Part 33: Come on Baby, Light My Fire

Chapter 12: Come on Baby, Light My Fire

Well, Nike screwed the pooch on that one, and now the land of Shapier is doomed, with the whole world soon to follow. But while the Great Will of the Macrocosm is busy fixing things, how about we check in on our favorite alternate universe.


[MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER DIMENSION…]


There is a cheat system with fairly easy access in the original EGA versions of QfG1 and 2. All you need to do is remember the password that turns the debugging system on, and then various ALT+(letter) combinations will change the character’s stats, inventory, location, and so on. Oh yeah, and they’re all based on code numbers, so you’d better get a list of those too. The password for the first game is “razzle dazzle root beer,” and “suck blue frogs” for the second. I haven’t been above cheating in the past, but be assured I am not using it this time. But hey, let’s see what AGDI thinks of cheating.


Not very highly, it seems. You get one warning, then this happens. Anyway, Alt Nike has also been busy training with Uhura, so let’s just fast forward until something interesting pops up.


Holy crap, I killed him.

Either the training has finally been paying off, or my setting the combat help to full defense is allowing me to win. I won’t show the manual’s entry for the alt kills, but I will add what’s different in the remake. In this case, bandits can now throw daggers at you, so close with haste.


Holy crap, I killed it!

The scorpion has a grab and stab attack that can kill you instantly if you didn’t take a poison cure pill first (luckily, doing so takes no time at all). This is true in both the original and the remake; the scorpion’s new attack seems instead to be one where it grabs the hero’s arm and gets in a free shot. Thanks guys, I love getting hit for free.


Hey! Hey griffin, can you hear me?
Screech chirpy caw peep, squawka squawka!

*Hmm. Let’s see now. “Chirpy” is the first person indicative…No, wait. “Caw” is the noun form…Well, you think that might have been “I have a red pencil box,” but you’re not sure. Perhaps you should have paid more attention in “Griffin 101.”*

I’m sure it’s lovely, but can I have a feather?
Freep squeaky pip-pip, awoooooo!

*You believe that was “I will not buy your rotten pears,” but you’re not sure. Of course, you can never be sure when talking with a griffin.*

What pears? I just need a feather!
Mumble mumble…tourists…mumble mumble!

*If your translation is correct, that was “May a sleepy hippopotamus lie down on your house keys,” but you’re not sure. Unfortunately, your fluency in griffin-speak is too low.*

I’m not sure if the important stat is Intelligence or Communication, but this is all you get if it’s too low and you try to talk to the griffin. What I do know is that the magic number is in between 88 and 114, because when normal Nike asks about a feather, the real response comes up:

*That sounded an awful lot like “I think there’s a feather under that rock there,” but of course we all know that griffins can’t talk!*

It’s just a shame that alt Nike just isn’t good enough.

Well fine then, if you’re going to curse my house keys to a crushing doom, I’ll just take this feather poorly concealed under a rock and leave!


*Huuupp!* There, that wasn’t so hard.


One final word before we go: use the mouth icon when mounted on the saurus to make use of its homing ability.


[MEANWHILE, IN THE FIRST DIMENSION…]

Ah, good, it looks as though the GWM has finished her work and restored Shapier. Let’s see if Nike’s got any more sense in him this time.


Terrible, dreadful news, Nike! A fire elemental stalks the plazas, burning all it touches.
Wait, you mean actual, living fire? Why aren’t we all dead yet?
I haven’t a clue. It seems content for now to simply scorch the tiles of the plaza.
You’ve seen it?!
It is just outside the inn’s door! It did not approach me as I entered the plaza, so I crept along the wall and ducked in.
Man, you do not let anything get in between you and food, do you?
I eat when I am nervous.
I…see. So I’m the only one who can deal with this thing, huh?
No other has stepped forward.
Great. Well, see you around Abd.
I shall pray for your safety and Shapier’s deliverance.
_{Sure, why not, lay it all on my shoulders…}


ATTENTION POWERS THAT BE OR COUNTERCURSES OR WHATEVER THE HELL IS CONTROLLING MY FATE: YOU WIN. I SHALL NOW FIGHT THIS FIRE…THING.


BEHOLD, FOR I NOW SPRITZ IT WITH WATER. IS THIS ENOUGH? CAN I GO BACK ON VACATION NOW?

*The elemental dodges easily in the open plaza.*


No, of course it isn’t. Great. Now who do I know that can figure out how to kill this thing?


Aha, water mage! Nike, you are a genius.


I have been expecting you, Nike. Enter and be welcome.
Sorry to cut the small talk short, Aziza, but I’ve kind of got a problem with a fire elemental.
Indeed you do. Perhaps it would be well to show you as well as to tell you about such things.


The essence of fire is hunger. As long as there is something nearby to burn, it will be able to move freely. It can consume the very bricks which make up the floor of the plazas. Until it is contained, it cannot be controlled. The weakness of Fire is Water, but the Elemental of Fire will avoid water by moving away from its source.


