Part 125: Okabe Rintarou finally loses it

(Warning: If tasteless discussion of rape makes you uncomfortable, you might want to just skip this whole entry.)





Daru's vigor gradually returns as he faces Big Sight with arms wide open.

"This is the first time I've come when nobody's around!"

"So it's this wide, yet it gets crammed with people during ComiMa... unbelievable."

We personally experience Big Sight in its full majesty when there are few people around. Even though you wouldn't think "it's big" when you see it during ComiMa.

"Hey hey, Mayushii's hungry!"

"Isn’t there a family restaurant nearby? Let's rest there a bit."

"We have to go the same distance on the way back, huh. Just thinking about it is depressing..."



Suzuha looks up a Big Sight.

"What's wrong, Suzuha?"

I dare ask. I already know Suzuha's answer. She's excited to see Big Sight in real life.



Tight legs.

Slender body.

Her clothes accentuate all her fine curves.

She's got some surprisingly nice breasts.

I feel my soul turning wicked. Like terribly viscous lava. Its whispers drip like poison.

Hypothetically...



Taking her away is simple enough. I just have to say "I know who your father is. Let's talk alone," and Suzuha would happily come with me. Also, no such "Amane Suzuha" exists in current day Japan. She doesn't have a Japanese citizenship, or even a birth certificate. Obviously, since she won't even be born for another seven years. Even if she runs to the police, nobody would believe her.

She said that in the future she's part of the resistance, so she might unexpectedly resist, or she might be strong. But she's still a woman. Men are physically stronger. It might be a hard fight, but I can hold her down my force.

Another me - or possibly, Hououin Kyouma - is whispering inside my head.

You want a woman, don't you? You were born a man, so it's natural.

Daru's daughter? A time traveler on a mission to change the future?

Who cares?

Suzuha's a fine woman. That's it.

It's not like you're a saint.

You say so yourself, that you're an insane mad scientist.

If you're going to call yourself that, let me see you snap a little.

Don't you have a nearly omnipotent item?







Murder. Theft. Abduction. Fraud. Arson.

Those things?

Are those things really the evil you have in your heart, Okabe Rintarou?

Hmm. That just shows how shallow humans like I really are.

Consider the following, Okabe Rintarou.

Though you may have started it of your own volition, isn't this endless two day loop torture?

Aren't you slowly growing tired of it? In the confines of these two days, you don't need any boring, worthless things like etiquette, ethics, or laws.

I am a hunter.

Taboos can eat shit and die.

Just hunt for your own indulgence.

I'm allowed to do that.

That's right. I am the Observer. I am God.



Nobody can criticize me in this closed loop.

Cast away your morals.

Revert to primitive ways.

Follow your instincts.



I close both ears. I avert my eyes from Suzuha as if our lives depended on it.

My ears are buzzing. Someone is being projected onto the white screen of my soul, completely trampling me down from the inside.



Before I knew it, Suzuha grabbed me by the shoulders and is peering into my face.

"Are you sick after all? Want to rest?"

I shake off Suzuha's hand and run to Big Sight's entrance.

"Okabe Rintarou! Where are you going?!"



Firmly close. Open. Close. Open.

I keep repeating. They still move. Just as I expect them to. Just as I order them to.

But. The devil's whispers. How can I explain those? What the hell was that?

What happened to me?

My body begins to tremble. My teeth are shivering. It’s cold. Even though it's hot enough to burn my skin, I feel cold.

I'm afraid of myself. Am I... Am I still okay?

I am Hououin Kyouma, Okabe Rintarou. The insane mad scientist who loves science and chaos. How's that? I can say it, can't I?

Can I still say it?

"...still?"

What's that supposed to mean? Does it mean I can't even assess my own self-control?

Am I going to break?



But today, those same two days failed. My feelings twisted. On Harumi Bridge, not only did I hesitate to save Daru, but I also yielded to dark emotions.

Those emotions. Dark impulses. I was really being drawn in. I myself can't deny it.

But it's still just a sprout. If those emotions attack me again like a tsunami, will I be able to stay myself? Will I be able to control myself?

Mayuri.
Kurisu.
Daru.
And... Suzuha.



Will I be able to keep anyone from getting hurt in this loop I escaped to in order to protect both Mayuri and Suzuha? Do I really have that sort of strength?

I don't know.

"I don't know" might be better than "no".

At present, I can't say anything more than that, but this infinite loop is the world I wanted. I can only protect this world. Only I can protect this world.

I pray that that impulse was only a delusion. That it won't surface a second time.

That somehow, tomorrow will be peaceful.