Sprung (Brett) Part #6 - Did someone say Fetch Quest? (Part One)

Part 6: Did someone say Fetch Quest? (Part One)

Chapter 5 - Did someone say Fetch Quest? (Part One)

(I titled it like that because I like video games!)

So after that nonsense, I ran to the men's room, donned my combination Nick Fury and Charlie Chaplin disguise and ran out to meet Thailand.

But Thailand grabbed my arm! She must have come back inside!

Hot tub! WITH A GIRL? Oh my God, this was gonna be the greatest ski trip of my life! What do I say, goons?

Guys, I'm not going to mace her. She's a sweet girl and she's asking me to a hot tub! Think about that! Hot Asian girl with a Southern accent! It's like having sex with two token softcore adult stars at once! I won't do it. You can't.

But... I know what you guys really mean.

Actually, I'm going to have to pass, Thailand, but thanks.

I'm sorry, guys. I just couldn't do it.

I wasn't even a man.

I SAID NO!!

I just loved B too much.

No matter what my friends thought.

DUDE!

You.

Suck.

Nah, I couldn't risk that. Of course I had to say yes...

Alright! One hour.

Now that she was gone, I could ditch the disguise temporarily.

DUDE!

Thailand has all the hot lodge gossip! Ask her about E, find out if E is into me, will ya?

Good idea, dude. Find out the best way for me to hook up with that Alex chic, too!

(He even misspelled "chick" when he said it. Oh, L! You cad!)

Dude, take this, it always helps me in a pinch.

What the-?

What the hell is this?

And then he grabbed it back. I guess he felt bad for taking away the bandanna, but did give me this joke in exchange.

Tell her this: How can you tell if a hippie has been in your house?

How?

Good one, D! I saved that joke in my Joke Book, just in case.

Dude, shut up.

Who the hell was he talking to? Regardless...

...

I needed that. So anyway.

Brett, Thailand loves jokes, tell her this one. What goes 'stop-go-stop-go-stop-go?'

Why were these idiots telling me jokes?!

What?

Dude, that's so old. Don't use that, Brett.

As I wrote down the blonde joke in my jokebook, next to the hippie joke, it suddenly hit me that I needed new friends. And I knew one who was waiting...

And with that... it was off to the hot tub. Also, I saw no need to bring a bathing suit.

This was gonna work out awesome!

Maybe not. Shit, how do I handle this, goons?

Relax, I had some stuff to take care of!

Uh oh. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say!

Eh? I didn't forget, did I?

Well, the first thing I did was try and give her fifty bucks so she'd get in the fucking hot tub already.

That didn't work, so I pulled out my spare set of ben wa balls and showed them to her.

Okay, I was just kidding. That was what she said when I showed her the pepper spray, knife, raw fish, and fingerprinting kit.

Then I tried spraying some of L's magic cologne on myself.

No dice! The chewing gum maybe?

Last ditch attempt! Amorous action!

She's acting funny guys. Like really tired or bored or something... oh fuck, what do I do? I so want to fuck a Southern girl and an Asian girl and this is totally like some kind of threesome of token stereotypes that I have to complete in this scavenger hunt I call life!!!

Alright, I showed her the rabbit's foot.

Jeez, sister, I didn't need your whole life story.

was she even on about there?

Then, I tried the only joke I think she'd respond to:

How do you know if a hippie has been in your house?

How?

I'm stumped. I can still say things, though...

Did you bring me something sweet?

code:
> show medal to thailand
Which medal do you mean?  The bronze medal or the non-existant medal?

> bronze
Nothing happens here.

Damn! Oh well.

Keeping my thoughtful expression as stone-faced as possible, I said:

Sure did.

... ... ...Uh oh. The gum didn't count. Goddammit, I'm such a dumb fuck. I didn't have anything to give her! I just stared blankly at her and said:

...Did you ask me for something?

But I'm sooooo close! Why can't she just get in the hot tub? Why?!

What to say now...

You don't have to insult me.

When you asked me to bring something sweet, I thought you meant me.

By the way, guys, I'll show as many people as possible the pepper spray whenever I see them. Just assume I've already tried it by default.

When you asked me to bring something sweet, I thought you meant me.

Holy shit. Southern people talk like this?!

Uh... I don't. Is that like when you're really cold or something?

Sure.

No.

Sure. I think it means you sound like a fucking bitch.

Huh?

Nothing!

Okay, I didn't say that part.

What the fuck am I? Some kind of blood-sugar checking superhero? No, and no such thing exists, nor will I ever make mention of it.

I don't think they sell candy here.

Big time.

Time to get to the Hippie chick on the double! I managed to pocket the costume and find Shana at a park. And there's no problems with the background in these pictures whatsoever, I don't think!

Brett! I knew you'd feel me contacting you! I think that you and I are fated to connect with one another.

I needed the candy quick! But...

K-ParAdoX posted:

Tell the hippie the hippie joke.

...Well, if you say so.

How do you know when a hippie has been in your house?

Fortunately, I guess she was really high because that didn't seem to have any bearing on our conversation. I guess I had a contact high, too, because the nearby bonfire made it look like it was early morning instead of night - which it clearly was going by the hot tub pictures.

Anyway...

Give me some candy!

Jesus fuck, that face is scaring the shit out of me!

Captain Q posted:

Fuck the asian chick

I'M TRYING!!!

Do you have any candy?

Oh for God's sake. Why is it so hard for me to get the Pacific Rim girls?!

I'm just looking for something sweet so I thought I'd ask you.

Uh... what? Unfortunately, now I have to tell her that either my friend Thailand is having blood sugar problems, or lie and say that I'm really shaky. I better just pick one!

I'm just really shaky right now, I haven't eaten in days.

I was going to have to go into this thing full-hog.

Yeah, it can get pretty bad ... Hippie? Where are you ... I can't see!

A ceremony?! I hoped that for once in my life this ceremony somehow involved a vagina.

Yes, let's do that.

Oh great! Now I had to run to E to get shrooms for the hippie to get candy for Thailand. Keep in mind that as a hypo... chondriac? she could pass out at any moment!