Part 183: Makise Kurisu explores various hypotheses

Her voice isn't very large, but in the silence of this empty room, I can clearly hear her.

Conclusion.

I understand what that means even without having to ask. That's why I can't answer.

"Haah... You still worried? You like Mayuri, don't you?"

"What...?"

Why's she saying that all of a sudden...? Kurisu is turned to the darkness without looking at me.



"And in those memories, you're desperately trying to save Mayuri, getting hurt all alone, yet never turning away."

The same as Mayuri.

"And then that Okabe would turn to me for advice, and seeing him earnestly working his hardest would make me want to lend him strength, too... Err, it's not like I want to save you or anything, okay?! I just want to save Mayuri, that's all."

"..."

"Anyway, I wonder why I still have those memory-like illusions."

So Kurisu also still has memories of previous undone world lines...

"I tried doing a self-analysis. Maybe those were dreams I thought were reality, or merely hopes, but I couldn't come to any other conclusion. Only this I know for sure:"



"...You're not scared?"

To save Mayuri, I must undo this current world line... Which basically means killing Kurisu...

"...It kinda feels like we're lost in the ruins."

Kurisu says that while shrugging her shoulders and looking around.

"It's like power is out all around the world, and we're the only ones left behind."

"..."

"I just thought of something. If you go to the β World Line. If everybody moves there with you at once. And I’m the only one who doesn't. I'm the only one who stays."



"But after all, that's just another hypothesis."

"...I..."

I can't help but say it.

"...Will save you. Not just Mayuri, but you too--"

"Don't talk about things you can't do."

Kurisu flat-out interrupts my words. In the darkness, Kurisu covers her face by hugging her knees.

"You asked me earlier if I was afraid, right?"



"I might disappear. I might be the only one left behind. Or possibly, you might be the only one to leave this world line. Maybe the world will continue with nobody recognizing your disappearance, and I'll go back to America as if nothing ever happened."
"Maybe. Maybe. Maybe...! Just thinking about all those possibilities makes me feel hopeless. But..."

Kurisu lifts her face and glares at me.

"Are you saying it's okay to let Mayuri die just because of that?!"

"Kurisu..."

"Aahh, whatever, it's kinda cold."

Kurisu grabs her own arms. When I look closely, her shoulders are shaking.

"It's cause of these wet clothes. Geez. No. That's absolutely illogical. That's not even an acceptable hypothesis. It's all groundless delusions. I just want to cut off the brain's ability to shoot out those good-for-nothing delusions."

She keeps saying those words as if irritated. Kurisu was always calm. Whenever I saw her, I thought she was amazing. So, I thought she was calm this time as well, but I was wrong. She appeared to be calm, but that wasn't the case at all. Now Kurisu's desperately trying to shut out the fear of denying her own existence. She's fighting that fear all by herself. There's no way she can't be afraid. No matter what you say, she's still an 18 year old girl after all.

And then Kurisu abruptly gets up. I notice I no longer hear the sound of rumbling rain on the roof outside. The evening shower seems to be over.

"Listen, Okabe."



"No matter how you struggle, the probability is still 1/2."

"But..."

"No buts. I won't change my conclusion. Save Mayuri."

Heartbreaking, but decisive. A voice with resolve. I drop down on the spot. I clench my fists.

"Are you telling me to give up so easily? You telling me to just abandon you?! There's no way I can do that!"

"It doesn't matter if you can or not. You must. There is no other way."

"No! You're my important comrade! I won't abandon you!"

"Okabe!"

Kurisu approaches. She gets on her knees before me, grabbing me by the collar. I groan since it's hard to breathe. Before my eyes is Kurisu's face. That face is sternly staring at me. She was always like that. Always glaring at me like this...

"Is there another solution? There isn't, right? I don't want to live so badly that I'd sacrifice Mayuri for it! If you don't save Mayuri, then I'll hate you forever!"

"Guh..."



The pitifulness of Kurisu saying this much about a decision that involves her own death. Tormented by those feelings, I want to cry. I bite my lip to hold back the tears. Can I really not do anything else?

I can't bear it. I turn to the body that's grabbing my collar.

"Eh...?"



A wet body. A warm body.

"But, you're right here...! This... This is too much...!"

"Okabe..."

From Kurisu's outstretched back... From Kurisu's collar-grabbing hands... All strength is drained. She entrusts that body to me.

"...Thank you. For worrying that much about me. But that's more than enough. I'm okay, so just think about Mayuri from now on."

Kurisu is resolved to fight fear. So, I have no more room for hesitation, either. What I need to decide, here and now. My decision. The future of the world.

Which comrade to let die.

I embrace Kurisu and whisper into her ear...





I tell her.

"..."

I turn to the girl whom I will now let die.

"Mayuri is the one person I want to save no matter what."

Almost wringing myself out, I tell her.



"...It's okay."

When I finish telling her, I feel like the weight of a tombstone disappeared from my shoulders. At the same time, I also start to feel the pain of several rods impaling my heart.

Kurisu weakly returns my embrace. Then, she separates from me, and stands up.

"Well, then."

her face already shows she was refreshed.

"I'll go home first."

"Back home? Where to..."

Don't tell me she means America?

"The lab, of course. I need to dry my clothes. I also want to shower."

In that case, we should go back together. I was about to say that, but Kurisu beats me to the punch as if she could read my mind.

"You, stay and wait here a while, while you're all wet. Understand?"

We won't go back together. That's her verdict.

"...Understood."

I hang my head, and close my eyes. I hug my own arms. Kurisu's footsteps fade into the distance.

Even though it's summer, and even though this building's air conditioning isn't working, my whole body is shivering.



I was relieved that she rejected going home together.

"He... hehe..."

I unconsciously start laughing in self-derision.

(Anime episode 20 clear.)