Part 116: The Road to Hell is Paved with Conversations
Chapter 23: The Road to Hell is Paved with Conversations
Famous Adventurer posted:
I’ve been down to East Fricana a few times in my career. Never had to deal
with demons while I was there, thankfully. Sure enough, though, the paladin’s
wife turned out to be right, and a demon wizard was pulling all the strings
behind the scenes, and all the kid’s efforts to fix the local problems turned out
to be exactly what the demons wanted. That’s what the kid overheard when
the wizard was telling it like that to his lord, anyway. Me? I’ve got a different
interpretation.
In my experience, demons aren’t much known for patience, even the intelligent
type like the demon wizard. They’re certainly not the kind to let others do all
the work for them when they could be out slaughtering thousands themselves.
They didn’t need a war to come up with hordes of demons the first time, either.
So what changed? Fear. The demon wizard had his butt handed to him the last
time he showed up in East Fricana, and as much as demons enjoy inflicting pain,
they’re pretty glass-jawed once you figure out how to hurt them. That’s why the
wizard wants as many deaths as possible ahead of the invasion, as many demon
bodies between him and the front lines as he can pull out. Sabotaging the peace
talks wasn’t the masterstroke of a well-played gambit, it was the emergency
action of a desperate creature. Sure it worked out well (or would have, if the kid
hadn’t interfered again), but considering the wizard had to make excuses to his
boss, I can’t think of it as his plan A.
He’s got nothing new to say, but it’s important to visit the food stand all the same for this Rite. Make sure you get a gyro, a pepperoni pizza, and a box of chocolates.
So, Elsa not here today?
Elsa not here. Elsa do Rite, too. Learn destiny. Not like what she hear. Oh? What’d she find out? Elsa say very bad things happen soon. Elsa say bad dragon come soon if not stop killer man. Elsa hunt killer man. Destiny not good thing to know. Yeah, that’s true way too often. Still, sounds like she got the same bit of prophecy I did. I wonder if she’s really going to go to Hades too? Toro hope Elsa safe. Worry for Elsa. Worry for hero Nike. Toro not happy. Thanks, Toro. I’d tell you not to worry, but I’m apparently going into fucking Hades. Wish me luck. Good luck, hero Nike.
The reward hasn’t gone up, but there’s a new tone of desperation in the wanted ad.
Got any new stock today, Pholus?
You’re really planning to do this one, aren’t you? You’re fucking nuts, you know that? The only one that’ll win this Rite is Hades. What, so visiting Hades isn’t a standard Rite of Courage? Are you fucking kidding? Now, I’ve risked death in my time, but I’ve never opened its jaws and walked right in. I’m not that stupid. Only the dead go to Hades, whether they’re living at the door or not. Look, I’m not exactly excited about this either, but I’ve got a promise to keep. So do you have any new stock or not? Nope. It’s been nice doing business with you. Wish I’d have come up with a comeback before you got yourself killed, but I guess we don’t always get what we want.
Morning, FA. You heard about the new Rite yet?
You who are about to die, salute me, right? Can’t remember my Latin grammar to say it right, though. Well, I salute you right back. Man, they are really making you work for this Rulership Rite! You’d think they didn’t want you to come back from Hades. No kidding. I thought Rakeesh said Logos wanted us to stay out of trouble, not wade in neck deep. You ever been to Hades? Oh, no. That’s one place I’ve never wanted to visit. My buddy Orpheus went looking for his wife there once. Never quite the same afterwards. On the way to Hades, he met Cerberus, the three-headed guard dog of the Underworld. Orpheus charmed him with a song, but then Orpheus charmed everyone. He almost drank from the river Lethe, which makes you forget all worries and rest peacefully. But Orpheus was goal-oriented, and wanted his wife back from the dead. Didn’t get her out, though. Why not? Some sort of gotcha clause about looking back. If you find yourself in a contract with the powers down there, I’d advise you to listen to exactly what they say. Shouldn’t be too much trouble if all you want is to get some Styx water, though. Maybe so, but I can think of a couple people I’d want to see again. I don’t suppose you at least know how to get to Hades? Oh, that part’s easy. According to legends, all streams and rivers that run into the earth flow all the way down to Hades. To open a path, pour blood mixed with water into the hole. Then you got to chant…something or other, I never bothered learning the words. Never really intended to go there, you see. I think I know the words to say, actually. I guess you’re well on your way, then. Oh yeah, ask me about my name again. So what is it this time? This one’s about someone you’ve already met.Went to brunch with Baba Yaga, though I did not dare to eat,
Had a queasy sort of feeling when I looked upon the meat.
She called me “sweet Prince Ivan” as she licked her lips at tea,
So quickly I deserted ere she made dessert of me.
“Prince Ivan?” Exactly what were you up to in Surria? That’s right, you’re from that region, aren’t you? You ever hear any mention of “Crazy Ivan?” That was you?! If half the stories about him are true… Hey now, I’m not the one walking straight into Hades. Point. Well, goodbye. Good luck. You’re sure gonna need it.
