Part 13: My, my! At Waterloo, Napoleon did surrender

Episode 12: My, my! At Waterloo, Napoleon did surrender



Hi, Armand, how's it going in Los Angeles? Have you made significant progress?

Oh, like you wouldn't believe!

So business is that good in USA?

Actually, I meant something else – you remember Delia, right, uncle?

Well, no! You never presented me to her! Why do you ask, Armand?

Well, she's really something, you know? I mean, she did an outstanding job of running the restaurant, she's smart, talented, and great looking!

Ah, so I see, Armand. Fancying her, eh?

Yes, but you know how terrible I am at wooing women! How can I get HER to *tie the knot*?

Armand, it's been too many years since I last wooed a lady. Well, there was that one time a few years ago, with that beautiful Hungarian…

Um, uncle?

Oh, never mind what I just said. I'm always deviating from the subject. And don't tell your aunt Matilde that either, or she'll be furious!

Anyways… so you want to woo this damsel…

What can I do to impress Delia?

Well, why not create a recipe in her honor?

You think that would work?

Why not? Dedicate a recipe to her in the cooking contest. If she enjoys viewing the cooking competitions, she would probably view a cooking contest that you're participating in. If so, then she would be in a pleasant surprise…

Hey, now there's an idea! She would see my recipe dedication and know I did it for her!

Not to mention the surprise she'll get when she knows that you're fond of her, Armand! But make sure you win, Armand – nobody likes to be dedicated a losing recipe!

How did you and Aunt Matilde get together?

That's a long story, Armand. Let me see: it was about 35 years ago, and I just graduated from the same academy that you did. I started working as an apprentice chef in a brand new restaurant just out of Lyon…

Um, uncle? Do you have a condensed and abridged version of the story?

Sure. Just look at me now, 35 years later! Still married!

And happily so!

Well, let's just leave it at *married*, shall we?

OK. Thanks for the tips, uncle!

Some ladies just love it when chefs declare their love through recipe dedications. You know the saying: the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Well, I don't see why it can't work both ways…

Well, thanks for everything again, uncle! I guess I'll be going now…

You take care now, Armand, and I wish you the best of luck with her. By the way, when will I meet her, Armand?

I'll tell you what: I will present her to you, uncle, if I am successful!

Great! Can't wait to meet her!




Well, finally we have an actually important mission objective: getting Armand laid. Now, if I know anything about women, it's that the way to win a woman's heart is with an impressive, meticulously planned and slightly obsessive public stunt. On no account should you actually talk to her or ask her out or anything like that.

We'll get to Delia in a minute. But first, let's check out the renovated Hope & Anchor!



At the bottom of a dark and deep ocean trench, the Goonship sails in search of treasure and delicious entrées! Sailing all alone with only the company of frolicking dolphins and vicious shark rugs, will our guests find what they're looking for, or will they be trapped forever in Davy Jones' locker?



There were a lot of requests for this restaurant, and I've done my best to incorporate as many of them as possible. The wall and floors were the biggest problem, as the only thing people could agree on was that we needed to keep those awesome fish tables. In the end, I had to pick between the three most popular options at random, ending up with the DEE décor.



And yes, I even added the disgusting microwaved lemon and herb fish.



Now, before we get on with our objectives, Dick wants to see us in Treize à Table about some business objectives.



Howdy, Armand! You impressed the heck outta them folks at the Board. They really liked the results you have achieved with the seafood restaurant.

As I said before, all in a day's work.

I've got some great news for you too, champ.

What great news do you have for me? A money grant, perhaps?

Not quite. They'd like to see you win the cooking contest being held in Los Angeles. It'd be good for publicity. Besides, it's a good way to – you know, get your feet wet with the domestic competition.

YOU SHOULD TRY THE COOKING CONTEST IN LOS ANGELES AND SEE HOW YOU STACK UP AGAINST THE COMPETITION.

Sure. I was planning to enter anyways.

Great, then! If you win, we're predicting a surge in stock market value. And that can only mean more customers, and that can only mean more money!

