Part 15: Tetyth, Part 3

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Riviera antics.

I don't want you folks getting bloated on all that depression junk, so I made this update with some decent, healthy, warm fuzzies. Bon appetit.




Ein. We have to do something about Cierra.
What do you mean?
I mean there's something seriously wrong with her. She's acting very strangely.
Really? I hadn't noticed.
How can you not have noticed? She's done nothing for the last hour but light matches and cry! It's heartrending!
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you don't speak Einglish. "Hadn't noticed" means "Don't care."



So. The barrel.

You'd think the unbreakable godsword that Ein's carrying around would be sufficient to open it up, right? Or perhaps Serene's hefty, flaming scythe? Wrong. The ONLY way to get at the contents of this thing is by using the tiny hammer we received from the tiny hammer dude in the Nelde Ruins. So if you didn't get it, too bad.



mind you it's just more banangos so you wouldn't really be missing much

We can either go east here or move up the stairs. We'll do the former first.



Wow, a sword! There's treasure everywhere here! I should have started ransacking ancient cities years ago!
I dunno. Maybe we should leave it alone.
Why?
Because apparently someone saw fit to chain it to a stone wall. That's not really the sort of thing you do without a good reason.
Ein's right. Most likely, the sword is cursed. It wouldn't be wise to take it.
But...but...how can it be something we don't want and still be loot at the same time?! Two cannot equal three!
It's not possible! I won't accept it! I WON'T!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA



...perhaps I should have mentioned that I can remove the curse. Sooner.
Nah, I'm cool with this.


Obviously, simply ripping it off the wall is a bad idea, because as Fia said, it's cursed. You'll still get the sword, but it'll only have half as many uses as it will if you uncurse it first. Also, Ein loses a chunk of HP. So let's do this right.








_{How could this have happened? Life was good, and then, in an instant, the universe was shattered. There was no slow degradation. No swan song. Simply...an end. An end to everything. And when all was said and done, what was there to fill the void? Chaos. Madness. We are but fleeting, meaningless specks in the maelstrom.}
You can stop lamenting the frailty of existence now. We got the sword.
Oh, sweet.


Heading upstairs now.



Damn it. I knew I shouldn't have blown my Gladiator joke so early.



Anyway, gladiators aren't nearly as much of a bastard now as they were in Lacrima. We've got plenty of elemental attacks and Over Skills to clobber them with at this point, so their Physical resistance and penchant for blocking do little to protect them.

Also, that whole "ludicrously overpowered" thing has yet to really taper off. (That was his Break Out we just got hit with.)



So...I guess that makes me the champion now?
I guess so.
Awesome. What do I win?
Um...the admiration of us all?
Lame.



Oh yeah. I should probably mention that we're not on a time limit anymore. The only thing the rising water does now is prevent you from backtracking when you reach certain screens. Now we can goof around as much as we please! Let us exploit this new state of affairs by examining this statue.



This statue is the Battle Lion. It can judge the bravery of those who place their hands in its mouth. Warriors used it to test their courage, long ago.
What happens if you pass?
You receive a blessing.
And if you don't?
I don't know exactly, but I'd imagine it's something suitably horrendous.
Sounds dangerous.
Yes.








...what?
Ten bucks says it bites his arm off.
You're on.











It's strange, but I don't recall actually agreeing to do this.
Stop complaining. It's a test of courage. If you're fearing the worst, that's exactly what you'll get.
(Yeah. If it were a test of morals or chivalry or something, THEN you'd need to be worried.)
OK, tourniquet's ready. Go for it.
THOR GRANT ME STRENGTH



Hah! How do you like THAT, naysayers?
Well this thing is obviously defective.
Regardless, I do believe that makes me ten dollars richer.
Yeah, yeah.
(Is it true that there's no replacement for courage? We say "no"! Blind taste tests have shown that nine out of ten lion statues can't tell the difference between real bravery and our stupidity-based substitute!)



I'm not sure if it's actually possible to fail the test. If you can, I'd assume it's based on whether you rescued the Undine earlier or not. Don't quote me on that, though.

In any event, success grants Ein a three-point bonus to all his stats and a universal affection boost.

(Incidentally, you also have the option of putting Rose in. However, if you try she just scratches you and you lose hit points. It also makes Cierra unhappy, as if she could possibly sink any lower right now.)

Next screen!



Another barrel, another hammer blow. This time the reward is actually worthwhile.










The lizardman in the back will drop a cool spear if we can S-rank him. Can we do it?



