Part 180: Makise Kurisu learns about the fate that awaits her

I'm at the rooftop of Radio Kaikan after going back 56 hours with two time leaps. Leaning against the wire fence, I stretch out my legs and look to the sky.

I went back in time because I wanted time to think. The previous me spent these two days with his thoughts at a roadblock. But after confirming Mayuri's death, I'm no longer like that. I need to come to a conclusion before that time comes.

There surely isn't a solution to this equation. No matter which choice I take, someone gets sacrificed. If you look at it with a utilitarian viewpoint, I should choose to crack SERN to prevent its dystopia. But it's not that easy a solution. I keep grasping at the possibility that there's some other way.

Suzuha had said:



The moment I sent a D-mail conveying Kurisu's death. I think the turning point already started by then. When did the turning point start? I don't know for sure, but I think it was the moment we completed the Microwave Ophone (Temp). That was around the middle of July. Right after that, Daru and I deemed it a failure.

The moment Kurisu was killed that day, it became a huge turning point at the attractor field level. If I think back to that day, Reading Steiner also activated when I sent that first D-mail that would become the beginning. Every person and car flowing through Chuo Dori disappeared at once. Mass disappearance. It feels so long ago. Now I can explain.



In that first β World Line, Suzuha didn't come riding on her time machine. Doctor Nakabachi's time machine presentation went by successfully, and shoppers kept flowing on the station square below. But when I sent the D-mail, at least from my subjectivity, there was a huge change in world lines.

In this world line I'm in now, Suzuha leapt from 2036, riding her time machine, piercing a large hole in Radio Kaikan and causing a commotion. Because the satellite - which was actually a time machine - crashed, Nakabachi's presentation was canceled, and the perimeter around Radio Kaikan was blockaded, meaning nobody was inside.

When I was thrown into that situation around Radio Kaikan via world line change, it appeared as if several thousand people disappeared at once. It was like a joke without a punchline.

The problem is the timing of when I sent the D-mail.



If I had sent it before Kurisu died, then I still might have been able to prevent the incident. But if that were the case, cause and effect wouldn't come to be. It's because I witnessed Kurisu dead that I even sent that mail.

Who killed Kurisu in the first place? There's no doubt it wasn't suicide. If I could identify the culprit, and tell that culprit "Don't kill Kurisu" by sending a D-mail, would that prevent Kurisu's death? In the current world line, Kurisu isn't dead. That culprit hasn't killed her. So if I sent that D-mail, it would have to be from the β World Line.

...I don't have any confidence at all that that would go smoothly.



I've struggled time and time again to prevent that, but I experienced it end in vain each time. I understand it all too well. A death the world wishes for cannot be prevented.

I don't have any means to save the Kurisu who died back then.

"Ah, there he is."

Nobody should be here, yet I hear a woman's voice.





Feeling indebtedness, I can't look Kurisu straight in the face.

"What are you doing here?"

"...nothing. I really knew you were here."

"Since you said you wanted to be alone, probability-wise, I deduced that this was the most likely place you'd be."

"So leave me alone, then... You don't have to look for me. I'm not a lost little boy."

"Wh-What's with that. Even though someone was worried enough to come searching for you..."
"Ah, no, I wasn't worried."

Right after making herself flustered, Kurisu sighs deeply and puts on a serious expression.

"Even I thought of leaving you alone."



"..."

"You look dejected, as if you were eating crappy-tasting oatmeal. Did something happen?"

"Nothing..."

"So then, why did you cancel cracking SERN?"

"But you even said cracking wasn't good, didn't you..."

"You're scared of setting off arrest flags, huh. I understand."

"At least call it 'awakening my Law-Abiding Spirit'."

"That's not like you at all. What happened to your usual self-righteousness? Even though you're the insane mad scientist, Hououin Kyouma--"

"I don't need shit like self-righteousness!"



"Just this once, I don't need self-righteousness..."

