Part 20: Emergency Meeting at the Elven Forest

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Hello everyone. Welcome back. I'd ask if last night actually happened, but...



The presence of a gnome in our room indicates that, yes, last night really happened. We're also now at the level cap.



Spoilers: I don't believe I ever use Lighting Volt again. On the remote chance I do, it now deals more damage.



Because it's a new day, we also have a new traversal power to abuse. Expect almost every dungeon from this point forward to suddenly require shrinking to navigate.



: Hey kid! Since a lot of our best guys are dead by your hand, can you help us collect underpants? We just need a few more to hit our quota.
: Come on, kid! We need to fill our underpants quota!



So remember all those underpants we collected on the first day of the game? Yeah, we're about to finish this quest seconds after we obtained it.

: Holy shit, you did it! This goes a long way toward making up for killing all our fucking friends.
: All the widow gnomes and orphan gnomes you created will surely forgive you now.



Another Facebook friend. Anyway, let's move on.



: All warriors of Zaron and Larnion are called to an emergency summit. Report to the Elven forest immediately!
_{Cartman and 6 others like this.}

That sounds serious. We better get moving.



Pointedly not making eye contact. Pointedly not making eye contact. Pointedly not making eye contact.





Whew. We're past them. Talking would have been so awkward.

: Hey, there's an emergency meeting at the Elven Forest.

The whole town is full of places we can use our magical shrinking ability to uncover secrets and loot. On the screen with Stan and Kyle's house, we can find an elf hiding behind some shrubs. His name is Bradley, so let's shrink down and talk to him.



It really has to hurt sniffing magic gnome dust.

: I'm using stealth. You can't see me.
: I've been discovered! You must teach me to see as you do, human.
: I must upgrade my stealth skill.





We're here. Time to see what the meeting is about.

Video:



: Ah, Commander Douchebag has decided to bless us with his presence. Let's get started.



: Humans and Elves of Zaron, a great evil has descended upon us. After researching last night, I believe we are facing a threat to our entire world.







: Clyde's fortress of darkness is over four stories tall. So far, he has recruited at least fifty warriors to be on his team and he-



: Tehehee, leave it to Kyle to tehehe...
: You have something to say, Wizard?
: Oh, nothing. Just think it's ... kind of funny how Drow elves in the Middle Ages can use Powerpoint. (snickering)
: You guys, this is SERIOUS. Clyde is attempting to raise an army of darkness. I believe he is messing with something he cannot control. He has recruited many of our friends and so... our only hope is for our two factions to join forces.
: FUCK. THAT. WE do not team up with fucking ELVES.
: You got a better idea, Wizard fatass?
: After what you elves did to us at the Battle of Wormsly Woods?! You think we'll ever trust you?
: Yeah, you-you tell em, Butters.
: That was Jimmy's fault and he apologized.
: Oh, oh we're apologizing now? How about we apologize for breaking the rule about using arcane fire magic?
: Yeah!



: Hey! That was the humans' rule, not ours!
: Join forces, my paladin ass! Only good elf is a dead elf.
: Why don't you s-suck my elven d-dick, Butters?
: Enough! Whether we are human or elf isn't going to matter ONE BIT if all of Zaron is taken over by German zombies! We saw what that green stuff does. We better figure out a way to stop Clyde or there won't be a world to fight in!
: Even if we JOIN forces we don't have enough warriors.
: So we recruit more factions to join us. The Pirates. The Federation. And... the Girls.
: The GIRLS?!



: Kyle, the GIRLS are not gonna fucking play with us.
: Yeah, dude, we can't convince girls to do this.
: No, but maybe the new kid can. The new kid has a power we have yet to understand. He makes friends on Facebook faster than any we have seen.



: He is really good at getting Facebook friends, I'll give him that.
: Find a way to get the Girls to side with us, Commander Douchebag. I'll deal with the other factions. The rest of you return to your stations and prepare for war.
ALL: HUZZAH!







Cartman also adds us on Facebook. Both kings also do not have a buddy command to use. It really feels like a weird exception. Anyway, all our buddies are gonna be hanging out here for the remainder of the game. You can still visit Kupa Keep if you want to buy from Scott Malkinson, but all the real action happens here.

If you're coming from a reality where you backed the KKK instead of the Elves, Kyle has something extra to say on your Facebook...

: I'm only adding you as a friend because we need to work together to get the Stick back.

Alternatively, if you backed the Elves, then Cartman has something extra to say.

: You're a fucking traitor, Douchebag. This may be an alliance, but it's an uneasy alliance.

The various facebook posts I showed off during both school attacks also start showing up at this point.



If you shrink you can walk into these snowy bushes.





This weapon seems perfectly alright. I'm still content to stick with what works. Anyway, let's get moving. We have two new buddies and a new traversal power. That sounds like it's time to do some exploring! For reference's sake, you can also shrink down and enter the "Spirit Cave," though all you find inside are some restoratives.



Kyle is up first.





Kyle's free ability is to "Rally the Troops" which gives both Douchebag and Kyle a free ability up. It's a pretty useful ability, truth be told!







His first ability is one we saw in the boss fight: Summon Elemental.

