Part 14: There is no spoon

Episode 13: There is no spoon



Hello, Armand! Have I got some great news for you! You know how you've always wanted to win the French Nationals? Well, the competition is on!

YOU CAN NOW ENTER THE FRENCH NATIONALS!

Wow – that's been almost a dream for me since I was a kid!

Well, now you have the chance to fulfil that dream…

Thanks for the information, uncle! I'll try my best to win!

Good luck, Armand! I have full confidence that you can win!



Another cooking contest? All right, why not. This is a four-round French cooking contest for two chefs. It seems a little pointless to let us bring two chefs if we're only cooking from one cuisine, but it's actually a good idea to specialise your chefs. In Wagons Ho!, for example, Tyrone Simpson is responsible for all the appetizers while Bruce Allen cooks the soups and desserts. That way, they'll get cooking XP in their respective recipes twice as fast, increasing dish quality. However, we've had Armand for so long that he's pretty much maximally experienced in all French recipes that matter, so we don't really need a second chef.



We get very few customers at the Hope and Anchor, so I've brought Blood-in-his-veins Mazowski to Paris to observe the competition. I notice that he's actually competent at making stuffed spider crab, so maybe we'll even let him cook something.



Nah. Armand has those really good ingredients that I've been buying from Dmitri, Delia and various other people, so he'll be the one doing all the cooking here. I don't know if there's a way to share those ingredients with your other chefs, but even if there were, .



We're clearly nearing the endgame. Armand's score of 95 is only five points from 100, which is the absolute maximum recipe quality. If we could get our hands on a recipe that'll let us score 100, we should be guaranteed to win every cooking contest.



We're not going to get there with a soup, but the cream of red bell pepper soup should be OK here. This is the only one of our starting recipes that I'm still using for contests, mostly because our French soup repertoire is awful.



We're still comfortably ahead. This game's pretty easy when you don't have to deal with your terrible customers.



We follow the spider crab and the red pepper soup with a nice beef daube.



At this point, because you can get a maximum of 100 points for your dish, it's pretty much impossible for us to lose.



I was going to go with the cinnamon à la crepe in the final round for old times' sake, but I had forgotten that the contest forces you to make this fruit gratin. Way to try to spoil my fun, Restaurant Empire.





We win the French nationals! I'unno, didn't we just recently win an international cooking competition? This feels like going down a step.



But we also win the Lobster ! The quality isn't very impressive, though it does have an incredible profit margin. This is not surprising: Armand, where the fuck are you getting $1.36 lobsters? And that's at three-star quality. At the lowest quality level, he's paying $0.23 for a lobster. Is that a plastic lobster? A napkin with the word "lobster" scribbled on it? Good recipe.



I go back to win the contest again. Thanks to all his hard work, Stan Mazowski is now the fourth-greatest chef in the world! And Armand is number five, I guess. Whatever.



The second win got us the recipe for duck with coriander. Duck with 2.5 grams of coriander seed, to be more specific. This honestly feels like false advertising. This is duck with apple with a slight impurity of coriander seed! And chicken broth, for some reason.

Similarly to the lobster Thermidor, it's got a mediocre quality and a good profit margin, so I guess this is a fairly good recipe.

Shortly after, I get called back to the kitchen of Treize à Table by a mysterious figure with a mysterious beard.



Monsieur LeBoeuf, My name is Bernard Compte, and I saw your rout of the French Nationals. We have been waiting for someone like you.

Can I call you Bernard?

No.

You have been waiting for someone like me? What do you mean?

I am the Director of the ICDO, and our organization has every reason to believe that you are the one.

What's the ICDO?

We are the International Coalition to Defeat OmniFood.

Why do you want to defeat OmniFood?

We have every reason to believe that OmniFood employs tactics to win the cooking contests that go against the moral culinary foundations of the cooking competitions.

I'm not sure I understand. Can you explain?

OmniFood produces their own ingredients. They also produce genetically-modified ingredients. We know that OmniFood uses these strictly forbidden ingredients in the cooking contests to gain the edge against the competition.

So – why don't you just tell the organizing committee? I'm sure they would disqualify OmniFood if they knew about this!

The problem is, we cannot find any incriminating evidence. So far, all the *evidence* we have is hearsay. But we know for a fact that they cheat. All we need now is the evidence. However, this is very hard to come by, as all OmniFood's secrets are well-guarded.


"OmniFood are definitely cheating. We have no evidence whatsoever, but we know for a fact that they're cheating, because they're winning and we hate them!!!"

What do you mean, what one am I?

