Part 7: Lacrima Castle, Part 3

Ooh, look. Pretty flowers.



These are Moon Lilies. They only bloom during a full moon, and they wither away before morning.
...wow. There are so many ways in which that makes absolutely no sense. Anatomically, ecologically, evolutionarily...
it's magic ok they are magic flowers
They don't look too healthy.
Probably because they're impossible abominations.


I wonder if these will become relevant later! Let us press on and find out!



Damn you, Wyndham! Though they may walk like men, your carnivorous deathblossoms shall not impede me for long!



I have no comments to make on this battle or these enemies or current political affairs.

if you want a summary then attack spam basically

moving on





You can drink from the fountain, but it's not a good idea. Here's what happens:







I'm really not sure what the point of dousing the torch is. All you get for your trouble is some ash, which doesn't do anything, whereas the torch comes in handy later on. So basically it's just an insidious trick on the part of Sting Entertainment. Sure, putting your torch out seems like a stupid thing to do, but you've done stupid things before and been rewarded for them! Why should this time be any different?

Oops. Sorry. This time we're punishing you. Here is our collective middle finger, kindly sit and spin at your earliest convenience.

ANYWAY the only thing this fountain is good for is reviving the flowers we saw earlier. Let's take some water and head back.



On our way through this screen, Lina decides that now would be an excellent time to trip and fall.



EIN IS A DICK: If Ein were actually a decent person, this choice wouldn't even come up. You'd just go straight to a minigame to try and save Lina. Failure would mean that he didn't catch her, but only because he didn't react quickly enough.

Instead, what's happening here is that he knows Lina's about to fall over and, in the instant before it happens, he's actually mulling over whether or not he should bother doing anything about it.


Well, I suppose I could consider saving her clumsy ass. But then I'd spill the water, and then I'd have to walk aaaallll the way back to the fountain to get more. That's, like, a whole screen away. I'm sure she'll understand.
...
um i mean oh no lina noooo i'll save you oops too late sorry



Why even give you this option? Who's going to take a detour to the fountain, pick up some water, make their way back here, do it all over again if they chose to save Lina earlier, examine the flowers a second time, and then say "Actually, you know what? Never mind."

Silly people. That is who would do it. We do not make games for silly people, Sting Entertainment. This is not a JOKE.

In short, of course we're going to water them. In return, we receive a key item:



And 7500 points. Also, we get to pick one of the revitalised Moon Lilies, which gets us another 2500 points and, surprise surprise, the Moon Lily item.


Incidentally, I'm filing this whole side-trip under "unbelievably stupid crap for which we get rewarded." (Ask me if I'm ever going to come up with a snappier term for that.)

Granted, pouring water on flowers seems like a reasonable, Earth-logic thing to do, but put it in context. We're in dangerous, unfamiliar territory. The place is infested with demons, all of whom are out for our delicious angel blood*. Furthermore, our mission is time-sensitive; we have to discover what has become of the Arcs before it's too late. Who knows what could happen if we spend too long faffing around?

In spite of all this, what are we doing? Watering the fucking plants. We've essentially just taken a time out in the middle of a life-endangering rescue mission to do a nice bit of gardening. AND, just to put the final nail in the coffin, we did it even though Fia just told us that the things are guaranteed to die in the morning anyway.

(*don't ask me how i know that angel blood is delicious

i went to bangkok once

there was

there was a misunderstanding)



When we try to leave this screen, Ein spots an object lying on the ground. It is, as you will discover when you pick it up, the Black Earring battle item.

I'm not actually going to bother with it. It's not that it's bad, as such; it's just that it's not quite good enough to warrant using when you can only have a maximum of four items in any given battle, and that has to include the stuff you use to hit people with. Quite a lot of the "support" items fall prey to that.

Also nobody can master it and who the hell wears black earrings anyway. TOSSED.



As we enter this screen, we hear a scream from above! Drama!


What was that?!
Someone's being attacked above us!


BUT we don't have any time to deal with that right now. Let's look at the GRASS.



Hey, look! It's a bunch of clovers and dandelions! I wonder if there's a four-leaf clover here...
A four-leaf clover?
It's rare. If you find one, it'll bring you good luck! It works for love, too!
...


At this point, they both start searching furiously for four-leaf clovers so that Ein will fall in love with them. Even though they only met him, what, a few hours ago? Maybe a day or two, if you really want to count the time he spent asleep in their bed.

