Part 101: Let’s Take This Show on the Road

You are correct, sir! Unfortunately, you also edited your response, which I specifically asked you not to do. And since no one else was completely correct, I’m afraid I can’t show you what I had planned.








































Oh, what the hell.


Let's get down to business
To defeat buffoons:
Did they send me morons
When I asked for loons?
You're the saddest bunch
I ever met,
But you can bet
Before we're through,
Mister, I'll
Make a mad
Out of you.


Analyze the forest,
Set a fire within.
Once you find its center,
You'll be sure to grin.
You're a brainless, tan, pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue.
Somehow I'll
Make a mad
Out of you!

I'm never gonna catch a break.
Say goodbye to those who knew me.
Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting chem.
This guy got them building snake!
Hope he doesn't see right through me.
Now I really wish I knew how to compute.

Make a man
We must direct all the coursing rivers.
Make a man
Harness the force of the great typhoon.
Make a man
Create the strength of the raging fire.
Discover what's on the far side of the moon!


Time is racing toward us,
'Till pizzas arrive.
Heed my every order,
And you might survive.
You're unsuited for
The stress of lore.
So pack up, go home,
You're through.
How could I
Make a mad
Out of you?

Make a man
We must direct all the coursing rivers.
Make a man
Harness the force of the great typhoon.
Make a man
Witness the strength of the raging fire.
Discover what's on the far side of the moon!

So in just seven days, I can make you a maaaaa-haaa-haaa-haaa-haaaann.
He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk.
He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.
Such strenuous living I just don't understand,
When in just seven days, oh baby, I can make you a maaaaa-haaa-haaa-haaa-haaaann.

Sorry, who are you?
Wouldn't you like to know.
Not reall—

I'm just a sweet transvestite
sweet transvestite
from transsexual
Transylvaniaaaaah-ha-ha.

So, come up to the lab,
And see what's on the slab.
I see you shiver in antici-










































pation.
But maybe the rain
Isn't really to blame?
So I'll remove the cause,
But not the symptom!




Why in the world would I bother with all of these pointless mechanisms when I could Levitate? The windmill makes it quite obvious that the wind is strong enough to carry me, plus I can increase my speed with the sheet I borrowed from Ann’s Inn. Although maybe I shouldn’t have approached quite so—







Chapter 8: Let’s Take This Show on the Road


Evening, Arestes. Ugarte? You’re here tonight?
Good evening, Nike. I hope you are well. I am merely checking up on my investment.
So you’re in the running for chief thief too?
He certainly be the chief gossip around here.
That is not the only thing I will be chief in. You will see, I shall win the bets and become the guildmaster here.
Where ya going ta gets that kinds o’ cash ta win?
Oh, I have my sources. Like Arestes here, who is a good person to know. When I become chief thief, I believe I will let him keep his job.
Nice ta know I gots some job security around here, but aren’t ya countin’ yer cannons afore they fire? Y’ain’t won the bettin’ yet.
Oh, this time not even the Fat Man can beat me. I shall soon be coming into a considerable sum of cash.
Watch yer backside, matey. Blackmail be a risky profession.
Blackmail, me? I would not put it quite so crudely as blackmail. I prefer to think of it as, say, keeping a secret. I am very careful with my secrets, especially if I am paid to do so.
And what if someone brings home the bird? Yer sure ta be losing then.
The Blackbird, hah. There is no such thing. It is all a big joke. It is about as real as those rumors of a dragon underneath the island. A man would be an idiot to still be looking for the Blackbird. They are all only fakes.
Wait, dragon?
Yes, just some nonsense I picked up while searching for worthwhile information. Ah, but I have also found some information you may be interested in.
What’s that? I don’t have much on me at the moment.
I have heard about a certain old acquaintance of yours. It seems he holds a grudge from the last time you met. You do need to be careful, you know. However, whether you have the money or no, this is not the place for such a deal. We will speak of this later for, oh, about a thousand drachmas?
I could handle that. Sure.
Until we next meet, then. And do be careful. I would hate for anything to happen to you, at least until I am able to sell you some information.
Take care now, and don’t get caught doing anything I wouldn’t do.


