Part 4: The Bet

Chapter 4 - The Bet

Fired? Maybe. Dickbag after B? Perhaps. But I had the VIP Pass, and there was just no way I was going to let it go to waste.

L, D, and I managed to skip the line outside and we wandered into a club full of music. They played at least three remixes of Sexy Back which was just awesome and some version of Sweet Child of Mine with rap mixed over it. I bobbed my head up and down in time with what I thought was the rhythm and that's when the three of us sat down at a big table.

I ordered a Mai-Tai and asked the bartender to go extra strong on it.

I remembered the Powerpoint slide that I'd made right before going out:



And the night began.



There were a number of ways to respond to this:



So I went with my gut reaction and maced the shit out D.

Ryanbomber posted:

EDIT: We did get that line, right? I'm actually reading gamefaqs for this to check the lines oh god

I talked with L and D again in the locker room, and got it on my own, so yes! We have 3 Golden Lines!

Deceased Crab posted:

Jeez, Deceased Crab - you really think that Bronze Medal L gave me will come in handy?

I did show it to B and Dickbag earlier, but I forgot to tell you guys about it.



Well anyway, L said that chicks like shiny things... but let's see what D thinks.



Wow. He has a strong opinion on that Bronze Medal. Anyway.

Why not make it $100?



Hmmm. Well, let's see.

What'd you have in mind?
How about $150?

Whatever I said next, I'd have to hold my poker face.



$300
HOA--



Alright, Mr. Money Bags ... how about $400?

$500
You're on, punk!
Actually, nevermind, forget the money.

I dunno about this guys...



Oh! L brought us back down to $50 and I can't even pepper spray him. I tried to talk to them both and managed to get them to rewind to $400. I think that's the highest we can go.

And then my troubles began.



Swing and a miss, D!



And with that, D left to try and get digits. Wait. Who the hell uses the term "babe-hunting?!"



It was one of B's best friends, E! And who better to hit on than the best friend of the girl I was seriously interested in! I kept my poker face handy. It's not like anyone advised me that how I said things was as important as what I said. So with the same thoughtful expression, I said...



(I guess I could use an item, too.)

None of my Golden Lines were working on Erica. Why? They were all so good. I had to use the Internet's advice.

You know most of the women here, right?
Most of them, why?

And using my thoughtful pose, I asked:



I figure you're an easy pickup, E, you wanna give me your digits!



Shit, guys! Erica ran off! And at some point the DJ got on the mic and said "Checkpoint reached!" I love that song!



I perused the club for some hottie clues, but it was so dark I could only make out hair color! I decided the best course of action was to think up made-up slang like "hottie clues" and look sexily at absolutely nothing in particular.

Then I had to make my approach. I had the feeling if I was going to make up for missing out with E (which, my gut told me, was not possible anyway and maybe didn't even matter in the grand scheme of things), that I'd have to get some phone numbers quick.

The girl with the brown hair looked busy, but there was also a girl- sorry, a hottie with black hair, a redhead, and a blonde.




Anyway, which girl should I approach, I wondered....

Moment of truth. Here went nothing.

I sidled up next to the redhead at the bar and said...



...nothing! This woman had initiative!

Inversion Impulse posted:

Be sure to Use Item -> Cologne, because, as a hippie, she probably hasn't bathed in a week or two.

Before responding, I sprayed the Devil's Zephyr that L had gave me on my wrists and neck.



First, I maced her.



Unfortunately, I had forgotten how pepper spray worked and just showed it to her. Ugh.

I'm Brett! It's a relief to meet a woman who makes the first move!
Isn't it though?

There was a lot to say here. And I could say most of these things with a generic, uninteresting facial expression - as I'm wont to do:









Perfect! Maybe I should get your number first?



... What the hell did that mean? Damn! It wasn't that easy. Anyway, all I could think to say was:

Oh, no. When you belong to humanity, there's no shame in showing up at a club alone.



Do you ever find joy in rejection? I have to every day. It's not so bad.



Would you like to go out sometime, Shana?
Aren't we out right now?

That line seemed to have no effect on her... I could only think of things I'd previously said, so I went with the second-most popular thing you guys told me... Oh God, how could this work?

Something smells like burning garbage ... is that you?



Hmmm... that didnt really seem to do anything, either. Crap... now I was left with "distinct personality" and "too much peace" - three votes each. What to do, what to do?

I really like your distinct personality.



Oh great, now what? How long do you have to talk to women, already?



I think being a hippie is a good thing!



I think we may be getting somewhere, guys!

