Part 19: A Walking Malpractice Suit

A Walking Malpractice Suit

Music: Spring


There's not much of Spring left, not that it matters a whole lot when you can grow seasonal crops in dungeons.


Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to Daria we go.


...that doesn't look good.



I--
Oh? What is it?!
I'm hungry...



Um...can I go home?
Hold on! Hoooold on! I've been so focused on my work that I haven't had time to eat.
Your art must be more important than eating...
So what if it is? I love what I love.
Okay. Well, let me help you then. What do you want to eat?
Really?! Yay. Well, I want to eat some Dried Sardines!
That's a pretty manly thing to like.
So what if it is? I like what I like.
Okay. Dried Sardines, is it? Well, wait here then.
A-Alright, I'll do that. Now, go...my dear assistant!


Hint hint.

I'm not sure why dried sardines are manly, but I'm going to assume it's a Japan thing.



Oh, again?
What? Again?
Daria, right? She is so reckless.
O-Oh, is that so?
Ask my dad if you're in a hurry. I'm sure he'll get it to you right away.
Okay. I'll do that. Thanks.

Apparently Daria doesn't realize why the 'starving' is normally in 'starving artist'.



Yes, that's no problem.
Thank you. Then I'll be waiting.
Oh, no, that's okay. I thought this might happen--
What?
So I already have something ready.
What?!
I've learned from experience. Then, please get this to Daria.
Wait, you knew it was for Daria?!
She would be the only one who would want Dried Sardines in such a hurry.
Does it happen often?
Yes.
...
Now please, get this Dried Sardines to Daria.
Oh, yes. Thank you.



Time to eat! ...! S-So delicious. Good job! You'll make a great wife!
Um, thank you.
Whew...I feel so alive! Thanks. I really do owe you my life.
O-Oh, it really wasn't that much...
Well, you have a point.
Um, would you mind being a little grateful, still?
I'm just kidding. I really am grateful. Here, just to prove it. Oh, and Link. Why don't you just move here? My permanent assistant.
P-Permanent?! And you want me to live in your house?!
You'll supervise the Dried Sardines.
I've never heard of a supervisor like that. I'll pass.
Oh, that's too bad. Well, come back if you change your mind. Thank you for today.


At least she pays well.



But not enough! He needs to make them rainbow colors. And then add some arms and legs. Maybe a tail or two--
That's not a weapon any more.

She's definitely back to normal.

Music: Town (Day)


Who haven't I focused on in a while? Marian? Sure, Marian. Let's do a Marian quest. Even though I don't really want to.



Wait, are you a doctor or a mad scientist?
This new medicine can cure colds, sore eyes, shoulders, backs. Anything. So, just bring someone back with you! I don't even care if they have symptoms!
Wait, how can you test the medicine's results if they're healthy?
Well, I'll get things ready for the patient here. I'll let you get to it.
Wait, I never said that I would actually do--
Well, I'm counting on you!

...at least she's not making us be the patient?



Well, I'm slightly relieved to hear that...
Well, it's nothing life-threatening, so don't worry about it.
Huh...?

Wasn't expecting Marjorie to be dumb enough to volunteer, but I tried.



Hmmm, I'm alright. (Why does he seem so happy...?)
Then why don't you go to the apothecary? I think they'd see you for free.
But today's a weekday, right? (Of course I won't go.)


...it's the weekend.



My, how unfortunate.
...
...
Um, Shino--
Is there anything else?
Oh, no. No...





What?! Then Marian's developed a new medicine, would you like to come to the apothecary and try it?
Yes! I'll definitely go!!
Oh, good. Huh...? Sofia?
I told you, I would go!!
Oh, I see.

Link's not very good at peddling snake oil, is he?



Well, actually...
No, you don't have to say it! I understand!
What?
It's about Carmen, right? She's the cutest in this town, no, the world! I totally understand!
No, that's not...
But! I won't forgive anyone who lays a hand on my sister! You understand me?!
*sigh*

Let's just pretend Carlos was out of town today.



Why do you ask? I'm feeling fine--wait, is this for Marian?
Yeah, something like that.
Then talk to Collette. I'm sure it'll be funny.
What?

Rusk is pretty alright when he's not whining about vegetables.

So, at this point you probably think Collette is the right villager to talk to. You'd actually be wrong! But let's go to everyone else before we get to that.