So far, I've forcibly sacrificed the memories of Suzuha, Faris, and Rukako. By sacrificing them, I've certainly given those girls deep wounds. But even so, I justified it to myself by saying it was for the sake of preventing Mayuri's death, comparing the options against each other. But now, I can't possibly compare...

"I'm faced with the decision of which friend to let die, so if I get self-righteous... would that make it any easier..."

"...What do you mean by 'which friend to let die'?"

"Hey, Cristina. I am, after all, just a student. An insane mad scientist? Hououin Kyouma? All of that is just a delusion. A setting. Did you not notice?"

"...No, I kind of noticed when we first met."

"When we first met... huh."

If, back then, I hadn't discovered Kurisu dead. Let's imagine that assumption. In that case, we wouldn't have had a big conversation when we met again at ATF. Kurisu wouldn't get interested when I uttered 'You should be dead', and intrude on our lab. Then, the Time Leap Machine wouldn't have been made, leaving me without the means to save Mayuri. Kurisu wouldn't have become our comrade. Kurisu wouldn't have made this close relationship with me.

"Tell me, Okabe. What do you mean?"

I can't honestly return the look in Kurisu's pressing eyes.

"...Do I have to tell you, no matter what?"

"I gave you advice, didn't I? Don't restrain yourself now."

This isn't restraint.

"...then prepare yourself. What I'm going to talk about now isn't for advice. It's the truth. For you, it could become a death sentence."

"...eh?"

Kurisu's voice sounds a little faint.

"I explained before, right? Once we crack SERN, we'll reach the β World Line where Mayuri doesn't die."

"And 2036 doesn't become SERN's dystopia, but a free future in this rosy world line. That's how I heard it."

"What do you mean rosy... The first D-mail that became the origin. You should've already seen the contents. In the β World Line, the contents of that mail actually occurred."



The meaning of 'death sentence'.

"In the β World Line, you... died on July 28th, Kurisu."

"..."

"And, due to convergence according to Attractor Field Theory, nothing can be done to prevent that. In order to save Mayuri, I have no choice but to let you die...!"

"..."

Kurisu doesn't answer anything. What face is she making now? Timidly, I try looking at her face.





Looking somewhere beyond the countless buildings. Without the fear or pessimism of death. As if taking a philosophical look. She's always like that. Calm, no matter what. Not like someone younger than me at all. The wind blows, swinging her gentle, chestnut-colored hair. Kurisu weighs it down with her hand.

"Hey, Okabe."



"Authentic?"

"It's all secondhand info from John Titor - from Amane, right? Though it seems standard in 2036. Just how properly do you think the researchers of that age proved their existence?"

"You mean the theory may be incorrect? But I know for certain that convergence exists. I've experienced it firsthand."

"Even if convergence is correct. What about the superposition of the infinitely branching world line?"

"When I move world lines, the world is reorganized. From past to future."

"Isn't that just from your subjectivity, Okabe? The me your brain recognizes will die when you go to the β World Line, right? So, basically, between the choices 'a world line where I die' and 'a world line where I don't die', your subjectivity chooses the former. However, the world your brain recognizes and the world my brain recognizes could possibly be two different things, couldn't they?"

Brains, huh... I forgot her specialty was neuroscience.

"By different things, do you mean the world is divided?"

"Divided, kind of like trains, maybe."

"Trains...?"

"Well, let me give you an easy example..."

Kurisu takes out her phone and starts doing something with it.



"You... were a railfan?"

"No. It's an example, an example. You could choose to take the Yamate Line to Tokyo Station, and then from there, take the Tokaido Main Line."

Apparently coming up with an itinerary, Kurisu keeps talking while looking at her phone's screen.

"But I'll take the Yamate Line to Osake, and then ride the Shonan-Shinjuku Line. Then maybe another person - Hashida, perhaps - might just suddenly right the Keihin Tohoku Line from Akihabara. Mayuri might right the Shinkansen from Tokyo. Okabe and I ride the same train until Tokyo Station, but from there, we ride different lines, still aiming at the same destination."