Maxwell Adams posted:

Go with the option that has this face:

Just for the record guys, to save battery, I only take pictures if my facial expression changes - if you see only one picture, it typically means that's my face no matter what I say.

That's just how Brett rolls! Son!

Anyway:

I like getting naked and running through brambleberry bushes under a full moon.







Why don't you give me your number and we'll do that!





Guys, there has GOT to be a way to get a phone number of some variety out of this chick. Hmmm... she's pretty high. Maybe if I left and came back, she won't remember who I was. Maybe I went wrong somewhere in the conversation, and if I figured it out, I could get some sort of number. At any rate...



You were an absolute waste of my time.

Well, she was.



Whoa. I think I really upset-



What the- Maybe there's hope after all...



I've never met someone who wasn't embarrassed to chant in a techno club before.



Here, take this.

I GOT HER PHONE NUMBER!!!

It's not actually my number, it's my grandmother's. But if you call her, she'll take a message, place it in an empty bottle, summon the Mountain Gale on the Auronic Whistle... ...and then the Aspen Falcon will deliver the message to me. Don't forget to leave your callback number. See you later!



Yeah, I'm done.
Not yet, I'll be right back.

There's still three left to talk to...



Should I go after the Asian girl next? You guys seemed to like her.

Alright, guys. Here we go. Bachelorette #2. (Get it? Like that show!)



I sidled up next to her. What should I say, Internet?




Hi, I'm Brett.



Wow, now I've got a few ideas on how to respond.

No, actually, it's Brett, with a 'B'.
I'm well, and yourself?
It's a shame for someone as beautiful as you to be sitting alone.
You have the most beautiful hair.
Is it true what they say about beautiful women sitting by themselves at clubs?

Also, I showed her my pepper spray.

Adinsxyz posted:

Option 3 sounds like a golden line in the making...

By the way guys, I think it's pretty important that I get Golden Lines. If we're about to miss one, I'm going to go with my gut and get it. Is that a good idea?

I don't think that was what I'd consider a Golden Line, by the way.

Mr. Lobe posted:

Or, does it mean, like, the first part of "sugar"?

That's how it sounded to me.

No, actually, it's Brett, with a 'B'.



It looked like she got mad! Maybe she just didn't hear me, because the only things I could think to say were the 5 things I thought of before. So I repeated myself.

No, actually, it's Brett, with a 'B'.





Your girlfriend ditch you or what?



Well, I get my lines from the Internet but she doesn't need to know that!




No, I'm interested. Really.



Well, that sounds like a good sign! ...I think. Wait, how is the dog luckier with on eye? I'm confused. Was that sarcasm?




I'm really not too sure how to respond to that.



I like a woman with a sharp wit.



Hmmm... I seem to be getting somewhere!

So what would it take to get your number?
I'm betting my boys that I can get the most phone numbers tonight, help me out, huh?
I think you and I could have a good time together.

I think you and I could have a good time together.



VIP Room? What's she talking about? I thought the VIP Pass was used to get you into the club?



We could both head up to the VIP Room.
Oh, your desperation is cute ... but I don't think I can do that, shug.

Oh no... I think I'm going to crash and burn... all I have left is option one. Hail Mary time!

So what is that pass worth to you ... ?
Ok, obviously you can't take a hint ... take care, hon.

And she left!

Crap! She left!

Ok, guys... wait... I have a plan. It's a desperate plan, but I'm desperate for phone numbers, because D clearly said "numbers" plural. So, what do you think?



If I try the Asian chick again, I might be able to get us to any point in the conversation where you think we went wrong. I'll see what I can do...

But it's contingent on whether or not my desperate plan works...

Alright, so I sidle up the blonde and say...




(Note there are five things I can think of.)

WolfShirt posted:

You HAVE to use, the sunglasses, the unlocking social anxiety (show her them pearly whites), the heimlich maneuver and "This purple one here looks nice" on her at some point.

Alright, let's try the sunglasses, Social Anxiety book, and "This purple one here looks nice."



Josh, stop giving me advice when you're high!

Is it true what they say about blondes?



Yikes! Kitten's got claws!



That's a pretty judgmental statement, considering you don't even know who I am!



(rubs hands together)

Roar posted:

Did you pepperspray that bitch yet?

Oh yeah! Almost forgot.




































None of your beeswax, biznatch! Oh! Yeah! How do you like it, huh?!



Hey, you guys have good taste!



Uh oh. I don't like where the conversation is headed...



Bring it on!



And she stormed off! Haha! I showed her! Er... wait, though... I didn't get her number...

Hey Brett, I got my numbers. You done yet?

Maybe I should just give up... what would happen if I lost with only one phone number?

