Soul Nomad Part #70

Part 70: Agony

Chapter 4: Agony

When we got back to the village, there was a truly lame squad of weaklings waiting for us. Some of Galahad's old buddies were joined by some retarded fish women. Their leader needs to seek some serious mental help, too. Sure, I'm almost certainly going to destroy the world here any time now, but damn. Anyway, it turns out these clowns were after the little turd Raide had given us. The kid honestly kind of freaks me out, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let chumps like these get one over on us.

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Hey, it's Juno! How's it going?
Huh? Who's that guy?

Ahh... those eyes. They're just like my darling wife...
I still can't believe it... But it must be true!

I told you so! You took your sweet time about it, too!
You guys are really messed up. I tried telling you something important, and you spent forever just debating it!

Hmph! What reason did we have to trust a Nereid! We had every reason to believe it was a trap!

If not for the knight in black, these idiots would have been all over each other. Goes to show how damn worthless mortals really are, and how much of a favor I'm doing reality by getting rid of them and starting over.

Richard...

So, what're you doing here?

I am Thorndyke, Grand Cordon of the Knights of Raide!
I have come to arrest you on charges of trespassing on royal property and instigating bedlam throughout the land!

!!
Why don't you just tell them to give Penn back?!

The Knights of Raide exist to serve the people first and foremost.

So your people are more important than your own child, huh?
Forget it...
We were fools to ever trust humans! I'll take over from here.

This Juno bitch was not exactly the sort of person I'd send to negotiate with, um, anyone. Scratch that. She's exactly the sort of person I'd send to negotiate, because we'd always end up in bitching fights because she's a tactless idiot.

What? No, that's impossible!

Nah, it's the truth. I was kidnapped by some Sepp dude who didn't have anything to do with these guys.

He sounds like it doesn't bother him at all. Brat's got issues...
Don't ask me why, but it seems like Raide was pretty eager to pawn this little snot off on us.
It kinda pisses me off how they were trying to use us, but it's pretty sweet to see how hard they failed. Haha.

Then why don't you just give him back?!

He's ours. Try to take him, if you dare.

Yes, ma'am!

Hehe. Well, this should keep you from being bored for a little while.
I mean, why do you think I've been telling everyone who'll listen where this stupid village is?

Hmhm. If you keep focusing on your petty desires for bloodshed, you're going to lose sight of what's really important.
All will be well so long as you let the light of the divine guide you!
Hmhm... hohoho!

So the knights and nereids decided to try and take us out. They were no obstacle at all.

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Juno is honestly a total freak. Even Kanan seems normal compared to her, and she's about five hotpods short of a bushel.

What...?
You kidnap him, and you don't even want him?
What's wrong with him?! He's cute! Everyone should want to kidnap him!
You'll pay for not wanting to kidnap him!

I'm just saying she's supposed to be a grown woman, and it's kind of creepy to obsess over a little kid like that. Anyway, Thorndyke had a silly question.

You mean... all of this is for nothing?!
I... I don't understand you.
But I cannot let such anarchists live!
Your death has arrived!

They never had a chance. I barely broke a sweat smashing them aside. It was pretty boring, but I luckily came up with a new twist to the game.

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Okay, so what now? You wanna just kill 'em all? Or did you have something else in mind?

I decided it would be funny to have the Nereids and knights fight over the kid, especially when one side won and I still didn't give him back.

Penn! Grr... get away from him!

Knights versus Nereids. To the death.

Wh-what's this? You're mad!

Whoever wins gets him. Maybe.

You want us to battle to the death with the knights... for Penn?

Hehe. That's an awesome idea, kid.
Go on, then! Get to it!

That's barbaric!
We knights will not have any part of this perversion!

Unlike her knightly friend, Juno was a moron who seriously thought I'd give the kid back.

But we are not enemies!

Hah!
We've always been enemies. It was a foolish fantasy to think we could ever be allies!
But if I kill you... I can get exactly what I came for!
And if that's the only way... then you will die!
Hraaahh!

Hehe. A match made in heaven, huh? It's pretty hilarious how fast you losers fell apart.
You've got the most satisfied look on your face right now, kid.

It's still not enough...

Hehehe. I figured.

Thorndyke was proving to be far superior to Juno. If he were serious, he'd have easily killed her ten times over.

Nereid woman, stop and listen to me!
If we keep going like this, we'll just destroy each other! So I'm going over... That should settle things.

What...?
Then I'll join you!

No. Your place is here, with Penn.
And you've dirtied your hands enough already.

What about Penn?

Just let me handle that...

...
This is the last time... just once more, I will trust a human.
But if you get Penn hurt... I'll never forgive you, or your people.

Hey, what the hell are they whispering about?

Does it matter?

It turned out Thorndyke had an offer for us.

Thorndyke... what are you planning?!

You who wields the onyx blade... You who wields the powers of a demon!
I will... surrender to you.
In exchange, please give the Nereids their child back.

Grand Cordon!
What are you saying?!

A coward! This is the coward's way out!

Fine. Everyone but him can leave.

Does that mean...?

I'm not giving the brat back. Duh.

Ng-!

Ah, there's really nothing better than watching the carefully laid plans of naïve fools be destroyed.

I'm trusting you, human. I swear to god, if you let us down...
Everyone, we're leaving!

Juno!

...

Okay, okay, off you go. Hey, knights! Behold your honorable leader! He's transformed into a sniveling rat!
Crawl back into your hole and tell the rest of your vermin friends! Hahaha!

First Galahad and now Thorndyke... We must inform the others!
Grand Cordon... I have faith in you! We'll be waiting for your victorious return!

Everyone... I'm so sorry...

Dominate? Wh-what does that mean?
What do you have there?! Is that... a doll?

Hehehe... hahaha!
Well well well, look who's here!

Oh ho, hey there, handsome.

I need some sleep...

Hehe. That's right, go grab some beauty sleep.
I'll take care of things out here. Hehehe.

I'm going to get some shuteye. Hopefully Gig doesn't do anything fun while I'm asleep, that really pissed me off last time.

Dammit, Gig did some fun stuff while I was asleep for most of a month. Bastard. Oh, and that little kid's talking like a retard now, I guess because he dresses up like a girl for ill-defined reasons. And these people call me crazy.

I totally heard the whole story. Oh. My. God. It's so cool!

Oh yeah? And where'd you hear that?

Some old guys in Astec were saying how you totally possessed this body and stuff? And that's why you're all evil.
Hey, that's, like, where everyone trades and stuff, right? Everyone who's anyone has heard the rumors by now.

Richa- I mean, Penn... why are you talking like a vapid little girl? I thought you were a boy!

Aww c'mon, mister. Don't ruin it! That's how I sneak into Astec so easy.

Hohoho... this kid's so cure, I just wanna... eat him right up!

...!

Morning, everyone.

Oh, you're awake.
It looks like we've pissed off everyone on the planet. How's it feel being the most hated person alive?

Pretty damn good.

Everyone's super scared of us now!
I even saw a whole bunch of really tough-lookin' soldiers getting ready in Astec!
And their boss is... um... Christophe, I think. He's in charge of all the trading that goes on there or something.

Getting' fired up, are we?

...

Hey mister, you don't look so good! What's wrong? You gonna throw up?

How marvelous... a handsome man, suffering deeply. Hmhmhm.
To embrace your fear is to embrace our god. You'll feel better, I promise.

The earth shook. I could hear the planet scream as the quake progressed. Everything was going to plan.