Hmm, not that I can think of. I'm just so fit!
I see...
What?! Why are you disappointed?!



Yes. Marian asked me to look for a patient for her.
I definitely know you won't find one.
Wait, definitely...? Maybe at least one--
Impossible. It won't happen.
I-I see.

Evelyn's right! This quest is talking to literally everyone in town before turning to Marian empty-handed.

You get to sit through all of them because most of them are pretty funny.



Ahhh! Dirty! Sick people go to apothecaries, so you need to take a bath soon!
No, the apothecary...
Baths are nice! Very nice!



It's something Marian made...
I see. Well, forget about business then.
What?!



I haaaaaaaaaate them!!
Of course...

Trying to get the small child to take an experimental medicine from Marian. That's low.



No, but...
I'm in very good health.
So it seems...
???

I dunno, it seems like she might have hit her head.



You calling me an old man?!
N-No, I didn't mean...! I-I'm sorry!



I see. Actually I think I'm coming down with a cold. I was going to go to the apothecary.
What?! Well, then...
But I was going to do that at the end of the week.
...





...



W-What's your problem? Why are you yelling?!
Well, I just heard.there's this new medicine that works on strained backs.
Really? So, where do I get this?
Currently on sale at the apothecary.
Oh, Marian's con.
Marian's con?!

I'm not sure I'd call it a con as much as her being batshit insane. But hey, whatever.



Wouldn't you want to get painted with my new paints?!
I just remembered that I had to do something.

Intentionally worming out of it, or just being herself? Don't know, don't care.



By the way, Sherman. Marian's having me find a patient for her, so do you have any aches?
Hmmm...I'm not getting over a cold, and my stomach isn't aching.
Ummm??



In my line of work, health management is very important.
I see.

Well, we've spoken to literally everyone else. Let's see how Collette worms out of this.



Marian is making you experiment, too? She makes me do that, too. Like, I told her I only had a cold, but she make me take weird stuff, and gave me this big shot to stop this cough I had that just made me laugh non-stop--
Collette! I get it already!

Hopefully Collette finds the strength to leave this abusive relationship someday.


Well, maybe Marian will learn something from the fact that nobody was willing to volunteer?

Ahahaha, no.

Sorry, Marian. No one would come.
What are you talking about? This is plenty. As long as you're here!
Huh...?
Now, here's my new formula! Go on, drink up!!
Oh, but I'm not sick, so...!
Who cares about that?!
I do!
You don't know when to give up. I guess I have no choice.
What?!
If you won't swallow anything, then I'll just inject you!
Wait--
Okay, time for your shot!




Wait, no, something's not...



Oh, are you waking up?
Oh, that's right. I passed out when she injected me.
We've already taken care of you. You should be able to get up soon.
Okay. Thank you.
Is Link awake?!



Oh...I'm sorry, Link.
What?
I seem to lose sight of things when I get carried away...
Well, as long as you're sorry.

I think her shit goes a little beyond 'as long as you're sorry', but that's just me.

Link...Thanks. Next time, I'll be sure to cast an even more powerful healing spell on you!
Ha ha... *sigh*
Oh, here's for all your trouble. Use it if you like.


Horray, it's over.



I dunno, some might argue that grass is a medicine.



Ho ho. It's all part of her training.
Ah...

Let's take a trip to the monster village. At least they're not constantly trying to kill us.



You never know what's going to happen. That's why I need to keep Mr. Slice sharp.
Huh? Was that the name of the weapon?
*sigh* You don't get it.
?
How are you supposed to fight without naming your buddy?
Is that how it is?
That's how it is. That's why you're weak.


Might as well see what the nerd wants.



How could I forget?
I would like you to sprinkle Formula A on that cactus.
No problem.
Thank you. Here it is. That's the only one I have to give you, so please don't lose it.
Okay.
This should make the flower regrow. I feel we owe it to the land to restore that flower.
Yes, you're right.
Oh, but please keep this from Kuruna. I don't think she'd understand.
Gotcha.



Look at that cactus...that was amazing! I should head back to the settlement and tell Ondorus.



It's unusual for it to work that quickly. It must be a very unique plant indeed. Anyway, thank you. It isn't much, but please take this.
Thank you.
I hope you can help out again sometime.


A garbage-tier staff. You shouldn't have.


Bonus Art
Today we have our benevolently insane artist Daria and our malevolently insane medic Marian.