Part 78: Holiday Update: Let's Read: Planet X - Part 3

STAR TREK The Next Generation / X-MEN: PLANET X - part 3

Last Time: Picard was badly out of character and secretly wants to make out with Storm. Dongs told everyone how lonely and miserable he is, and tried to pretend he wasn't the ugliest man on his planet.

Chapter 7

We rejoin our friend Dongs, on NotEarth. He comments on how nobody is let outside at night, because the normal NotHumans are afraid of the NotMutants. Then another tertiary character contacts him telepathically. Paldul has the amazing power to communicate telepathically with other people, which is a rare and unique-wait, no, Betazoids. Sorry, I forgot.

We learn that Paldul has spoken telepathically with everyone at the concentration camp fortress, and Dongs is the last one he wanted to talk to, not counting a guy who's a criminally insane pyrokineticist. Paldul doesn't mention why Dongs is the last person he's talked to, but honestly, would you want to share your thoughts with a giant purple cock man?

Dongs envies Paldul for being able to practice his powers without being shot in the face for his trouble. Paldul says he envies Rahatan, because Rahatan is the only one with the courage to stand up to the stormtroopers guards.

As if on cue, the guards tell everyone it's dinnertime so they have to go inside, and Dongs contemplates how much food he now needs to consume (a lot). Rahatan argues, because he doesn't like to eat, apparently.

The stormtrooper commander then threatens to shoot Rahatan for talking back. Rahatan threatens him back. The stormtrooper calls him on it, so Rahatan makes an earthquake and gets shot by energy weapons that give people seizures. So, they're essentially beaming Pokemon directly into his cerebral cortex, I guess.


… they shot him, you idiot. You were there.

Leyden is super strong and starts punching handholds so he can climb the wall and start murdering guards, while Denara shields him with her powers of forcefields generating a metal shell out of thin air. They both get shot for their trouble.


Probably penises. Chapter over!



Chapter 8

We are now roughly one quarter of the way through this book.

This chapter opens with Geordi and Dr. Crusher pretending they're going to be useful to the plot (hint, one of them is, and it's not Geordi). Geordi is studying Nightcrawler, and wants to find out how Nightcrawler's teleportation works. He wonders if it's like the transporter, but Nightcrawler says that Professor X told him it's nothing like a Star Trek transporter.

That means it's not blocked by shields. This is a plot point, although it's disguised as just a random info dump.

In any case, Nightcrawler teleports and Geordi scans. Nightcrawler travels by crossing into an alternate dimension for a few fractions of a second; and comes back covered in Verteron particles associated with Subspace phenomenon. This is another plot point. Two in two pages, Geordi's on a roll!

Geordi then explains basic warp physics for dummies, and Nightcrawler asks if that means it's possible for him to travel from world to world. Given that his maximum range is about… two miles, I'd say there's a pretty good possibility the answer to that is 'no'. Geordi thinks the Verteron particles may have something to do with the X-Men's timehook malfunction. He is 100% correct, but we won't learn that until the last chapter or so.

We then return to Dongs and Pals, already in progress. The number of Stormtroopers guarding the fortress has been doubled overnight. I wonder why. Dongs lets his imagination run wild, and wonders if administrator Getskilled had Rahatan and the other rebels killed. He expects that if they're not killed, they will do worse than just shaking the wall a bit.

Dongs is interrupted by our pal Corba and, because I have to experience the pain of an extended conversation with her, so will you.


She then says that Rahatan has a plan to break them out, and asks if Dongs is with them or against them.


Dun-dun-dun. Will Dongs choose to join the transformed rebellion, or will he-of course he joins it. He's a sheep. He says as much and then the chapter ends.



Chapter 9

Starts in a holodeck. Enough said.

Worf and Wolverine are here, which means some holograms are about to get murdered. Worf asks if Wolverine is certain he doesn't want a weapon. Wolverine reacts exactly the way you'd expect. This is supposed to be comedy, but it's about as formulaic as it gets.

Worf then compares Wolverine to a Klingon warrior but, since this is the Next Generation, Worf exists to get his ass kicked at every opportunity. This isn't Deep Space Nine, after all, and we can't have him being effective. Worf and Wolverine then proceed to murder some holograms together.


COMEDY!

Comedy over, as we're back with Dongs and his Serious Business. Paldul the telepath is coordinating everyone's efforts so they'll all attack the guards and won't waste any fire. It's actually a good use for telepathy, as it means nobody will be wasting time and effort concentrating fire on anything that doesn't merit concentrated firepower. Sorta like a radio, except if the telepath dies all coordination fails.

… So maybe it's not such a good idea after all.

Paldul then counts down to attack, and Dongs spooges a beam of white energy all over a stormtrooper's face, knocking him unconscious.




The Guards then decide, rather than shoot the transformed with ranged attacks, they should all try to shoot at Corba who's both unable to reach them and virtually unhittable thanks to her super speed. Their bizarre targeting preference proves remarkably ineffective, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Some guy with glowing eyes dive-tackles Dongs to save him from being stunned. Dongs thanks him by murdering more stormtroopers until only a handful are left.

Administrator Getskilled then comes out onto the yard, and begs the transformed to stop. They do, surprisingly, and he issues a plea for peace. Rahatan, who has broken out of solitary confinement, calls bullshit. Rahatan then tears down the wall, with Getskilled on it. Getskilled is 'hurt', but survives. Rahatan asks that the guards all be tied up and locked in the fortress' cells, then sends Dongs to check on the insane guy who can start things on fire with his mind.

Mollic, the crazy guy, can only say his own name. He uses his Ember and Flash attacks to startle Dongs, but they prove ineffective. Wisely, Dongs decides to leave Mollic in his pokeball cell. Mollic is pretty ugly, so Dongs resolves not to lament his fate because at least he's not a madman.





Next time: the transformed hatch a plan, we see more of Mary Sue #2, Dongs gets laid, Starfleet finally gets called in to save the day. Also, singing happens. I'm not joking, and it's really damned annoying.