Part 24: Doc Cock Block

Chapter 15 - Doc Cock Block



I exclaimed to one in particular. I was busy daydreaming about Lumines in my apartment when it occurred to me. Where had the time gone? Since I'd been here, I'd tripped on Erica's little science experiment, won a dating competition, encountered three bags of dicks, lost a job, and hooked up with more girls than I could count! I'd honestly never done this well with the ladies before, and the last thing I wanted to do was return to real life.



But I couldn't help but smile like a champ. After all, who but me could have social adventures like this?



B! What was she doing here?



Whaaaaaa?!?! What ever could it be?!



Guys, I am NOT going to pepper spray anyone else and that is that. Seriously. It's amazing I've stayed out of trouble as is.

A present for me?



Aw come on! What kind of crappy present is that? I already had the VIP pass, so she won't give me one?! B?!

Incidentally, this is now the second time a character has tried to give us a VIP pass even though we already had one.



This was true. I could bust a move or two in my day.

But I need a favor.

Eh?



I slapped myself in the realization that I was about to be asked to do something stupid. Again.

I covered it by saying:

AGAIN?!



No hooking up? But... but...



Oh no.



...


































I don't know...
PLEASE?
It seems pretty...
Pretty please?
Well, it's just...



Fine I promise.



Whoa...

Bye.
Bye.

Make it worth my while... I wonder what she had meant by that...



Who should I talk to first? Or should I just go into the VIP section myself?

Belial42 posted:

Go in by yourself first, to find the best places you can launch pepper spray attacks from.

I wandered toward the VIP section.



And suddenly, I started to... uh... look a lot tanner? Must be the ultraviolet light. Gasp! I quickly ran back out because I realized what could happen if I went in there first.



Alex and L would start hooking up!



Well, fortunately, Becky would be sure to be an adult about it and handle...



...things by sobbing. Hrrmph.



I don't know how I knew this, but I did.



Hey, Imagined Inner Monologue, what's with the crazy advice?

I went over to talk to Alex to hopefully avoid this.



Sigh.




Are you guys crazy? I can't be childish here! I mean...

Please please please go in with me? (3 votes)



That would be instant suckage!

You know we're nearing the end of the game when Brett-face gives us an instant Game Over for no discernible reason.

I had to go with...

I'll try not to take that personally. (2 votes)



Wow... this opened up a lot of ideas for me!




Yeah, yeah, so sue me. I re-used 3 screenshots. We don't have the "I'll try not to take that personally" option, but we have the other previous ones.

This coming from Ms. Zero personal skills.



Yeah, please do.



I couldn't let that happen!



After all, it would mean broken me! ...Wait, what the hell did that train of thought mean? No, I had to stop her from leaving.

No wait!



What am I up to?
You don't care if any of us are here. You just want everything to be comfortable for Becky.
Yeah and?



She was just asking for a mace salad. An incapacitating omelette. An eye-tearing breakfast.  I mean pepper spray, guys.  There was only one thing to do... pretend this hadn't happened and go with...

Playing dumb.

Really, really dumb.



Smacks? What does that mean, like smells?



Aha! I had her distracted. And I had a full aresnal of things to say:



Alright, in all honesty... this is a "puzzle"? How are any of these three more acceptable than the other two? And they just can't let that dancing option go!

No, taste makes sense, you can make a smack sound with your lips, so maybe it's a mouth thing.



Anyway.



Um, thank you?
If there's one thing I'm known for, it's half-decency.
You're so into me it's not even funny.
You're not a fan of dancing, are you?
Please please please go in with me?
Use Item

If there's one thing I'm known for, it's half-decency.



(Help!)

GetWellGamers posted:

How on earth can you not go with "Utter depravity"?

Because...

Chocolate Fudge actually!



And with that, my Golden Line Notebook was full!



Madam, I was serious.
Well, I'm no D.
I like compliments. More please.
You're not a fan of dancing, are you?
Please please please go in with me?
Use Item.

edit: This conversation is looooooong, so let's fast forward a bit.

