Part 16: Sexy Fun Aggregate Mass: The Complete Series

Sexy Fun Aggregate Mass: The Complete Series

Q: FIX YOOOU
A: Lookie here! It's time for Sexy Fun Trivia!

Sexy Fun Trivia: The How and What the Fuck of Quest 64

See above for your crash course in the game's basic mechanics. But here's a little more, for the inaugural Sexy Fun Trivia, of how Quest 64 gets its video-gaming bone on.

Quest 64: Who is she? A misty memory? Well, kind of. It's an RPG for the N64. The N64 wasn't very big for RPGs. I blame Squaresoft for jilting Nintendo in favor of Sony (albeit over Nintendo's dumbass decision to stick with cartridges), which led to RPG publishers publishing RPGs on the console that had the most RPG sales. Then again, Enix published Dragon Quest games for the PlayStation too, so that was two giant strikes against the last cartridge system and its potential for RPG-ery.

Thus, when Quest wast announced, it was a Biggish Kind Of Deal. For one thing, it didn't have a normal combat system--from the beginning it was promised as a magic-heavy system, to the point where early screens showed the MP bar lined along the top of the screen and the HP bar down the left side, putting the character's health subservient to his magical prowess. Well, more like "characters'." At the time, Quest 64 was to have a party system, where Bri was but one of several heroes to kick some monster ass. There are many characters--Flora, Leonardo, and possibly Shannon--with distinct character models and prominently-displayed weapons and caster-gear. Presumably in early stages of the game Brian could add their might to his.


Above: Please bear in mind Ocarina of Time hadn't been released yet.

But, as Quest went along, things started getting cut and rearranged. For one, the HP/MP bar was made more normal in style--HP atop, MP below. For another, while Brian had a staggering variety of spells to compensate for his lack of partnership, not a lot of them were all that useful, and his staff's damage grew at such a staggering rate that most players either dispensed with non-healing magic altogether or did their best to close to melee as hard as possible. Also, yes, he starts off broke with a stick and a cloak, and ends up broke with a stick and a cloak. Whether it was always intended that Brian and pals stuck with their starting gear and lived in poverty or if it was a sacrifice to the ravages of development-time is unknown.

The end result was Quest 64. Magic-heavy, though with absurdly powerful melee combat; free-roaming "squared circle" hexagon battle-maps meant to provide tactical posing but often serving as something one worked through to get to whacking-range; and a "screw equipment, I have magic!" approach that roughly zero popular RPGs have ever used. The strange combination of factors--along with the simple and linear plot--led to Quest 64 netting many many neutral or bad reviews. Though! Its graphics were praised at the time of release, and they're still quite colorful and expressive.

Mind, all those divergent factors gave it quite a favorable impression in my mind. This was my first taste of on-the-field combat, and I was straight-up addicted. Hell, when I saw you could move around the field in Dungeons and Dragons's combat, my first thought was "Holy crap, just like in Quest 64!" I loved that simple little RPG, the little game that sported some daring, crazy ideas. The only thing I wasn't impressed with was the music. I played long into the night with the sound off and the radio on, long into the night with just myself, the game, and the disc jockeys for company. (Need I mention I was also a friendless teenager? Because I was.)



Sexy Fun Trivia Two: The Quickening: The How and Why of Quest 64 Combat

So you've noticed some things about the Quest combat system, namely that it's in the middle of some kind of ring-thing that's floating about like it owns the place. What infests it with such a queer sense of importance? Is it not mocking us by virtue of existing? What is it? TELL ME WHAT IT IS GOD POUND YOU

Calm down, Self! You're popping a vein over Quest 64's not-exactly-patented Glowing Octagonal Combat Thinger System: Reynard's Revenge. Or, for short, Reynard's Revenge.

Here's how combat flows in Quest and why it involves Reynard's Revenge.

Phase Zero: Oh God, Monsters!