And so day 2 ends.


Morning, Ann. Do I want to know what breakfast is today?
It’s goulash! …But no. You really don’t want to know.
Oddly enough, I’ve had worse.


Elsa! I…wow.
Hero Nike! Elsa here. Elsa, Hero Nike here.
It is good to see you again. I assume you are here to be my rival in the Rites of Rulership? We seem to have the bad habit of working against one another each time we meet.
…
Nike? Are you in there?
…Holes in very interesting places…
Ah. You like my combat outfit? I put it together myself. I find that I fight better with little armor, and as you seem to have discovered, its ability to distract my opponents also works to my advantage.
…Yeah…
Do I have to slap you?
What? Oh, sorry. Yeah, Uhura back in Tarna told me something about feminine distractions. I’m sorry, I’ve been meaning to talk to you ever since I found out you were in town. Where are you staying?
I am staying with Minos, who invited me to Silmaria in order to compete in the Rites. He heard of my reputation as a hero, and wished me to enter. He believes I will make an excellent ruler of Silmaria.
Sure, I could see that. That’s the first I’ve heard of Minos, though.
Oh? Minos is a wealthy man, and his ancestors once ruled this island. He says that he is content to advise the ruler of Silmaria. He also has a palace on a nearby island, which is where I’ve been spending most of my time.
How come Toro hasn’t been over there with you?
Toro came with me when I left for Silmaria, but he seems to have found this job as guildmaster to his liking. Honestly, I don’t see him as much as I would prefer.
Toro miss Elsa, too.
Still, Toro, I’m happy you have found a life of your own. By the way, Nike, how did you end up here? The last I heard, you were headed to Shapeir with the Katta.
Oh yeah, that was one hell of a ride. I’ll tell you all about it later. The short version is, I got Teleported here by Erasmus, who seems to think I’m the perfect man for the job. So how was the cleanup in Spielburg after I left?
I ended up driving the brigands away myself. I am an excellent swordswoman, if you recall.
Yeah, it was a good thing the dispel potion worked on contact. I don’t think asking you to drink it would have gone so well.
Well, I did think you were trying to kill me at the time. Anyway, after I drove the brigands out, I was called a hero, except by my brother, Barnard. He considered my actions to be “unladylike” and unsuitable for his little sister. He wanted me to wear dresses and marry a nearby nobleman. He also didn’t approve of my choice of Toro as a friend.
Sounds like he was taking lessons from the Weapon Master.
Ha, ha! You know, the brigands weren’t the only ones I ended up driving out of Spielburg. As for my brother, I informed him bluntly how little I cared for his suggestions about my life and future.
But why even bother with him? He’s still just a baronet, after all.
Actually, my father retired rather soon after you left, and Barnard is now the Baron of Spielburg. That’s one of the main reasons why I leapt at the chance to get away from my homeland. I am getting impatient for the Rites of Rulership to begin, though. I don’t like to be idle. Aren’t you the reason they haven’t started yet?
You might not like being idle, but I have been having one hell of a year, and I welcome any chance at idleness I can get.
If you say so. Still, please get around to it soon. Silmaria needs a strong leader right now, and the sooner I can win the Rites, the sooner it will have one.
You seem pretty confident.
And why not? I did not become the brigand leader by my good looks. The brigands only respected the force of the blade, and I became very good with my sword and dagger.
How much do you remember about being a brigand, anyway?
All of it. The dispel potion only removed the memory curse; it didn’t erase anything I did after the curse was applied.
Really? So…would you happen to recognize this?


If you are a thief, make sure you do this. Although no one knows it yet, I just became chief thief. This opportunity only shows up the first time you try to talk to Elsa on day 3.

