Part 9: Now I Know How Sisyphus Feels
Chapter 9: Now I Know How Sisyphus Feels
QfG1 Manual posted:
How do I become a Magic User?
To become a Magic User, you must first find a teacher of the craft. Many
towns and villages have Magic Users who, for a modest fee, are willing to
impart the spark that will ignite the mental light and illuminate the
ultimate abilities of the student. Once the mind has been opened to magic,
it can be filled with arcane lore, spells, curses, cures and trivia about
obscure creatures that never fails to impress the locals.
Magic Users have a reputation for being mysterious, and much of their time
is taken up maintaining this illusion. To this end, mirrors are useful for
practicing facial expressions, and a repertoire of moods ranging from
'Haughty disdain for fools who ask stupid questions' (ideal for when you
don't know the correct answer) to 'Complete and Utter Concentration So
Don't You Dare Disturb Me'(perfect for catching forty winks, particularly
if you can master sleep with your eyes open), will come in handy.
To enhance your Magic User reputation, develop your eccentricities. Talking
to thin air does wonders for having those around you treat you with respect
- after all, they can't be sure you aren't talking to someone they can't
see.
Get in the habit of using expressions like: 'I Know the Answer', in deep
mysterious tones. Then smile and say nothing. You'll soon have people
whispering 'He (or she) must be a Magic User!'
Alright, gargoyle, you got me once, but that’s it!The two signs pop up again, but this time they say “Bienvenu a Mont Magie!” and “Proceed at your own risk!”
HERE COME YOUR QUESTIONS: WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
Nike. You know the rest. WHAT IS YOUR QUEST?
Don’t you mean drop down? Hey, it is tru-
–e. I’d say this was getting tiring, but that was accurate the first time.This time the signs say “Welcome to the Magic Mountain!” and “Now go home!” From this point, they just rotate through the three sets.
YOU’RE STILL HERE? ALRIGHT THEN: WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Nike. WHAT IS YOUR QUEST? To be a Hero, damn it! GOOD. NOW, WHO PUT THE AURA AROUND THE TOWN?
Oh crap, I knew this one! Uh, uh, Zara!
I don’t know what you’re trying to do, wizard, but you’re just making me want to climb this damn mountain more.
*You begin to think being eaten by a monster would be more fun than climbing this mountain.*
Do you still need to ask the first two questions? SORRY, REGULATIONS. NAME? Nike. QUEST? Glory.
What?! How the hell would I know?! Well, let’s see, what did my dad always tell me? “Know what to kiss, and when.” You got “what” right, but you flunked “when.” At least it’s good exercise.
YOU DON’T GIVE UP EASILY, DO YOU? Nike. Hero. FINE, FINE. NOW, WHO DID YOU COME HERE TO SEE?
Dr. Livingstone, I presume. I can keep this up all day too, kid. I am going to see the wizard, gargoyle. You will not stop me.
*Your body can’t take too much more of this kind of mountaineering. At this point, you envy the gargoyle his job.*
AND YOU WANT TO BE A HERO?! My name is Nike. My quest is to be a Hero. Now let me in. NOT SO FAST, PUNK. WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, AND EVERYTHING? What the hell does it matter? No one can answer that. 42, why not?
THE WIZARD WILL SEE YOU NOW. GO DIRECTLY UP TO THE TOWER. DO NOT DALLY!
Wow, I’m too exhausted to even laugh at that.
Man, the wizard’s got a lot of stuff. There’s a Dunking Dragon, there’s a suspiciously familiar dragon head, a stuffed rat with a funny hat, and a portrait of the wizard that won’t stop staring at me. Oh, and a beat-up old peacock.
Brilliant plumage, though. Hey, what’s this lever on the left do? 
*adjust*
*readjust*
Right, seems like a good time to go upstairs now.
*Teleport*
Erasmus' Castle
Come in and sit down. Fenrus, our guest has arrived.
Cheese, please!
Since you are a practitioner of the magical arts, you might be interested in a little game I have. Do you know the spell “Open?” Yes, actually, I do! Do you know the spell “Fetch?” Yeah, I just got that! Great! Now, can you cast “Flame Dart?” Oh hell yeah! Ah, good, good. Now, I don’t suppose you know “Trigger,” do you? Yep. Would you happen to know “Dazzle?” Yyyyyyyyyeeeeesss. You lie!
You know what? No crazy old wizard is worth this. I’m going home.Note: Erasmus doesn't actually ask if you know Dazzle, nor does he care whether you lie about what you do have. Nike simply doesn't have enough mana to play the Mage's Maze, so we'll be coming back later no matter what.