Try your best not to mess yourself, chum! You'll be seeing monsters every so-odd step in this game! If it's too late, please play Quest 64 on a toilet, using a series of mirrors to see the screen from your restroom of choice.

Phase One: It's Not Too Late to Kill Myself, I, I Just Need Some Pills or Maybe a Knife Oh God They're Looking at Me


Calm down. It's not the end of the world. Well, if you die, it will be the end of the world, and for failing Celtland you will be plunged into the Hell of Balance where you shall drown forever in the blood of every innocent your failure has damned. Anyway, now's your time to try not to shame your ancestors. Put the razor down! Put it... down. There. Now pick up the N64 controller and murder them.

You'll notice the monsters are arrayed in Reynard's Revenge, while you're in a smaller Reynard's Revenge. The outer Reynard's Revenge is the battlefield; the inner Reynard's Revenge is your movement rate. It's not a lot, but you can cover some distance and aim your spells that way. You can move nearer to your foes by moving nearer in Reynard's Revenge and then popping off a spell or waiting (pressing "A" without doing anything else). Conversely, you can move further away by going away from them and spelling/waiting. If you get your Reynard's Revenge outside of the battlefield's Reynard's Revenge, you can "escape!" by hitting A, escaping combat. Naturally this isn't an option in boss fights. So you'll have to fight them, even though you don't want to.

Phase Two: It Hurts, It Hurts So Bad, I'm Bleeding


Look, keep with me, man! Don't you fucking die on me! Note the swearing! It means the situation is serious, because why the fuck else would we be swearing. Anyway, try to remember which button is A and which is B after the controller is covered in blood.

You can choose which spell to cast by pressing the direction of the spell on the elemental compass on the C buttons--Fire at north, or C-up; Water at south, or C-down; Earth at west, or C-left; and Wind at east, or C-right. You can then press more buttons depending on what you want to cast. In this case, we want to spin some serious murder-magic at these Hell Hounds, so we're going with Rock II. Wait, are Brian's spirit-levels higher than in that last LP? Yes. HUGE SPOILER:  He beats the first boss. 

Now that you've got the spell ready and you're lined up, remember to press the A button! Or Z. Z works if you want to pretend you're Roland of Gilead armed with a caster gun.

Phase Three: I Can't Hold Anything, It's All Numb


If you watched Constantine, you'd know that cutting your wrists FUBARs the nerves, making it hard to hold things. Also, my condolences. (Badum-kish!) Here we see a pair of Hell Hounds taking it like men, and then dying. Ha ha!

Phase Four: when i was a child, i had a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye... i turned to look and it was gone. i cannot put my finger on it now. the child is grown. the dream is gone. i... have become... comfortably numb.


Now it's your enemy's turn! He's got Reynard's Revenge too, which tells you how fast the sucker can close the gap 'twixt you and him. Some monsters have lunge attacks that let them venture beyond Reynard's Revenge, though, so watch your back. Here the Hell Hound is barking fire at us. Hell Hounds! They're everywhere! Can't stand 'em.

Phase One: . .


And now it loops back around to Phase One! Or, in this case, a highly abbreviated Phase One where you bludgeon your enemy to death with the staff. A common act. And there you go, you've survived Quest 64's combat!

I mean, you did survive that, right?

Oh damn it all.



Sexy Fun Trivia 3: Season of the Witch: Strategy in Quest 64

Say you're some poor soul who's decided to pick up Quest 64, either for the N64 or through illicit means. Now you've fired up the game, stumbled onto your first set of Were Hares, and now you've just died. What the hell was that all about? Here's what it's all about the hell--the seven-step plan to dominating Quest 64's unconventional, yet curiously mediocre combat!