Well, I'm no D.



While it wasn't the right thing to say, I had to know:

You're not after the D-Man, are you?



I couldn't tell if she was being coy or not.



Um... yes.



Oh crap. It was a good thing I talked to Alex first, then. She could hook up with either Danny or Lucas!

...Wait... but then how could I take either of them into the VIP Room if she were in there? Uh... whatever... just had to keep trudging onward.



Maybe it was time to change topics.

You're not a fan of dancing are you?



There were a bevy of things to say...



Including things that had to do with the previous topic of conversation! It was like I was just accumulating replies.

Revolution- man, what's up with club names?



Like Drinkytown.



She... she thought I was serious?

I'd rather chocke to death on peanut butter than go to one of those bars.



Wow. It sounded like "Ouch." or "Please don't." made sense here!

Please don't.



...Wait, were we talking about choking on peanut butter or fucking D?



I mean... I guess her choking on peanut butter could screw my chances with B... uh... somehow...

Because I asked nicely.



Deal.
It's been a pleasure doing business with you.

Alright... now that I got her to agree to not hook up with D, maybe I could move the two of them - briefly - into the VIP Room. Unless she was still talking about peanut butter, in which case, man, what the fuck?

Please please please go in with me?
Fine, why not? Just give me the signal.

Now that I had Alex ready, I could send her in whenever I wanted... it was time to butter up the other three jerks. I approached E.



Wow... I could (amazingly) think of a lot to say to that.



But I decided to start out casual.

How are you holding up?



No one's looking at you.



What do you want me to say?
I'm sorry. What I meant was that you shouldn't care if people are looking at you or not.
The perfect ratio of people are looking at you.

Glad enough to come in with me?
I'd love to.

...That was easy.







Hmmmm...



Well, I had a feeling E had a thing for me, so...

Only for a few minutes.



But only for a few minutes!

(Can anything in my life be easy?)

Still... *SIGH*

Time to try a different tack.

You're lookin' fiiiiiiiine.
You think so?



Definitely. Except maybe the glasses.
I know! But I'm blind without them!



Wow. I sure could change topic a lot here.

Hey - a lot of people are into the whole sexy librarian thing.



Hey, I'm a card-carrying member of the club.



Heh. Whatever, you nerd slut. Whoa! Where did that come from?



Hmmmm...

Don't tell anyone about it, though. It's a secret society.



Was Erica... flirting with me? Oh my God. Maybe... I mean, I never even thought of her like...

Take it easy, Brett. Focus on the prize.



Poor withdrawn Erica. I was going to make a joke about her being poorly drawn as well, but to be fair, she's the only character who seems to have eyes that always stay in the correct position on her face.

The VIP Room is going to be HOT.
Maybe a little too hot...



Nothin' we can't handle, right?
Right!
What say we go inside?



Two down, two to go. I walked over to...



What to say?



You're wearing a hat to a dance club.



(I don't think I've ever seen his hair, come to think of it...)





Witty rejoinder, I choose you!



I prefer Lord of the Flies.



Do I detect...



Anyone who can figure out what the last line is supposed to mean is a better person than I.

Never trust a big butt and a smile- Erica's poison.



Wow. Didn't think he'd catch that.



Achtung! Schnell! Schnell! Erica liebe ist nicht gut!



Weider...



Because you're going to blow my one chance with Becky. Streusel.



Great. D says he'd do the favor now, but...



Let's get you into the VIP Room and away from her.



Oh great. It didn't seem like there was any way in this line of conversation to get D into the VIP room. (Why the fuck not? E said she'd go in? I mean...)

Ugh. I decided to brashly change subjects and "start over" as it were.

Fortunately, Danny just happened to repeat himself.



Oh yeah, you are so money.
Do you want that in 20's or 5s and 10s?
Think more like nickels and dimes.
Thanks a lot. Maybe it'll be just enough to find me a penny lover.
Coin humor aside, you look fine. Don't sweat it.



