Introduction

So I know what you're thinking. "Hey, Quake 2! What a great game!"

You're wrong. So very wrong.

Quake was a huge phenomenon, and while you obviously can't say it put iD Software on the map, one can fairly safely say that it put them back on the map. Launched on December 9th, 1997, Quake 2 was the supposedly hugely improved sequel to the original, with large wide open areas, 3D hardware rendering, a fleshed-out story, and COLORED FUCKING LIGHTING GOD DAMN! So how do you fuck up a game with all of these improvements? It's not easy, but iD managed to do it.

Now, I know. You're probably thinking back to Quake 2 and have fond memories of the game. Hey, I do too. Of multiplayer. Think back to single-player (if you even played it). What do you remember of it? Probably not much. Why? Because there's not much of this game to remember. The comparisons are going to be drawn to Daikatana (in fact, they're going to be drawn in the first video), so let's get them out of the way early. Daikatana showed what John Romero would do if he di...

Hey, did I hear my name?

We're not doing this again.

Awwww........

I'm serious. Get lost.

Fine. Romero OUT!

.......anyway, as I was saying. Daikatana showed what John Romero would do if he didn't have iD keeping him in check. The result was this memorable mess of half-baked wild ideas, a psychedelic mish-mash of colors, poor map design, and innovative weapons. And by innovative I mean really really dumb.

Quake 2, however, shows what iD would do without John Romero's input. And, as it turns out, apparently Romero was the only person at iD Software that had the even the tiniest degree of innovation, because Quake 2 is one of the most boring, dull, lazy games you will ever slog through, if you even bother. The hub system, which always sucked, is back in full force, because there's nothing gamers love more than backtracking. Do you like monster closets? Then whoa Nelly, get ready for the best game of all time because Quake 2 shoves them up your ass in a way Doom 3 could only dream of doing. Well, at least the weapons are good, right? Oh no, brother, they are not. They are dull, unimaginative, and completely boring with maybe one or two exceptions. And those exceptions you won't even see until deep into the game. Colored lighting, though, was put to good use, right? If your idea of good use is "infuriating bulls and invoking seizures" then you're right on the money. Texturing? Well, the textures themselves were fine for the time. The issue is that there was about six of them, and they were used in a way that makes Morrowind look like a Van Gogh painting. OK, fine, how about the monsters? Yeah, you have: guy with gun, guy with different gun, slightly bigger guy with better gun, even slightly bigger possibly cyborg guy with huge gun, flying laser robot, flying laser robot v2, big flying laser robot, and tank. If I'm forgetting something, I'm sure it falls into one of those catagories. Well, at least it had a plot. And if by plot you mean "A screen that gave some bullshit objective that always boils down to pushing a switch or picking up a key somewhere, and a cutscene between each hub that was almost exactly the same every time and said nothing about why you were doing any of this", yes. Yes it did.

So where does that leave us? Well, unfortunately, not with much. Quake is dull dull dull dull dull, and so Suspicious and I decided to plow through this game so you don't have to. Or if you already did, to show you why you're wrong in not remembering it being awful. Because it was. And you're going to hear me say that. Over. And over. And over.



Before I post the videos though, I'd like to take a second to talk about why I decided to do this game for this thread (don't bother asking how I managed to con Suspicious into doing it with me, because I'm still not sure). Quake 2 is not really a game that's worthy of its own thread. It's just not that interesting. So what Quake 2 deserves is a 2007 style LP of it. Am I claiming that me and Suspicious can make Quake 2 interesting? Hahahahahaha, hell no, we're not Jesus. But hopefully we can be just entertaining enough to make it bearable. For me, a 2007 LP was about having fun playing a game with someone, even if you hated it, and recording the first take. I've always been one of those people who thinks live reactions are far more interesting than canned reactions, and so, even though I'm certainly not wonderful at it, I felt that what epitomized 2007 LP threads were people actually doing commentary while they played, and doing it the first time they played. Does this come at the expense of playing the game well? Almost always (although I'm terrible at most games even when I'm not doing commentary), but LP was never meant to symbolize being a master of the game. You have speed runs for that. LPs were supposed to be about just having fun doing stupid little videos for the Internet and not really giving a shit. I hope we captured that here.



(I say "Quake" a lot when I kinda obviously mean "Quake 2". If I'm saying something negative and I say "Quake", rest assured I mean "Quake 2")

Videos

Opening (Viddler)
Military Base (Viddler)
Bunker Warehouse (Viddler)
Jail (part 1) (Viddler)
Jail (Part 2) (Viddler)
Mines (Viddler)
Factory (Viddler)
Power Station (Viddler)
Big Gun (Viddler)
Hangar (Part 1) (Viddler)
Hangar (Part 2) (Viddler)
How to Make Quake 2 Interesting (Part 1) (Viddler)
How to Make Quake 2 Int...oh let's cut the bullshit, it's part 2 of Quake 1 Episode 2 (Viddler)
City (Viddler)
Palace (Viddler)



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