Yeah, I tried that already.
Unless you find some way to drive or lure the elemental away from the open plazas, where there is much it can burn, to a more confined area, you will not be able to use Water against it to capture it. Once it is captured and contained, it behaves as a magical flame.
So…something that attracts flames? Where do I get something like that?
Ask Harik. He knows much about the nature of flames.
Alright, I’ll get right on it.
Wait, don’t you wish to hear about the other sorts of elemental you may face?
Nah, that’d just depress me. Ooh! I just remembered! Harik told me something about a Fruit of…Something. Know what I’m talking about?
Surprisingly, yes. That is indeed a sad tale. Let me show you of that which we speak.


Turning on the clowns feature earlier allows the game to insert the only canon lines the hero ever gets. Here, let me prove it to you:


Out of respect for the Easter eggs, then, the following conversation is not altered in any way.

I will tell you of a time long ago when women wore veils and were but wives and chattel to men. There was a woman—a beautiful woman, a loving woman—who wished with her very soul to become a Healer, and thus aid others.
Just the facts, Ma’am.
Her father tried to dissuade her, saying that this was no task for a woman of her gentleness and sensitivity. She would go about her duties quietly, but each evening she would tell him again that she wished to become a Healer. At last her father gave in, and she was trained in the art of healing, despite the jeers and condescension of the male students and teachers. She became a Healer, and removed her veil forever.


Right.
She soon discovered that life was not easy for a woman Healer. Many men distrusted her skills and refused to call upon her. Some men called upon her only to try to take advantage of her beauty. One day, a man came to her and told the tale of his brother dying in the desert. She did not quite trust his manner of looking at her, but she could not refuse aid to one who might need it. She followed him out of the city and into the desert. She was led to an encampment of ragged tents. She soon learned to her sorrow that the tale of the brother was but a lie. These were brigands, and what they did with her, I shall not say. She tried to escape them the next day, and ran to the mountains to hide. They were swift to follow. They had nearly recaptured her when she called aloud for help. A Djinni heard her cry, and transformed her into a tree.


You could be the one to give her back her soul and free her heart from wood. You will try this, Hero, will you not?
Right.
There are three things you must give her to save her soul: a gift of Kindness, a gift of Magic, and a gift of Love. The gift of Kindness is simple. It is only what you would give to someone who has been in the desert far too long. You must then tell her about yourself, remind her what it is to be human. Your words are as important as the gift, for they give meaning to the act. The gift of Magic is the gift of sacrifice. The gift must be something you gained through hardship and from aiding others. It must also be something from which a plant can gain strength. I know you can achieve the gift of Kindness, but you do not yet have a suitable gift of Sacrifice. Perhaps you will be able to do this another time.

Wait, you “know” this? Have you been rifling through my stuff?
No, but I have my suspicions about what you will be facing soon. You will most likely gain what you need in the near future. Of course, I could tell you what it will be if you simply let me–
BLAH BLAH BLAH CAN’T HEAR YOU GOING TO SEE HARIK NOW BLAH BLAH BLAH WONDERFUL TIME SEE YOU AGAIN SOON BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH


Hey Harik man, long time no see.
Sorry, what? I was distracted. Have you seen the fire elemental? It is magic of the most marvelous kind. So very beautiful, the dancing flames. If I but had such a creature at my command, the pills I would make!
Yeah…great. So I heard you were the go-to guy for fire elementals.
Oh yes, I do know about them. Fire glowing in the very semblance of a man. A marvel to behold, and yet a deadly peril, as well. To understand the Fire Elemental, you must know the Flame.
…
…
…
…
Well?
What? Oh, sorry. Thinking again. Watch this.




See how the flame reacts to incense? Fire is attracted to the things it burns because it is very vain. It would be very possible to lure the fire elemental away from the plazas using this incense, and where it is weak from hunger and water, capture it. This incense is made from the finest frankincense. It should attract the flame as the moth is attracted to it. You can have it for only 70 centimes.
You know, I am preventing the city from burning down with this stuff. Can’t I just have it?
Very well. If it will save the city, you may take the incense.
Great. Shapierians all over thank your generosity. _sucker.


Man, I hope this stuff works.


Crap, it works too well!


Touching the fire elemental drops your hit points by 10 each time. When you start pouring incense, make sure you don’t stop moving towards the alley.


Ha ha, flames, taste your weakness: poor oxygen ventilation!


Now melt, melt and taste the shame of bitter defeat! Oh wait, Aziza said I need to capture it. Now what can hold a flame? Oh yeah, that lamp I got!


*You drop the lamp. It is very hurt and angry. “I have a new flame now,” you say to the lamp, “and she’s the light of my life. You couldn’t hold a candle to her.” But inside your heart burns with the loss of your bright young friend, the lamp.*

*As you pick up the lamp and rub it, a small flame appears. When you rub it again, the flame goes away. You now have a magic lamp. You put the lamp safely away in your backpack.*

Neat! Not as great as a djinni in a bottle, but I’ll take it.