Damn straight we can!



hah did you notice my clever wordplay there

i called it a cool spear

and the spear does ice damage

fucking hell i am a genius i do not even know how i come up with this shit





When we try to leave this screen, a signpost suddenly falls from above.



Where'd this thing come from?
Something's written on it...umm..."Sa"..."Foo"...I can't read it.
It's a very unique style of writing.
In other words, it sucks.
It says "The Sage and the Fool are the best. True or False?"
...wow.
Oh cruel fate, to pit us against such a wily pair of puzzle-weavers.
We must have to use these panels! Maybe we should step on both at the same ti-
NO!
Oh. I see. One little world-shattering cataclysm and suddenly we've all lost our taste for plunder, is that it?
Yes, actually. That is entirely correct. Only in your personal, loot-centric world is that NOT a reasonable reaction.
I can't even look at you right now.



You might think that this is some kind of clever bluff and you're actually supposed to step on the X to receive the prize, but no. Straight sycophancy is the secret to success. How very true to life!

In any case, I might be willing to swallow my pride on this one if it weren't for the fact that the reward is EVEN MORE MOTHERFUCKING BANANGOS.

I AM SURE THEY'RE VERY TASTY STING BUT I THINK I'VE JUST ABOUT HIT MY RDA OF GENE-SPLICED DRUPES THANKS.



I should really start referring to these enemies as "Wyverns" to distinguish them from the annoying minibosses that blow you out of battle. Better late than never!

Didn't do anything special here; just had Serene and Lina go all Wolverine on the ape, then finished up with a Disaresta.



The Mint item is the key to unlocking another bathing scene when you return to Elendia later. Since we're not interested in the aforesaid scenes, we won't bother picking it up. Instead, let's take a look at the ground.



These rocks look interesting.
(Well, I'm glad you're admitting to it. A love of rocks is perfectly healthy for a growing boy and nothing to be ashamed of.)
Oh hush.
They used to mine mithril here. These rocks are probably chunks of ore.
I know a certain someone who'll be interested in this!




Heading east.



I think I heard something from that window.
don't tell serene that
Don't tell me what now?



Asking Serene to check it out might seem like the sensible thing to do, but I don't think I need stress any further that "sensible" doesn't mean "correct" in this game. All you get for your trouble is a lot of talk with no actual payoff, not that I have any right to complain about that.

Instead, 'tis time to fall back on our trusty old mainstay of "Throw rocks at it."



It's a bat!
_{oh no}
FUUUUUCK...
...BATS!



Serene...?
Since when do YOU hate bats?
Since always. Rabid, screeching, flapping little hellbeasts. There's only one mammal in the world that should fly, and that's an Arc.
...this could be the beginning of something beautiful.
(I'm sorry, could we go back to the "Only one flying mammal" thing real quick?)
You'll get yours, cat. Don't you worry.





The chest contains a Burning Sun, Thunder Blade or Elfin Bow, Otherwise, nothing interesting on this screen.



Lots to explore in this area, so let us waste no time in doing so. We'll head for the low ground first.



Ah. It's rare to have guests around here.
You're safe and sound, I see. Did those imps hurt you?
Oh! Did you save Iria? My little sister?
You mean that wasn't you?
Nope.
...would it be considered racist if I said you all look exactly alike?
Nope. We do.
She ran away before we could say anything, though...
Yes, that sounds like her. She's a shy one, I'm afraid. Nevertheless, as queen of the Undines, I must reward you for your noble act. What would you like?
That isn't necessary. We're just happy that your sister is-
SHUT UP WE'RE GONNA GET LOOT FROM THE QUEEN SHUT UP
Hmm. Tell you what. Wait here for a second, and I'll be back shortly.





So the Undines have a little chat to decide what Iria should give Ein as a gift. And yes, I did say "Ein". As in, him and nobody else. As if the ladies weren't involved at all.

By the way, there's no Little Mermaid joke here, because we're dangerously close to hitting critical mass on that front. However, I will show you a snippet from their conversation:





I shudder to think what that suggestion was.





There you are! Sorry to keep you waiting. My sister would like to say something to you.
Uh...um...you saved me a while ago. I-I was too embarrassed to thank you. But I'd be ashamed n-not to say it...so...um...thank you very much. This is for you.



Oh my God, a new bow! You guys are the best!
You're welcome. Take care while you're in Tetyth, OK? Bye!
See ya.