Range: Your survivability in Quest 64 hinges on, among other things, your distance from your opponent. Being further from your enemy means you can dodge their attacks--either at all, or better than up-close. Further, many enemies deal more damage up-close than at a distance. Knowing what range to attack your opponent from is a vital component to Quest strategy, and one dependent on the next layer to the strategy--

Attacks: What can your enemies do? A couple of combats will show you everything your enemies can do, and where it's better to attack from. Most enemies have one or two attacks, generally one ranged and one close. Know which is better to suffer in the long term, and either keep your distance or close in for a staff-kill.

Presence: How big are your enemies? The size of your foes can help determine whether spells like Fireball will either split to attack others or have multiple projectiles sink into its flesh. The placing of monsters is important too; spells like Rolling Rock can whack multiple foes in a line. Adjust your spells based on your foes' placement and size.

Endurance: Will fighting some monsters drain you of most of your fuel? Remember, magic (and through Healing, health) comes back fast, but you'll still be vulnerable waiting for your magic to return. If a kind of monster is too damaging, too difficult to evade, or attacks in large groups, you might want to avoid confronting it unless you're stronger or closer to a safe haven. If you have to resort to items to routinely fight monsters, you might want to adopt hit-and-return-to-town tactics--items are your hardest-to-acquire resource in the game. If you can't heal up between combats--Healing is too inefficient for use in combat--and have enough MP to sling spells at your foes, then you're in trouble.

Importance: Which is more important, a big tough monster that deals a lot of damage, or his numerous cronies? You can kill weak monsters much more easily, removing points of damage or annoying-to-avoid spells quickly, or you can take on the big bad(s) while dodging the weaker foes' attacks. Decide which is more important based on the enemies you're fighting.

Safety: Don't overtax yourself. Well, technically you can--the punishment for death is teleporting back to the last inn you visited. But it can be real obnoxious based on how far you've gone and how many supplies you gave up on the way. That's part of the motivation to keep relying on spells--you'll need items for hard and fast healing in boss fights.

Fortune: How lucky are you? This ties in to your Evasion stat particularly--how well can you avoid monsters' spells? Hellhounds and other fireball-slingers are bastards, but a high Evade stat can nullify some of the damage outright. Evading a spell outright is half of survival. You can slant luck in your favor by dodging spells as best you can, raising your Evasion stat; even spells you can't easily evade or attacks you can't evade at all, will whiff against a high Evasion.

Utility: Different spells for different occasions. A diverse selection of magic is a diverse array of weapons to kill your enemies dead with. Don't be afraid to experiment; even limited-use spells, like Homing Arrow, have their place in combat (for instance--Homing Arrow is more accurate at longer ranges than Wind Cutter III, and tends to go after one target).

Nevermind: Just run in there and bash them to death with your murder-weapon. Yes, you'll take some damage. But you'll kill them sooner'n they can kill you, especially if it takes a few rounds to close in and you can soften them up with whatever.

Just remember that strategy you can assemble into a handy acron... you know, forget the acronym, just remember those seven(?) steps exactly without once trying to make an acronym out of them. That's the ticket.



(deep breath) Anyhow, here's some damn fanfiction:

Sexy Fun Fanon One: Combat Evolved

Tomb's Grave: While I'm slapping together tonight's Let's Play, I would like to take a moment to interview Brian's first crush, the shining gem of Dondorian--Princess Flora Amanita Scottfort!

Princess Flora: A pleasure to be here.

TG: And, due to contractual obligation best described as "death by dismemberment," her nanny and bodyguard, Handmaiden Prima Kate Earthshadow!

Kate: Oh, thankee much!

TG: The feeling's mutual. Now, what I want to get into is history. We've been seeing some pretty explicit stuff in this LP--emotions laid bare, secret fears unveiled, heads crushed in with blunt instruments. Events the video game lacked the memory and ERSB rating to convey. And that's just what's happening now, to Brian, as we're watching. What kind of things are we missing from history?

Flora: All manner of things, Tomb's Grave; among others, Brian's story fails to convey the great history of Dondoran. If I may summarize the great ages?

TG: Feel free.