It is no secret that due to their constant and consistent cheating, we want to see OmniFood topple. And we believe that you have it in you to defeat them!

Um. Okay, but how can I defeat them, if according to you they cheat?

Since we cannot find any evidence, we need to take an alternative approach. If we defeat OmniFood, we will put to an end their reign on the tourney. And that's where you come in.

What can I do for you, Mr. Compte?

I would like you to come with me to perfect your French cooking skills. We know you have it in you, Armand, to defeat OmniFood, and we want to train you to become the best chef the likes the world has never seen! [sic]

And who will I train under?

Under my direct tutelage, Armand.

What will I learn?

I was a grand master chef before I retired. I have won the cooking final event several times, and was ranked number one for several years. I rarely cook anymore, but my skills, and more importantly, my knowledge, remains.

And skills you will learn, Armand. You will master everything that I have learned in over 35 years as a chef. In short, you will know what I know. And you will one day be better.

Well, in that case, I accept!

Good! You might want to tell your relatives and loved ones that you are leaving. We will be gone for quite a while, until you perfect every skill and explore every piece of knowledge I have to offer. You should pack right away. There is no time to lose!



Wow. This sounds important. I'd better go with Morpheus right away, and not spend a couple of months stalling in case I get offered some more recipes.

It sure is a shame they can't get any evidence of OmniFood's wrongdoing. Imagine the fallout if people discovered that OmniFood has developed their own super-ingredients which allow you to make incomparably delicious food that you can't buy anywhere other than OmniFood restaurants. Their franchise would be doomed!



I bought this new French/American recipe for $50,000. It's really high quality, though its profitability is pretty poor. Still, though, very good recipe. Although I'm disappointed they didn't use the foot-long langoustine model from the langoustine crepes recipe.



This recipe was also just over $50,000. Our customers are getting REALLY greedy lately! Still, this is another recipe with excellent quality and poor profitability. I'll make low-quality versions of both of these recipes and add them to the menu.

After the first month, I stop getting new offers from our customers, so I head over to Uncle Michel's house.



Armand! So this is the lovely Delia!

Didn't I tell you she was something?

Oh, seeing such a beautiful face – how I long for those bachelor days again!

Hmmm… haven't I heard that comment before? Anways…

Delia, meet my uncle. He was the one who got me involved with restaurants!

Ah, Armand, you always had the blood of chefs in your veins – you were destined to become a chef!

How are you doing, Mr. Leboeuf.

Please – call me Michel. It's a pleasure to meet you!

She's very pretty, Armand! Not only are you good at cooking, but you also have a good eye!


I'm a little uncomfortable with this conversation. They can't even politely pretend that Delia is anything other than decoration?

I want to break the news to both of you…

What is it?

Yes, Armand, what do you wish to tell us?

I met with Mr. Bernard Compte, a retired grand master chef. He has offered to train me to become a master as well…

So you've met good ol' Bernie! That's great! He is one fantastic chef, that much I can tell you! If he is going to train you, then I'm sure you'll become a formidable master chef as well!

That's great, Armand! Congratulations!

Delia, uncle, I will be going away for a while under Bernard's direct tutelage.

Believe me, Armand, you will have your hands full! That Bernie can sure cook, and will have lots of new skills and techniques to show you!

Delia, uncle, I would like you to look over my operations while I am gone…

You want me to work in your restaurant again? Sure! The only thing is, I'll still need a replacement at the market!

Well, if you don't mind me taking your place…

Of course not! And thanks to Armand, I already have some experience running restaurants, and with your guidance, Michel, I'm sure we can manage Armand's business in his absence!

Well, I guess I have to start packing…

Take care, Armand, and make us proud!

Yes, take care, Armand, and don't worry – I'll help you look over the restaurant while you're away. Uncle will help me as well, so you don't have to worry about a thing. Lots of luck!

YOU START PACKING FOR THE JOURNEY. FORTUNATELY, DELIA AND MICHEL WILL HELP OVERSEE YOUR OPERATIONS WHILE YOU'RE GONE. DELIA WILL START WORKING IN YOUR RESTAURANT! WHILE UNCLE WILL TAKE HER PLACE AT THE MARKET.



Oh, now Delia is back? Then why didn't you just have her stay in the restaurant when she joined the first time! Sometimes this game just mystifies me.



Oh well. The rest of the month passed uneventfully. I normally don't show off the end-of-month P&Ls, but the Hope and Anchor somehow managed to make a profit of precisely $1. Mazowski!!!



Next mission, we'll be following the adventures of Delia Delecoeur as she runs our restaurant empire! Hopefully she'll do a great job and not immediately screw it up.