Part 23: Vampire Squad in: Goodbye, Galaxy!

ALCATRAZ -- JAN 13 2508

Vampire Squad has finally found the shuttle. They just need to get to it and plant the Satan Device.
Fortunately, they have their new Imperial proton packs charged up.

Argh! No fair, they're using lasers!


Robot sentries? Of course! Those are what were being made in the labs under the abandoned mine!
BROS I TOLD YOU THAT WAS A GREAT QUEST
It really wasn't!
DOG YOURE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE DECAPITATED
Guys, I'm being stun-locked and poisoned over here.
Huh? Oh, yeah.


Kruger must use his rail gun to get into a sniper duel with the robots.
The thing is, that both the lasers and the railgun have infinite range. So if Kruger steps into view, he gets stun-locked and can't fire back.
Don't worry, I have a plan.


Guys, this really hurts!
That's how you know the plan is working!
You're an amazing strategist, Sullen!

The entrance to the shuttle is just up these stairs.


Unfortunately, the LZ is too hot! Or something?

Need to clear out that LZ too many tangos painting that target. Going foxtrot.
By the way, time isn't ticking. So I don't know what Boar's talking about. There's a surprise.

Kill all the men to proceed. That sounds pretty familiar at this point.

You know, at some point this doesn't even seem fair anymore.


Alright, there's the shuttle.
Wow. This is it. Let's blow this thing up and go home!

Onward, Boar! To your destiny!

GODSPEED BRO

Here it is, the end of Planet Alcatraz:




















Yes, that 30 second long pause at the end of the video was me staring at my montior, eyes wide muttering "You mother fuckers. Yyyyooou mother fuckers."

Of course, there's 30 more hours of sidequests to do, Vampire Squad!

But first, they need to escape from Planet Zebes.

Men attack the squad, but with those Imperial weapons everything goes swimmingly.
Uh, guys. I'm out of ammo.
You mother fuckers. YYyyyyooooou mother fuckers.


There's the exit! Let's get the fuck heck out of here!
Boar, we came in through the submarine bay! We have no idea where this cave leads to!
You got a better plan, faggot?
BRO LETS NOT BE HETERONORMATIVE BECAUSE WE ARE FRUSTRATED

The exit the cave and come out...

Here.


Hey, it's the Cannibals! And they're coming this way!
Uh, Boar?
Guys! Guess what! You know that shuttle you were trying to find to escape from the planet? Well we found it!
We, uh... We... kinda found it.
They seem well aware.
Let's book the fuck out of here!


RUN! RUUN!!
What money! I don't know!
Shut up and run! Southwest! Southwest!
BRO IS WEST LEFT OR RIGHT I FORGET
It's the left one! The left one! I mean, go right but on a compass--
Just go! Go!


HOME BASE DUDES TIME OUT
That's only slightly how it works! Keep running until you collapse!




Hffufhhhff hffhufffhh... So... ghffghfff.... let's go... huffhfhggff.... see Blacky then... hffhff...


Hey, Blacky. So we beat the game and stuff but it's still going. We don't know what to do.


Here you can either shake Blacky's hand or snub him because, I don't know, you resent that he only made you commit five atrocities instead of six?

It doesn't make a difference. Boar and Co. have a one way ticket out of this shitstreet.

I like the touch of the heavens parting above the escape pod.


That's right, the game's not ever yet folks. The amount of "things" that could happen in between here and the pod number in the millions.
And who is this Hartman guy? He's been mentioned before, briefly. Loose threads don't bode well...


Gotta kill all the lizards before they can go into the pod. It only makes sense, the lizards might open fire on them as they leave the atmosphere.

After all the lizards are dead it's only about 20 painful yards of walking to get to salvation. If a "thing" happens...

A "thing" happened.


This is a tough fight. They come from two directions, carry powerful .50cal rifles, and about 10 of them are in those robot suits that can only be taken down with explosives and Kruger's rail cannon.

Still, with a couple of Super Healthkits it isn't difficult to cheese, even after Demon ran out of 40mm grenades.



That's a lot of problems to be looking at all at once.

But Vampire Squad picks through the crowd, if only through sheer endurance.


As the final rifle clatters to the dirt, Vampire Squad breathes a sigh of relief. The day was won. The game was won.
And now all that is left is to watch the ending.


The End. Goodbye, Planet Alcatraz.

Yes, the extremely high rank of "private." Apparently this entire adventure was the future war equivalent to 5 matches of Modern Warfare 3.

Hartman, apparently the Vampire Squad's commander/sergeant, is still on Alcatraz. Lost, scared, alone...
That's sequel bait if I ever saw it.

Finally, the credits. A crazy Russian song plays over them and you see concept art.

Hey, the rats in this game have giant balls. That's interesting.

So that was Planet Alcatraz. All in all the game is... a game alright. It's servicable in almost every capacity, but while it pretends to be a copy of Fallout, it clearly ran out of gameplay ideas incredibly quickly. There are only so many ways to experience (and describe, in LP form) going to a map and killing a bunch of dudes. While the cutscene trappings around each mission put them into a context, however bizarre and alien, gameplay wise it really felt like the same hour repeated over and over again. As a fan of isometric RPGs I initially noticed it and eventually played it generally because the dearth of alternatives, which is a shame. Would I recommend it? No, probably not. But did I hate it? Not exactly. If they had taken more of a cue from their obvious inspiration and included alternate approaches, varied playstyles, it could have been a gem. As it is, well, it's Planet Alcatraz.















Goodbye, everybody.



BONUS CONTENT
Here's the story description from the manual that I have intentionally not read until just now.

Wow. That's a lot of something alright.

THE END