Riviera: The Promised Land Part #37 - Bonus Chapter, Part 1

Part 37: Bonus Chapter, Part 1

I've still got some space left in my pack. Just a few more rooms, OK?

Lina, I'm serious. I really do need to be getting back soon.

You've been saying that from the minute we got here.

I know. And I'm sorry, but I am an elder now. I can't just run off to go treasure hunting whenever I feel like it. I'm already worried about what state the village is in.

Come on. You left Soala in charge, right? What's the big deal?

ok d00dz i realise we are experiencing some issues atm

however i can assure u that they will be fixed in the latest patch

until then plz keep cool and reiche stop feeling urself up because that is some creepy shit kthx

Burn the witch!

we have been over this

Do you actually want me to answer that? Because I could. In detail.

Uh-oh. This could be trouble.

...well this doesn't look right.

Cierra? Is that you?

Fia! Lina! Imagine running into you two!

Cierra! I haven't seen you in ages!

Now now. It hasn't been that long.

Yeah, but it feels like it.

...you're right. It does.

This is a nice surprise, but how did you end up here, of all places?

Well, I was trying to craft a magic circle to get me to Magvel. Obviously I've made a bit of a blunder.

What were you going to Magvel for?

Er...

You cannot mean to tell me a lady of your royal bearing and slight frame could be a warrior?

...no reason. Just...research.

I'm sure.

Anyway! If I missed the mark, I suppose that means I'm lost. I hope the two of you have some idea of where we are?

Of course. We'll show you back to Elendia. We were just headed there anyway.

Uh-uh. No way. This is officially a reunion. I vote we celebrate with a dungeon crawl.

Lina...

That sounds like fun, actually. You have to admit, this place does look interesting.

Hah! That's a two-thirds vote. Now you can't veto me.

...

Come on, mom. Don't you want to spend time with your kids?

...you two are taking the blame for everything that's happened when we get back. Everything.

Yay! Just like old times again! This is gonna be so awesome!

EAT STEEL, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Gah!

Serene?!

What the crap? Fia? Cierra? Then who did I just...

gnk

Oh. Hey Lina.

Alright, you demon scum! Prepare to...

...oooh. Okay. Awkward.

Uh, hi guys! Fancy meeting you here!

Indeed. And fancy you mistaking Lina for a demon.

Ah, she'll live.

gurk

I think.

I told you you should have checked first.

Gateau? Did...did you just talk?

Oh, that's right. Look, we need to clear a few things up.

First of all, my name is Rose, not Gateau. When you found me "injured" in the forest? I was just taking a nap. I would have explained that to you, except that you took it upon yourself to shove some defective medicine down my throat that friggin' muted me before I could get a word in edgeways. Which is why I had to spend some of the best months of my life with nobody to talk to but Ein. And when we "got separated", it was because I ran away before you could visit any more atrocities upon me.

Also, I do NOT like having my ears scratched, I do NOT appreciate having pieces of string dangled in front of my face, and most importantly of all, I have NOT, AT ANY POINT IN MY LIFE, BEEN YOUR "BEST FRIEND."

...

And I can now die happy.

So...what have you three been up to?

Oh, nothing much. Just doing some travelling. Seeing the world. Wiping out every demon in existence. The usual.

Lovely. I don't suppose you've considered doing anything other than killing since I last saw you?

No. I don't suppose you've considered doing anything other than bitching?

Oh yes. Here it comes. Heaven forbid I imply that you should do something constructive with your life.

Yeah, sure. Maybe I should go plant some flowers or adopt some puppies. Not like I actually value my dignity or anything.

There is nothing "undignified" about planting flowers, and I'm offended that you're suggesting otherwise!

As well you should be!

Fine!

Fuck you!

It's good to see you again.

Yeah. You too.

So, uh...what's the story here? We were just exploring some catacombs, and the next thing we knew, we ended up in this place. Somehow. What about you?

Well, Lina was directed here by her husband. And she didn't want to go by herself, so I got dragged along with her.

Her husband?

The signpost.

Oh. Yeah. Let's try not to bring that up anymore, please.

Agreed. Anyway, then Cierra teleported here by mistake, we all got talking, and despite my best efforts, it was decided that we weren't leaving until we'd cleaned out this whole place for fun and profit.

Sounds like a plan to me! Let's do it.

blark

Suck it up already.

Wow! Look at all these chests!

That was a speedy recovery.

well yeah because CHESTS

Demons!

Okay. No problem. You guys take care of that while I grab the loot.

You know it doesn't work that way.

Well it should.

These are just small fry anyway. Shouldn't take more than a couple of...

Couple of...of turns? Why am I doing so little damage?

I knew it! I told you you were starting to get flabby! Not enough slaughter in your diet!

I don't see you doing any better!

Not yet. Would you like to?

Yeah, I would. Whenever you're ready.

That was...that was a practice swing. It didn't count.

Something tells me we'll be seeing a lot of "practice swings" today.

Keep talking. The doghouse beckons.

OK. I've made a point of getting an S rank in almost every single battle I've fought in this game so far. However, it has only ever been for the purposes of showing off and getting the odd special item drop.

Not so in Parveeju. Here, I S-rank because I must.

Here's the thing. Up until now, we only used TP to pick up goodies and access hidden areas; at no point was it ever necessary to spend TP in order to complete a level. That meant that if you ever ran out of TP, you wouldn't be stuck with no means of progressing.

Guess what? Now you can't even get past the first screen without having to spend TP, let alone anywhere else. That makes this the first and only chapter in the game to require a "Give Up" option.

And that's not the only strange and terrible thing here. Sting turned up the dick meter on this one until the knob broke off. It's like they knew I was going to spend this whole LP taunting the game for being so easy, and designed this dungeon for the express purpose of giving me the middle finger.

You may notice, for example, that our hoard of uber-weapons has been replaced with a sub-par collection of equipment that we were using at around Chapters 4 and 5. And what's this?

I know that everyone had that Mithril Sword mastered, so what the hell happened to our Over Skills? Gone. FOREVER. Because you can't gain XP in this chapter. So if a character doesn't happen to have a weapon mastered from the moment you pick it up, they never will.

These, at least, are the main issues. There are others, but I will, of course, be petulantly whining about them as and when they crop up, for such is my custom.

Also, just so you know, I have no idea what that little bar beneath the Overdrive gauge is for. It only appears in this chapter, and of course it isn't mentioned in the manual, so feel free to come up with your own theory!

That was far more difficult than it should have been. These demons must be stronger than they look.

And yet they still drop the same stuff they always did? That's not right at all!

This may be more trouble than it's worth. Perhaps it would be wiser to leave.

Fia, you already know how this goes. You say "It'd be wiser to blah blah blah", and then nobody listens.

It's been a while. I thought it might be worth a try, at least.

Uh, guys? All jokes aside, I don't think the enemies are the problem. I think it's US.

Say what?

Take a look at your stats for a sec.

Please. I already know my stats off by heart. Strength 142, Magic 70, Agi...

what the FUCK is this SHIT

We got nerfed!

Good grief! My total's dropped by almost a hundred points!

And my magic power's been cut in half! How could this have happened?!

i am pleased to announce that teh new patch just went live

in addition to ironing out some srs bugs, we have also addressed a few balance issues

we hope that these changes will lead 2 a more enjoyable experience for every1 kthx

REICHE FOR FUCK'S SAKE STOP GROPING YOURSELF

You know what? Fine. Fine. I'm okay with this. It'll be a nice change of pace. I was getting tired of completely thrashing everything I came across anyway.

No you weren't.

Shut up.