I fucking hated Danny.



Quarter. Yeah. I see what you did there.



There was only one thing to say.

Yeah. I got it. Coins.
Maybe I'll even get a girl in the sack... agawea.



If you don't stop that right now, I'm going to have to beat you with something heavy.
But then I'd be broke!

...



Wow. It's Game Over, but I really don't mind so much.

edit:

John Pastor posted:

You can so fucking tell here that the writers were thinking, "Okay, this thing's almost done. Let's just crank out another thirty pages of bullshit and we can see our families again!"

I kind of know what that's like.

Sylphosaurus posted:

The hell!? Did the developers suddenly develop a rudimentary sense of humour?

Unfortunately, no. This is the complete Game Over scene there. (I forgot to press A.)



Okay, okay. I really didn't kill Danny.



That would require some serious change on my part.

I'm so sorry.

Don't worry, I'm banking on it. Cha-ching.
You want to go inside?



Sure, why not?



You watch too much wrestling. Or read too much poetry. I'm not sure which.
I'm a lover and a fighter. But mostly a fan of wrestling.
If you know so much, why aren't the girls lining up?
Because for me it's about quality, not quantity.

That reminded me of something earlier... nah, never mind.

Why not have both?
Because if you really have quality, you don't need both.
You have your eye on anyone in particular?



You like Erica, don't you?



You can't hook up with her tonight.
Why not? Oh. The Becky thing, right?



While we know what I wanted to go with, that would just have led to:

Um. Okay. You do what you gotta do, buddy.

Okay, I really went with:

Yeah...I know it's selfish.
No man, don't sweat it - you've been after her longer than I've been after Erica.



Let's get you in the VIP room and away from her.
Yes please. I need help. As soon as you're ready, let me know.

Now for Lucas and I was done setting people up to get into the room...

I walked over to Lucas next.



Holy shit! Was luck FINALLy on my side? Would he just walk in?!

You bet! Me and you! Let's go!
Whoa whoa whoa. Whatever happened to ladies first?

Oh, for the love of... there was only one way to handle this. Try to kiss Lucas so that his mind would blank and we could start all over.

Whoa, dude. Not. Cool. Wait, what were we talking about again?



Now I decided to use L's Achille's Foot or whatever. Crappy Access pass situations. What crappy Access pass? ...Hell if I know. It was news to me.

Not with our crappy Access pass situation.
Do me a favor and try not to be such a downer, huh?
What do you suggest.
I dunno, man. You're smart, you figure it out.

There weren't anything in the way of funny or interesting alternatives to my planned course of action. Pretty much just things to change the topic and a veritable minefield of things that might reveal Lucas wasn't interested in the VIP Room after all which precluded me from keeping my promise to Becky.

Who you callin' smart?



No, I just wasn't aware your puny sentience could grasp my magnificent capacity for cognition.



You know what? Howsabout you and Danny go in first.

I wasn't born yesterday.

Oh yeah? Why?



Holy shit. My friends were idiotic, selfish, assholish... and transparent as all fuck!

Crap. You digging the parking lot?

No, really. I said it.



Hmmm.



This unfortunately would probably lead nowhere good, so I said:

Crap. You digging Danny?
WHAT?!?!



There was no time to determine if he was referencing Seinfeld in regards to nonsense or homosexuality, though.

Chill out! It was a joke!
No, yeah, I know. I'm cool.

Note: This path leads to Game Over, also.

Crap. You digging Alex?
That obvious?
A little.
How could you tell?

... Was I in Crazytown? Weren't they dating?

You just told me, stupid.
Oops. Yeah, yeah I did.
Well I'm screwed.
Why's that?
I like Alex too, okay?



Uh oh.



While I could distract him by saying things that had nothing to do with that, I had to convince him I was joking and instead say:

If you hook up with Alex, my chances with Becky are blown.



