Part 27: Xenus II: Day Three

XENUS DAY THREE

• Met a woman in the park. As far as I could tell through the translation, she got a free dog from the local drug mafia. The dog liked to do coke. One day the dog stole all of her coke and ran away. She seemed to think this was hilarious.
  
• Got to the second island where I was told to meet up with the CIA. The CIA is one man who sits in a room listening to the star spangled banner all day because he is American.
  
• Apparently the player isn't the first merc the CIA sent in, but the rest of them died. I asked how they died and he said that the locals suspected a voodoo cult, but the CIA guy thought that was stupid. He thinks it was probably mutant jaguars.
  
• Uptown I found a guy standing next to a tunnel. He asked for 500 pesos to enter the tunnel. He said if I got to the other end of the tunnel I would get 1500 pesos back.
  
  I went inside the tunnel and there were a bunch of guys who started shooting at me, including a guy at the end on a turret. The tunnel had a bunch of explosive barrels in it and the barrels were smokey making it hard to see unless I blew them up. I killed everyone, made it through, and was thinking I'd been had like the guy who "sells" you a gauss gun in STALKER. But the guy was on the other end and he congratulated me and handed over the 1500 pesos. I guess that's just a tourist attraction in Covumbia.

• a man offered to sell me an island. i didnt have enough so i said id check it out first. i got a mission "check out the island". i went there expecting that bandits would be waiting to shoot me but no i land there and it just says mission completed you checked out the island
  
• met a man named "sorcerer's apprentice" i talked to him and he said the sorcerer was busy so i left
  
• found a small village in a valley. a lady angrily demanded that i fix their bridge. this involved going to a carpenter to get wood, then walking to the bridge and putting the wood down. i did this in a video game.
  
• one guy was mad that a jew had moved into town and wanted me to kill him. wtf
  
• a guy outside of a restaraunt told me he was a world of warcraft gold farmer and started to tell me in great detail how he did it until I told him to shut up
  
• i forgot to mention this game has perks and one of the perks is a double jump
  

What is it with these east european devs and jews?

Once you get to the 2nd island the whole world opens up and its like Wind Waker in a weird way. Tons of small little islands with nothing on them and a couple major town islands. Also like Wind Waker there are water stores where you dock your boat and buy stuff. The guy there said that the giant spiders tend to stick to a specific island. I've found something on a corpse called giant spider mandibles so maybe the rumors are true. No sign of mutant jaguars yet.

Also at the store was a pilot standing next to a sea plane. The "sea" in sea plane stands for "Sea ya later chump!" because I stole it. I tried to steer and ended up doing a bunch of barrel rolls and then crashed into the ocean.

• A guy I talked to said the giant spiders live in a cave somewhere. He said that they exist because the island was hit by more radiation than Chernobyl at one point. Then he said that he's glad he's never seen anyone "stalking" around. Get it??
  
• Finished the first set of guerrilla missions and met the leader of the guerrillas named Comandant Bombshell. And guess what, she's a super babe!
  
• Ran into the WoW gold farmer again. He hangs outside the bar. He asked if I wanted to play the number game for 10 pesos. I said 14, then he said 15 so he won. Then he warned me that I should always read the end-user license agreement before playing a game.