, wasn't payin' attention, and rolled right out inta da middle o' da street. Neva saw that Semi comin'. Beautiful wake, though.
: Get over 'ere! No, really, c'mere! I ain't done talkin', ya ungrateful brat! I ain't even told ya about Stings Mackenzie, yet! I'm tellin' ya, it's a real interestin' story! I mean, I wasn't actually dere for it, but I heard 'bout it froma very reliable source an'...Where ya goin'?!
Monster scans generously provided by KoMPepperochu of deviantart. He is a cool dude.
Zeikier illustrates the magic that is Daniel Dollis