It'd be nice if my friends were fucking true to their word, but no. L still needed more convincing.

Sorry, this whole things got me not thinking straight.



Phase two?



Why would you want melted ice? Isn't that just water?



Have you been yet?

I meant into the VIP room, if that wasn't clear.

Where, inside? Naw, man, this normally isn't my scene.



It's off the hook.
Is it?
And by that, I mean tons of hot girls.
Rrrrrrreally?

There was only one way to top of this persuasion sundae.



These girls are literally on fire. Their burns will be disfiguring.
Ew. Why do you have to be such a buzzkill?

Crap. I had to say:

And I haven't confirmed this, but I think a few may have...gone wild.
Hold on, I have some drool on my chin.




Oh, and don't forget the fireman poles.
Wow.
Enough talk. Let's head in.



And now... it was time to bring all of them in and out so that they were all in the VIP room. Near as I could figure...

Alex would hook up with Danny or Lucas.
Danny would want to hook up with Erica.
Lucas would want to hook up with Alex.
Erica seemed into me. (But I didn't have to worry about that.)

Any ideas on a general strategy?

Altoidss posted:

Alex, then Erica, then Lucas, then Danny?

GLOSS posted:

Alex in

Tomn posted:

Alex first.

You bet. So first, I bring Alex in... no wait, because when I came out....



I guess I can't bring in Alex first.

Semiru posted:

Danny in first, then Lucas (watch those two try to hook up! ) then Erica, then Alex.

But then, if Danny was first... I'd head in...



Hmmmph. Can't bring Danny or Alex in first...

...

Wait... nothing works then! There's no way to divide up Lucas/Alex and Danny/Erica! What the?!

Wanton Spoon posted:

Erica, Alex, Lucas, Alex, Danny, Erica, Alex, Erica.

No... same problem as Danny.

Oh, for God's- Alright. I can't bring Alex, Erica, or Danny in first. That leaves Lucas.

K-ParAdoX posted:

This game precludes logic.

That's close enough to the right answer for me.

I brought Lucas in. Then went outside.



Safe.

Lucas is in the room. It's possible this is working because since Danny can hook up with BOTH Alex and Erica, he can't decide or they're negating each other or something.

Okay, now that Lucas is in there, it only makes sense to bring Danny in.



Danny and Lucas are in the room.

Next, I bring Erica in... but I had to bring Danny out.



Over Erica?



You're not claustrophobic are you?

This was ridiculous! I had to convince everyone to come in... now I had to convince them to come back out? At least probably wasn't nearly as bad to do so.

What the hell is a clauster? No I'm just terrified by extremely confined spaces. But I'll be okay.
Just focus on the hundreds of people stealing your air.



We left.

Erica and Lucas are in the room.

Next, I brought Alex in, and Lucas out.



Ugh. Just in the nick of time.

Hey, before you do.
What?
Alex told me something important and I don't want her to see me tell you.
What are we in second grade? Just tell me.
She's not into you, she's into Danny.
Oh.



That's cool. Hey, come outside with me. I need a breath of fresh air.

That was cool with him? But it was his- ah, forget it.

Erica and Alex are in the room.

Now I just have to bring in Danny, then Lucas.

Hey, why's Lucas giving me a dirty look?
What dirty look?



You ready to get your dance on?

And with that...

Erica, Alex, and Danny are in the room.

So I went outside, and grabbed Lucas.



Oh no.



Uh....



Phew.




And just then...



Becky arrived!



No ordinary friend would go through all this trouble. Thank you.



Solution:

Bring Lucas in first.
Bring Danny in second.
Bring Erica in, but take Danny out.
Bring Alex in, but take Lucas out.
Bring Danny in.
Bring Lucas in.

It works if the assumption is that Danny, Alex, and Erica - but no subset of them - are an acceptable combination. Since Sprung neglects to ever tell you that, this puzzle is complete bullshit.

Only two stages to go.

Whoops. Almost forgot.