Riviera: The Promised Land Part #22 - Mireno Cemetery, Part 3

Part 22: Mireno Cemetery, Part 3

I don't know why you're all giving me that look. It's your own fault.

Our fault?!

Yeah! If you hadn't been neglecting your Einglish lessons, you'd know that "My treat" means "I will run away and leave you with the bill."

Oh really? Well how do you say "Pay up before I disembowel you" in Einglish?

There is no equivalent phrase for that.

Guess I'll just say it in English, then. Pay up before I-

I'M SORRY BUT I DON'T SPEAK YOUR MOON LANGUAGE

See the droplets on the walls?

What?! That's impossible! We already did the water dungeon!

So? Water isn't a rare thing, Cierra. It's everywhere. In fact, it's in the air right now.

No! That's a lie! Why would you say such a horrible thing?! If this is a joke, I'm NOT laughing!

I'm serious. You've been breathing water vapour all your life.

_{...but...I...that can't...}

Now what'd you have to go and tell her that for? I thought you were supposed to be empathetic?

I am. That's why I'm trying to set her straight. She can't spend the rest of her life believing that water is the source of all evil. It's not healthy.

Hark, Cierra! These combustible beasts shall make a fine sacrifice to the spirits of flame! Let their burning carcasses be offered forth, and ye shall surely be protected against the coming deluge!

Yes! Accept this gift, O spirits, and grant me respite from the devil-ichor that is water!

You're only compounding the problem, you know.

As long as it gets us an easy S-rank, I'm OK with compounding a few problems.

The chest contains nothing that we don't already have in plentiful supply, so let's just skip it. Moving into the next area, our passage is obstructed by an underground lake!

Wading across is a bad idea for two reasons. Firstly, you get drenched, which has the usual consequence of ruining your books and your bread, although for some reason it doesn't seem to affect our Clene Met scroll.

Secondly, we were flat-out told on the entry screen that it's deep despite appearing shallow. If you decide try your luck in spite of that, you pretty much deserve to have to play a minigame to avoid drowning. Which you will. So let's head back for now.

Do you see that pattern on the ground?

It looks like a magic circle. We might be able to cross the lake with this.

Only one way to find out!

OK. This is by far and away the most obscure, obnoxious puzzle in the entire game, and it's going to take a lot of words to explain in full. Bear with me, people.

Here's the rundown. That lake is blocking our path, so we need to drain the water before we can go any further. These "Crystal Sanctuaries" are our means to do so.

There are several of these rooms, and they all ask that you "Name the priest of <insert element here>", whereupon you are instructed to offer one of the ankhs. The obvious answer is to give it the ankh that corresponds to the priest in question, which will lower the water level and allow you to progress.

Now that in itself can be kind of confusing, because on the inscriptions, the very first line names each priest as being of "Chaos", "Death", "Birth", "Rebirth", "Creation" and "Courage", respectively. All the fire and lightning malarkey comes afterwards.

How does it work, then? If you'll recall, each inscription describes the priests as being above some other priest in a certain element, and below them in another element. For example, Iduna is "below Xenon in fire, above Yumel in lightning, above Xenon in ice."

Essentially, it's a sort of logic puzzle. By looking at all the inscriptions together, you're able to determine who is "above" everyone else in the element you're looking for, and there's your answer.

So first of all, you'd better have thought to write all of this down, because unless you have an incredibly good memory, you'll be wasting a hell of a lot of turns on going back and checking all the inscriptions again.

But that's not all! You'd think that just knowing which priests are on top would be enough, but that is because you do not understand the depths of Sting's loathing for you. Doing it this way will get you through the maze just fine, but you'll miss out on an important bonus area. The only way to access the aforementioned area is by intentionally getting the answers wrong. But you have to get them wrong IN THE RIGHT WAY, otherwise it won't appear.

Honestly, I don't have a fucking clue about this one. To this day, I only know what you're supposed to do, not why you're supposed to do it, and the only reason I know that is because I read a guide. My best guess is that it has something to do with all the "chaos, courage, rebirth" nonsense I mentioned earlier, but even then I don't know how it would work or why there are several valid combinations.

Between this bullshit, the fact that you have to fight umpteen bajillion battles in order to get all the ankhs in the first place, and that goddamned skipping stone game, it should come as no surprise to anyone that I hate this level.

Let's just get this out of the way before our brains start melting, shall we? Before we go anywhere else, we'll clear out that bonus area I mentioned.

On our way there, we stumble across our second entry in the "Dragon Murderer" sword series. (If you can cast your minds back to Heaven's Gate, the first of these was simply called "Dragon Killer.") I wonder if this means there could be dragons about?

seriously you'd think they'd try lairing up in a place where there AREN'T swords specifically designed to kill them lying around

Hey! Look at that boulder!

(Oh Christ, here we go.)

What about it?

Well...don't you think it's impressive? Majestic, even?

No.

Whatever. I'm going to take a closer look. Be right back.

Wow. I've never seen a rock this big before. I'm...I'm a little nervous.