*Elsa nods and makes the countersign.*

I always wondered why I didn’t hear any warning before you appeared in my office. You are a lot more intriguing than I had expected.
Always happy to be surprising. Nice talking with you, Elsa.
Goodbye, Nike. Perhaps you could come see me fight in the arena sometime?
Sounds like a plan.

Elsa is the second of the four romance options, canonically the fighter’s option. She is also the hardest of the four to woo. While all of the ladies have similar requirements (give 3 gifts, tell about self, admit your love), Elsa has a few extra requirements, such as having to both watch and participate in a match against her at the arena. Plus it’s easier to miss the time windows you get to fulfill some of these requirements. After all, there are only two days you can actually fight against her.


Have I mentioned yet how if you click on the stand instead of the merchant, you can try to steal something from their stall?

Welcome very much. It is always a better day when I see you.
How’s business?
Oh, business has been rather slow today. I am thinking that not many people have been breaking their amphorae. I make very strong amphorae, which is good for those that buy them, but bad for me that sells them.
I was thinking of getting one today, actually. Would you mind bringing that big, heavy amphorae in the back there up to me so I can examine it?
Certainly, certainly!

*Nab*

Hmm? Oh my, one of my amphorae is missing! The thief must have been very agile to have evaded both your notice and mine.
Yes, pretty agile. Oh, and I’ve reconsidered about the big pot. Sorry, Wolfie.
Oh well. Namaste.


You only get a string of beads from Sarra…

Hey Sarra, did one of your rings drop off your table? I think I just saw something glimmer over by the tank.
Really?

*Nab*

Guess not. Sorry about that.


…And fruit from Marrak’s stand.

Say, Marrak, how many fruit can you juggle at once?
Oh, quite a few.
I bet you couldn’t keep six up at once.
Well, you will just have to watch and see.

*Nab*

Wow, Marrak, that was pretty impressive.




Morning, Shakra.
Good morning, wizard. Welcome again to the magic shop.
You know, I’ve been thinking lately about staffs. I had one in Tarna until I blew it up fighting the demon wizard, then I had Erana’s staff in Mordavia for all of a week until I spent all its power summoning Erana back. Is there any place I could get some good magical wood around here?
Sadly, I do not know of any such place, although I imagine one is out there. I got my own staff from the Heart of the World, same as you. If you do manage to find some magic wood, however, I will be happy to aid you in attuning it to your staff spell.
Thanks for the thought, I guess. So you don’t have any more spells for me to learn here?
You are a very powerful wizard already. Actually, I think you could probably teach me a spell or two.
Really?


Sure enough, Shakra doesn’t know either Frostbite or Aura, and he won’t know any other spells you happen to learn while in Silmaria. Teaching Shakra is a good way to make a quick 400 drachmas for anyone who had magic in 4.




But now it’s about time that we explored the island proper.


Just outside the gate we have a small area to practice throwing rocks and spells. You can find a fresh supply of rocks just down and to the right of the target.


And here we have the overhead map of Marete. Much like the overhead map from 3, you walk around by clicking on locations, although the places you can visit are now much more obvious what with the giant circles surrounding them. The hero is currently standing on the Silmaria icon, and the nearby circles with red spiky bits in them show where you can find Dragon Pillars. If you have no idea what a Dragon Pillar is, don’t worry; it’s not that important yet. Let’s start by visiting the one to the southwest.


There’s always a combat encounter waiting for you at the Pillars, usually just a big pile of Roman invaders Hesperian mercenaries. Now seems a pretty good time to pull out the sword and shield.


Better. While there are a good 4-5 mercs in this area, only two will ever actively attack you at once. Although this seems like a cop-out, I have to say I’m pretty thankful. All mercenaries are equipped with a bow, and the one not at close-quarters range will usually pull his out and make fairly accurate shots at you. This is especially a problem since blocking with a shield only works in one direction.

