Part 192: Okabe Rintarou descends into the spiral once more

We're in a different Chapter 10 now.



It begins the same as before.



Mayuri dies her seventh death outside the lab.

After a time leap, we come to the last critical moment.




There are two remaining endings. Replying or not replying to this email is the final ending split. If I do not reply, I will advance to the Kurisu Ending. If I do, I will advance to the True Ending.

Normally, I'd show both, but the Kurisu Ending is exactly the same as the True Ending, aside from cutting off sooner, so there's no real point.




Rintarou continues to reflect, the same as before, without coming to any conclusions.



Kurisu finds Okabe on the roof, and they talk about what's coming.



Kurisu's decision doesn't change.



But Okabe's has.





Kurisu suddenly thrusts herself away from my body. She hangs her head while squaring her shoulders. Her hands are gripped into trembling fists. Anger seems to course through her whole body.

"Don't be absurd...! You motherfucker!"
(She actually says ‘motherfucker’ in English, even in the Japanese script.)

"You..."

"Even though I said I was fine, what do you mean you won't give up?! Are you an idiot? Want to die? Are you trying to be a hero, you pretentious hipster? Don't try it when it's not possible! Your retardation is irritating...! Why can't you just do what I told you to?!"

"I--"

"It's best for you to make relative decisions based on their utility to save Mayuri! Just what aren't you pleased with--"

"Fuck relative decisions!"

Kurisu raises her head in surprise. She turns her confused eyes towards me.

"I am not a god. I noticed I was in a similar position, but it's completely different. Who to save... who to let die... I can't... decide that any more..."







In order to save Mayuri, I stole away the memories of those three. But, I've always felt things like "this might be okay" or "what do I intend to do?"

"That’s why... this time, I..."

This time, I want to save both of them without sacrificing anyone...

"Hm..."

Kurisu goes back to a sour face, and turns away. The rhythm of her tiptoeing goes up and down, as if her irritation didn't lessen any.

"In any case, it's impossible. You've always said so yourself. Steins;Gate's choice or whatever. It's inevitable. That's the conclusion. Okabe, no matter how much you strive for by yourself, you can't overcome the world's will."

"Even so, I will struggle."

Since I don't want to lose Mayuri, nor Kurisu.

Kurisu grinds her teeth, and then turns her back on me.



"Goodbye. Let's never meet again, Hououin Kyouma."

"..."

"You're really stupid. Stupidly stupid. Stupidhead..."

Kurisu briskly walks down the staircase while shooting off these abusive words. Left all alone, I sigh. Everything Kurisu said was right. I can't think of a single way to save both of them. The perfection of stupidity.

Even so, I have no choice but to do it. And this time, Kurisu won't help me. I can only fight the will of the world by myself.



And I can't use a D-mail. I can't make the same mistake again. There's too much of an uncertain factor. That's why, in the end, all I can do is Time Leap.

Conversely, Time Leaping is only a temporary solution, at least. It can't decisively change Mayuri's death. But until then, I'm sure to find a way.

In this world line, Mayuri's death is on 8/17 at half past 7 PM, Which is about a 26 hours from now. A fight with no end in sight.

If only Suzuha were here, I could at least ask her for some advice. No, even if I'm alone, I'll definitely fine a way...



Just how many times have I repeated these 26 hours?

Before, right after the first time Mayuri got killed, I frantically Time Leaped many times over. Unlike that time, which was just a way to run away, this time I tried out various other methods.









Anyway, without even much consideration, I did anything and everything I could.

And then.



Mayuri died again and again. It didn't matter if she was killed or not. Every time I Time Leaped, Mayuri died without exception.

I might not be able to oppose the will of the world after all.

As long as I stay in this world line, I can't save Mayuri. On the contrary, each time I Time Leap, the world will keep killing her. Of course, from Mayuri's subjectivity, she only died once. But from my subjectivity, Mayuri has already been killed dozens of times. I've been making it that way. And yet...



I've started to become insensitive when faced with her death. I no longer feel the bursting sadness at Mayuri's death, nor the burning anger at Mayuri's killer, that I had at the beginning.



Because I became aware that all I was doing was going back 26 hours each time after Mayuri was killed.

Why was I sticking to these 26 hours again? I mean, with the Time Leap Machine, I could go to 8/11 - that is, one whole week back. Yet I never try to.

Of course, even if I went back a week, it wouldn't change anything. That's right, I think it won't change anything. Every time I was faced with Mayuri's death, what I thought was



That was my calm analysis. I would just mechanically confirm Mayuri's death, analyze what went wrong, listlessly think "Okay then, once more from the top", and press the game's reset button, doing everything over with a 26 hour Time Leap.

That's what I've become. The moment I realized this, I no longer understood what I was doing myself. I became detached from my own movements...