That might seem strange to you, but this is how relationships actually work in Japan. The old "being found unconscious and taken in by a young woman" routine is practically a courting ritual over there, and it's supremely effective; the Eastern equivalent of "owning a Porsche made out of money", if you like. If you're not making babies by the end of the week using this method, you might be impotent.



Sometimes Ein will find a four-leaf clover when you do this, and sometimes he won't. I think it's just a matter of luck; if there's anything you can do to affect the outcome then I certainly don't know about it.

EIN IS A DICK: I'm not kidding when I say that we're putting the scream we just heard on the backburner so that we can poke through the grass for clovers. You can literally do this. In fact, this is the only time you can do it; once we go through the cutscene we're about to see, the option to search the grass is no longer available.

That's right. Ein is only willing to dilly-dally here when it allows him to make a point of ignoring an aggravated assault in progress.

Speaking of which, we should probably investigate that now that we're done here.



Are we done with this game?
BY ALL THE HELLS YOUR BLOOD WILL STAIN THE GROUND YET
Don't worry. You'll be reunited with your race soon. You wouldn't want to betray them, would you?
Betray them?! YOU'RE the one who did it!
Oh, how they screamed. It was like taking candy from a baby...and then murdering it!



And they have themselves a little automated battle. I'd like to say Serene wins but





Umm...are you alright?
Well gee. I just fell from a hundred feet and I'm covered in bleeding axe wounds. I'm just peachy. All in all this day is going pretty OK.



Oh look! More imminently dead people!
Stop it! Don't hurt her!
My, aren't you a defiant one? We'll see if you stay that way...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...um, are you-
WHEN YOUR SOUL BELONGS T-damn it! Don't talk over me when I'm threatening you!
I thought you were done.
I was pausing for effect!
For thirty seconds?
Shut up. Just shut up. You've completely ruined the moment now. I hope you're happy.


If you're anything like me, you're probably thinking that this new character is a dude. Sure, he does look fairly feminine, but so did Ledah, and look how that turned out. Besides, this is a JRPG. Long, flowing hair and girly bangs don't indicate anything one way or another. Yep, this is definitely a man.



GOD DAMN YOU STING ENTERTAINMENT



So. Mysterious, black-winged character, wielding a weapon very similar to Ein's, no name given as of yet, just kicked the crap out of one of our soon-to-be party members.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that this is one of those unwinnable scripted battles. All you do is wail on her until she uses her Break Out, and then:





A Diviner?! How did a lowly sprite like you get one of those?!
Divinawhat now?



Oh poop.
Our Diviners are resonating...this isn't good. At this rate, my Diviner will be rendered useless.
Hey! As of now, you are all officially walking corpses. Especially you, Mr. Dramakiller. I'll be back!
Cool. I'm just gonna pass out now.










He's waking up!
Really?!
Uggghhhh...
Ein, are you alright?
Not really...
Time for some ointment!
Not really feeling too bad at all! Is what I meant!
Ein...that demon called your sword a "Diviner". What is that?
I...don't know. It sounds familiar, though.
Not to interrupt, but who are you people and what are you doing here?
We're here to find out about the Arcs, but so far, all we've found are demons.
So you're an Arc? What's your name?
My name is Serene, commander of the armies of Rosalina, general of the Arc Legions. Loyal servant of the true emperor, Shinichi Ito. Daughter of a murdered father. Survivor of a murdered race. And I will have my vengeance. In this life or the next.
...alright then. Welcome aboard.


And that's pretty much all that's said about that. You'd think Serene would be depressed about the destruction of her entire species, or at least need a little time to get over it, but oh no. Serene doesn't get depressed. Serene gets PISSED, and her coping mechanism is SLAUGHTER.

Now, this is all well and good, but if you'll recall, we didn't come here to fight demons. That was just a necessary means to an end. What we came here for was to find out what happened to the Arcs. We now know the answer, viz. they are all dead. Mission accomplished. Ergo, the only reason we're pressing on is that Serene is angry and wants to kill shit.

Not saying that's a bad reason, mind you. I'm just keeping you abreast of our shifting objectives.

Unfortunately, new party members start off with no experience at all, regardless of how much you've trained everyone else, so we've got some practice battles to fight. No montage this time, though. Sorry.







