Part 8: Story Time With Keith Part Two: The Road Warrior...and then he says, "someone else must have put all that blood in there!" Hahahahaha!
You are not allowed to tell stories anymore.
Ah, balls to you guys. It's Keith's turn again anyway, though. I want to hear more lies about good old Sonny Bonds.
Lies? Are you impugning my character?
Keith, do you even know what the word "impugning" means?
...so, we got the news about Bains, and after a number of exciting car chases and acts of daring, we tracked him down to the park.
You didn't track him anywhere! I called you in, you fessacchione, and your partner. You don' lie about that right to my face, huh?
Alright, Mario, simmer down. So our HEROIC Officer Gelepsi here called us because he couldn't deal with one scared woman jogger by himself...
Eh, let him babble. You know how cranky he gets when he hasn't had a cigarette for longer than ten minutes.
Immediately detecting that something was wrong, I drew my gun. I was trying to watch Sonny's back. I saw some weird white cat or dog or something on the road, and while I was distracted...
Bains jumped out from behind a tree! He caught Sonny totally flatfooted.
I'm sure Bonds was very surprised that the person he'd been chasing was actually in a place he expected him to be.
Were you being sarcastic there?
...I don't know.
Before I could catch up, Bains fired a shot! Bonds hadn't even drawn his gun yet.
The shot hit him in the right side of the chest and he twisted around.
Bains yelled something, but I didn't hear him. I was busy firing back!
Chased him AND that dog thing right off.
Luckily, Bonds wasn't hurt as bad as he looked, so he got back up and we started beating the bush for Bains again. We figured he couldn't have gone far...
Shot in the chest and still in pursuit, huh? Yeah, that's the stuff, Keith. Keep it coming.
I bet Sonny could do it.
Probably, but I wouldn't recommend it.
Okay, I know you guys love Bonds and all, but when you're shot in the chest your job is to lie there on the ground and bleed until someone comes to help you. Anyway, get on with it, Keith.
So we go into the trees, guns drawn.
Bonds figures he can make better time if follows along the road, since Bains is going to be cutting through all that underbrush and crap.
I didn't think that was such a hot idea, so I stayed away from the road. While still watching his back, of course, that goes without saying.
The car came out of nowhere! Sonny went sprawling.
I ran over to him as quickly as I could.
You never ran anywhere that wasn't offering you free beer.
I particularly like the part where Sonny was careless about road safety.
Sonny! This is important! CAN I BUM A CIGARETTE?
Anyway, I explained in my report how I heroically watched his back.
Hey, can we get to my part now?
Oh, fine. So Bonds got up again...
After the gunshot.
...after the gunshot...
And the accident.
...and the accident. Gelepsi's lead about the drag marks panned out, and Bonds with his fancy-pants scuba certificate decides he has to make the dive. No medical care for mister Bonds, noooo, got to be the big hero.
Is he making fun of Bonds? By saying he was acting like a superhero?
I think he's making fun of drunkeny drunkenness by being drunk from drinking.
That doesn't make any sense, though.
That just means you haven't had enough to drink yet.
So, anyway, Bonds is in such a hurry that he just grabs the nearest gear he can and runs off for the river...
My god, he tested every damn cylinder! Even I was kind of getting imp-
HE RUNS OFF for the river.
Down there he goes. Sleeping with the fishies, eh, Mario?
If you kill him now, he can't pay for the drinks.
..alright. Go ahead with your nonsense.
So he's poking around a bunch of trash down there when suddenly...
Just like this!
Keith, the mime act is not necessary. Come on, people are staring.
That did not even come cl-
Of course, you're the one that hauled him out single-handedly. Everyone said how brave it was!
Hahahaha! Oh, lord. Is that all?
Oh, one more for tonight. So we get a call that Bains was seen heading for the airport.
Oh my God.
Here it comes.
There's a crosswalk... but does he press the button? No! Sonny Bonds is in a hurry! Can't let Bains get away! So he runs for it!
Hahaha! Hahaha... boom...
Hey, steady there, Keith.
Is he okay?
Yeah, just had one too many.
Wow, he's really out, huh?
Yep. So what should we get tattooed on him before he wakes up?
I've got some ideas.