Hey, Dr. Praetorius. Did you know that—
This superstitious tripe about oracles and destiny is precisely why we scientists are going to rule the world. Such balderdash! And this new Rite—a journey to Hades is utterly preposterous! Everyone knows that when people die, they go to that great research center in the sky! Wait, the what? This Rite is fundamentally impossible. It will be a waste of time for all involved. Thus, Gort and I shall wisely study whether paramecium actually come in pairs, while you all pursue this nonsense. So you don’t like the new Rite, either? Gort has better things to do than waste my time with meaningless Rites. You can go ahead, if you so choose, but you are wasting your time. So Gort won’t be competing again? No, Gort will not be competing again. Honestly, the intelligence of some people…and I wish you had returned here with that flying machine you created. It really was quite amazing, but I would have liked to study it further. Sorry, still need it. Can’t get to Hell otherwise, after all. Ha! I suppose the gate to the Abyss must be floating somewhere up in the ether, as I can think of nowhere else they could have hidden it from scientific analysis!
…That’s new.
I know I really shouldn’t, but they look so good…
That’s right, the mysterious serial candygrammer now plots against the hero. This is where those without Magic can get a sample for Salim to use.
Oh, you’ve got a girlfriend. I thought we were going steady, Freddy. Are you trying to make me jealous? What? What are you talking about? You broke my heart, you two-timer. I bet you flirt with all the girls. What do you mean? Did something happen? She sent you a box of chocolates! A big, big, really big guy came in and handed me a note that said, “Candygram for Nike.” The other side said, “Love, Elsa.” I put it in your room. Why is this Elsa chick sending you stuff? She got the hots for you? Elsa? So she—no, of course not, she wouldn’t have sent the poison chocolates. Do you remember anything about the big guy? Uh, he was big? Oh well. See you later, Ann. Hello, what about my broken heart? I cook for you, I clean up after you, and what thanks do I get? You drop me for a girl half my age and twice my height. That’s gratitude for you. You do a great job with the inn, Ann. I wouldn’t even think of sleeping in Ferrari’s place. Oh, alright, I’ll forgive you, once. But if you get candy from any other woman delivered here, that’s it!
Anything going on at the Dead Parrot tonight?
…I’ll just leave you to it, then.
Why yes, the mysterious cavern represented by a skull is the gateway to the Underworld.
What was a guard even doing way out here? Oh well, I guess it saves me some trouble. Just need to get some of the dirty water…
This looks like a decent place to try the incantation. How did that go, again?
“All waters that flow on the earth flow to Hades.
Alas, all life flows there, too.
Where those waters flow, a gate will open.
Alas, um, shit. Uh, too soon, verada, nict*cough*.”
What? Hey, I got it mostly right!
Gaah!
Whoa. I guess this is the—
Welcome to Hades.
I am Cerberus.
Guardian of the Gates! I make certain no dead shall leave Hades. I make certain no living shall enter Hades. You are not welcome here. …Hi. So, how’s it going? I have guarded these gates since the dawn of time. I will be here until the dusk of eternity. I am immortal. It goes as it ever does. So…mind if I go down for a few minutes? I won’t be long. No one alive shall enter here. They disturb the dead. Or they disturb me. Go away! Oh, I don’t know, I’ve heard about a lot of heroes who came in here alive and made it out. It can’t be that much trouble just to let me in for a little bit, can it? All I really need is some water from the river Styx. Nothing big. Oh, sure, I’ve heard that one before… “All I want is a little Styx water. I won’t bother anything else.” Then they try to bring someone back to life. You don’t fool me. You won’t get past me. Not until your death. Or until you come up with a good bribe. Bribe? Bribe. So, what sort of thing did you want? What’ve you got? You like food? I’ve got some chocolates here. Mmmm…now this is what I call a bribe. Hey, that stuff is bad for dogs. I’m immortal, remember? It’s bad for the teeth. So I’ve got a sweet tooth. So sue me. No fair! I want a bribe too! How does a gyro sound? Great! Now that’s what I call a bribe! It’s got cucumbers! I’ll be burping all night. It’s got onions! It’s bad enough living with your dog breath. Well forget you two, I like it. Fine. So how about me? Share and share alike, after all. You like pepperoni pizza? Do I? Now that’s what I call a bribe! That greasy thing? Yech. I’m going to have indigestion, you realize. It’ll be worth it. Well, not bad, human. Mmmm…savory. It melts in the mouth. Looks like I’m good. You can enter. But your ability to leave is in your hands! You still must contend with the restless souls of the wicked that stalk the shores of the Styx. At least your soul won’t have far to go.
You can also fight Cerberus to get in; he is immortal, so he doesn’t die, but running his health down three times causes him to give up and let you in. There is a third option for this as well: once you start fighting Cerberus, he starts dodging side to side like all the other enemies, and you can actively run past him into Hades when he dodges away from the door.
I’d better get ready to run for it. This won’t be fun.Not unless you’re a paladin, that is! Observe:
Soul popping is so much fun, especially after struggling through the same hordes of undead as other classes. I should probably go over the different types of undead now.
