Part 21: Meeting the Girls

Hello everyone. The next several are gonna be short, but also kinda dense. From here on out, we're heading straight for the end of the game. The madness is also about to start ramping up, so enjoy this downtime while it lasts.



Last time, we were about to call in the favor Annie owes us. Incidentally if you've ignored her up until this point, 1) you're an asshole and 2) now is when you absolutely have to beat up those bullies.

Video:

: What is this? The boys want us to play with them?! I do owe you one... I can take you to the girls. But I don't think they'll be very willing to play with boys. Do you wish to speak to the girls now?



No point in sticking around here.





For a quick primer of the girls of South Park, because a lot of unnamed portraits are gonna be flashing by...

: Allie Nelson
: Bebe
: Esther
: Generic Girl
: Heidi
: Jessie
: Jessie Rodriguez
: Kelly Gardner
: Kelly Rutherford
: Lola
: Millie
: Monica
: Nelly
: Red
: Wendy

Got it? No? I don't either. Come, let us be confused together.







: The four hundred and twelfth meeting of the girls is hereby called to order. Sparkle, Sparkle.



ALL: Sunshine!



: Sunshine sparkle, Millie Larsen has the floor.



: If it pleases and sparkles, I move that we vote IMMEDIATELY on the urgent matter involving Monica Ryland.
ALL: Yes!/For sure!/All right!/Okay!



: Excuse me, I'm sorry but I have an urgent matter that I believe needs to be addressed first.
: The chair acknowledges Annie.
: Sunshine, sparkle, Annie Knitts has the floor.

Does it horrify anyone else that 9/10 year old girls have perfectly recreated an environment of office bureaucracy?

: If it pleases and sparkles, a messenger comes with a request from the boys.
ALL: Yuck!/EWWW!/Gross!/Sick!
: What request do the boys ask of us?



: He... doesn't really talk.
: That's hot.
: The boys are playing some new role playing game and the New Kid here wants us to join his team.



: What?! We don't have time for that! Something VERY big happened and we MUST do something!
: I know, I thought maybe he could help.



: Oh, that's not a bad idea. I glitter Annie's idea.
: Sunshine, sparkle. A motion has been glittered to have the new kid help with Monica Ryland.



: All right, New Kid, look - there are TERRIBLE RUMORS going around town that our good friend Allie Nelson was spotted at the abortion clinic.



:: I have NEVER been to the abortion clinic! I'm not a whore!
: We aren't sure, but we think the girl spreading rumors about Allie is Monica Ryland.



:: And then she has the gall to act all nice to me!
: We have to know for sure if Monica Ryland is a two faced bitch or not. So: we're gonna send Monica a Facebook page with YOUR picture then tell her that you're Bebe's boyfriend from Lakewood, and you want to meet her and ask her what the best thing to get Bebe for her birthday would be, and see if Monica tries to hit on you at all because THAT way, we can see if Monica is a manipulative bitch.





: Right.



: Do this task for us, and the girls will consider your request. (WENDY bangs the gavel) Sparkle!
ALL: Sunshine!





: You'll find Monica waiting for you at the park. All you have to do is pretend to be Bebe's long distance boyfriend. When the job is done, come see me.



: Whatever they asked you to do, remember we NEED their help.
: Whatever they asked you to do, remember we NEED their help.
: Be on guard, Douchebag, for the plots of girls have ends that no man can foresee.
: Did you get any photos? We've been trying to infiltrate the girls' base for y- years.
: What was it like in there? Is their technology more advanced than ours?

: You should head over to the park. Monica will be waiting.

: Douchebag, make sure you hose any cooties off before you return to Kupa Keep.



: If shit goes down, I'll come running.
: If shit goes down, I'll come running.
: Any means necessary, Douchebag. Kill if you have to.
: (If she touches you I'll claw her eyes out!)
: If you want I can go into the bushes and whisper romantic things for you to say.
: I don't like this. Are you sure we can trust the girls?

Video:





: Oh hi... you must be Mike. So. You wanna talk about Bebe, huh? Well, look... Bebe's my friend. I think she's really great. I- I don't know if she's the end all be all of girls - I mean... she's a little two-faced if you ask me. But, hey, I read a lot of your Facebook profile, and I think you're a really interesting boy.



: A-HA! We knew it! You two faced manipulative whore!
: What the heck?!
: Thank GOD we sent the New Kid to spy on you, huh girls?
: Yeah! Now we KNOW you're a two-faced bitch!
: What do you mean? You guys are my best friends!
: Then why are you hitting on MY Facebook boyfriend? We brought someone else who might be interested!



