Part 12: More experiments are performed on bananas

I hurriedly open the windows. A breeze starts flowing in, but it's so weak that it only gives me some peace of mind. Setting the electric fan to 'strong', I place it in front of my face.

We need an air conditioner... I turn on the PC.



However, our PC maniac Daru bought some parts and did various modifications for it, so the contents of the box are now top-class stuff, apparently. I don't actually do much on the PC, besides updating the Future Gadget Lab homepage, checking the mail, going around news sites, and occasionally visiting @channel. I wonder if the new Titor is still on his advent...




We need to work on the problems that we put on hold. Specifically, the Microwave Ophone (Temp). I want to find out the secret behind its mysterious function.

Recently, I asked Daru to connect the Microwave Ophone (Temp) to the PC. He finished setting it up yesterday, and now he's doing the wiring in the development room.

"Hey, Daru. Why the X68000?"

It's a machine that's over 20 years old and has extremely low specs...



"So it’s the same reason as for certain Japanese protagonists being odd-eyed?"

"Not getting you, bro."

"Romance."

"Well, if it's romance, then I guess it can't be helped. In any case, there weren't any other PCs I could use."

"What about your newest one?"

"Don't screw around. If I connected my PC to something this ridiculous, it might stop functioning properly."

What a selfish guy... Also, we're the ones who made the Microwave Ophone (Temp), so I'd like it if he didn't call it ridiculous.



"Yeah, I went to the university this morning."

Yes, I went to the university in the middle of summer holidays to find out why and under what circumstances the bananas became gelatinous.

"By looking through a microscope, I found out that it was shredded at the molecular level."

"Shredded?"

"It didn't look like the result of a phase transition. It became something that wasn't an actual banana..."

"It... can't be corrosion, right? It's not possible for corrosion to occur in only 2 minutes."

"...I just remembered fractal structures."

"Menger's Sponge, right?"

"Yes. It looked like infinite fractal-shaped holes opened up in the banana at the nano level.

"Isn't that dangerous? What is happening here?"

"...I have one hypothesis."



Daru gulps down his saliva.

"The hypothesis is that it's the effect of the microwave oven's electromagnetic waves."

"Eh, what do you mea--"

"If my guess is correct, the Microwave Ophone (Temp) has the potential to become a powerful weapon of mass destruction. If we were to use it for military purposes, we could rewrite the history of war. Heh heh heh..."

I distort my lips to look evil. Then, after taking out my cellphone, I put it against my ear.



"Everything is the will of Steins;Gate, mankind cannot oppose it. El Psy Congroo."

"Quite talking with your fairies. I'm done with the connecting."

I want to explain to him that I'm not speaking to fairies, but I can’t do it. If I were to reveal their identity, I would be treated as a traitor. Then I would become the enemy of other troublesome opponents, while still fighting The Organization.

Now that the Microwave Ophone (Temp) is covered in wires, it really does look ridiculous. Even though we only connected it to the PC, the result looks like the work of something evil.







"So, what shall we do?"

"Prepare the bananas."



The money that I used to buy them belongs to her. What a tractable girl. I don't know whether to call her a nonchalant idiot or just softhearted. She can't even predict that if she lets me buy the bananas, I'll just use them up for experiments.

And so, I put the bunch of bananas into the Microwave Ophone (Temp).

"If you use it all, Mayushi will be sad, yknow? You bought the bananas with her money, right?"

"The money that she gave me was research funds."

"Anyway, you don't have to use the whole thing, bro. Just one is enough."



"We can't reconstruct the world's ruling structure if we're stingy with money."

"You're the only one who wants to reconstruct it or whatever."

He lost all enthusiasm upon coming back to the lab. What an inconsistent guy.

"Come on, start the timer with your cellphone."



Calling complete.

"R-E-N-G. This is the Microwave Ophone (Temp). From here, you can control the timer. After entering #, please input the heating time in seconds."

"We're gonna have to add a skip function to the Mayushii Guidance. Waiting like this is irritating."

"For example, 1 minute would be #60. 2 minutes would be #120."



Input complete. The turntable inside the Microwave Ophone starts rotating in the opposite direction.

"2 minutes sure is a long time..."

We don't even know if it really must be 2 minutes, but this was the setting the first time that Mayuri discovered the freezing(?) function, so we use it in our experiments. Of course, we tried 60 and 180 seconds, as well. If we set it shorter than 120, the freezing either stops halfway or nothing happens at all, while setting it longer makes the changes get even larger.

"But, if it happens because of the electromagnetic waves, shouldn't it affect our cells, too?"

After being silent for a while, Daru asks that question.

"Well, did you ever try heating yourself in the Microwave Ophone?"

"There's no way I could fit in there. Anyway, what's the sauce on this being the effect of the electromagnetic waves?"

"If I were to put it into words... The intuition of a mad scientist."

"Oh, so there's no basis for that."



"Wasn't it 'Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration'?"

"No. In recent years, it has become widely known that that quote is wrong. Fwahahahaha!"

"So you're telling me that Edison said 'be inspired!'?"

"Yes, 'be inspired!'"

I don't know if that was exactly what he said, but I'm sure it was something along those lines. I only found this out recently on a wiki.

"Therefore I, a genius mad scientist, am always--"



"Now that I think about it, by doing this, the banana will only become gelatinous again, and we don't discover anything new."

I feel like I just wasted 120 seconds. Daru opens up the door of the Microwave Ophone (Temp) and looks inside.

What is he so disturbed about?

"Oh... Woahhh?!"

"What are you doing?"

"No, ehmm... huh?
...it's gone."

"What's gone?"

"The banana."

What the hell is he saying? Not understanding the situation, I push Daru aside and look inside the Microwave Ophone (Temp).



It's not here. The inside is completely empty. The banana that we put inside just about 120 seconds ago disappeared without a trace.

I take out my phone after a short sigh, and start speaking to the silence.



"W-What do you mean by 'something outrageous'?!"

Daru is speaking, but I ignore him. My heart is beating fast, but I try to look calm.

"Put emergency order number 666, The Grim Seal, into operation right now.
...What?! Government approval?! Are you stupid? There's no time for that! If this keeps up, the country is gonna blow up!"

"T-Talking to yourself, derp."

"Shut up, you Faris stalker. So, where did you hide the banana?"

"Who're you calling a stalker?!"

"Take out the banana, right now. Are you planning on becoming a street magician or something?"

"YOU'RE the one who hid it, right?"

An uncomfortable silence. I just realized that my throat is all dried up.

"What did it disappear?!"

"I dunno!"



Video: Where did you go, Banana?

I take out the turntable of the microwave oven and look all over it, but I can't find a single trace of the banana.

"I... I got it... So this wasn't an electromagnetic wave weapon, but a microwave oven which allows teleportation...!"

"W-Whaaat--
...But that's nonsense."

"There's no other way the banana could've disappeared from the closed space of the microwave oven!"

"For now, we should calm down.

"Y, Yeah. That's right..."

We both take deep breaths. Right, I will eat a banana to calm down. I extend my hand towards the banana bunch while thinking that...

...and I start doubting my eyes.