...Rose? Do...do you think it'd be OK if I stroked it?

(If I ever hear that question from you again, I will kill myself.)

Oh God! It's so...hard! And black! And warm!

I'm getting goosebumps all over! Mankind was not meant to know such bliss!

...hey, wait a minute. It looks like there's a staircase or something under here.

Guys! Come over here and help me move this.

What's wrong?

_{i...i don't wanna touch it}

Should I be jealous, or...?

Ein, you can't stay at our house anymore. I'm sorry.

It's our fault, really. We should have held an intervention much sooner than this.

What? The gate to Hell?! We have to turn back!

What for?

What do you mean "What for?" I don't want to go to Hell! It does not have a reputation for being a nice place to visit!

Come on. It'll be fun.

No. It won't be fun. Because it's HELL.

Alright, so you're not in favour. What does everyone else think?

I say we go. It'll be good for my research.

Gotta be some decent loot in there. I'm in!

Since we're here, I might as well go in and show them who's boss. It'll save me having to do it later.

Sorry, Fia. You've been outvoted. We're going to Hell, everyone!

Yippee!

...

(Democracy, folks.)

(So. This is Hell, is it?)

Apparently.

(Well, I hope it's to your liking. Given your track record thus far, I'd say this is where you're going to end up.)

Where we're going to end up.

(Oh please. They've been saving me a spot in paradise from the moment I agreed to babysit you.)

Yeah, but I doubt they'll look too favourably on your countless attempts to rob me of my self-worth.

(Hey. I allow you exactly as much self-worth as you deserve. Which is none. If you want more than that, maybe you should stop feeling up rocks and being a dick.)

So hey. Here's a big, ugly dragon, an enemy that we haven't seen for ages. In fact, we've only fought one so far, and that was with Ledah backing us up. Plus, it's got a big old steaming hunk of HP, and it's apparently so tough that it has a whole subset of weapons designed for the sole purpose of dealing extra damage to it. You'd imagine that this dude would put up a half-decent fight.

You'd be wrong. In fact, I didn't even end up using the Dragon Buster. Once the two bugs were dead, Serene was able to slaughter his face off all by herself.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to this week's "Cooking with Cierra!" In our last episode, I showed you how to prepare the perfect over-easy egg. Good for a simple, nourishing breakfast, but today I thought we'd try something a little more exciting. A little more...exotic.

Dragon!

Although dragon meat can be consumed raw without any ill effects, you will not fully experience its exquisite taste, nor its strength-enhancing properties this way. Since it's so rare and difficult to obtain, you owe it to yourself to help it achieve its maximum flavour potential, and I'm going to show you how to do just that.

First, lightly beat your enemies until your Overdrive gauge reaches a suitably high level. Be careful not to overdo it, or you might end the battle prematurely.

Now, ready your steak. If you want to use a rub, now's the time to apply it; I like to use a combination of black pepper, paprika, garlic and onion powder. However, for the finest dragon cuts, a little salt is all you really need. Whatever you decide on, be sure to let the meat reach room temperature before you begin cooking!

Here's where the magic happens. Literally. Dragon flesh is exceptionally resistant to heat, so a simple grill just isn't going to do the job. You will need pure, elemental fire to cook one of these babies, so break out your most powerful staff and give it all you've got!

HOLD NOTHING BACK! LET THE FLAMES RUSH FORTH AND INCINERATE ALL THAT DARES TO STAND BEFORE THEM! FIRE NEEDS NO PURPOSE, FOR FIRE...

Don't forget to flip it!

...FOR FIRE IS ITS OWN PURPOSE! IGNITE THE WHOLE WORLD WITH RED-HOT WRATH AND REVEL IN THE SPLENDOUR OF THE INFERNO!

After about four minutes on each side, your steak should be beautifully seared, smelling like heaven, and practically begging you to eat it. Resist the temptation! Place it on a clean, warm plate and allow it sit for five to ten minutes before cutting into it.

This is, of course, for a rare to medium-rare steak. If you'd like advice on how to cook it more thoroughly, please write in, and make sure to leave your name and address.

That will make it much easier for me to find you and burn your house down. Because you deserve nothing less for inflicting such an atrocity on an innocent cut of meat.

That's all for this instalment, ladies and gentlemen. Tune in next time for my super secret recipe; powershroom feuillette!

Meat is murder!

STOW IT HIPPY

ok so there's an icicle here let's take a look at that

It's rather worrying how so many of our decisions seem to involve cutting, smashing, or otherwise damaging things for no particular reason.

It's also rather worrying how often it seems to work in our favour.

You know what I always say. "If it ain't broke, break it."

You've never said that.

I'm totally gonna start, though!

Why is everything here so icy? This is the exact opposite of what I pictured Hell to be like. What a disappointment.

So you'd prefer it if we were being roasted alive, then?

Um, yes?

I mean...

...I'd like to plead the fifth.

Hey, I think there's something trapped in the ice. Looks like a sword.

Who else?

