Part 1: Episode 22: Rocket Things [SSLP]

Hey guys! I hope you're ready for the new format because this is now a screenshot lp!!

Saints Row 2 - Episode 22: Rocket Things


Hi and welcome back to Saints Row 2!



Today we start off in the GRAVE YARD where last time we buried the fuck out of Shogo.



Kaubocks has found a giant piece of shit that's literally dragging a bike and is leading us off into adventure!



And by adventure, I mean I immediately threw a satchel charge and tipped over his stupid fuckin box car. We can probably tip it right back over though!



Or not. Oops.



Lucky for us a replacement immediately rolled up and we were ready to go!!



: This one doesn't have a bike on the back!!

Stilwater is such an exciting place with the bouncy puppy trains. The rest of the trip was a smooth ride!

//SATCHEL THROWING SOUND//

: I see that

: (FURIOUS GIGGLING)



: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS

//JUMP CUT//



Anyway here we are at the weapons store restocking on explosives because for some reason I ran out!



Here we see Kaubocks ready to fight with much honor.



: Know what, pick me up! Pick me up I'm right here!

: Hop in!!



: ...I'm taking this cop car.

: FUCK YOU NOW WE'RE RACING



It's pretty clear I won the race and also I am better at driving than Kaubocks all of the time.



And now it's time for a BROTHERHOOD MISSION!! What could go wrong?





: By playing skee-ball.

: Oh yeah.

: Ya know most people just smoke pot.

: Right... and then they go play skee-ball.

: ...Fuck it.



: Wait, what?

: After the Feed Dogs concert, I called you to look into the docks and you sa-

: Look, I gotta be honest I was really stoned...



: Yeah I totally am. One of the dock workers just calle dand said this big guy with tattoos and a scarred face was shakin' people down trying to find out when some shipment was rescheduled to arrive.

: Why would Maero need to ask about the time of his own shipment?

: I dunno, maybe it got delayed.



: I'd bet my life on it.

: Deal.



//CLANK CRASH SMASH BANG//



Oh good the game has helpfully spawned a train for us!!



: Know what? I'm getting in this train. I'm in the train.

: So you're gonna die in about one second.







Do I know my own vehicle type or what jesus christ Kaubocks come on.



Luckily we found a cop car and got moving past the burning wreckage of several thousand trains.



: All right, we're almost there... I guess. ...What was the objective again?

: I dunno. I fuckin' wasn't listening.

: I wasn't either, I was watching skee-ball.



Kaubocks got excited once we hit the marker and started ramming into the building but after a few minutes we finally found the door.





The marker was actually for a helicoptor! And not a crazy janky one either, one we can competently fly (sort of).



: Look at that draw distance.

: An incredible TEN FOOT DRAW DISTANCE. The SICKEST graphics.

: It feels like I'm playing on an N64.



But then we found it! The long lost ghost ship.





Kaubocks opted for the sexiest way down, while I went for the most totally radical.



I NAILED that fuckin' landing, ya'll.



Together again as I revive Kaubocks from his extremely arousing landing. But wait, what's that security guy holding?



Oh it was rockets.



But not to worry, Kaubocks took care of everything with the handy-dandy orbital launcher!



Including me.



: There's just poops everywhere. Are you just slowly watching me make my way back?

: Maybe.

: This is the saddest.

: I'm making sure the water is REALLY SHITTY where you have to swim through it.

: You suck.



Our next objective was below deck, where the last five Ultor guards were waiting to get totally owned.





Oh boy, what have we found here! Is it even MORE guns to play with?



(It's Shaundi on the phone. Also the phone is that floating black rectangle.)







Oops the boat was just hit by explosives or something.







So now we have to survive a Brotherhood assault!! The game graciously offers us more bullets and rockets, though I still have infinite from our previous mod adventures.

But suddenly in the distance-

: BUF BUF BUF BARK BUF AWOOO

: Um. May I pause the game for a moment and go murder my dog.

: Yes.

: Okay.



*A long pause*



: Okay so we've got rockets... Let's go do...

: Rocket things.

: Rocket things.



The deck is covered in crazy Brotherhood motherfuckers and like fifteen helicoptors for no reason!!



We kill em all until there are only 2 choppers left.



These two choppers. They froze in mid-air, which I guess is kind of hard to show in a screenshot lp. But trust me. It was just frozen there in the air. It was really funny.



Only one real solution for that. Alley-oop!



Time for the second wave!



But trouble strikes when Kaubocks forgets he's too short to shoot rockets over the railing and hits himself in the face before any of the enemies even arrive.



Surely I can rescue him and save the day right?



Hahaha NO what fuckin' lp do you think this is



ROCKETS ESCAPED



: Great. We're going to be here literally forever.



The first wave went fairly smoothly the second time round, but damn these Brotherhood dudes are uncoordinated as fuck.



And wave two means even MORE fucking helicoptors jesus christ.



It's worth noting that once again once we reached the final few helicoptors they froze in midair for no real reason.



Finally, we made it! The final wave! At this point Kaubocks and I decided to stick together because best friends always



Oh oops well nevermind



Finally I dragged my giant pink carcass back onto the ship and we defeated the final chopper! This one wasn't frozen we just murdered it stone cold.



Tindeck link: Celebration Audio

: We did it! We did it!!! We're the best! Woo! I'll play my harmonica in celebration!

: AWOOOOOOOOOOOO BUF BUF BUF BUF BUF



: It sounds like someone ELSE is celebrating

: Please Cassie please please stop i'm sorry I'm sorry

: WOOF



: I can't fix this. I don't know how you're going to fix this in post. I'm sorry.

: Who said I'm fixing anything.



Fortunately we weren't stranded on this stupid boat and the game was gracious enough to leave us a helicoptor to leave in.



Fucking gOD DAMMIT



: I'll come pick you up.

: How are you going to pick me up??

: Uh, in a helicoptor?

: You're just gonna land in the ocean.



: COME ON GET IN


Thanks for reading! Join us next time on Let's Play Saints Row 2! We will fuck things up and the game will break!






(April fools!! Hope you enjoyed the silly post!! Here is the actual episode, for your viewing pleasure. )