Part 16: Of D and Me

Chapter 12 - Of D and Me

So the next day after nightskiing and learning that L was a virgin (was that fucked up or what?! Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. L's a virgin.) I made a ski date with B! Well, it wasn't really a date. But suddenly...



What the hell-



I didn't have time for this! But I couldn't just diss my friend!




I don't know if I can blow off this conversation - it looks like D has something really important to tell me! But you're right. I had to think about B.

Tell me later, no time now!



Danny, you're my boy, but tell me all about this mystery woman later.



Later.
Now.
LATER.



LATER!









































... Where's my mace?



I lost it. I got up, with my teeth and fists locked in "clench" and walked over when-



...Oh.



Get out.





D, before I kill you, tell me who you're babbling about so I can go.



Thailand?! That was ridiculous! You'd think so too, if I'd described the characters of this story in a way that wasn't as one-dimensional as possible!




Well, I don't think laughing in D's face like that was a good idea like you guys do. But... maybe there was something to it...




(Why did I have to think about the only thing I could possibly say?)





I dunno, though. The only problem with crushing D's spirit...

Don't be stupid. If I wanted her, I'd have hooked up with her already.



Note:  The game fucks that up and Brett actually tells you - the player - that dialogue; even though it was referring to "you" as Brett throughout the entirety of this... experience. 

I had to play it a little nicer.

I just don't want to see my boy hurt.





What exactly happened between you and Thailand?

Oh no. What sort of zany scheme did D have in mind?

Zoe posted:

I don't know about all problems being SOLVED, but from the lack of other choices in the 'Buddy, I hate to break it to you...' part, it does seem like you're supposed to use an item there, and other than mace the cellphone makes the most sense.

I'll give that a shot. You mean that I should call B? Or Thailand?

Anyway, so as I was saying:

By 'not exactly nothing', are you sure you don't actually mean 'nothing'?



I had to say what was in my heart.

D, you're hopeless.



There were a multitude of things I could have said... but some were things I thought of earlier, and some were just generic. I decided to follow my guy again and tell him:



SHE turned YOU down?!

I meant it sarcastically, but I don't know that he took it that way.



Wait wait, whoa whoa whoa. Ladies man that D thought me to be (since when?), how could I convince a woman to go out with another man?



He could only have been telling the truth.

I am?



Sigh. I don't know if this is such a good idea.



I hate you, D.

And with that, I stared laughing for no reason at all.



Nice! Another one for the joke book!



Knowing that I was a damn good friend to help out one while completely standing up the other was all the consolation I needed. Especially after I'd gone to such extreme lengths to make sure B was still available.

Regardless - it was off to the powder to see if I could hook up Thailand and D.




(No matter what I was saying lately, it seemed I was really happy about it!)

I suppose now is a good time to tell you I always hated that hat.



And then, Thailand came into the ski lift... which I guess was just parked there for some reason.

Is he alright?



I wish I knew.



... Your guess on that one is as good as mine.



Great!



Ah! How'd she know about my sleeping habits when I wasn't on vacation?! I've been going to clubs until late every night down here it seemed! (And wasn't she up late with me that night at the hot tub and the night of the Scavenger Hunt?)

How do I best respond to this?



What are you talking about, I'm a night owl. Hoot, hoot!



So how's the table today?



... What the hell are we talking about?





WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS GOTTEN ME INTO?!



Speaking of no idea, what do you think of my friend D?



Thailand was not one for keeping up with pop culture.



He's pretty amazing, huh?



... Holy God, what was wrong with her face?!



Alright, let's try pushing my luck!

Oh, come on.



Please!
No!
Just once?




Wait, what? Er... do you think it's a good idea to keep going like this or should I try to get her to date D without money involved?

By the way, D still owes me money, so this technically doesn't cost me anything!  Sprung is too stupid to handle subtracting money from your inventory. Seriously. We could have bought everyone champagne in the Scavenger Hunt with no negative reprecussions. Plus, I have to redo this scene for the Golden line anyway. 

Forty bucks.




Alright! I got Thailand's number! For the third time! (The first time being when D, L and I had the bet, and the second being right before I was late meeting L for Nightskiing.)



And then she said something in Japanese or whatever she spoke natively. I think "Senor Fuego" meant "Pope Bacon" or something like that. Anyway, D and Thailand together? Why, she'd walk all over him! As evinced by this metaphorical-style Photoshop.



Still... I can't help but think that there was an easier way than forking out sixty bucks for Thailand and D to go out... I can't help but think it would go something like this...

I'd start out by saying "Early to bed, early to rise," therefore establishing that we both grew up on a farm. And then I'd make her laugh...



I don't think I've ever heard you laugh.



Wait... no... that was just crazy talk! Hmmm... maybe it would go more like...

Well, I'd change the subject to D, like I did before, but when she rejected him-

Well, that's great. Gotta go, seeya!
Wait!
What?
How come people only talk to me when they want something?! Nobody hangs out with me just because.



And of course, I'd have to deal with it sensitively:

You don't go to do Dippy Donuts if you're looking for a steak.

BOOYA! That's a Golden Line if I ever heard one!



It would even make her cry, I bet! That's Gold of a very solid variety! And what better way to console a crying woman than:



Even though that was in my Joke Book, I didn't have to use it like an item! It just appeared in the conversation! So it really was like I collected that joke for just no reason whatsoever! WHATSOEVER.

His pants fit like a glove!
HA HA! That's really funny.

And then, I could go one of two ways. I could say, "It's funny, right?" in order to continue down that path, later admit that it was D who told me that joke, and get her interested. Or...



See if the Jedi Mind Trick worked in real life for no fucking reason at all!

I want you to go out with D.
You mean the one who's always doing the Ray Romano impressions?



That's... his real voice.

And then just end up offering her the $40 anyway. It was probably also possible to make out with Thailand, get her number and give it to D! And that would be just as good to get to my goal and complete this stage of my vacation! Whatever!

edit: Unrelated note: I have an X-Box 360 copy of Bioshock here and an uncharged controller and I can't fucking find the wire to recharge it! Dammit!

edit2: Thank God for AA batteries.