I have to say, though, I'm not sure how Fia's option is supposed to work. She "purifies" the ice? So instead of being stuck inside a block of ice, it's now stuck inside a block of purified ice. Whee.

...what, that's your pre-battle one-liner? A bunch of ellipses? You can do better than that.

_{I'm too nervous.}

Come on. We came all the way to Hell to fight you. You've got to at least try.

_{How do I know that chick with the green hair won't just turn it all around on me and make me explode again?}

So what if she does? I mean, let's be realistic here; you're basically screwed either way. You have absolutely no hope of beating us. You're just another meaningless, throwaway monster. You're cannon fodder. We're going to own you like you have never been owned, and then you're going to die alone and unremembered. So you might as well go out with some half-decent last words, right?

...yeah. Yeah! You're right! I feel a whole lot better now. Thanks!

No problem. Now let's hear it.

Um...OK...uh...

I haven't really shown this off, but these enemies have the ability to change their element. They start out as "physical", but throughout the course of the battle, they can transform randomly into holy, lightning, ice, fire or dark elementals.

This is important because it affects their immunities, but it also determines which item they'll drop. In the "physical" or "dark" states, they'll drop the Tarot item, which is worthless. However, for all the other states, they'll drop an elemental crest; or, if you S-rank them, an elemental emblem.

These are much more useful, if only because they can be mastered for stat boosts, and it's impossible to collect all of them from chests alone.

No sooner have we disposed of those two than we are greeted by...

...um.

Who dares awaken me?

OH MY GOD IT'S A FREAKIN' ZOMBIE DRAGON

What are you so happy about?

Are you kidding me?! This is, like, the most metal enemy ever! His loot drops are gonna be AWESOME!

What, as opposed to paying cheaply with our lives?

...

I don't think it's going to work on a boss.

It was worth a try.

Any culinary tips for this one, maestro?

Same as before; vigorous searing. Of course, it'll need to be properly carved too.

Now that's gastronomy I can get behind.

Alright. If you hadn't already guessed, this guy is a bonus boss of sorts, and let me tell you, he doesn't mess around. He's got more hit points than anything we've seen before, and he takes halved damage from every element except Physical and Holy. And even then, Holy is the only one he's actually weak to.

Furthermore, his attacks can poison everyone in the party, his Break Out never misses (and also nails everyone in the party) and he has a special skill that gives him a huge boost to his Strength and Magic stats when used.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that the Zombie Dragon is stronger than the actual boss of Mireno. With that in mind, I think we should consider him the real boss battle for this chapter. Compared to this, the Accursed will be a mere afterthought.

Truly this will be our most awesome fight yet; a ferocious clash that will leave everyone, including myself, on the very edges of their seats.

ha ha as if

phat lewt phat lewt phat lewt phat

...what.

Not this time, apparently.

What.

OK, that's bullshit. Normally I wouldn't care, but we completely massacred that guy. We deserve to get something.

WHAT.

Well, great. At least we can visit Hell whenever we like now.

That's not good enough! We've been over this! Keys are a mockery of treasure!

Wait, no! NO! We can't go yet! There has to be a decent reward for this somewhere! There has to be!

...

This sucks.

I told you we shouldn't have went.

_{There's no question about it. That was definitely Hell.}

---NEW ITEMS---
Blue Stinger: Rapier-type weapon. Physical/Ice damage.
Dragon Buster: Misc. weapon. Effective against dragons.
Dragon Meat: Support item. Restores 35% HP. Can be transformed into...
Dragon Steak: Support item. Restores 75% HP and raises Strength.
Ice Crest: Support item. Raises ice resistance.
Viper Whip: Whip-type weapon. Physical damage.

---NEW OVER SKILLS---

---LEVEL 2---
Un Quatre
Item: Blue Stinger
Effect: Five-hit Attack combo, power of 148.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Piercing.

---LEVEL 3---
Appassionato
Item: Blue Stinger
Effect: Seven-hit Attack combo, power of 163.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Last strike pierces. Unblockable.

---LEVEL 1---
Constrictor
Item: Viper Whip
Effect: Three-hit Attack combo, power of 151.
Target: Random enemy.
Additional: Also damages Lina. The lower Lina's HP, the more damage inflicted.

---LEVEL 1---
Detonator
Item: Viper Whip
Effect: Three-hit Attack combo, power of 165. Fire damage.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Low accuracy. Unblockable.

Ice Stinger
Item: Blue Stinger
Effect: Single attack, power of 357.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Low accuracy. Piercing.

---LEVEL 1---
Freezing Matter
Item: Blue Stinger
Effect: Three-hit Attack combo, power of 143.
Target: Nearest enemy.
Additional: Piercing.

Magical Cooking
Item: Dragon Meat
Effect: Converts all remaining Dragon Meat into Dragon Steak.
Target: N/A

---LEVEL 2---
Snake Bite
Item: Viper Whip
Effect: Six-hit Attack combo, power of 119. Fire damage.
Target: Front row.
Additional: Extra damage against beasts. Not-Vit.

Ein! There's something inside the ice!