Come on, boys, how many numbers did you get? Bring it on! L, how many?!
Huhn?



One.





I can't let that happen! Especially because I didn't lie... wait, yeah? What the hell was wrong with me? That fantasy doesn't even follow from what happened.

I had to try harder to get those digits!



 Sprung has a bug where if you only get one phone number, you get the same ending as if you lied about how many you got. 

Alright, onto the brown-haired girl. As I walked up, I realized it was another one of B's friends, K. K didn't seem to recognize me, but maybe she was really drunk. I guess that must be the case since B is my friend from childhood and I'd presumably know her friends, too... but I guess that isn't the case here for some reason.

Anyway, I decided to just pretend I didn't know her either.

K had looked pretty busy tonight actually, and it seemed like my time was better spent talking to the other three girls here before I'd be able to talk to her. But since I'd done that...



Uh oh, this isn't going so well!



Sorry to bug you, but I need some help with a bet.
WHAT?

Why was she yelling at me?

Come on baby, it's cool, give me a second.



This could be a problem.



YOU HATE THIS MUSIC TOO, HUH?



CRAP!

Tasian posted:

Maybe do an Amourous Action.

WEIRD THAT HAD NO - sorry, no effect on her at all! She didn't even respond! (Maybe she doesn't mind.)

I NEED YOUR PHONE NUMBER!
YOU'RE REALLY HOT!

Flowers? Um... okay. It means I lose the rose, but...



I seem to be in good spirits about it anyway.

THIS IS GORGEOUS! THANKS! MY BOYFRIEND AND I ARE LEAVING! WILL YOU THROW THESE OUT FOR ME?! THANKS!



Oh, great. Thanks a lot guys! I traded my rose for used ear plugs. Might as well keep the ear plugs-



I GOT ANOTHER NUMBER!

This has been my most successful night out ever! Thanks, guys! Maybe I should go to D with my numbers now...

Nah.



Incidentally, I don't think anything great would've happened with the mace.

I could hook you up with L.



I decided to try and hook them up.

He'd love it.



Lady, you don't know the half of it.

Can I get your number?
Alright, if it'll make you shut up, take this.

THAT'S THREE!

Was this enough for D and L? I removed the mustache and fantasized what would happen if I called in the bet now...

Come on boys, how many numbers did you get? Bring it on! L, how many?!
Huhn?! Oh, sorry, I dozed off, what's going on?! Oh, man! Did I miss the bet?!
Yeah, dude, you missed it. How many did you get, Brett?
Three.




Let's get some pizza bagels, L.
Yeah ...



It sure is. I couldn't let that happen! I had to go after the Asian girl and get the last number!

Ok, I can give the Asian girl the VIP pass, I'm sure, but I might be able to get her number without it. Either way, I donned a new disguise since she's pretty smart and started our conversation over.

WolfShirt posted:

Elsewhere!

Elsevhere?
Mississippi.



edit: Shit, I wish I'd went with Psion.

You set me up for dat, didn't you, landlubber?
I think you set yourself up, shug.

Huh? How'd I do that? Oh well.



I went with my gut, because I was feeling cowardly.

Zo, I guess I vill valk avay now like a dog vith his tail betveen hiz legs.



Didn't you just zay you were from Georgia?
Didn't you just zay you were from Mississippi?
Didn't you just zay you were from Alabama?

Oddium Wanderus posted:

Call that bitch out on the holes in her story.

Avast ye! OBJECTION! Your earlier testimony indicated that you were from Mississippi. How could you be from Alabama then?!

I mean...

Didn't you zay you were from Mississippi?



Wow. You don't miss a thing, huh? It's been a dog's age since I've met a man as sharp as me.

AND THEN SHE GAVE HER NUMBER for some reason.



Aw hells yeah!

Hey Brett, you done collecting numbers yet?

Then they had the same conversation that I dreamed about earlier where Lucas was asleep and everything. Weird huh?

How many numbers did you get, Brett?
Four.



Twenty bucks! What about the other $380. Oh, D! You card! He always pulls shit like that.



HUHN?! We ready? Alright, yeah, let's go. SHOTGUN!



So D and L made me pay for dinner with the $20 bucks I won. Man, those guys were awesome! And I got a stack of babe digits! What a great night!

So I made yet another Photoshop!



That was me washing dishes because $20 didn't cover the 3 of us! Ha! At least I think so because I can't possibly think of any other situation where I'd be dishwashing for any reason!

Anyway, I love my friends! Oh yeah, then this happened when we went to the club again afterwards for a reason I can't really determine.



That's nasty ...

Next up: Bonus Update! Dickbag is an asshole!