"And that applies to the world? Are you claiming there are parallel worlds?"



"But who proved there's only one world?"

"Suzuha said so, and my Reading Steiner..."

"An unidentified time traveler and an unexplainable special skill, huh."

"Suzuha's unidentified..."

"Nobody can prove whether she's Hashida's daughter or not. Nobody can prove she came from 2036, nor what she said about the dystopia. Not until 2036, that is. In the first place, if Reading Steiner is correct, then the memories of each and every person are pulled by your subjectivity. That's too unreasonable. If that were true, Okabe, then you'd literally be a god. But there are no gods in reality. The world doesn't revolve around you. Your brain is just deluded like that. If you say you are a god to this world, then at the same time, I, who have the same brain capacity, am also a god to this world."

"What do you want to say?"

"Let's say Okabe's subjectivity chooses 'the world line where I die'. My subjectivity doesn't necessarily choose the world where I die as well. I understand that since my subjectivity exists here. Because this world line is already the world line where I don't die. Even if your subjectivity goes to the β World Line, my subjectivity might be able to stay here. It's a matter of where the spirit lies, and I don't want you to just have your way with my spirit."

"A scientist wouldn't think of such a fantasy theory like that."

"But the likelihood isn't zero. So, there's no need for you to worry."

Kurisu smiles with a grin.



"You're worried since you can't let me die, right? But with my hypothesis just now, I'll keep living in another possible world line. So, Okabe, there's no need for you to worry in the first place."

"...A hypothesis is a hypothesis."

"Even Attractor Field Theory is just a hypothesis. It still hasn't been proven by anyone or anything. Even if it gets proven in 2036, we can't confirm that proof for now. If you think like that..."



Saying that much, Kurisu turns her back to me.

An armchair theory. A daring armchair theory that could quite possibly deny everything I've done till this point. How can Kurisu stay so calm even now? Even though she's still an 18 year old girl.

"By the way, you don't have to worry. Okabe, if you did, it would really hurt my pride."





"...hello?"

"Ah..."

"Mayuri?"

"Yeah..."

Somehow, Mayuri's face displayed on the LCD is missing its usual brightness.

"What's wrong...?"



"Mayushii was so preoccupied with ComiMa, she didn't really notice anything about Okarin, huh... Even though I usually notice right away when Okarin's not feeling good.... Sorry."

Don't apologize... You haven't done anything wrong.

"So, did something happen?"

"..."

"Okarin...?"

I can't say it.

There's no way I can say it.

I've always kept it a secret from Mayuri. I never told her anything.

"Nothing's wrong, at all."

"...I see... You know, before, you used to talk to Mayushii about lots of things, right? For example, uhh, The Organization has four leaders. Their names are Back Turkish, Virginian Burp, Balloon Drag Queen, and Wide-eye Gore, was it?"

"...It's Black Tortoise, Vermilion Bird, Blue Dragon, and White Tiger."

"Yeah, yeah, that! You know, it was really fun talking to Okarin like that. But..."



"Wha, that's...!"

"Ehehe... Well, I'll hang up for now. If you ever feel like talking to Mayushii about anything, just call, okay? Well, tutturu♪"



"What did Mayuri say?"

"How is she a burden...?! Don't just put yourself down, come on, dammit. She's never able to read the atmosphere, so why now of all times...!"

"A burden, huh..."

"I never thought of Mayuri as a burden, not once..."

"Then you should tell her that clearly."

It wasn't a good idea to hide everything from her after all. It normally looks like she's not thinking anything, yet she still noticed my hesitation?

But I still can't tell her the truth.

"Okabe."

Sighing as if amazed, Kurisu glares at me.

"The old you wouldn't have worried about anything. For now, you should go meet with Mayuri. She probably has a lot to think about."

That's right. Even if I don't tell her the truth, I need to at least tell her something... I'll postpone the conclusion, and go to meet Mayuri.