QfG5 Manual posted:
Lemures (walking undead)
Lemures are physical manifestations of the spirits of the
dead. Fortunately, they are bound to the Underworld, so you
are unlikely to encounter them in your adventures. If you do,
quickly chop them into bony bits to cure them of their vora-
cious undead condition.
Shades (white floaty ghosts)
Shades are the ghosts of the restless dead. You might first
think that what you can barely see will barely hurt you, but
you should think twice about these deadly undead. Not only
can shades attack with a ghostly touch, merely coming close
to one will drain your life energy. If you try to keep your dis=-
tance, shades will attack you with magical spells. Lay them to
rest before your life is wrested away from you…if you can.
Manes (yellow floaty ghosts)
Manes are greater ghosts. They are the shades of heroes and
other powerful individuals who refused to let go of life. They
now haunt the Underworld, draining the energy from any liv-
ing being foolish enough to enter Hades in hopes of regain-
ing his own life essence. That quest is hopeless, but many a
worthy individual has gone down to his greed. Beware the
spells of the manes; some are sorcerers of great potency.
Also known as “Holy Shit, Strength.” Activating this power adds half your current Stamina to the hero’s Strength. Hang on, let me show you what that looks like.
Holy Shit, Strength. Paladins get up to 550 Strength without buffs normally, and with maxed Agility and Vitality, they can add a bonus 262 on top. Unfortunately, I foolishly gave away the Atlas Armband before I could see if it stacks with the buff, but from what little experimenting I did, it didn’t appear to be true. Too bad, I’ll just have to cope with my 812 Strength.
This is the last ability paladins get. Basically, whatever is affected by it will head directly for the nearest exit. A good way to clear a room if you don’t need any practice or loot.
In the video, I showed getting Lethe water (from the whirlpool), Styx water (from the regular stuff), as well as the fact that the third component (“waters of binding”) of the Ring of Truth is Styx water. Now, at this point, I could go up and call the Rite over (I’d render the game unwinnable again, but I still could), but what if I took that upper path at the end there? Where does that lead, you might ask?
Why, to the inner gates of Hades, of course.
Nike von Slartibartfast, Prince of Shapeir; Ilya Stovich, son of Mordavia, it is not yet your time to be here. The living are not welcome. You will not cross the river Styx into Hades. I am the Guardian of the Dead. I know the souls of all who dwell within. There are two souls bound to you in death. You have touched their hearts. You have taught them to love. Love is the only thing that transcends the silent sleep of death. Their souls have sensed you, and yearn to be with you.
The first soul is bright with beauty and power. It shines like the sun with all the joy and goodness it held in life. It is the soul of Erana.
I dream I am wandering endlessly through empty gardens. Everything in the garden is pale and cold, as if made of lifeless ice. There is beauty, but no joy. I am seeking a light I have only seen once before in the distance. It is warm, and melts the ice that covers everything, bringing color and life to the flowers. But the light moves on, and all returns to ghostly white.The other soul is dark, shadowed by the deeds of her past. Yet there is great power within, and a fierce yearning for the light and love that was not known in life. It is the soul you knew as Katrina, the Dark Master.
What nightmare is this? I am in darkness, yet I am powerless. The coffin has been nailed shut, and my magic does nothing. I am trapped, and it is as if a stake has been driven through my heart. What is this ache that fills me? Who am I waiting for? Will it be the stake through my heart, turning me to dust? Or the taste of his warm lips upon mine, restoring me to life? It does not matter which, if only he would touch me once more.Their souls have been disturbed by your presence. They cannot rest in their longing to be with you. You may end the suffering of one of them. You can restore her to life, and give her the chance to experience joy and pleasure once more. Which soul would you choose to give the gift of life?
Wait, what? That’s bullshit! How come I have to pick just one? Why can’t both come with me?Hey, consider yourself lucky, punk. The last guy through here who asked for two souls had to make the ruler of the Underworld cry. Not an easy thing to do.
That’s the other thing. How is this it? Where’s the challenge? The battle? The song? The negotiation? Sure, it wasn’t easy getting here, but I expected more from Hades.You may consider this a boon given for your previous actions. By stopping Iblis, Demons, and a Dark One, you have prevented the untimely deaths of millions. As much as entry to our realm is inevitable, even we do not wish for so many to come at once. Thus, you are given the choice between one of the two women. Choose well.
Well, I’m not leaving here alone, that’s for sure [Choosing no one means you do get the item you need to complete the game, but screw that.]. But damn it, how can I choose?!It’s voting time, folks. Erana and Katrina are the last two romance options, associated with paladins and wizards. I should add that you’re only choosing for the thief; the paladin and wizard alt runs will be going with the appropriate lady, so all you’re deciding is who the thief gets a chance with. And he will be getting a chance; the game normally prevents pairings between thieves and both Erana and Katrina, but since this prohibition only affects one line of dialogue, I’ll simply be ignoring that little fact for the LP.
Choose wisely.