What other business can we engage in?

The board is analysing the possibilities. Right now they're in another round of VC fund raising. I'll let you know when there's any progress made.


I can't make heads or tails of this company. We're listed on the stock market, but we're raising money from venture capital investors? What do we even need the VC funding for?

So – what's the good news?

I met this hydro garden grower on the outskirts of LA. I told him you'd go and pay him a visit. Believe me, Armand, this kid has got some amazing things growing in his greenhouse.

MR. STEELE GIVES YOU THE ADDRESS OF ROBERT CALLORAN, OWNER OF THE HYDRO SHOP.

What does he sell?

He sells a bit of vegetables and fruits, but he really specializes in herbs and spices.

He grows most everything hydroponically, and let me tell you, it's a big operation that he's got!

What would you and the board of directors have me do now?

There's a few things that we'd like to see you accomplish, Armand. First off, as I mentioned to you, is the cooking competition. We do expect you to win. On a side note, you'd really score a hit with the board if you can enter among the top 15 ranked chefs in the cooking ladder.

Consider it done. I don't know if I will make the top 15 list of star-studded chefs, but I'll certainly try! And I'll definitely strive to win the cooking contest!

You better, if you want to make a lasting impression with the board! Anyway, you remember your Wagons Ho! steakhouse? Well, we also want to see five 100%, completely satisfied customers walk out of that restaurant with a wide grin on their faces. We expect the same satisfaction rating for five customers in your Hope and Anchor restaurant.

Five 100% satisfied customers for both restaurants? Boy! That's a handful! But I'll try to meet all your expectations.

Thanks for the info, Mr. Steele.

Hey, no problem. It's all in a day's work, right?

Do you have any helpful insights as to what I can do to improve my restaurants?

Sure thing, Armand. I think I've got a few pointers up my sleeve. What do you want to know?


The game cleverly sneaks in a bit of mandatory, unskippable tutorial here – I'm trapped in this conversation! I've written out the rest of the conversation, but just skip the rest of it – there's nothing funny in it.

What benefits do I get from obtaining 100% customer satisfaction?

Many! Word-of-mouth is the best way to get more customers! Forget about advertising – with satisfied customers, you will always have them talkin' up storms about how great your food is to other potential customers!

Okay. I see. So, I should strive to make my customers 100% happy…

Just look at the customer satisfaction display near the top right corner of the screen when you're in one of your restaurants. There is a ratio that indicates the actual number of satisfied customers in relation to the target number of satisfied customers that you should aim for.

The more completely satisfied customers there are, the higher your customer awareness.

If you can achieve 100% customer satisfaction, word will spread about your fantastic establishments, that can only mean more customers, and that can only mean more money!

Do customers have food preferences?

Of course! And here's a pointer: you can view the details of a customer by double-clicking on a customer, which will allow you to view that customer's details. If the customer has a favorite recipe, and you happen to have it in the restaurant, you can go ahead and offer it to the customer. Maybe – just maybe, they will accept your offer.

If they do, and they enjoy it, you just might achieve 100 customer satisfaction with that customer!

Thanks for the tips, Mr. Steele.

Anytime – as long as my comments are helpful!



Finally. So, Richard gives us an additional objective, and it's a really annoying one. We have to get five customers to leave Wagons Ho! and the Hope and Anchor with 100% customer satisfaction.

I've pulled up a customer's details in the screenshot above. At the top left, there's a little icon with of a smiley face in front of one of those bell-shaped food coverings you sometimes see in old cartoons (apparently called a "cloche"). If you click that, you have the option of offering to cook the customer's favourite food, even if it's not normally on the menu. This is the only way to 100% satisfy a customer – if you don't do this, satisfaction is capped at 99%. This is a pain in the ass, because:

1. You need to personally micromanage every single customer you want to 100% satisfy.

2. Usually you can't even offer the customer's favourite food because you don't have the recipe, so you need to wait to find eligible customers.