: Monica? What the fuck are you doing?
: Uh oh. Hey, Jake.
: Have fun you two-faced skank!
: Guys, wait! Please! Come back!



: What's the big idea trying to fuck my girlfriend? Nothing to say, huh? Well maybe you'll understand THIS!

Little girls are scary, guys.



Anyway, Jake is a random encounter masquerading as a miniboss. He dies at the end of the first round of combat, and the only attack he pulled off was a nut shot that I messed up blocking. It just inflicted stun.



: Hey, I'm sorry that Jake flipped out like that, but I'd still love to be friends!



This really isn't a great section of the game, as you're repeatedly sent back and forth across the middle screen of town. You can fast travel part of the way there, but it's still annoying to have to do.



Here we go again...

: The girls want to thank you for your help. We can go see them again whenever you're ready.



: All right, then, let's go. You know the drill.



: New Kid, we want to thank you for helping us determine whether or not Monica was a two-faced bitch. She really made us mad, BUT it turns out she couldn't have been the one spreading rumors about Allie Nelson going to the abortion clinic.
:: Yeah. So we made up.



: You guys are the best.
: You see, the thing is, Heidi Turner was SUPPOSED to put on the Facebook page that you were Bebe's boyfriend, but she didn't.
: Because Heidi Turner is a two-faced bitch who says she likes me then tries to stab me in the back!



: Right. So we need to know if Heidi Turner is the two-faced bitch who's spreading rumors about Allie being spotted at the abortion clinic. But in order to do THAT, we need people to think you're a girl!



: MAKEOVER!



ALL: MAKEOVER!



So welcome to the Makeover minigame.



The basic idea is you pick out a wig, some clothes, makeup, and shoes for Douchebag. Your score goes up and down with each piece you choose. The goal is to get at least 100,000 points. Naturally there is a shitload of dialogue to go along with this. You can click on the video I linked way above to see this in action.

: Too cute!
: LOVE it!
: You are just sparkling with girl power!
: Oh no, you're a mess!
: It's not THAT bad...
: This is gonna be a project.



: That's hot with two t's!
: Go girl!
: Super bonus!
: Good combo!
: Girl, NO ONE could pull that off.
: You're totally clueless!



: I'll have to borrow that!
: That's to die for!
: Those go nice together! Keep up the good work!
: You're on fire, girlfriend, and so is your outfit!
: Talk about a train wreck!
: Eww! Uh-uh. No. Sorry.
: You're joking, right?



: Strut your stuff, girlfriend!
: Hotness streak!
: That deserves a selfie!
: That did NOT just happen.
: Fashion emergency, call an ambulance!



: You got curves for miles!
: I just threw up a little, and not on purpose.
: (growls)



If you try to leave before you get 100,000 points, the girls will make absolutely sure you want to do this.

: (when you hit DONE) Are you SURE you want to wear that?
: (when you hit DONE again) You're as ready as you'll ever be... I guess. Let's get to the clinic.

This next part isn't in my script, which leads me to think the guy that created it was an idiot. If you have at least 100,000 points when you hit done...

: That outfit's so hot we wanted to give you this to make it complete.
: You look all ready to go! Let's get to the quest!

Wendy gives us a Sparkly Unicorn Sticker. This patch gives us 4PP on perfect attack, which is as absurdly broken as it sounds.



: All right, New Kid. Get inside the abortion clinic and find the records room. Take a picture of ALL the records for the past week and text them to us. That will help us find out who the two-faced bitch is. I'm sure you can appreciate why none of us can do this.
: If any of us are spotted in there, people might think we're sluts like Jessica Rodriguez.



: Hey guys!
: Hey Jessie!

That's Kelly Gardner. She's the girl we made friends with way back at the start of the game. The one who is better at communicating through text.

ALL: HI!/HEY JESSIE!/HEY GIRL!
: What are you up to?
: Oh nothing, just finding out which of our friends is a two-faced BITCH!
: Cool! Well, see you around!
: Awesome!



: Skank.
: All right, now go in there and get to the records room. Find out if Jessie had an abortion.



: I like you. You don't namecall someone behind their back, then act like you're their best friend. Not like all the other bitches I'm friends with.

: Is this girl look gonna be a forever thing for you?
: Nice look, dude.
: Wow, now you're more of a d-douchette.
: You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Next to a real girl, that is.

Well then, shall we?

Next time: The Abortion Clinic.