Flora: From prehistory: The Age Unmade, The Forging, The Defiance, The First Breaths, The Coming of Man, The Civilizations of Clay, The Unmaking, The Day of Grief, The Age of the Book, The Age of Sacrifice, The Second Age of Sacrifice, The Slaughter of Eringsdale, The Massacre At Four Pines, The Grave Age, The Second Slaughter of Eringsdale...

TG: Uh...

Flora: ...The Killing Age, The Age of War, The Final Slaughter of Eringsdale, The Killing of the King, and of course our current age, which has yet to be named.

TG: There seems to be quite a bit of violence in the history of Dondorian.

Flora: It's not our fault that flesh bleeds when prodded by sharpened steel.

TG: You know, I've never heard of Eringsdale. What was that?

Flora: They were a people who lived in what is now Connor Forest. Centuries ago, when Dondoran was the Dawn-Deer tribe, it rode upon the settlement of Eringsdale and begged them for shelter for the harsh winter. Eringsdale had little food of its own, so they turned down the Dawn-Deer. The Dawn-Deer retaliated by stealing the healthiest children and women from the town over the course of the winter, butchering and eating all but the brain and heart--left those on the doorsteps of their families, of course. That was the First Slaughter. The rest were quite similar, though the second was much larger in scope and the last much smaller--more of a long month of feasting to celebrate the end of the Age of War.

TG: And... how long ago was that Final Slaughter?

Flora: A century and a quarter. Then my family enacted the ritual Murder of the King, and the Scottforts took the throne of Dondoran.

TG: You know, the Grand Abbot puts a lot of trust into your kind for your being, um, regicidal cannibals. How'd you earn the trust of the Abbot, much less the other two nations you share Celtland with?

Flora: Well, the Age of War ended because we'd all lost sight of what we were fighting over--which is still lost to time, I must add--and the growing tide of monster-kind meant none of the kingdoms could both fight a war and defend their homestead. We had it fairly well; the other kingdoms had it harder, the Blade Kingdom most of all. They're under control now, though. They're the scariest things alive. Especially King Belgis.

TG: Let's get back to him later, maybe never. So, seriously--cannibals, you're a bunch of?

Flora: I don't like the way you're saying that. It's lacking in a certain necessary degree of respect.

TG: No, seriously. The Aztecs had to own up to wearing human skin and ripping the hearts out of thousands of people, I think the Dondorans might do well to explain the whole "eating people" thing.

Flora: It is no monster's act. It is an act of mercy. The workers beneath us reap the bounty of the harvest and the hunt. Above them, the kings and nobles eat the flesh of men, that those beneath them are spared the necessity.

TG: Good thing you're all happy and well-fed, eh? Plenty of grain, lamb, Bats and Were-Hares for everyone?

Flora: True. In times where all is well, the eating of human flesh is symbolic, a special feast on the winter solstice. It is something of a pity Brian did not capture Solvaring alive; it is our tradition to feast on someone who has slighted our kingdom, and, suitably prepared, Solvaring would have been a fine course.

TG: Oh God.

Flora: Fear not! Dondorans have the blessing of the earth, and we may eat of all its bounty without fear, even plants and animals whose disease or poison would be too much to bear. We are not touched by the madness other, lowly "cannibals" suffer.

TG: But you don't do it too often, right? It's a Christmas-and-Easter kind of deal, like going to church?

Flora: Well, that's how it's supposed to be. My father doesn't make a fuss about it, but truth be told, there is nothing quite so sweet to me as blood, or so rich and naturally-spiced as human flesh. I don't get to have either very much, I'm sad to say, but when I have the chance to sup on that finest of meats, well, who am I to refuse? A princess is allowed her cravings, yes?

TG: Absolutely! You know, I think I'll just leave now. Thanks for being here and oh God running now!



