Sprung (Brett) Part #14 - The Treasures of Snow Bird Mountain

Part 14: The Treasures of Snow Bird Mountain

Chapter 11: The Treasures of Snow Bird Mountain

At last, I finally found the ruins of Snow Bird Mountain!

After convincing DB2 that he was bored with B - even though it could only have been like a day tops - I got him together with Hippie, which meant I had a shot with B! And what better way to use a window of opportunity than by participating in the Snow Bird Mountain Ski Resort Scavenger Hunt!

Okay, to be fair, this was an annual event that D, L, and I had talked about ever since we were kids. We were competing against other nameless teams - one being lead by Dickbag, who I'm thinking of renaming King Dickbag - and had a relatively long list of things to get. I made a Powerpoint presentation right before we headed to Club Sanctuary to get the final two items.

And with that, we headed off to a club to get a picture of a dragon tattoo and underwear. Even though I had friends with both of those things, it was probably just easier to start from square one and go to a club.

And for no reason at all...

I found a rose. Anyway, I surveyed the scene.

Then D approached me.

Wait, what the-?

You're a coward!

I'M THE WHAT? HUH, SUCKA?!

That's what I thought!

No way man, this is stupid!

Why me?

TedShultz posted:

The "Sprung Avatars" subsection!

Seriously, are we up to eleven? Holy fucking shit. Well, anyway.

No way man, this is stupid.

If you're so gung-ho about it, why don't you do it instead?

And then D did this thing he always did where his eyes went in two different directions to freak me out.

Well, he had a point. And for no reason at all, I started to grin.

Hmmm...

Hey, what's that under there?

Oh my God!

He even talks like a stereotypical Indian! Native American, I mean.

edit: Anyone not see that coming?

TorakFade posted:

Amorous action him for all he's worth.

Do you like scavenger hunts?

What should I get this guy?

Hey bartender, one cosmopolitan for my friend.

Hey bartender, one martini for my friend.

Yo, barkeep, a beer!

A bourbon over here!

Hrmmm... close enough, I guess.

I'm Brett, I was wondering if you can help me with something.

Sad chief? Wait a minute, this guy's a Native American and a CHIEF? Come on, now! How the hell am I gonna get a dragon tattoo or panties outta this deal? And I don't have any cures for gigantism, which is a shame because that guy's head is fucking massive.

Sushi Face posted:

I need to see his reaction to pepper spray before I can sleep, Slowbeef.

Guys, seriously. I can't pepper spray everyone! Plus, this guy's expression hasn't changed a bit! I seriously doubt it would even do anything. I don't think the artists gave him anything more than a blinking animation. He treats the mace like any incorrectly used item.

My friends and I are in this scavenger hunt, and I need something.

Oh no...

And there were D and L, laughing like idiots. They were so embarrassing.

edit: I'll tell you what I'm holding next chance I get.

Yep, that's my gaggle of assholes.

I think we're getting off track...

Should I keep selling out my lifelong friends?

They're not.

Nightwolf here sure has a lot of good advice. Unfortunately, at this point, I can't think of anything great to say.

Oh yeah. As I walked away from Dances with Free Drinks...

Those guys! Anyway, time to try the old woman...

Er... how would you approach an old woman at a bar?

Also, these are probably my best options for approaching people at the club tonight, so if we approach someone else, it's probably a good idea to specify how to approach them as well.

Hey, what's under there?

And then suddenly!

Ho shit! What do I do, goons?!

Altoidss posted:

EDIT: wait no! can you use an item? now would be the perfect time for mace, imo.

Shit, I can't reach- NO! I can't get to my items!

TIME TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH, GRANNIE!

I walked back to D and L who were laughing at me, again. I was angry. But the old lady probably had wicked Alzheimer's so I could approach again if I needed to. Who should I go up to next, and how should I approach them?

With a deep inhale, I approached K. K was probably my best bet to get those panties... and maybe if I was lucky, whatever was underneath them! I mean her pussy.

Do you like games?

And of course, my luck being what it was, that greeting got me nowhere.

And since someone asked earlier:

code:
I am carrying:

A cell phone, a worn-out bottle of pepper spray, chewing gum, seventy dollars in
cash, a joke book, sunglasses, a pocket knife, DB2's business card, a lint brush, 
a VIP pass, a raw dead fish, a rabbit's foot keychain, a camera, Devil's Zephyr 
cologne, a bronze medal someone is obsessed with, a book titled "Unlocking Social
Anxiety", ear plugs, a Heimlich Maneuver brochure, Amorous Action, a Wisdom Stone,
your Golden Line Notebook, earrings, an umbrella, an MP3 player, a fingerprinting 
kit, a brown wallet, and a rose.

Your cell phone contains:
- Your number
- B's number
- K's number
- E's number
- L's number
- D's number
- Thailand's number
- Maxwell Adams's number
- A's number
- Hippie's Grandmother's number
- DB2's number
- KDB's number

Your joke book contains:
- The one about the guy with the five-legged pants
- The blonde joke
- The hippie joke

Your Golden Line Notebook contains:
- No, you look like an aerobics instructor
- Women's television has come a long way in terms of story development and production, L.
- This purple one here looks nice.
- None of your beeswax, biznatch!  Ow!  Yeah!  How do you like it now, huh?!
- No, I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about fungus!
- Moo
- Smashing to make your acquaintance, I'm Bartholomew Arugula Paisley
- Look, you sit under a cow's ass, you're gonna get crapped on

Score!

code:
Your score is 4 out of a possible 10000 in 284 replies out of 3003 posts.  This earns you the rank of Complete Loser.

Can I get you a drink?

Oh, for fuck's sake. It almost seems like no matter who I talk to, the conversation starts in exactly the same way.

Christ. If she accepts my drink offer, I guess I can also buy her a cosmopolitan, a martini, a bourbon, and a beer. Someone earlier said I should get her a martini. Is that a good idea?

For you, the world.

Good God, this is a slow moving conversation. If anyone starts getting bored, let me know and I'll see if I can speed things up.

Anyway, one thing is that with a girl like K (and I bet Thailand, too) - at this point you can also buy her a bottle of Kristal, chilled.

But fuck that, I'm not made of money - then again, L at least agreed to pay for all drinks tonight, so I guess I don't have to worry about it. Either way, I feel like she's been dropping enough Sex & The City references.

Hey bartender! One cosmopolitan, for my friend with the inconsistent highlights!

I'm Brett, I was wondering if you can help me with something.

My name is Brett, just stop talking! I've only got a couple minutes. Listen carefully...

Have you ever heard of a scavenger hunt?

I'm Brett, I was wondering if you can help me with something.

That drink didn't buy me very much!

I need your underwear!

I don't know if I can go through with this!

K-ParAdoX posted:

He just kind of looks like one of my dorky friends when he makes that face, aside from the wtf eyes.

Kiki reminds me of a girl I knew in real life.

Alright, guys, this is it.

I asked her for her underwear for the scavenger hunt.

This led to me having to confirm that yes, I wanted her underwear, twice more.

Okay, I got slapped, but I made up the part about the dental surgery, etc. D and L were laughing at me again, but I had to... you know what, one sec.

Sorry. Anyway, I had the general idea down.

I had to:

1. Talk to one of these four people (K, Thailand, Indian, Granny.)
2. Buy them a martini, cosmo, beer, bourbon, or champagne.
3. Then I had to ask them about their underwear, a scavenger hunt in general, or ask if I can get personal with them.

Any course of action I took would involve these three steps. Maybe I need a general course of action...

Okay, so I went up to Kiki, and bought her a cosmopolitan.

Can I get personal for a sec?

You have really beautiful eyes.

Hmmm...

I just need to borrow your underwear for an hour ... I'll bring them back, I swear.

........

Suddenly, Thailand approached us!

Hey, Thailand! This guy wants my underwear!

Are you going to give them to me or not?

Alright... that was kinda cool. I mean, not me passing out. That was definitely not. But Thailand and K left after that... so I guess there's no tattoos or underwear to be had there. That leaves us with the Indian and the old woman.

_aaron posted:

So, uh, what exactly did Thailand show you to prove this fact?

She had a sign that said "No Underwear". I was really shocked by that.