This battle might actually have been interesting if we'd got Devastator'd at some point.

we didn't though



We won't be keeping the Spiked Hammer. If you have Lina use it, it knocks 75% off an enemy's HP, which sounds awesome, but the problem is that it's horribly, HORRIBLY inaccurate. In the amount of time it takes you to hit anything with it, you could probably have won just by using normal attacks.



It's pitch dark in here. We are likely to be eaten by a grue.
I could use my magic to light us up.
You can do that?
Of course! Watch.



At this point, Fia very helpfully lights up the screen!



...for about half a second.


Wow. Thanks, Fia. Big help.


Fortunately, she did reveal to us a torch that we can light. With the torch that we are currently carrying.

No I do not know why our torch doesn't provide any light as-is.

we have the worst torch



Finally! A chest that contains something worthwhile! Chappi will know what to do with this. Chappi's awesome like that.



As soon as we enter this screen, someone starts lobbing fireballs at us. How rude!



You can either light the torch here or just charge blindly through the room. If you do the latter, you have to dodge a bunch more fireballs before moving on. It's not very rewarding, so let's choose the former.





Ho hum.



Alright. This should finish him off.



WHAT IN THE NAME OF

THAT'S NOT EVEN

YOU FUCKING

AAAAARGH



So YEAH for that battle we got a B RANK.

I don't like Gladiators much I'm not sure if this has dawned on you yet.



Books are awesome. They're so versatile. Most of the weapons in the game do basically the same kind of thing regardless of who uses them, but with books you get a nice little combo platter; single-target physical damage with Lina, back-row elemental damage with Cierra, and full party healing with Fia. If real books could do all of that, I would be literate as shit. (Shit is literate.)



What is this place?
I never imagined that such a place existed here.
There's something written here.
This is sacred lettering! I've never seen a complete passage before.
What does it say? Let Lina read it!
Only those from Asgard can read it. It's a lost art.
Җ Ҩ ҕ ԓ...
You know how to read it?!
I think so...



Yeah!
Ein! What'd you do?!
Isher, Isher, Isher!
Summoned a boss fight, apparently.
Can U handle it?



This, ladies and gentlemen, is Isher.



And he is a bastard.

We can't actually hurt him yet. Much like the fight with the mysterious woman earlier, we just have to wait until he decides to get around to using his Break Out, and I don't mind telling you that he's in no fucking hurry.



If I do it like this, man, I ain't gonna miss!



This isn't going well.



Ein...
heeello
I shall restore the powers of your Diviner. Use it wisely.
Somebody better hold me back!



OK. Now we can kill him.

But hey. This is a boss fight, and it's our first boss fight without Ledah backing us up. Do you really want to see pictures of it accompanied by my terrible writing?

Or would you rather see a video of it accompanied by my terrible voice?




Viddler-type Isher Battle | Dailymotion-type alternative


(Please let me know if there's anything wrong with this. I'd have had it checked out in the Sandcastle first, but that would have totally spoiled the surprise! I couldn't let that happen!)





When I'm hurtin', baby, I ain't happy, baby.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT



OH MY GOD I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT



Ein...it was I who sealed your memories away.
WHO'S GOT THE AWESOME OVER SKILL NOW LEDAH HAHA FUCK YOOOOUUUU
...
Sorry, yes. Memories. Listening.
I am Ursula, guardian of Riviera, and I wanted you to see this land for yourself.
I shall return your memory to you now, but please consider what you have seen here.



ARGHFFFBRBL



...Ein?
uhhhhhhhhhh
I think you gave him a stroke, lady.
giggidy
Nope, he's fine.
Wait...I remember now. I'm a Grim Angel. I'm...I'm supposed to destroy Riviera, aren't I?
Destroy Riviera? You?
Someone has awakened the Accursed, the children of the Demon God who was sealed away here long ago. They have the ability to summon demons, and I fear they have returned to reclaim Riviera.
Those from Asgard have long feared this. Foolishly, they have chosen destruction as the answer.
Destruction? You mean...of Riviera?
Yes. It's the will of the gods.
Your companion still pursues that aim. With the threat of demons and the Retribution, the Sprites are caught in a violent maelstrom. Only those with Diviners can defeat the Accursed. There is no other way.
Please, before it's too late...go and defeat the Accursed. You must seal them away, Ein.