Sexy Fun Trivia 4: The Return of Michael Meyers: Fond Memories of Quest 64

Quest 64 made a huge splash in the video game world, if you have a very modest definition of "huge." What it had was a strategy guide and a disproportionately large amount of coverage on the Nintendo 64 official website. I remember it was one of the two lonely entries on the RPG section of the website, along with... what else was it alongside? It wasn't Hybrid Heaven. Was it Legend of Zelda? It mighta. They were desperate to put more entries in that section. RPG was the loneliest genre that it ever knew. Two is as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one. That two was Aiden Chronicles and the occasionally-mentioned Hybrid Heaven.

I once Byrne-stole the strategy guide a long time ago, admiring the bright and attractive character designs. Say what you will, but Quest 64 has some nice character art. Too bad you can't find any of it now. I got mine for Bri and Shannon off'a IGN. An old part of IGN. They used to have art up at the aforementioned Nintendo website, bu~t... it's not there anymore. Obviously. Well, likely. You know what, let me check.

While I'm checking... I knew Quest 64 through Nintendo Power, which naturally had several articles about the thing, including the background of the game and how it had different titles in different regions. There was a tiny screenshot of a German article about Quest 64 titled "Kill it mit den Stick!" "Mit" is a dative verb, which means words following it are in the dative tense. Ergo, presuming that "Stick" is masculin oder neutrum, it Goethe "den." Ah, German class.

They also mentioned Quest 64 in a later issue, pointing out how Brian's ahoge* resembled There's Something About Mary's infamous sperm-assisted hair style. Yaoi fans, fetch your keyboards! Also, care about Quest 64.

*Ahoge: Japanese for "fetish antenna." If you see it, rest assured somebody worships it the way other people worship the hourglass figure.

The strategy guide? It was probably reasonable, and now I kind of want it. I mostly get strategy guides for the art. Hell, I read the Silent Hill strategy guides before I even had a Playstation. The official Nintendo coverage of Quest? Wholly blown out of proportion due to paucity of RPGs on the system compared to their overflowing bounty on the SNES. But the Internet coverage? Just right.

They had art! Tons of hi-res character art before the term "hi-res" saw wide usage in advertisement! Enough to see that Colleen had an extra finger, that Epona was every bit as videous as she seemed to be, and Shannon had very comfortable-looking pants. Such pants.

But it's all gone now, as I have confirmed. Not even the crappy-ass FAQ remains, now cleared away in the Wii-and-DS-only new Nintendo site. I remember the melodramatic recounting of the game's minimalistic story--really, they were big on describing story back in the day. Shadowman's entry included an extensive discussion of its story elements and remarking which were "semi-cliche, but acceptable due to their archetypal nature;" some GBC game that never got released had a smack-talking jive-talk summary of the game's "wacky" Hercules-and-Xena-style Greek/Roman mythology setting; and... what else? Oh yeah. They had a mistranslated Neon Genesis Evangelion game listed in the Nintendo 64 game section. "New Century Evangelism."

Man. That was such a long time ago. Hell, now that I think of it, the first ever I saw of Quest was an ad in an issue of the Boy Scout magazine. Boy's Life? Who knows? Yup, an ad for Quest 64. "Talk softly and carry a Big Stick." I was intrigued. I had an N64. But, butbutbut, not the memory pak. Hugely important, that. That ended about a year or two before the N64 finally perished.

Man... the weight of the N64 controller with my third-party rumble-'n'-save accessory, throwin' giant rocks at monsters and runnin' around all not-trying-to-die style. In the middle of the night. While I was walkin' in my sleep. Shootin' rocks and flame at guys. When I win I will not weep. Because the ending was a little anticlimactic but dammit it was an ending I've been working for fer years and years. Exploring the Blue Cave while waiting for the snow to die down outside my window. Listening to the radio late at night, seeing how far I could get before tiredness set in and I had to give up and start over again.