(I'd like you to make a note of what happened just there.)
What do you mean?
(See, you did something nice for someone, and now you're being rewarded for it. Turning down an opportunity to be a dick has worked in your favour, is what I'm saying.)
...and?
(And maybe we could take that into consideration in our future dealings?)
Well, I don't think it's sound practice to change my whole approach based on one statistical outlier.
(GOD. Why do I even bother?)


OK. We just received a nifty new bow that we can't get anywhere else. That's good. I'm feeling good. Are you feeling good? I'm definitely feeling good.

However, set that fact aside for a moment. There's something about the events we just witnessed that puts a gaping hole, nay, a RIFT in the delicate tapestry of logic. Have you noticed it?

If not, you have until the end of the update to figure it out. Good luck.




REWARDED FOR STUPID CRAP: If you spend enough turns in this area, (I think it's twenty) you'll eventually come across a key item on the screen where we met the mermai..."Undines."

Now, granted, this is after the flooding has stopped, so we haven't quite reached the level of "suicidal crap" yet. But still, why would anyone think to just wander around for twenty turns? Even if you didn't receive points and TP for completing dungeons quickly, it'd still be utterly counter-intuitive.





So...let's kill some time, I guess.



So if we want to get this item, we're supposed to just sit here and do nothing for twenty turns?
That's the gist of it, yes.
You can't seriously expect me to go that long without killing someone. And I think we all know who it'll be.
If I must sacrifice myself for the sake of the party's hoard, so be it!
Everyone calm down. I was prepared for this eventuality, and have procured a means of making everyone's presence more tolerable to everyone else for the duration.
Unless you're talking about divine intervention, I don't think-



...alright, I'm willing to go along with this. For now.




3 turns later...





Wow, Fia. You sure know how to hold your booze. I had you pegged for a lightweight.
I used to be one.
Oh yeah? What happened?
I moved in!
Ah.




6 turns later...





Hey Cierra. What're you doing way over there? Aren't you gonna have a drink?
_{No. The only cocktails I care about are molotovs.}




9 turns later...





Guys. You ever. You ever wonder what the point of all this is?
Of what?
This. This whole adventure. Sealing away the...the Accused.
Accursed.
That. Yeah. Sometimes, when things are all quiet like this...I just get to thinkin' sometimes, you know? What's it all about? Why're we doing this? How come we're fighting so hard if we don't even really know what the reason is? When you get right, RIGHT down to it, what's the point?
Well, if we don't do it, the world will be destroyed and we'll all die.

























Ooooooooooohhhh.




12 turns later...





HeyyyyyyLINA. You're...you're muchtooyoung to be DRINKING, young lady. Give me that bottle immediatellel...immedge...imm...now.
I will have YOU know, young lady, that I...am one year OLDER.
WOOOOW
...than who?
Fia.
WOOOOOW
Is she really?
Nobody knows but her.




15 turns later...





OH GOD I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THE SQUIRREL AND THE BAT AND THE BEEHIVE AND THE SQUIRREL AND EVERYTHING
It's OK! I forgive you, buddy! Let it all out!




18 turns later...





'Cause I'm a gambler that just wants to lose, and be allowed to leave...
I'm a traveller - with one last mile, my journey is complete...
I'm confused. Are they...are they actually getting along?
Looks like it.
How much of that stuff have they had?
Half a glass. Between them.
How much have *I* had?




20 turns later...





Alright, that should be enough. Let's go pick up this item, whatever it is.
Should we wake those two up first?










...nah.






A bottle? All that for a BOTTLE?
Well, it does look like there's something inside.
Oh hey, so there is.



The Music Sheet unlocks the Sound Test option in Extra Contents.






Well well. Welcome back to the land of the living, you two.
_{which one of you put a pile driver on my skull
take it off}

Now, at last, let us move on. We'll head to the high ground this time.



They're here! Sister, they're here!
Aha! Feel the power of our golem, fools!
Ein! They're using a golem!



As you might expect, entering the code from the manual deactivates the golem. It's a pretty tough enemy and you don't get anything worthwhile for fighting it, so that's exactly what we'll do.



But Sting will be damned before they'll let this be simple for you. Rather than just having Ein enter the code automatically, they make you do it yourself. And you're not going to know what the code IS unless you actually went into the Key Items menu and looked at the manual.

But you didn't do that! Because until now, there has been absolutely no indication that it's necessary! AND NOW IT'S TOO FUCKING LATE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T OPEN THE MENU DURING A MINIGAME!

Yes, that is exactly what happened to me the first time, and yes, I am still sore about it. Bite me.



It shut down...?
Oh, what the hell? That's not fair at all. You guys suck.



...well now I feel like a jerk.



Anyway, without the golem backing them up, these two are easy pickings. Nothing to say about this battle.



Hey, look. The enemy dropped a staff.
_...staff...
Wanna try it out, Cierra?
_{...to what end? Self-defence? Survival? Why fight to preserve a life that is hollow and joyless? Why save a world that bears naught worth saving?}



But...what's this? That familiar red gleam, the trace of sulphur in the air...could it be? After so long, do I dare to hope?



Yes! I feel it! The heat! The blaze! It surges forth at my bidding! It dances! It LIVES!



FIRE! GLORIOUS, CLEANSING FIRE! BURN AWAY THE DARKNESS! BURN AWAY THE SORROW! MAKE WHOLE THIS BLIGHTED EXISTENCE!















Well, I'm glad you like it.
You have no idea how much I missed you. Let us never be apart again.





---NEW ITEMS---
Blood Fang: Claw-type weapon. Physical damage.
Crystal Lance: Spear-type weapon. Ice damage.
Iria's Bow: Bow-type weapon. Physical damage.
Mithril Sword: Broadsword-type weapon. Physical damage.
Salamander Rod: Staff-type weapon. FIRE DAMAGE YAAAY
Zantetsu: Misc. weapon.
Ama-Tsubame
Effect: Four-hit Attack combo, power of 120.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Not-Vit. The lower Fia's HP, the more damage inflicted.




---NEW OVER SKILLS---


---LEVEL 1---
Buster Shot
Item: Iria's Bow
Effect: Single attack, power of 285.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Piercing.

Fire Blast
Item: Salamander Rod
Effect: Four-hit Magic combo, power of 87.
Target: Random enemy.

---LEVEL 2---
Crystal Dance
Item: Crystal Lance
Effect: Four-hit Magic combo, power of 125.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Final attack hits the row.

---LEVEL 3---
Earth Shaker
Item: Mithril Sword
Effect: Six-hit Attack combo, power of 127.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Final attack hits all enemies. Uses element of last attack.



---LEVEL 1---
Diamond Edge
Item: Crystal Lance
Effect: Three-hit Magic combo, power of 71.
Target: Front row.
Additional Not-Vit.

Rising Edge
Item: Mithril Sword
Effect: Three-hit Magic combo, power of 107.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional Ineffective against air enemies. Uses element of last attack.

---LEVEL 2---
Purity Arrow
Item: Iria's Bow
Effect: Four-hit Attack combo, power of 135. Holy damage.
Target: Enemy with lowest HP.
Additional Extra damage against air enemies.

Scarlet Screen
Item: Salamander Rod
Effect: Four-hit Magic combo, power of 94.
Target: Back row.
Additional Ineffective against air enemies.



---LEVEL 1---
Falling Star
Item: Crystal Lance
Effect: Three-hit Magic combo, power of 119.
Target: Enemy with lowest HP.
Additional: Removes all remaining Banangos from inventory.

---LEVEL 2---
Buster Claw
Item: Blood Fang.
Effect: Four-hit Attack combo, power of 93.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: The lower Lina's HP, the more damage inflicted.

---LEVEL 3---
Barrage
Item: Iria's Bow
Effect: Six-hit Attack combo, power of 156.
Target: Random enemies.
Additional: Extra damage against air enemies.



---LEVEL 1---
Bone Breaker
Item: Mithril Sword
Effect: Three-hit Magic combo, power of 103.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Piercing.

---LEVEL 2---
Blood Rave
Item: Blood Fang
Effect: Three-hit Attack combo, power of 112.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: The lower Serene's HP, the more damage inflicted.

Blue Gleam
Item: Crystal Dance
Effect: Four-hit Magic combo, power of 125.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Last attack hits whole row.



---LEVEL 1---
Holy Arrow
Item: Iria's Bow
Effect: Three-hit Magic combo, power of 130.
Target: Random enemies.

Mithril Blade
Item: Mithril Sword
Effect: Two-hit Magic combo, power of 152.
Target: Random enemy.
Additional Uses element of last attack.

---LEVEL 3---
Firestorm
Item: Salamander Rod
Effect: Six-hit Magic combo, power of 136.
Target: Random enemies.
Additional Last two attacks hit all enemies.


























WHAT IN THE NAME OF ODIN'S BALLS WAS A CREATURE THAT LIVES UNDERWATER DOING WITH A FUCKING BOW AND ARROW

JESUS