Time out. What exactly makes you think I'm obligated to do any of this?
You nerf the crap out of me, you reformat my brain, you dump me in a strange village with some hippy chick and a loli, and now you show up out of nowhere and expect me to do your bidding? Something isn't right with this picture. Maybe you should just have been upfront rather than dicking me around like this.
It's not my job to save you people. It's my job to activate the Retribution and save Asgard. It's going to screw you all over, and that sucks, but that's how it has to be. Too bad. No. I'm not helping you.





...is the kind of response you might have hoped to get by saying no. However, this is a JRPG, and as we all know, that is not how they work. Here's what actually happens.


Sorry, but I can't.


All together now...


BUT THOU MUST!
Oh fine.



You bastards had better appreciate this update, because I had to research Usher songs for it. What's more, I had to carefully pick through them to find lyrics that were not describing the active boning of a woman or theoretical future bonings.

It took days.





------NEW ITEMS------
Amulet: Support item. Raises resistance to physical damage.
Book of Laura: Book-type weapon. Fire damage.
Hell Scythe: Scythe-type weapon.


Excalibur: One-shot boss weapon.
Xanadu
Effect: Single attack, power of 440. Holy damage.
Target: Nearest Enemy.
Additional: Additional damage to human-type enemies.

Astral Glitter
Effect: Single Magic attack, power of 282.
Target: Nearest Enemy.
Additional: Unblockable, unavoidable, piercing.





------NEW OVER SKILLS------

---LEVEL 1---
Dragon Flash
Item: Hell Scythe
Effect: Single attack, power of 109.
Target: Nearest Enemy
Additional: Unblockable. Low accuracy.

---LEVEL 2---
Iron Wall
Item: Amulet
Effect: Raises Physical resistance.
Target: All allies



---LEVEL 1---
Feuer Rune
Item: Book of Laura
Effect: Single Magic attack, power of 72. Fire damage.
Target: All enemies
Additional: Unblockable, unavoidable.


---LEVEL 1---
Terror Swing
Item: Hell Scythe
Effect: Single Magic attack, power of 79. Ice damage.
Target: Front row.
Additional: Low accuracy...and unavoidable. Yeah, it has both. I don't know.

---LEVEL 2---
Wild Flames
Item: Book of Laura
Effect: 3-hit Attack combo, power of 56.
Target: Random enemy.
Additional: Unavoidable. Random chance of additional fire damage to row.



---LEVEL 1---
Judgment
Item: Rosier
Effect: Single attack, power of 429. Holy damage.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Piercing. Low accuracy.

Mage Stream
Item: Iron Sword
Effect: Two-hit Magic combo, power of 42.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Piercing.

Rumble Smash
Item: Rose Whip
Effect: Single Magic attack, power of 74.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Unblockable. Low accuracy.

Stinger
Item: Rapier
Effect: Single Magic attack, power of 74. Fire damage.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Piercing. Low accuracy.

Straight Slash
Item: Silver Rapier
Effect: Single Magic attack, power of 131. Fire damage.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Piercing. Low accuracy.

Volcano Strike
Item: FlamBERGE
Effect: Two-hit Magic combo, power of 68. Fire damage.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Piercing.


---LEVEL 2---
Shining Star
Item: Pendant
Effect: Raises agility and adds regen.
Target: All allies.


---LEVEL 3---
Serene Combo
Item: Hell Scythe
Effect: Three-hit Attack combo, power of 68. Ice damage.
Target: Front row.
Additional: Unblockable.







ANGEL BLOOD CAKE

You will need:

1.5 cups cake flour
2 cups sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp cream of tartar
12 large egg whites
1 cup angel blood
1 tbsp Lemon juice
1 tbsp Cornstarch
A tube pan


Preheat oven to 190C/375F. Sift flour and 1/3 cup of sugar together. Whisk egg whites until frothy, then add cream of tartar and a pinch of salt. Continue to whisk until whites reach soft peaks. Gradually add 1-1/3 cups sugar and vanilla, continuing to whisk until stiff peaks form. Gradually sift and fold flour mixture into egg whites, taking care not to overmix. Pour batter into tube pan and bake for 35 minutes.

While cake is baking, combine angel blood, lemon juice, and remaining sugar in a saucepan. Bring to a boil while stirring to dissolve sugar. Simmer for ten minutes. Blend cornstarch with 3 tbsps water and pour into blood mixture. Allow to boil for five minutes, whisking constantly, then set aside to cool.

Remove cake from oven and invert pan. Allow to cool, then remove from pan and coat with a layer of blood glaze. Serve with whipped cream.

Enjoy. Oh yes, enjoy.