You see, this is why I went with Quest 64 as my first Let's Play. It's not the best. Hell, it's not even that good, all things considered. But it was there, I liked it, I had a huge nerd-crush on Nepty, and I could use magic at will and with impunity--magic, my favorite part of RPGs at the time. (Now it's just slightly behind dual-wielding and way behind enormous dialog trees.)

I love this game.

Hopefully, with my combination of describing the game as it happened and totally throwing in a vague semblance of a plot, I'm helping you, the reader, like Quest 64 like I do.



Sexy Fun Trivia 5: Assignment Miami Beach: YouQuest

Quest 64? On the Good Tube? It's more likely than you think! I jist didst search on YouTube for all the finest videowry that YouTube can provide on Quest 64. Here's a hint: like everything else in the universe about Quest, it's by and large lacking. But, like that crappy FAQ, it brings back some memories.

The Quest 64 TV Ad: "Ooo!" goes Shilf. Shilf never went "Ooo!" in Quest 64. In fact, nobody says nothing. The spells go "spell noises," the stick goes "stick noises," but nobody says a word edgewise, not even a grunt of agony or whimper of depleted health point. None at all. Also, none of the SFX in the commercial are from the game. Yeah, they had to pad it out a great deal.

Quest 64 FAQs--In YouTube Form: He doesn't know what to do in Quest 64. So, naturally, he makes a video of his progress and posts it on the Good Tube hoping somebody knows the answer. That's... Anyway, the green doors can't be opened, kid. Sorry, what's inside will forever be a mystery. Naked women? Naked men? An upgraded stick? Spirits from floor to ceiling? No man shall ever know.

Rorouni Kenshin, Set to... Quest 64 Music?!: Well, don't that beat all. Epileptic-unfriendly AMV featuring Quest 64 music set to flashing-lights-laden collages of moments from Rorouni Kenshin. This is the least expected thing I've ever expected out of Quest 64, and I've unexpected a whole lot of things.

Quest For Gameboy Color: Never played it. I knew there were two Quest games for the Gameboy Color--but never knew there was an RPG there. I knew of a DigDug clone, or what looked like a DigDug clone, that seemed to take place after Quest 64, which seemed to mention Princess Flora as a love interest for Brian--poor sucker, he'll never be able to stomach Christmas-equivalent dinner, being as it a condemned criminal--and a semi-adventure with ad copy written in curiously dismissive text, describing Brian as a door-to-door salesmen of some kind who actually upgraded his stick to fight with instead of spinning magic. How curious.

A Not Unfair Summary of Quest 64: Oh, those Clinton years. The Clinton jokes. The impeachment. The... Clinton jokes. Anyhow, Gaming in the Clinton Years presents a not-unfair summary of Our Man Quest 64. As the link title sayeth.

Everything else was either spoilerlicious or completely unrelated to Quest 64. As expected. Poor Quest 64.
(Note: Now there are numerous boss-fight videos and a complete video LP of Quest 64. It's pretty not bad.)



Sexy Fun Trivia Six: Revenge of the Jedi

Completeness is a warm gun (bang bang shoot shoot). Sad to say, I am incomplete, but I can proudly say I am incomplete by exactly one. That there is the only spirit I have missed, and as you'll be glad to see, there was no way in hell I'd know about it normally.

What else have I a complete collection of? It's not monsters, that's for sure. There are two monsters I did not catalog that have two unique distinctions: they are unreachable from where my last save in Quest is located and they are not that cool anyway. They are the Ork and Naga, basic-ass fantasy enemies. I am also slightly short on fiends from the last segment of the game, but these I can definitely accrue and display with little effort on my part. Hurrah.

So, there are several short of 100 spirits able to be found in the game, roughly 25 for each, or enough to max out one element and almost-max-out another. The rest, presumably, can rot in hell with the rest of their friends. Why not exactly 100? Why didn't they come up with seven more Pokemon to round out Diamond/Pearl? Why are there more hotdogs per package than hotdog buns? Airline food?

