The Let's Play Archive

Resident Evil 3

by The Dark Id

Part 26: Episode XXVI: A Bit Torn

When last we left our heroine, she was descending into the depths of Chief Irons' secret back room dungeon for God knows what reason. With that said, let's finish off her RPD adventure...

"Radio...? What's going on with that radio...?"

The elevator arrives at its destination. Claire disembarks.

Irons threw Rock.

Well... I believe we just witnessed a face full of tentacle rape...

"Thaaaaaatz stilllllllll nt asssssssss FUCKED uhhhhhhppp assssss whatever isssss ennnnnnn thozzz jarzzzz."

Claire moves in to investigate.

Nothing like a torch lit dungeon to lighten the mood.

Brian springs back from face molestation rather quickly, doesn't he?

"Where did the monster touch you? Did he touch you here?"

Claire seems to be overcome with Cutscene Stupidity Syndrome and is powerless to defend herself against the man with a pistol. Instead, holstering the grenade launcher and slipping the safety on the pistol in her own hand...

Claire tries to run further into a corner for no apparently reason.

Turning the other cheek and neglecting your employment duties while getting a ten grand check the end of each month? Gee, it must have been a fucking trial...

So, Claire is held at gunpoint in the torture dungeon basement of the Chief's lair and her first thought is on an item mentioned offhand in a file?

"Which, in turn, means it's nearly entirely useless. But, I don't judge."

Wait... So William Birkin is the guy who made the G-Virus and is running the underground lab. Which in turn means Annette Birkin, the middleman between the Chief and Umbrella is Sherry's mother. Which means Annette likely had full knowledge that Irons was utterly batshit. Yet, despite all this, she sent her daughter to be in his care. Mother of the fucking Year.

"Uhh...which one? The hand penis shoulder eye thing? Or the giant bald guy in the green trenchcoat? Cause, I haven't seen either of those."

Umbrella: Covering its tracks with out of control murderous monsters since 1951.

The Chief suddenly starts convulsing.

Well, that's what you get for being torn over the issues at hand.

"What the fuck just happened here? I... What? Goddamnit, I need to get my brother a cell phone. This is bullshit."

Since Claire is a moron, as previously established, she pursues the monster down the hatch it crawled.

A pair of testicles with an eye and a midget arm growing out of it... I think they've just 1-uped that overgrown arm with an eye on it...

"Lefthanded Eye Balls evolved into...............Downs Koopa!"

Shit. Fireballs and hammers?! There's only one way to deal with this.

Fireflowers are for pussies.

All in a day's work.

(SPOILER: If you're dreadfully curious, she just shoots it a bunch and it dies with no cinematic or fanfare. It has all of a single attack, outside of puking up more little chestburster clones (which you can see in the death cinematic in the Bonus Content) and is frankly boring a boss as there could be.)

Alright! Home stretch, Claire.

Son of a bitch! Shut up door with your XD emote face!

Claire returns to pick up Sherry...

It was not by my decision, I'll tell you that much, you little shit.

"What the G-Virus...?"
"A horrible mutating agent that turns people into an affront to God."
"My... My daddy did that...?"
"Hehe. No sweetie..."
"Oh... You had me worried, Claire."
"Your daddy is that..."

Claire is just talking out of her ass now.

"Though, just so we're clear, I'm dropping you like a pile of wet rags as soon as we get out of the city."

Claire magics up her radio.

"Could you fucking tell me how to get there? Did you find a better way than me? I just jumped through a giant hole in the clock tower and I'm stuck. Could you help with this?! Claire? Cl-"

Ice Queen Redfield and pint sized sidekick proceed into the depths of Irons' torture chamber. A healthy environment for any growing young lass.

"And this is where Chief Irons would bind his victims and cut out their still beating hearts. Which he would show to them with glee as they breathed their last..."

"Here we have the chemicals which the Chief used to subdue his victims as he raped them over and over and inflicted grievous, painful burns across their body until death mercifully came. After that, he would strip the flesh from their bones and collect trophies from their remains. Many of which you can see displayed prominently here."

"Finally, we have the mutilated corpse of the man himself. Who died and agonizing death as a horrible mutant gestated inside his body and tore him asunder from the inside out at birth. Much like the chestbursters from Alien. Only far more gruesome and painful. Did I mention the implanted monster came from the penis tentacle on the hand of your terrible mutant father? Who searches for you, to do the same, as we speak."

The now in need of years of intensive therapy Sherry and smugly satisfied Claire return to the previous entrance to the sewers.

"Look, Sherry! It's your daddy. Likely patrolling the depths for his next victim."

"Jeeessusss. Itzzz gonnnnaaa chust meeeee ah miiiiiiiint in eeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiii droooops twwwwo deeallhu with thhhhhhhhiissssssss GIANT THING..."

Quick! Into Fate-2! Surely, no troubles can be dwelling in a subterranean cesspool during a biohazard disaster...

Tune in next time for violent deaths of minor characters, mutant guys with snazzy blue jeans, and the last hurrah of the RPD in Episode XVII: Batter Up!

Bonus Content

Brian Irons and the Temple of Doom:

Mutant Babies:

Claire's death by shoulder eating: