Part 93: Bonus 3 (by Ratatozk): Glory Quest

I'm annoyed I didn't get around to this a few weeks ago; the way this worked out it would have been perfect if posted right after QFG4 ended. Anyhoo, enjoy!


: Subscriber,
It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we write to inform you of your successful completion of the Famous Adventurer's Correspondence Course. And as you prepare for your first real-world Adventure, let us pull up a prophecy as we proudly present...

: Your destiny!
Glory quest, glory quest!
Put your skill set to the test.
Tie a rope around your grapnel,
then to the cliff to do the rest.

: Goon du jour, antwerp spore-
why they only live to lure!
Hunt the saurus? There's a tariff.
Don't believe me? Ask the sheriff!

: Beasts will bite and brigands fight.
After all, this is daylight,
and the monsters do enjoy it like the rest!
Go on and wield your blade,
or spell or else you're made-

: Glory quest, glory quest, glory quest!

: Ogres smash, lampreys zap
and the trolls and goblins whack.
They'll endanger any stranger
wont to sneak up from the back.
You're alone and you're armed-
but they're bound to see you harmed!
Thieves and wizards will be testing
the new ranks you've gained a-questing.

: You'll lift curses, fill your purses,
as you face their very worses.
And it's all in search of fame-that you can bet!
Come on and hoist that sword!
Go out and face the world!
To glory quest-

: If you're stressed,
it's a quest that we suggest.

: Glory quest, glory quest, glory quest!

: Glory quest, glory quest!
Get your worries off your chest.
All the ghouls and bandit fools
are bound to lose like all the rest.

: Scorpion claws and scorpions tails,
bring me loot from those who've failed.
Even pizza elementals
must take note of your credentials.

: Magical granite gargoyles
are not a problem girls and boyls.
You'll face and then defeat their very, very best.
We'll takes our spoils today, with advice from FA-

: Glory quest, glory quest, glory quest!

: With the demon left a-steamin'
the savanna lands are next.
Though Giant ants will make you rant,
in truth their claws are just a jest.
While on walks you'll fight some crocs.
You may be in for a few shocks!
While the earth pig is a boozin'
you'll be listenin' and snoozin'.

: You'll get tanned and likely burned,
but the honor that you've earned
simply can't be learned with study guides or tests!
You've got to right some wrongs, and eeeeaaaaaauuuuughh dipthongs-

Glory quest, glory quest, glory quest!

: Life can truly be a hassle in the shadow of the castle
without the light of hope to lead us on.
Ah, those days when the sun shone bright-
suddenly those good old days were gone.

: Many a year we've lived in fear
from necrotaurs and bunnies near.
Quivering safe within the walls
while the valley 'round us falls.
Fearful, paranoid, and lazy
you walked in and oops-a-daisy!

: Glory quest, glory quest
Our misfortune is your test.
It's been years all filled with tears
then you came home brimming with zest-

: -to face vampires and lift the curse,
and save the souls of all the serfs.
Though the Dark One still does glower
you will fight and rise in power...

: Quest by quest!
One by one,
'til you shout
'Enough, I'm done!'
Then we'll send you to Silmaria for some rest!
At last you'll prop your feet up!
No one left to beat up!

Glory quest!
Glory quest!
Glory quest!

: Please, glory quest!