Also! While I'm here, I might as well bulk up this, the tiniest Sexy Fun Trivia, by confirming what your unanimous vote has decided--namely, the fate of Nepty. I was considering Nepty's circumstances what I put her to and in all honesty I kind of felt sorry for the gal, what with the whole hell and getting killed and such, so I was considering alleviating Brian's conscience some and giving until-recently blameless Nepty the freedom to live. But your hands have steered that Wind Cutter right across her damn neck. They can call you crazy, but they can't call you guilty! NOT WITH FOUR HANDS ON THE BLADE! Five, if you count Brian's.




Sexy Fun Origin Story: The Story of Quest 64: The Let's Play

So, last November, I saw that spring break was looming and thought, "I wanna do a Let's Play." I was inspired to do so mostly by Boatmurdered (the concept of Let's Plays and narrative Let's Plays), Thuryl's LP of Phantasy Star 1 and 2 (narrative LPs enhancing the stories of games with limited storytelling), and Pathways Into Darkness (LPs introducing readers to games they wanted to play but couldn't, or never heard of). I went with Quest 64 because I really liked Quest 64, knew it wasn't that popular, knew it wasn't that good either, and, somewhat selfishly, so that people could understand why I liked Quest--to see what my feverish, plague-stricken* kid's mind made of the sparse plot, how vested I became in the characters despite how little development they had, how much I loved wandering that world that was essentially a straight line with bends in it (that is to say a straight line that was broken). And so as I assembled the Let's Play I drudged up elements of my old fascination with Quest 64, added murder, people getting eaten, music references, and  not a small dose of Lovecraft . I integrated my experience into the plot, particularly how my fortuitously-timed exploration of Glencoe made the place look like a haunted hell-forest, how surprisingly fast I killed Nepty and Shilf, how badly the last two bosses handed me my head, and before I knew it, I had completed a twelve-update Let's Play in less than a week. It was a hell of a Thanksgiving.

*Metaphorically plagued, mainly by a combination of puberty and a complete lack of friends I had at the time. Man, I suck.

So, with that finished, I found that the fellows on RPG.net seemed to like it okay, I was proud of myself for finishing at least one Let's Play, and, in what I count as my greatest victory, a pal of mine used the LP as a strategy guide / replacement storyline as he picked up and played the game. That was neat.

Three months later, I see the Let's Play Archive is taking out-of-site submissions, I find that RPG.net lacks the necessary server-based to properly archive, and I figure, I've got ten bucks to spare, let's put this sucker on SomethingAwful. Besides, I wanted to hang on the Let's Play board without interruption and with the ability to comment on the cool stuff I found there. And now we are on the cusp of the end.

Which leads me to the Chapter Prognosis!

There are exactly three normal updates left, the penultimate being a truly massive update that encompasses no fewer than three boss fights, more informed-attribute ass-kicking than a silent war movie with a budget of 10 ha'pennies, and Brian  totally losing his shit . I'll be posting the third-to-last tomorrow, then the last two on Saturday, one in the morning, one in the evening.

I'll also be replaying the last bit of Quest 64 to take some improved screenshots for the last two updates. Good times!

This has been Shit Nobody Cares about : The Series.





Sexy Fun Verge of the Apocalypse: Gettin' Mighty in Quest 64

Rather uniquely, Quest 64 does not have a proper character-level system. While this may seem so at first, as Brian's power is directly related to the level of his spirits, and his hit points inflate, he is in fact a level-free character. By killing monsters, he gains spirit XP that increases the power of his elemental magic. By suffering damage, he increases his Health and Defense. By dodging and running, he increases his Agility and, correspondingly, his movement ratio on the battlefield and ease in dodging enemy attacks.

Aside from these, the elemental gems also give Brian a boost in health when he picks them up. Go them!

And soon, it will be all said and done, and we'll all be back together as one.

If we will continue at all...