3. You can only offer to cook the favourite food right after the customer has entered the restaurant. If the customer has already ordered, he will refuse your offer to cook his favourite meal because he already has enough food.

4. Even if you offer a customer's favourite food, you still need to reach 100% satisfaction normally by serving food far in excess of his expectations. If your food isn't good enough, you won't get 100% satisfaction.

5. If a recipe isn't normally on your menu, your chefs will probably be bad at cooking it, making it harder to reach 100% satisfaction. This is especially a problem if the favourite food is a dessert, because a bad dessert can drag the customer down from 100% satisfaction.

6. If you offer to cook a customer's favourite food, it will be automatically added to the menu for everyone, so you have to keep going back to the menu and remove the recipes from the menu after they've been served.

In short, this objective sucks.



It pains me to do so, but in order to make it easier to get those 100% satisfied customers, I offer a 50% discount on the entire menu at Wagons Ho! and the Hope and Anchor, which should lower our customers' quality expectations. Ugh. To think it would come to this.



Armand deals with stress by spending money, so I buy another recipe. Neither the quality nor the profit margin is terribly impressive, but it's not that bad. Despite the recipe being grilled lamb chops, it doesn't actually go on the grill, which is convenient. It's a thoroughly mediocre recipe.

Also worth noting on this picture: the 100% satisfied customer counter in the top right showing zero out of five totally satisfied customers. It's going to be a long day.



Here's a customer I missed while I was dealing with something in one of the other restaurants. She has ordered her favourite food, she's been impressed by the food quality relative to her expectations, but her satisfaction is capped at 99.00, because I didn't personally offer her her favourite food.



One of our guests at Wagons Ho! is a chef who is looking for a job. We're doing OK on chefs, but I noticed that he's a Corleone. I hire him and put him in one of our American restaurants to keep him far away from Armand.



I buy another recipe, the almond cookies. I think this is the lowest baseline recipe profit I've ever seen in this game, only $1.46. Disgusting. A bad recipe.



After a lot of micromanagement, I manage to get five satisfied customers at Wagons Ho! and the Hope and Anchor by lunchtime on the second month. I immediately cancel the 50% discount and clean up their menus. After you get the five satisfied customers, the game updates the counter in the top right with an optional challenge to get eight additional 100% satisfied customers. Yeah. I'll get RIGHT on that.

Now we just need a recipe to impress Delia and win the cooking competition. Before that, let's check out that hydroponic herb shop that Richard mentioned.



Hi there, you must be Robert Calloran. Mr. Steele gave me your conract.

Yeah, that's me, dude! That dude Richard told me you were comin'!

So, dude, like, what are you lookin' for?

Mr. Steele told me you have the best herbs and spices…

Yeah, we've got some rad hydro goin' on back here in the greenhouses. Best stuff you can get your hands on.

What's so great about your produce?

Man, it's totally green, bio-friendly and definitely NOT GM, dude! You'd think that hydro produce carries a high price tag, but consider this: no pesticides, sterile environment, climate controlled. It's like treating the plants to a lifetime health spa membership!

How is it that you know so much about herbs and spices?

Dude, I dig hangin' with the greenery. Must've been somethin' with my folks and Woodstock.

But the deal is that I went through college studying all sorts of stuff about botany, agriculture and even dabbled with some genetics 101. How do you think I got this place up and runnin'?


"Dabbled with some genetics"? The only moral GMO is my GMO. But now let's get down to business and ask him the important question:

I've got this recipe that I plan to use to woo a lady. Do you think it's suitable?

YOU SHOW THE FISH WELLINGTON TO ROBERT.

Like, duuuude, that's a calorie bomb! She'll blow up like the Hindenburg if you give her a recipe like that to eat! Dude, like, no ladies like to be jolly plump and fat! She'll find your recipe, like, insulting, dude!

It's not exactly for her consumption – I just thought it would be nice to dedicate a recipe to her for the upcoming cooking contest. So, what can I do to change the recipe so that it's more suitable for this lady friend of mine?

