The Let's Play Archive

Space Quest 1

by Son of Bug Jug

Part 50: Page 50

Lean back and open wide, ladies - it's time for the money shot!

Use the piece of fingernail to slice our way into Stellar's think-hole.

Just like Flojo!

Narrator : You chuck a gallstone at one of the robots -- causing it to think the other one did it.
Narrator : You chuck another gallstone -- this time at the other robot who also thinks the other one did it.

Narrator : That was quite effective! That was very impressive, Roger. I'll bet that's not something you hear every decade.

It's like rock'em sock'em robots, except with... ... robots.

Down the elevator, and stab Stellar's "Cough Control Centre" with the piece of paper clip, like a jerk.

Sharpei : Well, well, Mr.Wilco. I must confess to being impressed that you made it this far. You are either a very lucky man or the classic case of how looks can be deceiving.
Sharpei : From what I know of your history I can't say that, in this case, looks are necessarily deceiving. On the other hand, I don't think luck accounts for it all either. There's definitely something different about you, Mr.Wilco. It's a pity though. I'm afraid this is where the odds catch up with you, Roger.
Sharpei : I do hope you don't mind me referring to you as Roger. I feel we can both be on a first name basis now since we will soon be sharing such intimate moments -- my rebirth and your death -- not necessarily in that order.
Sharpei : I'll attend to you in a moment. I have a few more little details to finish before I transfer my consciousness into this body. Enjoy it, Roger. It'll be among the very last of your memories.
Sharpei : Oh, and by the way, escape attempts will prove to be futile. You will be incinerated, if necessary.
Wilco : Geez, what a bit...
Sharpei : I'm sorry, what was that you were saying?!
Wilco : Me? I was, uh, I was saying, uh "What a bite." Yeah, I had a little trouble with some parasites a while ago down in the digestive tract. That's all it was.

After that stunning hilarity, there's nothing left to do but fry the bitch. (Sharpei, not Stellar)

Narrator : Wow! That was actually a great idea! Go figure.
Wilco : Yeah. I kicked her butt. Just look at me. MacGyver wishes he could be me.
Wilco : It was bound to happen. The never-ending battle between good and evil was once again waged. And once again good has emerged victorious.
Wilco : Yes, and with me on its side, how could it lose?
Wilco : Yes, once again I have struck a blow for good over evil. It was ineviii....

Wilco : Ahhh! What? But I thought I took care of you!

Sharpei : Wilco! I haven't survived this long without taking precautions. The robot was just hardware. My mind still exists.
Wilco : Oh, real wonderful.

Give her that fish we've been carrying around all game.

Wilco : All right! She actually chowed down on that rancid fish!
Wilco : I thought I'd never get rid of that fish.

And that's the end of the game.


Roger flashes the ship's headlights to get the doc's attention.

Dr Beleauxs : Oh, there you are, Wilco.

Stellar : It is a miracle, Roger. I was afraid that by the time you got my message it would be too late. I was certain I was doomed, but you didn't let me down.
Stellar : What you did was incredibly brave, Roger, not to mention intensely risky. It took Dr.Beleauxs a lot of work to clean up after you and Sharpei.
Stellar : I must say, Roger, there's not a man in the universe who knows me inside the way you do.
Wilco : It was a strange feeling, but I went in there all business. There wasn't a moment I wasn't thinking of your welfare.
Narrator : Oh give me a break.
Wilco : Cheese it, Pal, or I'll rip you and your larynx and you won't be able to get a job doing bad voice-over work for Chinese action pictures!
Stellar : What did you say, Roger?
Wilco : Oh, uh, I was mumbling to myself. You know, Stellar, there was one thing I noticed while inside you that I thought I might share.
Stellar : And what's that, Roger?
Wilco : You eat like a goat! You really have to change your eating habits, Stellar. I saw some things in your digestive tract that I wouldn't wish on Sludge Vohaul. You really have to clean up your consumption act.
Stellar : Yes, I know, I know. Dr. Beleauxs said he was able to fix most everything done to me during Sharpei's invasion, as well as patching an ulcer that was playing havoc with my stomach. He told me the same things.
Wilco : You might also try chewing. You had a hunk of a twinkoid wedged in your throat that would have gagged Linda Lovelace.
Stellar : Okay, Roger, okay! I got the message. Let's change the subject, shall we? Ask me where I'm stationed next.
Wilco : Why don't you just tell me.
Stellar : Boy, some fun you are.
Wilco : Sorry, I guess I'm a little grumpy. I had a real day. I had to clean the Captain's Log entry container. Then, somebody got a nice buzz in 8-Rear and decided to take a wormhole ride in the HoloSuite.
Wilco : They hit a few wrong buttons and the next thing I know I'm cleaning Vergon Nebulasets and hors d'oeuvres off every wall and ceiling. Apparently, they truly did make the room spin. Boy, they spackled everything! Had to use a putty knife to chip loose some of the chunks of...
Stellar : Uh, Roger? I'm sorry you had a rough day, but can we please change the subject?
Wilco : Oh, sorry.
Stellar : Anyway, I think you're going to like your next assignment.
Wilco : Really? What is it? Where is it?
Stellar : Sorry. You're just going to have to wait to find out.

Narrator : As Roger and Stellar warp off into the nebula set, many questions remain. Will ROger and Stellar become an item? How will Beatrice Wankmeister react when she hears about this new friend in Roger's life? Will Roger's voice be a few octaves higher as a result? Would they dare to make another one of these things? Only time and money will tell.
Wilco : I've been up to my lips in Urinal pucks, lately. I hope it's something different.