I edited the GIF for length. The bit where Ike screams "YAYYYYY" and flies through the air is also in this version.







Windstorm is Kyle's next ability. It's alright.





Kyle's ultimate ability is Rain of Arrows.













It's kinda pretty good.







Finally, Kyle's plain attack is hitting golf balls at the enemy. The bonus kosher damage is a nice bonus.



Time to start the collecting. Outside of Tweek's Coffee, we can finally get these items that have been taunting us the entire game.





I'm not entirely sure what the gauntlet patch does. The list of patches on the Stick of Truth wikia just tells where to find it, and I'm not loading the game up just to see what one single item does. Presumably it increases weapon damage in some fashion.



Over at the demolished City Sushi building, we can enter the cracked door.





The Katana patch adds damage with two handed weapons, while the self defense patch adds 25 additional points of armor.



Time to swap over to Cartman. His attacks are infinitely more entertaining than Kyle's.







Zombies are immune to gross damage. Given that 99% of the enemies we're fighting for the remainder of the game are zombies, this makes Cartman's free ability funny, though utterly useless.







eric_cartman.gif. Alternate caption: "No kitty that's my chicken pot pie!" This attack restores up to 5 PP, depending on how many perfect hits you nailed.







I mentioned a few updates ago that Cartman is by and large a fire mage. This is part of what I meant.



Remember this otherwise unremarkable building we visited once? Well there's stuff to find in here now that we can shrink.



Stuff like a Chinpokomon.



And this easily missed friend. This is Leroy Mullens.

: I am a bandit waiting to ambush rich adventurers and steal their gold. Please don't tell on me.
: Don't jump down from here. It hurts your knees.



Over in the post office we can find this girl. We could have befriended her on the first day, but I straight up forgot about her until now. This is Lola.

: I'd love to chat, but you're unpopular.
: Oh hey, I was just thinking about you and all the social status you'd gained. It's SO WEIRD that we aren't friends yet. I know, RIGHT?
: Maybe I'll see you around.

I doubt she'll be our way in with the girls. She can't look up from her phone long enough.





The small battery adds 25 lightning damage on attack. I also want you all to imagine Mr. Mackey saying "Backdoor Sluts 9, m'kay."





The Iron Skewers add a flat 100 damage to any weapon. They're ridiculously good.

Now, we need to find a good target to show off the rest of Cartman's abilities.



How about that bank teller? The one that made our money vanish into a hole.





If you attack him from back here, you can start a miniboss fight! Before you do so, ensure you've donated three times to him. You'll know you have when he tells you that you're a qualified and sophisticated investor. You'll understand why in a minute.









We saw this attack during the boss fight. However, it's not Cartman's best attack.



This one is. The description is a bit hard to see, so here's what it says:

Curse posted:

Cartman activates his v-chip and curses up a storm of electricity against a single target.

This has to be good, right?



You just blindly mash buttons the entire time.







Here's a comprehensive list of what Cartman can say during this attack.

: Fuck!
: Shit!
: Cock!
: Whore!
: Skank!
: Dildo!
: Black!
: Weirdo!
: Ginger!
: Wiener!
: Lame-o!
: Schlong!
: Dum-dum!
: Fuck me!
: Shut up!
: Penises!
: Asshole!
: Nutsack!
: Bastard!
: Buttplug!
: Foreskin!
: Bull crap!
: Alcoholic!
: Christian!
: I hate you!
: Ball sucker!
: Veiny boner!
: Sandy vagina!
: Greasy pubes!
: Spastic colon!
: Smegma bather!
: Piece of crap!
: Not very cool!
: Shriveled sack!
: Jizzy tube sock!
: Fucking goddamn fuck balls!
: Shit-faced cockmaster!
: Fucking son of a bitch!
: I hope you fucking die!
: Ass greasing fist jockey!
: Fucking goddamn fuck balls!
: Shit-sculpting orgy captain!
: Elephant-walking asshole tickler!

And just for good measure, he ends the attack with...



: God dammit!



See that $60 on the teller's body? That means I donated twice to him. He gains $10 for every $20 you donate, and it caps out at $90. So donate three times and you get a free $30 when you break open the bank. Pretty decent!



This is the house of the horse fucker.



The grave dirt patch drains 100 HP from bleeding targets. Not too bad. Apparently this sex offender guy is the only person in South Park that still has this rolling death trap.





Behind the U-STOR-IT employee entrance we couldn't crawl under before, we find this.



This is up next to Jimmy's house. You can tell because the door was completely blown apart. Count me surprised that you can still walk in and loot the place even two days later.





I don't want to know why Kevin Stoley's parents' bedroom key is way over here. Let's go see what's in their room...





Nothing worthwhile, that's what. This badge adds 3PP to our total. Whoopie-fucking-do.





Down in the sewers, to the right of Mr. Hankey's house, we can find this hole. The Burning Skull patch gives us 5PP every time we deal fire damage. I should also warn you all that there is a hole to the left of Mr. Hankey's house, and all it has is a piece of poo and some money.



That should be (almost) every place that needs shrinking to explore. I think it's time to talk to Annie and call in that favor she owes us.

...Next time. See you all then.