Another problem I alluded to earlier is that with distance spells. The projectile spells (Flame Dart, Force Bolt, and Lightning Ball) have a travel time, and the enemy you aim for will usually be able to dance out of the way before you can hit him. The game also prevents you from attacking with spells whenever you have anything other than a dagger out as a weapon. So all you’ve got left to do is to grab your sword and start hacking.


On the plus side, most monsters now have equipment to grab off their corpses, a much better situation than what was in 4.


In the mercs’ case, you will usually find a shield and either a sword, some arrows, or some drachmas.


Damn it, this is another prophecy, isn’t it? I can just smell it.


Something else you probably noticed on the map are these strange symbols. These represent the fishing villages that were abandoned by their inhabitants. While the symbols tell you just about nothing at all, you can find out what the village’s name is by using the eye on the symbols.


At the moment, they are completely abandoned by everyone.


You can even enter the houses, but they’re all empty.


It’s not marked by anything, but if you travel along the coastline near Silmaria, you can find Sarra’s basket, along with 4 goons who are out for blood. Oh, and for once you’re actually allowed to kick their asses. No instant death for meeting these goons, no sir.

Also, they carry tons of stamina pills, which really, really help at this point.


Man, what a lot of effort for a “small reward.” If those things weren’t going to kill me anyway, I probably would have just said “screw it.”


You can also leave coastal areas by diving into the water. Not much to do there at the moment, though, since the hero can’t hold his breath for particularly long.


This right here is the other Dragon Pillar we saw from the overhead map. See that yellow thing in the foreground? That’s an abandoned beehive. And here you thought that was a throwaway comment on the Silmaria billboard. Oh, and there are some boarmen here trying to kill Nike, I guess.

While true about the honey, the comment at the top is actually a response to me using a health potion.

So what’s this one say? “This is the second of the Pillars that bind the Dragon of Doom. As long as this stands, the Dragon shall not again fly.” I guess that’s good news.


Let’s travel a little farther north.


Yet another Dragon Pillar, this one surrounded by even more mercenaries.


But now they’re all dead, and I can pick up that shell just to the hero’s left. I’ll show you later what you can do with them.


“By the raising of this Pillar, the Dragon of Doom is driven from the shores of Marete.” You know, I should probably ask someone about this at some point.


No place in particular; this is just a random encounter with some batties (not to be confused with last game’s badders).
They’re also a pain to whack with a sword, since they like to fly over your head where you can’t hit them.


They do die very easily to Frostbite, however.


Ominous. Let’s see…“The first to rise; the last to fall. The Doom cannot triumph while I still stand.” Does that mean the Doom Dragon is immortal without this pillar? Damn. But wait, I thought the one by Silmaria started the binding? Oh well.

This area also has a few batties to bother you, and is where a paladin needs to go to get “blood of the earth.” Just dip the ring in the lava (I have no idea how you could ever get away with doing that, by the way) and you’ll be doing fine.

*One Mystic Magnet Teleport Later*


Oh, look, it’s the Mystery Man.
Ah, it be nice ta be seein’ a friendly face, let me tell ya.
Hey, Arestes. So, you still not feeling talkative?
Nope.
Come on, now. We’re both thieves, can’t we talk trade? Hell, I don’t even know your name.
What’s it to you, fuckhead? My friends know me, and my enemies don’t last too long.
Yer better off not botherin’. If’n you could come over here, though?
_{What is it?
I just wanted ta warn ya about him. He came here a few months back. Never says much, just hangs out here at times. Don’t even know his name. I’d not trust him as far as I could throw him. And I shouldn’t be sayin’ this, seein’ as he’s here and all, but I’d hate ta see him win. That guy is in the running fer chief thief. If he wins, I’ll not be wantin’ ta be workin’ here under him.
Yeah, asshole gives me the creeps.
Best stay out of his way, ta be honest. Might as well head on home fer the night.}
Right. See you around, Arestes. Cloak dude.
*He simply glares at you.*


A bit of a downer at the end, but overall it’s been a nice day. I got a little bit more Pickpocket skill, plus Luck is about to hit 500.