Part 32: Episode 32: Apache ChiefEpisode 32: Apache Chief
Previously, Eve got away. Also Eve is Aya's dead sister, by the way. Or at least her dead sister's kidney. It's complicated.
We begin this update by checking in with the US Navy. Last time we saw them, brave fighter pilots got turned to goo and exploded. Hopefully, this time goes better.
The captain is psyched as hell about blowin' shit up.
Fuck you, Admiral! Let's blow up some shit!
: Calling all fighter jets! We have just received permission to attack! Commence operation ! Head for the Statue of Liberty! As planned, helicopter team 1 will prepare for plan 2. Team 2 will search and the rest will do their best to impede further advancement.
We get a 3 second long FMV of the camera zooming dramatically around boats.
It's neat, but all my recording attempts came out as a mass of black pixels because of how dark it is. I tried to find separate version of just this FMV on the internet, but it's so short, no one bothered to recorded without recording all the stuff coming up.
Yeah, more FMVs coming up, by the way.
Daniel gets a call on his invisible radio.
Maeda loves to remind us of stuff we already knew.
Here comes the cavalry.
Do helicopters normally launch from aircraft carriers?
On the upside, no way in hell they could not see that target.
Last time we saw military stuff, I showed my completely lack of knowledge about aircraft. So, I'm just gonna call these Schooners and move on.
Goozilla morphs into a giant ball and the Schooner pilots switch to night-vision. Even though they have spotlights.
Well, that looks ominous.
The choppers do the most sensible thing while piloting an aircraft and get as close to the target as possible.
The gang stops to watch the certainly explosive disaster in the making. Honestly, I can't blame them.
: Yes... the huge creature will act as a barrier to protect the Ultimate Being...
The blob-ball continues doing whatever it was doing.
"Well, this looks to be handled. Let's head back to"
In case it wasn't clear, the blob started shooting fucking lasers at the Schooners, so the Navy decides to call in the big guns. I'll just call them Segways.
Red Leader flies down the trench until his targeting computer indicates a lock.
Fires the proton torpedoes...
By the end of the cutscene, I'm pretty sure Eve is an Ace.
"Commence operation 'Fuck This Noise'!"
After wiping out an entire wing of dirigibles, Goozilla reforms and lumbers off.
This Schooner isn't crashing, though.
It's actually landing. Entirely offscreen, but the game manages to convey it pretty well.
Haha, are all Navy pilots also Spacemen?
: Sup, Mars Attacks?
Apparently someone just let the Navy know about the one person Eve can't insta-kill.
: Who to the what in the whatnow?
That was fast. Damn fine Schooners they have.
: I'm Williams, I command this ship. Sorry to have you come on such short notice.
I don't have a funny headshot for the Captain, because I already used Cap'n Crunch for the Admiral. Even though, in retrospect, Admiral Ackbar is the perfect choice! I am a shameful Star Wars nerd.
: What...? What do you mean?
: Yep, uh-huh.
: Absolutely. Which way to the shooty-guns?
Before you say anything, the chopper is set on magical sci-fi auto-pilot, so instead of just going in a straight line, it will, in fact, do crazy awesome maneuvers by itself.
: Uh, I can walk right up to the bitch and not even get a sunburn. Have you been paying attention to anything that's happened?
: A nuke is basically the biggest gun ever, right? So...
This is kinda like asking Indiana Jones if he wants to punch Nazis, honestly.
: But I wanna blow up the woooorld!
: That... thing, that's not Lorraine.
: Hell yeah! Let's kick this pig!
Daniel is the best.
Between Daniel yelling at Maeda, and Aya laughing at Maeda, this is basically the best scene in the game.
Aya lives the dream