Part 44: Episode XLIV: Merging WaysWelcome back, when last we left our heroes, Ada had just finished off Jack Krauser for a second time and Leon fought some Ganado. With that said, let's kick off the penultimate update...
Ada shoots across to the nearby rooftop. Sheer female intuition telling her Saddler is camping out around those parts.
Across the next building edge, she comes upon one final Merchant and the last save point, for her at least.
"Hey, baby. I hear you like big things and the gentle touch of a real man." *snaps fingers*
*sigh* "Alright, get it over with."
"Hehehe. Thank you."
Leon is finishing up slaughtering the very last of Saddler's men. He's down to about fifteen guys. This cult is really going to need to get on the ball with recruitment.
Leon proceeds into the next area.
It's amazing the advances in dentistry Los Illuminados have made.
Leon rushes toward her, a few steps in a voice comes from behind him.
Heh. Really, that's the best a cult leader of a few thousand or so guys could come up with? "Dude, it's like totally awesome, you don't even know." This guy certainly didn't get to the top on sheer charisma.
Would make a killer band name...
That seemed like an impressive maneuver, but he's really just got Acme Rocket Skates under that robe. Give it a few minutes and he'll go flying into that tunnel he painted on a wall when he starts chasing Leon.
"Eh, don't mind the expensive piece of equipment. Smashing you into things with silly fighting game final boss techniques takes priority."
"I really do need to clip my nails later."
Saddler is astounded someone actually used a gun against him instead of standing about yelling his name and making idle threats.
Hey, where'd you get that thing?! What is this game with its insistence everyone uses TMPs?!
Let's try that again...
"I wet myself."
It may be difficult to see here, but Saddler pushed the bullets from Ada's volley just then out his hand onto the floor. Since if you have such complete control over your crazy mutated body, it's best to drive hot lead half way through your torso and down your arm just to show off.
"I made a poop!"
Saddler and Ada had just finished up a 24 drinking game before Leon arrived. It was take three shots every time Jack says "Dammit." You can expect how that went.
Saddler gives chase. In the slowly stroll at a casual pace sort of way.
Just because you can take an entire clip to your backside doesn't mean you should.
Gee, maybe the gasoline filled barrels perched on the edge of your laboratory on an island full of spare warehouses wasn't the best of ideas.
I'll give the guy one thing, he takes constant failure with a smile.
"Bitch, you'd best have that money. I ain't no damn ATM. You takin' and you'd bestest be givin' back in spades with interest."
"I ain't yo girl no more Ozzie! You ain't treat me right!:
"Bitch, you must be trippin'. Ima teleport over there and knock some sense into yo punk broke ass."
"Yo a hard headed ho, you know that? You ain't be understanding how the streets work. I gots ta be representin' or I ain't getting no respect."
"I've had it! I ain't gonna be yo pony no more, Ozzie!"
"I used to have a pony, on Coney Island. It got hit by a truck."
"I show you how it feels."
"I don't like what I'm doing, Ozzie."
"Ah, baby, I don't want you to like what you're doing. If you like what you're doing, then you won't be my woman."
"Ho, you best recall who is you work for. I the playa from South Pueblo who so gansta I can shoot a clock outs my hand!"
"Now you get your skank ass ova here and we's settle up."
"I know you's feeling down. Feeling you getting old. So I gives you one more chance."
"But bitch, you ever...EVER cross me like this again and I'll give you the same treatment I had to give that copper motherfucker Sera. I ain't going back you here, I ain't!"
"God, you're square."
"OH LAWD HAVE MERCY!"
"Oh, this is the biggest one I ever had. You hear that Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you honey."
A good thing Saddler's had this carefully tucked in his back pocket and not locked in a safe or anything remotely smart.
And you thought United States airport security is tight. Notspain makes it look like child's play. Mandatory cavity searches...
Someone has morning wood.
Violent anal rape white out...
Meanwhile, just outside...
Leon and Ashley flee the scene. Just outside is a rather pointless merchant (as there is literally three enemies left outside the final boss and there's another one just before him.)
There is also Luis Sera's last little love note. As a trash heap behind Saddler's lab is as good a place as any to find one of these.
Luis' Memo 5
You know, just in case any protagonists needed it out of their system.
"Unfortunately, research on that front was held up by general Ganado incompetence and never made it past the opening phases. Can still totally remove them, though."
This is the origin story for Downs Man: Special Needs Superhero.
The Bananaphone Song for the rest of eternity.
Thanks Sera, you had more lines of dialogue in text thank spoken, but you will be missed.
Just ahead, Leon takes out the last handful of Ganado he'll encounter on this wacky journey. Never forget...
"That American guy has killed 95% of our guys. Our only hope is to wait him out until the Plagas take over. Did you all remember to unplug the machine that removes them?"
"Why would we do that. We need it for research..."
Sure Leon, let her run the experimental radiation laser machine...
This seems the face of competence...
Leon straps in. Still broken up about the death of Mike, he has lost all will to go on...
"I mean...have you been paying any attention to me up to now...?"
"I knew this was a bad idea..."
It really does give them laser nipples. Neat.
That wasn't so bad. Aside from the massive amounts of cancer that's going to crop up from it...
"Oh good. Let me try!"
"I was being sarcastic..."
"...? What now?"
"Nah, I'm a complete badass, if a bit of a dope. Your turn, Ms. Dies-From-A-Bullet-To-The-Toe."
I knew those tits were fake!
"Heeeey! I just realized something. It's still Fall 2004. The President wouldn't be inaugurated until January 2005. You're not even really the President's daughter yet!"
While the machine wracked Leon with pain from the procedure. Ashley seems to get some acute sexual pleasure. Or maybe she's a masochist. Regardless...
Here comes the O-face.
System Download? What, can her left boob access iTunes now?
"The fake boobs, the monkey ears, the dude haircut, the druggie eyes, that damned scarf..."
"Because, quite frankly, if it even looks like you're getting kidnapped again, I'm putting the Broken Butterfly right between your eyes, so help me God..."
Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion in Episode XLV: Underneath the Sky so Blue
We've completed Chapter 5-4 and with it, Chapter 5!
Ada gets the Luis treatment: