Part 19: Hot tub + Hot Girl = HOT!

Chapter 13 - Hot tub + Hot Girl = HOT!

The plan was in motion. I had to make K think I was dreamy so we could get steamy. In fact, I liked that so much I made a Powerpoint slide.



And then after that, I ran to tell D.



Doing what exactly?



And then he gave me a Book of love sonnets. I didn't miscapitalize that - it was on the friggin' cover!



That night...



So was I, baby. So was I...



Good thing I wore my lucky parka! Wait... what's a good response to that?




Well, first I tried an Amorous Action and she didn't respond. Then I tried it again.



Subsequent times that happened, too. Even five. ZZTTheFifth! Next, I tried the... pepper spray.



I wasn't going to very well mace a girl I was trying to get into a state of semi-nudity, now was I?! Then it was time for the silver medal...



But in my rush to grab the bronze medal, I blurted out:

Yes, yes I do.

Well, I did.



Hmmm...



No, just happy to be here.



Thank you Lord, for the gift of loose women. There was only one real option, here.



Oh, what now?! (And why did that seem to change the lighting in here?)



Actually, things seemed to be going smoo-



I appreciated the compliment, and knew it was a good idea to have gone with Axe: Phoenix that night.



WHAT?! NO!!! You can't get socially conservative on me now!! I smell like a phoenix!



That was true. Even though K was really good friends with B, and I was really good friends with B, and most friends tend to know each others' circles and what not...



... I had to try.

I know you!







...Note.

Sometimes, I end an update on an arbitrary choice because I'm forced to attend to real life. Still, though, maybe we can get it right.

Blue!



Well, how the fuck- Urgh. I hate women! Why do they have to speak in riddles like that? I just wanna have seeeeeeeeex!



edit: I thought Kiki was supposed to be easy!

But I want to!
Okay, I have an idea.



Why must everything in my life be difficult?





Rock on, let's do it.
Awesome, okay-



... ...Oh no. No.



Aw, fuck me. Dickbag must have had the patience of a monk!

I'm sorry, what?
What kind of hints?
Hot tub?
That sounds stupid.

edit: Jesus, I should have given this one more time.

You guys are right.

This sounds stupid.



No, seriously, this is really stupid.
Well trust me it will be worth it.
No, this is really, really stupid and I'm not doing it.



Sigh... so I convinced her I was kidding around and said:

What kind of things?



What friends?
B, E, and Hippie, silly!

Wait, when was Hippie friends with-

What kinds of music?
Um... hold on... I don't want to give anything away... Classic Rock, Pop, Hip Hop, and Indy. Yeah.

Well, Hippie's obviously into classic rock, going by stereotype and-

I'll spare you. Flowers are roses, carnations, posiese, and tulips. Colors were purple, pink, orange, and green.

 Yes, I'll be solving the grid ultimately, but since we have to play the conversation game to get the clues, it's provided in case you want to follow along at home. I guess. 

Ok, I'm game. But you better be ready for some hot-tubbing.



And now to find clues... somehow.




Note: There are ten questions total, so in the event of a tie, first one is what I'll do. It seems like you all might want to skip this puzzle entirely, so we'll keep it pretty brief, but I'm just one man, damn it. (And we've got a Golden Line to get anyway.)

I really like your top.



I suppose B would agree, anyway.



Hmmm...

What I really like is the color, actually.
Oh, very clever. Trying to trick me into giving away my favorite olor, huh? No dice - I'm not that easy.

This actually didn't seem to be working... the problem was that some things I could ask affected the order. In other words, if I talked about her top first, I might get a clue for a later question. Hmmm...

Did I ever tell you about my niece?
No! How old is she?
(Holds up three fingers.) She's this many.



Wait... You're not just making this up to garner favor with me, are you?



Okay- yes I'm saying it to impress you, but I'm not making it up.



Pay up.
Okay, okay, I'll give you a hint. Erica thinks green makes her look sickly.



Let's keep talking to see what else I can get out of you.



Tell me about your family.
Um.... huh.



...What?

How much my mom drives me crazy, ...and how cute you must be with your niece!

Hey weird. I thought asking her questions would just be an exercise in disparity. It turned out if I told her things about myself from previous questions, they might actually modify what the future conversation would be!

This would actually be kind of neat and like a real conversation, if it didn't mean I just had more chances of screwing up and missing out on the seven clues!



I could also think to say "I'm getting her a little pink tricycle for Christmas," but maybe she'd see through that. I went with:

One time I gave her a piggy back ride just because she was wearing pig tails.

*Spark*

AHHHH!!! TOO CUTE!!!



...Come again?

Pay up.
Fine, here's another hint. Hip hop is all about the green. So your hip hop fan's gonna be down with the color of a dolla dolla bill, y'all.

Hmmmm... so I have a very good idea on how to get the hints on my own, but if you'd still like to suggest stuff, here it is.

Are you a dog person or cat person?
Have you ever been sky diving?
East Coast or West Coast?
Have you ever heard of the 'walk into a bar' game?
So I have to come clean, I've had a crush on you since the first time I saw you.
You ever tried Yoga?
You've traveled abroad, haven't you?
I really like your top.

I'll probably just follow my gut on this one...

 So, unfortunately, the logic puzzle is only half of it. You still have to play the conversation tree to get the clues you need to actually solve it. I'm bolding hints if you want to play along at home, and I'm a little pressed for time, so I'd rather post something than nothing.

In other words, if you thread people want to play the conversation game some more for the first half of the the puzzle (before the logic game), speak up now. Otherwise, I'm just working under the assumption that I'll be the one making all the choices in this stage. 

edit:
Gathered hints:

Erica thinks green makes her look sickly.
Hip hop is all about the green, so your hip-hop fan [will also like green].

East Coast or West Coast?



So it sounds like you're West Coast until your mom moves.



(Didn't she say she was from New York City earlier? I must've misheard her.)

Pay up.
Nobody's wearing their favorite color.

 Sprung assumes you're an idiot and shows you the four girls. Since I'm solving the puzzle anyway, I'll omit that. 

Let's keep talking, blah blah blah.
Give it your best shot, hot stuff.
Are you a dog person or a cat person?





Hmmmm...





























I went with my gut and said...

Tell that to Fluffers the East Side pooch.



(It was? Whatever.)

Pay up.
Hold on. Let me come up with another one. For flowers, Becky is true to her Dutch heritage.



Alright, then.

Have you ever been skydiving?
No! I'm pretty hard core, but I'm not sure I could ever jump out of a plane!
It's actually pretty easy once you get the jumping part out of the way.
You telling me you've been?
No, but I really want to.
Then you totally should! When it gets right down to it, I'd probably do it if I had the chance.
Only if you hold my hand the whole way through.



Hmmm... nothing there... but I bet it could set up something else.

So I have to come clean, I've had a crush on you since the first time I saw you.



Bam.

That's sweet that you told me. I don't mind giving you a hint for that.
Pay up.



 What happened to the copy editor here? 

Shana is constantly complimenting me on my top. I wonder why, right?

Why indeed.

Nibble posted:

I had interest in it, but no good quote to go with it. Slowbeef said there's a good golden line coming up, so he better deliver

See for yourself.

Let's keep talking to see what else I can get out of you.



You ever tried Yoga?



The trick is in the breathing.
I'd bet.

*spark*

Pay up.
This one's a good one. One girl's favorites all start with P.



You know what else starts with P? Something I'm not getting out of this conversation!  It's pussy. It starts with P. 

What a fun letter! Your mouth makes a kiss shape when you say it!
Let's keep talking to see what else I can get out of you.
Take your best shot.
I really like your top.
Thank you! A girl's gotta show a little shoulder every now and again.

I knew just what to say:



*spark*

Totally!
Pay up.
Okay, but this is the last one. Classic rockers dig roses. That's why you have bands like Guns N' Roses!

That was all of them. I had everything I needed to solve the puzzle and figure out Kiki's favorite color, flowers and music.

But... there was still the matter of a Golden Line...

You ever tried Yoga?
No, but it's pretty clear you have. Being chill enough to just come right out and tell me you like me. That's pretty impressive.
Actually I don't know anything about Yoga.
I do Pilates. But I hear that Yoga's really effective. I was thinking about taking a class.
Actually I really don't know anything about Yoga.
It's supposed to be more about the breathing and relaxation than the exercise, I think.



Can they make you do the whole human pretzel thing?



I had a great response for this: It was gold!



I'll bet you haven't!

So at this point, I could ask K to go over all the clues again, but I already knew them.

I could also - for no particularly great reason at all - solve individual bits of it, like:

B's favorite color... has to be...

Just to confirm it, but you know what guys? Let's just skip the puzzle almost entirely.

I think I've got some stuff figured out.



Um... on second thought, where could I get a glass of water?



And then it was time to pull out my secret weapon...



By bringing your friends on dates in secret, you can totally gain the upper-hand. Good God, how brilliant am I!

Carnations instantly!
I can tell you're sure this time. Captain D to the rescue!

(This time? What was he talking about?) D ran back to his cousin's van, which I found hilarious.



Okay, these are the best ones!



Awesome!



That trucker joe line was so funny I just started laughing for no reason! But... why hadn't D just gone home? Oh well.



Oh I got a divining rod alright! Haha!



Well... nothing clearly.

Um...



You DID figure out my favorite without me telling you! You are so sweet!!! A little hot tub session might be closer than I thought...

Now it came time for the next step in the seduction process... repeating myself.

I think I have some stuff figured out.
I'll be the judge of that!
Let me put some music on.
Ooooh... that sounds great.



I resisted my usual urge to put on "Date Rape" by Sublime when meeting girls, and though I did want to chill to some pop-chart climbers, it looked like K was checking herself for boob lumps and readying the Electro-Bolt Plasmid  I'm sorry , so I put on some hip-hop.

That would be really nice... Some slow jamz to take us into the night...

I had no way of knowing she spelled jams with a "z" so I just guessed on that one.

Good call, Brett.
Okay, I think I have some stuff figured out.
I'll be the judge of that!
Let me put on some lights in the hot tub.
Trying to lure me in, eh? Go for it, loverboy.

I put on the green lights.



Nothing like implied radioactivity to get a girl wet! (See what I did there? Cause of the hot tub! And vaginal lubrication! You should try things like this when you write.)

I think I'm ready to get in.



(Neither can I. I never thought getting laid would be anything like the Da Vinci code.)  Well, besides the atrocious writing. 

Let's see if we can make that jacuzzi a little hotter than it already is.



I really had to thank D when I had the chance.