Welcome to Gamer's Gate, the only online PC digital distribution shop where you can find a copy of LA Noire right next to a copy of Dark Apes
A game so rad neither GameFAQS or Gamespot have ever heard of it.
Gamersgate is a treasure trove of single-A releases from the glorious Former Soviet Union that you can't find anywhere else. Personally, I love groady Russian games. It's sort of like exploring a condemned building: You might find treasure, but even if you don't you come away with an intriguing story about a ghost that speaks gibberish.
And, of course, that brings us to Planet Alcatraz!
WHAT IS PLANET ALCATRAZ?
Here's the description, straight from Gamersgate:
If you can't parse the grammar, good! That's all the introduction to Planet Alcatraz you need.
Planet Alcatraz is a 3D role playing game with isometric projection. The player travels through the game world and battles with enemies in the real-time mode. In a general sense Planet Alcatraz can be portrayed as a non-linear adventure with lots of shooting. Several genres are mixed in this game but despite that fact it doesn't stand stuck between them and appears to be a classical RPG that is based on a specially developed system.
The action takes place on the prison planet called Alcatraz. Its inhabitants are inveterate criminals that were banished there for the term of life because of their heinous crimes. The main objective of the game is to control a diversionary group that consists of the only one person in the beginning and enlarges through the game. The player has to use all sorts of resources and means to accomplish the mission that he receives at the very beginning of the game.
WHAT IS THE STORY SO FAR?
I don't know! This is a blind LP. In fact, it's so blind that I didn't even read the manual! I wouldn't be surprised if finishing this game is impossible. Let us journey into that dark night together.
WHAT KIND OF THREAD IS THIS?
A bunch of screenshots, some video when appropriate. There will also be text annotations to provide context to the screenshots and videos, occasionally with jokes.
WHAT ARE THE RULES?
I'd appreciate it if anyone who is already familiar with the game (ha!) to keep their business in their own business! I don't know what's going to happen next in the game any more than the developers did when they were making it, and that's the way it is meant to be.
Oh man, I didn't expect to get any of this so now I have to inelegantly cram them in somewhere.
Nude Turban Boar in Tangerine by ObMeiste (mildly NWS)
[ Buy Planet Alcatraz! $9.95 ][ Buy Xenus II! $29.95 ]
Note: I make no claims as to the reputability of GamersGate as a retail platform
Table of Contents
- 01. Character Creation and Making Friends
- 02. Locked Up Abroad
- 03. Climbing the Prison Ladder
- 04. The Excrement Special!!
- 05. Peaceful Negotiation
- 06. A Hard Day's Night
- 07. The Great Train Robbery
- 08. Heart of Darkness
- 09. Carnivale!
- 10. The Game... Begins?
- 11. A Pound of Gerbil Flesh
- 12. Make Some Friends, Lose Others
- 13. Tactical Stealth Action
- 14. Dance Halls and Condom Balls
- 15. What Was He Making?
- 16. Adam Kruger's Eight Stupid Sidequests
- 17. A West District Story
- 18. Halloween in December
- 19. The Star Wars/Christmas Special
- 20. Storming the Castle
- 21. *Batteries Not Included
- 22. The Beast-Men of Volcano Island!
- 23. Vampire Squad in: Goodbye, Galaxy!
BONUS CONTENT: XENUS II -- A TRAVELOGUE
Xenus II: White Gold is another 'hidden gem' from the motherland. It's actually the sequel to an FPS/RPG hybrid that had a full worldwide release on the PC in 2005 by the name of Boiling Point: Road to Hell (aka Xenus in Russia), which happens to have had the best god damn installer music ever:
It wasn't the best game in the world, or the most successful. In fact it was released in a state so buggy that its patch notes have become a joke in and of themselves, featuring lines such as "fixed: size of moon" and "dogs do not cast shadows". On the other hand, it was a product of such uninhibited ambition that even games like FarCry 2 and Grand Theft Auto could stand to learn some lessons from it.
White Gold: War in Paradise was intended to be the full fledged sequel, with a similarly wide release and even an Xbox 360 port. Unfortunately, the game never made it out of Russia. Until, of course, Gamersgate got ahold of it and released it under a combination of its Russian name and its intended International title: Xenus II: White Gold.
To put it bluntly the result is a messy, insane, brilliant, and unforgettable experience.
This is not a full-fledged Let's Play. Instead, it's a series of bullet points from a recent playthrough of mine.