Number 36 posted:

Indian, beer, scavenger hunt.

Hmmm... I'll give it a whirl. I walked up to the indian.

Can I buy you a drink?

I'm Douglas Bright Eagle, and that depends on what you're buying.

Heh heh... whatever you're drinking.

Sounds good.

Yo, barkeep, a beer!

But suddenly, I had an idea...

Can I get personal for a second?

Shoot, my boy.

Can I have your underwear? I'm supposed to get women's, but no one would know the difference if you gave me yours!

That line was Gold!

Huzzah! One Golden Line richer. Then we had the exact same conversation as before about friends. The one that went:

Is that your band of friends laughing in the corner there like hyenas?

Yep, that's my band of morons.

They're not.

Don't sell them short.

How can I sell them any shorter?

At that point, just like before - the Indian shot me down. However, I approached him again.

I bought him another beer. This time, I asked about the scavenger hunt first.

But FUCK! He interrupted with the friends conversation AGAIN! I said the exact same things, except rather than turning me away, this time he said:

Why the different reaction? I'm not sure. I guess maybe it had something to do with asking about the scavenger hunt first. For some reason, I noted a bug on the bar and brushed it away. At least I thought so. Anyway.

I think you guys have the right idea!

You actually have a friend named 'Jocko'?!

While I had a few responses that involved me backing out slowly, I decided to pull out my camera.

I was scared of - well, nothing, since they both seemed friendly enough. But I gulped. Then...

Jackpot! I actually had the option of snapping the photo or getting the hell out of there, so I opted to snap it.

What can't we learn from those whose heads are larger than ours?

Alright guys, that leaves one missing pair of panties and an old woman... what's the plan of attack?

Alright, the old lady...

Can I buy you a drink?

Depends on what you're buying.

For you, the world.

Keep the world, I'll take a drink instead.

A bourbon over here!

Have you ever heard of a scavenger hunt?

Wow. What an adventure I'm having! I've met two extreme stereotypes just today!

Mr. Swoon posted:

Pump granny full of bourbon and... seduce her, I guess.

You have really beautiful eyes.

Oh shit guys! She pulled out a cat o' nine tails!

Forest Fuckery posted:

It's hard to read this thread with half of the people having BRETT avatars

(Shrug.) Hey, mine was a gift.

Disclamer: Once again, I am not making this shit up.

I think I have to follow Mr. Swoon on this if I'm going to be done with this scavenger hunt...

C'mon, granny, what are you gonna do? Whip me?

...

For reasons I can't fathom, I laughed.

...

... I don't even know what's going on anymore.

edit: I know what I have to do. But, still... what the fuck, man? WHAT THE FUCK?

With a bit of trepidation... I took them.

And with that, we left the club victorious!

Yeah, take that ski lodge preps! Oh, did I mention we were competing against ski lodge preps? Well, we were.

Night Gaunt posted:

Your next photoshop better have you wearing said glowing granny panties.

You got it, friend!

Well, that was a happy coincidence.

astr0man posted:

Screw your friends and their stupid game. Fuck the two chicks.

I could never do that! Besides, how could I win the scavenger hunt if I did...

I guess if I did, it would go down like... well, I'd go to K and say:

What's that under there?

Huh?

I'm sorry, what?

Wait, what the...

Yes!

Man, that might have been neat, but this is a scavenger hunt we're talking about, people.

Believe it or not, that's game over.

Well guys, off to bed.

ud tiy kiij ub rgw io u gus N Warwe wff rgwew vyr bir CWET IBW

Dreaming with the blckberry, I cant be... why does this feel so real..

Nno, waitt... is this a vision questi... why am I asking the internet... it cant be for real... adsad

Clear the head... must be ane explanation... drugged again? Or an Indian curse?

Gotta be drugs.

What is goign on?????

xB TIY SWXISW RGUA>

Well, lovely - I just lost a bunch of save states and have to redo the Scavenger Hunt.

In the meantime, here's what happens if you try to get the panties first - thanks to ZZTTheFifth for pointing this out.

And then you all run away like jerks and lose the contest. Keep in mind the game actually never introduced Jocko at this point.

edit: Holy shit, GLOSS - that didn't take you long at all!