Dude, you gotta add these items so that your recipe's slick…

Yeah, dude, like, you can call it the Delia Wellington – she'd catch your drift, you dig?

ROBERT INFORMS YOU ABOUT THE *HEALTHY* INGREDIENTS – NOW YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY NUTRITIOUS, HEALTHY AND DELIA-FRIENDLY FISH WELLINGTON!

Like, dude, throw in some bay leaves, coriander seed and paprika. These herbs and spices will do wonders for your recipe, breaking down non-essential fats and all sorts of cellulose-inducing enzymes.

GOT THAT WRITTEN DOWN, ARMAND? YOU DON'T WANT TO ADD IN THE WRONG INGREDIENTS…


Man, the narrator's gotten really sassy. Also we do totally forget two of the three ingredients that Robert suggested; Armand's an idiot.

What would you serve a lady you're trying to woo if you were in my shoes?

Man, I'd serve a nice sautéed tofu with some Julienned veggies stir-fried in a wok.

Uh, sure… dude… I dig...

But dude, you'd really impress her if you create this new recipe and name it in her honor. Chicks dig that!

My uncle told me the same thing! Maybe you're right – I'll definitely woo her if I enter the cooking contest with this new and improved recipe I've got!

OK, I'll be leaving now. Nice to meet you.

Later, dude. Swing by anytime.



"What is this 'tofu' and 'stir-fry' of which you speak?" – a culinary school honors student. Anyway, we followed Robert's advice and added 0.08 tablespoons of paprika to our fish wellington. Let's hope it's not too spicy for the cooking competition judges! We forgot the bay leaves and coriander seeds, though. Hopefully that won't leave too many of those "cellulose-inducing enzymes" in our fish Wellington – we wouldn't want Delia to catch cellulose from our special dish!



Here we are yet again at the Los Angeles cooking contest. One round, Fish Wellington only. I'm not sure how the judges will feel about us making up our own recipe, but since the only difference is 0.06 tablespoons of paprika, they'll probably let it slide.



Slight problem: Armand's not actually very good at cooking fish Wellington. I'll give it a try, and if we lose, I'll have to have Armand practice the dish at Treize à Table.



Hey, wait a second… this guy is not even cooking fish Wellington! What is this trickery!



Uh… I've never seen this happen. What happens now, do we settle this with pistols?



Oh, it's fine – we're the protagonist, so we win.



We win the recipe for these cute heart-shaped blueberry muffins! Actually, these are higher quality than the fish Wellington. We should just dedicate these to Delia instead! They've got a good rating, but not good enough for competition use. I'm concerned that these will probably go in the oven, so in game mechanics terms, it's probably a mediocre recipe at best.

Now let's go and claim Delia, as is our right as the victors of the cooking contest.



Hi, Delia! So, did you enjoy the cooking contest?

Oh, Armand, you were fabulous!

I hope you liked my dedication. I created the recipe especially for you.

Oh, Armand, you sure know how to treat a lady!

It was the least I could do to show my affection towards you. I'm not very good with words, so I decided to let my actions speak for me…

Your actions speak for themselves loud and clear!

Delia, I really, really like you.

And I think you're absolutely fabulous! I'm so glad we met!



"Is there any way we can get their models a bit closer? Maybe a tender embrace or something?"

"No, sorry, we tried that and got all sorts of clipping errors. This is the best I can do."

Well, now that I've got the knot out of my throat…

I bet you want to buy some ingredients, Armand. Ever the busybody, right? Anyways, let me show you…



You know, one thing I'll say for Delia, I have to respect her business acumen. ALWAYS Be Closing.

Well, I hate to rush, but duties await. I'll be seeing you soon!

I hope so! Lots of luck!



Well, that's Delia well and truly wooed. To celebrate, let's doll up the Hope and Anchor.



The first one to say I've gone overboard is gonna be walking the plank from my boat-roof!



And with that, we've won another mission! The next mission is going to be a pretty straightforward one. But the final showdown with OmniFood is fast approaching.